Friendsgiving 2023: A Day of Gratitude Dawns

The chill in the air was welcome, as I opened the window that looked out onto Braddock Park. At the fountain, a few people worked at either cleaning it up or closing it down for the season – I feared it was the latter, even as I knew it was later than usual to shut off the water. A late lack of freezing temperatures had kept it going this long, and as Kira came out into the front room, we watched as the last few drops of water fell for the last time this season. It was time for the fountain to slumber; we would see it open again in the spring, if we were lucky enough to be alive then. The notion of gratitude for the moment – and for this weekend together – kept us grounded and happily enjoying one another’s company. Despite the hint of existential pondering, the morning felt buoyant, and gleefully familiar. 

The sun was strong, though the day couldn’t quite be considered warm. It was fall – almost Thanksgiving – and the cool air kept our steps quick. Along the Southwest Corridor Park, flowers still bloomed, valiantly defying the colder nights, and richer in color for having made the effort. Zinnias chatted in their noisy cacophony of bright hues – a reminder of the summer we mostly missed, and the promise of another to come after we got through the winter. Pushing the thought of something so far ahead of us from my mind, I refocused on our day – which began with us riding the T to our usual shopping starting point: Downtown Crossing. 

With an eye on some gift-procurement, and some future planning for a holiday stroll, Kira and I quickly fell back into our usual rhythm, finding some presents for family and friends, and a few for ourselves. As we wound our way through the stores, treading those time-tested cobblestones, we paused for a brief break at the Omni Parker House, the place where I got Kira to try her first oyster probably a decade ago. That little bar/restaurant was closed now, to our dismay, so we simply sat near the hallway where a mirror reputed to be haunted by the image of Charles Dickens (who once had a room there). 

Other mysteries of fall would remain cloaked in autumnal splendor, before falling off their tree branches and rejoining the earth from where they came. Time with an old friend brought back memories and reminiscences, from our earliest days together right through the present moment. Descending through Boston Common and into the Public Garden, we discovered the lagoon was under renovation, and surrounded by a chain link fence. Some creative cropping later, we managed to find the beauty there, before heading in the direction of the condo… and our afternoon siesta. 

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

Sending me a notification that a label has been created for something I ordered is entirely unnecessary, and a waste of time and online effort. If you want to let me know an item has actually shipped, or is two states away, fine. But clogging my e-mail with messages that an address label has been created? No.

IDGAF.

#TinyThreads

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Friendsgiving 2023: Hurt and Understanding

Well, hello there good old friend of mine
You’ve been reaching for yourself for such a long time
There’s so much to say, No need to explain
Just an open door for you to come in from the rain

On that first night reunited, Kira and I touched on what had gone on in our lives over the last year. In order to start the next chapter of our friendship, and move into the future together, we needed some reckoning with the past. We’d both been hurt, and we’d both hurt each other a little bit through miscommunication and misunderstanding. Kira had much to explain, and it is her tale to tell, so I won’t betray a trust; for my part, I finally could see a little into what had happened between us, and my expectations for friendship – always too high and too much – were set into a new relief. Too many moments of import had gone down in our lives together to give up now, and with some distance and calm analysis, I realized how much of my own shit had seeped into how we had been relating. 

It’s a long road when you’re on your own
And a man like you will always choose the long way home
There’s no right or wrong, I’m not here to blame
I just want to be the one to keep you from the rain, from the rain…

Friends will have disagreements – it’s a sign that they mean something more to us – and the best ones get caught up in blame and hurt and pain like the closest family, because that’s what they are. Though I don’t have many fights with friends these days, I’ve always been one to be all right with them as they arise, because I trust that my best friends know that we can fight and still be friends the next day. At least, I hope they know that. 

Friendships also change and evolve through the years, as we change. Long-distance friendships morph in ways that might feel more dramatic and dangerous – the buffer of time and distance working their insidious trouble without the reassurance of a shared daily existence. There is just so much a text or phone call can convey – and quite frankly I’m quite exhausted with both means of communication. Give me a handwritten letter over that nonsense any day. 

As we wound up our Friday re-entry into Boston, and into a renewed friendship, the coziness of the condo took over, warming our hearts as we celebrated a weekend of Friendsgiving – a weekend of gratitude and thankfulness that we were still here, still together, still alive in this wild and wayward and wonderful world. 

And it looks like sunny skies now that I know you’re all right
Time has left us older, and wiser, I know I am
Well hello there, good old friend of mine
It’s so good to know my best fiend has come home again
And I think of us like an old cliche
But it doesn’t matter ’cause I love you anyway
Come in from the rain

The first hints of holiday music played over the stereo, and I put up most of the Christmas decorations for the month to come. We gave in to the early indulgence because, well, we needed it a little earlier this year. When morning came, the sun was strong, the day looked promising, and everything was as if we never said good-bye – because we never did. 

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Friendsgiving 2023: The Main Ingredient

This fall marked the 25th anniversary of when I first met Kira. Our friendship has been an unlikely one in many respects – we actually lost touch for almost a decade when she moved to Florida – but when she returned and we found our way back to one another, it was one of those nudges of the universe that we have, despite some obstacles, managed to heed and nurture. When I first met her, she was one of the quietest people I’d known; shy and almost painfully introverted, she made me feel like a brash extrovert – something I most certainly wasn’t, even as I acted it out with precision. I must have brought out the fighting spirit in her too, as we soon engaged in battles of our own: she fought with me unlike she would have fought with anyone else at work, and I took it as a sign of friendship and trust, as she reserved those entanglements for her family. In the weird and twisted mindfuck that was my habit, I was flattered that she considered me family that way. Remember, we were both in our early-mid twenties, and knew little to nothing of how to behave in the world. Making the journey into maturity continues to be a theme in our adventures

For our musical accompaniment, I’ve chosen Shirley Horn’s ‘The Main Ingredient’ for its culinary references to go along with our Friendsgiving feasts, and an underlying hint of blues to go with our states of mind. First up is opening track ‘Blues for Sarge’, which sets the scene for the feast of charcuterie and appetizers which formed our first meal.

Now that Kira has managed to switch her work hours, she finishes up just a little while after I arrive in the city. On this night, we had a quick cup of Earl Grey tea, then went back out for some final ingredients for dinner. An intentionally campy collection of appetizers from my childhood formed the pillars of the meal – these campy meatballs, a cheesy crab dip, and some white bean bastardized hummus – and we finished it all with the cutting board of meats and cheeses you see here. For too many nights, Kira and I had feasted on something similar, only to have to struggle through reservations for dinner later in the night; we finally figured out, twenty five years into this, that our appetizer prelude was enough for the first evening. 

Catching up after a year apart only feels like a daunting task if you try to cram it all into the first hour of being together. We have enough experience coming together after extended periods away to know that such sharing unfolds slowly and naturally over the course of a weekend. For the first night of this Friendsgiving gathering, which would mostly consist of just the two of us, we settled back into our usual groove. 

Outside, the Braddock Park fountain was still running – we didn’t know it then, but this would be the last weekend it ran before being drained and shut down for the winter. We’d made it back just in time… 

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

The word that broke another Wordle streak: sassy.

That is so fucked up. 

Sassy is my goddamned essence.

Sassy is my middle name.

Sassy is WHO I AM.

So fucked up…

#TinyThreads

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Friendsgiving 2023: Epilogue First

Our planned Friendsgiving/Reunion/25th Anniversary weekend went off as scheduled – a feat in and of itself these days. I wanted to ride the high a little longer, but Monday morning came, and with a backlog and deluge of work e-mails and issues, my stress level instantly decimated that peaceful high – another sign that eight years of work will not pass quickly enough until I can retire. 

In that sour spirit, and the spirit of Monday mornings – and even the scary Sunday night before it – ‘The Meaning of the Blues’ feels like a fitting tune – and Shirley Horn’s ‘The Main Ingredient’ album will thread its hungry way through the next few posts. 

Rather than sum up our lovely weekend in a single post, I’m going to try to elongate the feeling of friendship and comfort that I found during this Friendsgiving adventure with Kira. We begin with this little jewel of a moment, in which we pause before the journey. The rose bouquet pictured here was in a secluded little hallway above the lobby of the Mandarin Oriental, where we stopped for a sit-down and breather after walking much of the day away. We sat there in the expensive light of decadence, not able to afford it on a regular basis, but happy to simply brush against it now and again. We took off our coats and leaned back into the couch, content to take stock of the day, and the afternoon hour, before the darkness descended.

It had been well over a year since Kira and I had seen each other last. It was enough just to be in each other’s company. Enough to sit beside a friend who had experienced loss and sorrow, and find comfort in the quiet, shared sympathy. We didn’t quite pick up where we left off – how could we after so much had happened? – but we began anew in the happy place of friendship where we’d always found safety and surety.

Rather than playing any more tricks with time, I’ll reset the narrative from the beginning, starting with this evening’s blog post, which will find us reuniting on a sunny Friday afternoon in Boston, back where it all began… 

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Dazzler of the Day: A Gratuitously Naked Glen Powell

Keeping a promise made in this shirtless teaser post, this marks Glen Powell’s official crowning as Dazzler of the Day, thanks to his bare-ass posing in Men’s Health. Brought to my attention by the magnificent Matt Rettenmund of ‘Boy Culture’ (which is basically the only blog I bother reading anymore, present company included) Powell drops trou while arguably at the height of his physical appeal. Time may be a thief, but it’s playing for Powell right now. With scene-shredding turns in ‘Top Gun: Maverick’, ‘Hidden Figures’, and the ‘Scream Queens’ series, Powell consistently makes his vehicles must-see events. His magazine spreads are similarly scintillating. 

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Bedtime by Madonna

The only reason for this post is to show off this out-take from the ‘Bedtime Stories’ photo sessions by Patrick Demarchelier – as we have already celebrated the ‘Bedtime Stories’ album in fuller form. This is the time of the year that reminds me of that record, when the chill of November really kicks in, and the realization that there’s no going back to summer now fills one with a bit of dread. Even the sunny days now are aligned with a bit of somber starkness – all bare tree limbs and brown, wilted bedding plants. The season of slumber is at hand. 

Madonna was in a downtrodden and plaintive mood during the fall of 1994, and it was reflected in the music, and the moody atmosphere. A reminder of the Madonna Timeline entries from that sleeper of an album:

  1. Survival
  2. Secret
  3. I’d Rather Be Your Lover
  4. Don’t Stop
  5. Inside of Me
  6. Human Nature
  7. Forbidden Love
  8. Love Tried to Welcome Me
  9. Sanctuary
  10. Bedtime Story
  11. Take A Bow
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Getting in the Fall Saddle: Sellier by Byredo

The French word for ‘saddle’ is ‘sellier’, which is the jumping off point for Byredo’s ‘Sellier’ ~ a nod to leather and all its rich, fragrant glory. As part of the ‘Night Veils’ collection, ‘Sellier’ runs a bit stronger than the usual light touch of most of Byredo’s offerings (with a notable exception or two). This one was a birthday gift from my Mom, opened just in time for September and official arrival of fall. 

Along with the leather, a classic duet of tobacco leaves and smoke grounds the proceedings with dusty visages of heavy, somber smoking rooms darkly rich with wood libraries of ancient tomes and parlor palms. While the name and main thrust of this fragrance is steeped in leather, there is a minor green note (perhaps the oak moss) that lends it a freshness and invigorating spunk that makes the leather come alive. 

Byredo is often notoriously ethereal, making for some criticism of its sharp price point, but the Night Veils group carries a heftier bite. ‘Sellier’ is one gorgeous and dramatic scent, bringing the crisp clap of fall into brisk focus, the way the first night-frosts elicit a clarity and shock in the morning. 

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

This has somewhat irrationally bothered me since I could read: stores that list their hours publicly as “Open Monday through Sunday, 9 to 5.”

Yes, it’s correct, and spells it all out, but when I see certain days listed, I assume then that they’re not open on a specific day, or the hours are different for different days. In this case, why not list the hours as ‘Open Daily 9 to 5’ or ‘Open Every Day 9 to 5’. Isn’t that more appealing than reading ‘Monday through Sunday’? 

I know, I’m crazy and bitter and ridiculous. But these are…

#TinyThreads

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Shirtless Male Celebrity Clickbait

Before things get too dour here, I give you a post on shirtless male celebrities to turn the heat up a few notches while the outside temps plummet. First up is Mr. Maluma, who is no stranger to posts on shirtless male celebrities. Here, he features the body that is about to promo the hell out of an upcoming album. Maluma has been here in his underwear, sans shirt, and practically naked

Matt Rife is killing it in his sold-out comedy tour, and was celebrated in shirtless form in his Dazzler of the Day feature here

Danell Leyva made his Olympic dreams come true, and pummeled us in this pommel horse naked photo shoot

Troye Sivan assumed the position for his current album, and in this scintillating post

Finally, our most recent shirtless Dazzler of the Day – Patrick Dempsey – who was just crowned Sexiest Man Alive. More shirtless males on the celebratory way…  

 

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A House of Armour With A Friend

So I said, “Listen, I got…” And I said, uh, uh, somethin’ about, uhGoin’ to somebody’s funeral or something, she, I said, “Man, ” I saidI said, “Bring my flowers now, while I’m living”
Bring my flowers now, while I’m livin’I won’t need your love when I’m goneDon’t spend time, tears, or money on my old breathless bodyIf your heart is in them flowers, bring ’em on…

When JoAnn proposed a visit to the Armour-Stiner Octagon House, it was late spring and the promise of summer laid before us in all its splendor and hope. Of course, summers don’t always go as planned, and this one prevented us from making our planned trip, as well as canceling our annual summer visit. We made up for it last weekend, transforming it into a lovely fall weekend visit, with a drive through the foliage that would have only been green had we done it when originally planned. A small bit of recompense for our disappointing summer. 

All the miles cast a long shadowI’d take a couple back if I couldI’d’ve learned to play guitarTold my daddy more I loved himBut I believe, for the most part, I done good

The Armour-Stiner Octagon House, erected in the latter half of the 1800’s, is a marvel of artistry and wonder, and one of only about 1000 houses that were built in such a shape in that period. On this day we went back in time, a feat of magical movement that proved a balm for the soul, as did spending time with a friend I’ve had for a quarter of a century

The house welcomed use with a double set of round stairs leading easily and comfortably up to the grand surrounding porch. I could have lived right there and been content, so marvelous were the surroundings and the view. Our day was sumptuously sunny too, and already in the 70’s by mid-morning. 

There’s always sunrise and rainbows and babiesAnd the little things I cherish on my wayEven though one dayThey’ll bury me and Jessie MaeI just know we’re gonna ride again someday

Bring my flowers now, while I’m livin’I won’t need your love when I’m goneDon’t spend time, tears, or money on my old breathless bodyWell, if your heart is in them flowers, bring ’em on

Inside was just as enchanting, and our guide told us tales of the previous owners, the renovation, and the present day functions of the eccentrically-shaped home. There was even a story of the ghostly Lady in White who was reported to occasionally haunt the space. Personally, I loved one of the triangular ‘solarium’ rooms, which was bathed in sunlight and provided a home for their outdoor palms and plants when the frosts arrived.

Glimpsing into the home of a family is always an intimate thing. It thrills us for various reasons – the notion of being let in behind the curtain, the understanding of someone’s home environment, the hints of their personality revealed in their living situation. In a house as grand as this, one seeks out little secrets of life, searching for parallels with their own. 

The days are long but the years are lightningThey’re bright and they will never strike againI wish I’d been a better friend, a better daughter to my motherThere’s no goin’ back when your back’s against the wind

At this time of the year, they were capitalizing on the holidays, with a dining room decked out in the splendor you see here, along with some spooky touches for a haunted tour to take place later that day. The universal celebrations that we all experience in some way remind me that this circle of life is just that – a never-ending circle, repeating as it traces back upon itself. There was comfort in the thought, and comfort in the lovely surroundings.

 

Our beautiful exploration there felt like a visit to another time, and sharing it with a friend like JoAnn, who had been through so much in her life, was an exercise of healing, one that I didn’t fully understand how much I needed. 

Generations of various families had walked and played around this majestic home, and through it all the house stood at various conditions, somehow surviving and living to whisper its tales and history through faded photos and passed-on stories. Its beauty carried on. 

We listened to music on the long drive home – one of JoAnn’s greatest gifts to me has been sharing her musical tastes of the moment, and this song spoke of the moment. It was a very good moment. 

Bring my flowers now, while I’m livin’I won’t need your love when I’m goneDon’t spend time, tears, or money on my old breathless bodyIf your heart is in them flowers, bring ’em onIf your heart is in them flowers, bring ’em on

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Dazzler of the Day: John Legend

The Man, The Myth, The Legend – those words perfectly embody our Dazzler of the Day, John Legend. With a career that has successfully straddled the worlds of music, performance, acting, producing and entertaining, he is indeed the stuff of legend. Check out his website here to see where he’ll be performing next. 

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A Reunion & An Anniversary

This fall marks the 25th anniversary of my friendship with Kira, and this weekend marks our reunion in Boston after over a year of not seeing each other. In many ways, this marks a new beginning – we’ve both been through a difficult year, and I have a feeling the weekend will be one of healing and catching up. 

Twenty-five years ago we were both working at John Hancock, sharing lunch in the basement cafeteria of the tallest building in Boston, and finding our way into our early-to-mid-twenties. The picture here is from a couple years after that, when I returned to Boston in 2000, before each of us would move away to be with the men who would become our husbands. We were still so young, still so unsure of where we were headed, where we were meant to be. Something told us we were better off going through such uncertainty together.

Our little journey of friendship continues this weekend, as we navigate the holidays while missing a few loved ones. 

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