Standing there in my beaver pajama pants (a gift from Suzie) and a ratty, hole-filled long-sleeved t-shirt with a faded palm tree on it, I greeted the two ladies as though I was expecting them. I’d seen the car drop them off across the street, but figured that after this interaction the Jehovah’s Witnesses had gotten the message that my household was supremely uninterested in joining their cult. Alas, that was not the case, as they made a beeline to our door.
“Hope you don’t mind, I’m going to take your picture!” I said a tad too cheerily, opening the door as they eyed me with bit of suspicion.
“Why?” the woman in back asked somewhat accusingly.
“Because you’re on my own property, and in plain public view.”
They laughed nervously and then produced the pamphlet I’d seen just a few days ago.
“Can I give you this and invite you…”
“You’re from the Jehovah’s Witnesses,” I interrupted. “Two other people came here last week saying the same thing and handing out the same brochure. I asked them what the Jehovah’s Witnesses said about gay marriage and they said you were against it.”
“Can I read you what the Bible says about that?” she asked, her smile not breaking.
“No thanks, I’d like you to put into your own words what your organization thinks.”
“Well the Bible says marriage is one man and one woman, and they should come together as one. Can I read you the passage?” she asked as she began to reach into her folder.
“No, I’m asking what you think about it, what your personal beliefs are about my marriage.”
“I believe what the Bible says…”
“So you don’t think my marriage is valid. I’ve been with my husband for over twenty years and you don’t think it’s valid?” Somehow I managed not to sound accusatory or antagonistic, though inside I was getting more irate as I stood there letting heat out of our home, and two people worked to silently condemn my life without saying any of it out loud.
“It’s not a judgment against you, I can’t decide that for you, I believe what it is in the Bible, which says that a man should be married to a woman,” she said, unwilling to go off script even when asked about her own take on it.
“The Bible doesn’t believe a man should marry a man,” the woman in back chimed in. “But we don’t judge anyone.”
“Have you read any of the Bible?” the first woman asked.
“Yes, when I was a child I read it,” I said.
“Did any of those teachings mean anything to you?’
“Absolutely. The notions that Jesus never judged anyone, and loved everyone as they were have stayed with me, and I still believe in that. What I don’t believe in is a literal reading of the Bible. It seems close-minded and, quite frankly, stupid, to think that a text remains literally relevant and that nothing has changed or evolved in 100, 200, 1000 years. I also don’t believe that was the intent of Jesus and his teachings.”
The woman in front persisted, “Can we ask if you would like to attend our event next week?”
“No,” I answered, my false smile entirely gone, but still wanting to be as humane and polite as possible. “Your beliefs go directly against mine, and your literal interpretation of the Bible will ultimately make it obsolete. If you want people today to continue believing in the Bible, then you should focus on how Jesus lived out his own life, and it wasn’t condemning or judging others.”
They thanked me and I told them to check out my website as I’d be writing about this encounter. Hey, they wanted me to visit their website. Do unto others…
PS – This is me in my birthday suit. In addition to wildly celebrating birthdays, I’m way beyond saving, so stop coming to the house.
