Once Upon A Watercolor: The Interview – Part 1

It was, even by his own storied elevation of weirdness, a peculiar position in which to find himself. There, sitting on a stool in the center of his Boston condo, was Alan Ilagan, dressed in an outfit of rose-gold sequins and surrounded by nine children, two of whom had scuttled onto each knee. Forget peculiar, this was shockingly unprecedented, and people suddenly whipped out their cel phones to capture a moment that would surely never come again anytime soon. By most previous indications, it should have been highly uncomfortable, yet contrary to history he looked, at quick glance, uncannily at home. A sparkling pied-piper with a crown of golden laurels atop his head and a string of ostrich feathers and gold beads dangling from his neck. How could the kids not be entranced by such a visage? How could we not have seen this before? It was at this exact moment, according to future folklore, that Alan decided to make his new project a family and kid-friendly affair.

A couple of seasons later, Ilagan recalls that holiday kids’ party with fondness and alacrity. “It wasn’t quite that nifty and neat,” he declares, imperiously commanding a sumptuous banquette in a quiet side-room off the Oak Bar at Boston’s Fairmont Hotel. A few months had passed since that Children’s Holiday Hour (his fourth, in case you’ve missed any of the online recaps). He’s in Boston for more children’s activities: in town are Alan’s niece Emi as well as Skip and Sherri’s kids Mia and Jack. He has just made the rounds and spent some time with all three of them, but has returned with his friend Kira for a rare splurge at the Fairmont. Decked out in a polka-dot blouse with pearls for buttons (“please note the pussy bow” he drawls) and a pair of slim black jeans with tuxedo stripes in black sequins – part clown, part club kid – he cuts a figure that would clearly appeal to those still wowed by wonder. In some ways it’s surprising that kids haven’t flocked to him all this time. Then again, maybe they have; it makes complete sense.

His first gift to most of the children in his life was a miniature disco ball. It fascinated them with its sparkle and motion, and was a surprise delight to a generation that would soon give themselves over to their social-zapping cel phones. And while his gifts to children were merely testament to his friendships with their parents, his over-the-top style became a source of fascination even when he wasn’t trying to impress. In some ways, we should have seen this child-friendly twist coming.

He’s always been a living disco ball, spinning and throwing off his own sparkle and light, content to shine even if no one is watching or dancing along. That surprisingly-introverted show-off has in recent years slowly but deliberately been removing his own image from his work. “After thirty years of non-stop documentation, I’m sick of posing for pictures!” he exclaims, and you won’t find him clamoring for a selfie anytime soon, and most definitely not in public. These days his focus has shifted. Whereas his early projects served to document his life in diary-like fashion, he’s gradually shifted the gaze elsewhere, using his blog as a personal journal and his projects as an artistic playground. It’s a healthier side-step from the role of tortured artist. It also means he is slightly removed from his creative output, which makes things much more fun.

Even as he was creating one of his darkest works, ‘PVRTD’ he managed to find time to have fun with his friends. “That was… necessary,” he says slowly, emphasizing the ‘necessary’ before adding, “to keep all the darkness at bay.” He follows up with a quick laugh at the drama of it all. In person, he is much lighter than his more serious projects would suggest, another step away from the emotionally-charged creator he’s embodied in the past. In some ways, it’s an extension of his blog, something that has largely taken the place of his projects as a creative outlet. That doesn’t mean he’s done with the more formal design of those projects: his latest, the whimsical rhyme and paint work ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ is his second project in less than a year, spawned in the immediate aftermath of ‘PVRTD’. There are whispers of a companion piece in the works for the holidays, which would make this the most prolific stretch of artistic creation since he was at Brandeis in the 90’s. ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ recalls the quick turnaround and relative simplicity of those early days of artistic expression.

Back then he would sometimes churn out a project a month, mailing them out the old-fashioned way when stamps were only thirty cents and the fanciest print job he could afford came courtesy of the library copy machines. While the production value has gone way up, the passion and drive to create and share – the main heartbeat and pulse of an artist, has remained as vibrant as ever.

As he winds down for the evening at the Fairmont (cutting things short with a polite “I never get to go upstairs to a room here so indulge me until next time!”) he and Kira make a hasty exit, escaping just before the stroke of midnight. Something of a fairytale has suddenly descended over the night – a magical stretch of the imagination or the very real whimsy of his new project? ~ it’s gleefully impossible to tell the difference…

Continue reading ...

PRISSY PRESS RELEASE: Once Upon A Watercolor

Conceived in the ash-strewn aftermath of 2018’s incendiary ‘PVRTD’ project, ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ is a project marking off a multitude of firsts. First among them is a foray into watercolor painting. Second is the unlikely targeted audience of children. Third is the use of a formal rhyming scheme. Taken together, they form one of the only family-friendly projects Alan Ilagan has ever created, and a quintessentially quirky one at that.

Crafting ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ in the winter of 2019, Ilagan originally intended to write a quick little story for the children in his life – his niece and nephew and all the kids of his friends – as a possible Christmas gift. Initially he had purchased some stock watercolor paintings of flowers online, but decided they were “too precious” for his loose party tale, taking the abstract backgrounds that comprise ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ into his own admittedly-amateurish hands. “I hadn’t painted with watercolors since I was five years old,” Ilagan says, “so this was a way of returning to my own childhood while passing the winter with a colorful hobby.”

Following the dark themes and disturbing images of ‘PVRTD’ – the black and white photo essay that depicted the worst aspects of humanity, Ilagan was seeking something colorful and light-hearted and whimsical. The heaviness of ‘PVRTD’ weighed upon both viewer and creator, imbuing everything with shadow and doubt. A powerful reflection of its time, it wasn’t exactly fun to make. (Alan shot most of it with the people he loved the most to add at least one layer of unseen warmth to the affair, but it had little effect: ‘PVRTD’ remains a cold and upsetting experience.) The antidote, conjured in a flurry of post-‘PVRTD’ project work, is ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ – which finds his creative process in fascinating flux. “I’m clearly not becoming a painter anytime soon,” he reassures us, “But it was the best way of working through the winter.”

Now, at the height of summer, the new project is being unveiled at a private party, and will go online shortly thereafter. 

{See The Projects Page in the coming weeks.}

Continue reading ...

Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

We’ll drink to-night with hearts as light

   To love, as gay and fleeting

As bubbles that swim, on the beaker’s brim,

   And break on the lips while meeting.

– Herman Melville, ‘Moby Dick’

#TinyThreads

Continue reading ...

Before the Ostriches Burn

Though the Ostrich fern is one of the hardier (some might say invasive) varieties of fern, belying their elegant and delicate appearance, they still have points of vulnerability. This is especially true if you are bending their preferred environment. Most ferns appreciate some shade, and more than a little moisture, but the Ostrich fern will put up with a fair share of sun and heat, provided you keep its soil on the wet side.

We have a large stand of them that gets most of the morning and midday sun, and after amending the soil with a healthy layer of manure in the very early spring (before the fiddleheads appear, ideally) the best way for them to prosper and put on a show is to keep them very well-watered. This is more of a preventative action than corrective. Even in the best circumstances, these ferns tend to naturally die back in late summer. They will, however, succumb much earlier if conditions are hot and dry, and once they start down that path it’s impossible to change course. What works better is preventing it from starting for as long as possible, which means regular and heavy watering during those hot and windy days. Since we have them in a pretty prominent location, I’ve been ding my best to keep them watered and happy so they remain pretty as long as possible. Yet another instance where prevention is the best possible cure. You just have to start early and trust.

Continue reading ...

Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

When sending out a mass e-mail to an entire organization in which you’re describing someone within said organization, be extra vigilant not to confuse words like ‘conscientious’ with words like ‘contentious.’ Letters matter!

#TinyThreads

Continue reading ...

Mercurial Motion

We are all fucked. More than usual, considering that Mercury is in retrograde from now until the very last day of the month. That means I will do my best to lay low and not ruffle any feathers, and I would appreciate it oh-so-much if people would do me the same honor, because I’m actually wearing feathers as we speak. There’s no need to get into what Mercury in retrograde means, and whether or not it means anything is beside the point. I tend to take these periods as a chance to center myself and not let every little aggravating thing get to me. It’s actually a nice life lesson for someone who strives to be a perfectionist – an impossible thing to be in this world. During such times, I will go a little easier on everyone, and I’ll do my best to go a little easier on myself. You have no idea the demon I turn into when I let myself down.

As for the best way to deal with this astrological turbulence, I will hunker down, focus on the things that bring about peace and tranquility, and hopefully sidestep the emotional maelstrom that is Mercury in retrograde. It is what it fucking is, and that’s all it fucking will be.

Continue reading ...

Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

When you’ve seen a sequin-saturated performance of Cher, Bette Midler, and Elton John from Cher’s variety show, it’s kind of hard to believe anything new is really going to be “the gayest thing ever.”

#TinyThreads

Continue reading ...

Hotel Review: DeSoto Hotel – Savannah, Georgia

{Apologies for interrupting our summer story with this forgotten hotel review – I meant to put it up on Trip Advisor but it got away from me. Since I’ve had Savannah on my mind of late, it’s going up here – a bit of hopefully helpful advice for anyone contemplating a Savannah trip – something I highly recommend.}

With its ideal location, and a little (perhaps more than a little) polish, the DeSoto Hotel could take its place as a Savannah gem.

While its structure is rooted in concrete and modern lines that seem at odds with the heart of the historic district, the DeSoto Hotel does its best with its bones, and the relatively recent renovation to the lobby makes for a beautiful and modern space. The rooms, hallways, and elevators leave a bit more to be desired, but we made the most of it and called it character.

Set in the midst of the historic district, the location of this hotel is its main drawing point. Right outside the door are the beautiful squares of Savannah, and the bustling riverfront is just a ten-to-fifteen-minute walk away. For those looking for a quieter place to rest their heads at night, this may prove better than the hotels closer to the action.

The dim hallways and deteriorating elevators make moving through the hotel the worst part of a stay, and a musty scent of old-age continually battled with the room attendant’s cleaning spray in a less-than-pleasant way, but the staff was friendly and accommodating.

There was a modern-day feature of checking in with me via text to see if we needed anything. Not at all unwelcome, it was a nice touch, and one that I tried when our room was still not cleaned from the previous day by 2 PM. A quick text back and someone responded that they would send someone up right away. Though “right away” seems to mean something different in Savannah, we didn’t mind – but if you want to come back to fresh towels after lunch, it might be good to make such a request before leaving for the day.

Though the weather was not quite warm enough to make use of the pool, that looked like the place to be when it got sunny again, with an outside bar area that opens up “when it hits about 75” degrees, according to the loose hours transmitted by one of the hotel employees.

A puzzling shower set up had the shower door opening right next to the toilet, requiring a bit of nimbleness and care, but the water pressure was nice and the shampoo and body wash dispensers were filled. Bed and sheets were exceedingly comfortable and our corner room had a balcony that looked over Savannah. That and the city itself made up for any less-than-perfect odds and ends.

Continue reading ...

Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

A threat that will only work with a finite audience: if you don’t behave I’m going to wash your mouth out with cilantro. 

(And now I want guacamole.)

#TinyThreads

Continue reading ...

Summer Read: ‘Lie With Me’ by Philippe Besson

It’s summer, and the time for reading is at hand. Some years I tend to dive deep into a sprawling classic – like ‘David Copperfield’ or ‘Moby Dick’ – while others are spent with lighter fare – all those summer Harry Potter releases – though I like when things fall somewhere in-between it all. (See ‘The Summer That Melted Everything‘ or ‘The Whale: A Love Story’.) This year I started with ‘Lie With Me’ by Philippe Besson. Originally written in French, it was translated by Molly Ringwald of all people. (Who knew she had so many talents? I’m still getting over her surprisingly decent collection of jazz standards.) Mssr. Besson tells a tale of teenage same-sex love, and how it shapes and creates two young men, not unlike the fertile ground that blossomed ‘Call Me By Your Name’ (Andre Aciman is actually one of the writers tapped to give a blurb of praise on the back cover). Even better than praise is some of the writing itself, so enough of my babble. Here’s the real deal.

“This is important: he sees me in a certain way, a way he will never deviate from. In the end, love was only possible because he saw me not as who I was, but as the person I would become.” ~ Philippe Besson 

“It’s hard to know what he’s thinking. It’s an elegant way of suggesting that his father isn’t affectionate, tender, or reassuring, that he remains aloof, that what he offers is a mix of reserve and unspoken pride for his son. I know what that’s like, to be the son of a man like that. I wonder if it’s cold fathers who make the sensitive sons.” ~ Philippe Besson 

“There is the insanity of not being able to be seen together. An insanity that is aggravated in this case by the unprecedented situation of finding ourselves in the middle of a crowd and having to act like strangers. It seems crazy not to be able to show our happiness. Such an impoverished word. Others have this right, and they exercise it freely. Sharing their happiness makes them even more happy, makes them expand with joy. But we’re left stunted, compromised, by the burden of having to always lie and censor ourselves.

This passion that can’t be talked about, that has to be concealed, gives way to the terrible question: if it isn’t talked about, how can one know that it really exists? One day, when it’s over, when it finally comes to an end, no one will be able to attest to what took place.” ~ Philippe Besson

Continue reading ...

A F@cking Tease

It may be true that I have no fucking business writing any fucking kind of children’s book, but if ‘Go the Fuck To Sleep’ can exist, then so can my upcoming project. Strap on your kiddie gloves and assume the position.

Once upon a time…

Once upon a dream

Once upon a place

Once upon a reason…

Once upon a memory

Once upon a fantasy

Once upon a hankering

Once upon a reckoning…

Once upon a delivering…

Once upon a total joking…

Once upon a ridiculousing…

Once upon a…

Continue reading ...

Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

I want nothing to do with an unripe banana.

#TinyThreads

Continue reading ...

A Perfectly Mid-July Recap

Saturated with summer, the world at last feels ripe. So rarely do we realize it when it happens; so often it is revealed in hindsight. I’m trying to live more in the moment, to put down the phone and the laptop, to open a book, to jump in the pool, to examine the garden a few times during the day. See how the light shifts and changes, see how the leaves and flowers respond. Let’s take an equal examination of the week that came before…

Easing into things, these are a few #TinyThreads

Seeing Mommie Dearest in the flesh. 

I was, and remain, a crotchety old man

My naked ass on Instagram.

The law of the least attractive, and I am Exhibit A

The Bromance: a man sandwich with Jake Gyllenhaal and Tom Holland

The summer of 1990: King of Wishful Thinking

Once upon a new project

Hunks of the Day included Lil Nas X, Joe Wicks, Theo Ford, Kim David Smith, Dyllon Burnside, Kygo, and Zanjoe Marudo.

Continue reading ...

Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

No better way is there to learn to love Nature than to understand Art. It dignifies every flower of the field. And, the boy who sees the thing of beauty which a bird on the wing becomes when transferred to wood or canvas will probably not throw the customary stone. ~ Oscar Wilde

#TinyThreads

Continue reading ...

Summer Demands Something Quieter: A New Project

My last project was released with all the bombast and racy photo shoots that my first project in four years earned, and ‘PVRTD’ deserved such a build-up and promotional platform. Postcards and press releases and all sorts of fantastical stuff were sent out, a long and regular posting scheduled of online promotional stunts, and a super-saturation of all my social media outlets served to drive a self-proclaimed (and mostly solely self-realized) publicity frenzy for what was largely one of the most controversial, and angry, projects I’ve ever made. And when I open that book and go through the photographs, I most humbly say that it delivered. ‘PVRTD’ was not a happy or fun journey, but there was beauty there – dim, subtle, heart-wrenching beauty, almost lost in the gray shadow-world that I did my best to conjure. By the end of it, though, my darkness fetish had been satiated, and I wanted something that went the complete opposite for a next project.

Hence my new one. Out next weekend if you want to stop by and see it for yourself. I’ll try to get it up online shortly thereafter, but along with the absence of pomp and grandiosity, there’s also an absence of impetus. I’ll do it when I feel like doing it, and in the summer that may take longer than usual.

The good news is that the select few people who have seen it have declared it their favorite among all my projects, and that’s sweet to hear. Rather than toot my own horn, I’ll let this one slip quietly into the sunny days. Come back here periodically to see if it has made its appearance. She’s a shy little thing, but she’s oh-so-pretty… you’ll find her like a piece of painted water…

Continue reading ...