Who knew such trauma went down at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in 1997? I was blithely unaware of this tragedy, and now that I’ve seen it, nothing will ever be the same. The drama kicks into overdrive at around the 1:37 mark. Kids – do not watch without adult supervision.

Black Cat by Rainer Maria Rilke

A ghost, though invisible, still is like a place

your sight can knock on, echoing; but here

within this thick black pelt, your strongest gaze

will be absorbed and utterly disappear:

just as a raving madman, when nothing else

can ease him, charges into his dark night

howling, pounds on the padded wall, and feels

the rage being taken in and pacified.

She seems to hide all looks that have ever fallen

into her, so that, like an audience,

she can look them over, menacing and sullen,

and curl to sleep with them. But all at once

as if awakened, she turns her face to yours;

and with a shock, you see yourself, tiny,

inside the golden amber of her eyeballs

suspended, like a prehistoric fly.

– OR – 

Black cat, nine lives,

Short days, long nights,

living on the edge

not afraid to die…

~ Janet Jackson

The last time I had seen so many marigold blooms, and this very same collection of fine people, had been at her wedding ceremony. On that day she beamed and floated on the happiness of the occasion, and I counted myself lucky enough to be included in such elation. Now as she and her sister sprinkled spices over the offerings of the puja, she was putting her mother to rest. At the very opposite end of the human experience spectrum, far from weddings and births, was the event at hand. Anu was saying goodbye to her mother. The incense she had chosen rose into the October air, sweetly scenting the room and swirling around us as a cool breeze crept comfortably in through the open door. For all the somber sadness of the occasion, there was a sense of peace here. The brightness of the day, shared between the candles and the sunlight, elicited a kind of sacred calm. A few people would later remark that rather than pathos or overbearing sorrow, a sense of something uplifting was at work, the anti-thesis of the darkness that often accompanied saying farewell to a beloved relative.

In the center of the crowded room where we all sat in white mourning clothing, I could see the side of Anu’s face as she repeated the prayers being intoned. Her eyes, alternately wet and bright, took in the task at hand. Even on such a day, Anu was strong enough to hold it all together. There was still no clear indication on what might be going on inside, and I worried for her that she was putting on a brave front because it was all she ever did. Her hair was roughly the length it was when I first met her in the mid 90’s, when neither of us had any clue who were we or who we might become. I shouldn’t say that. I had no idea what I was going to do. Anu was decidedly the one with plans and designs, most of which she would build into being. Singularly focused and dramatically determined, she was the Collegetown roommate I would have bet on succeeding at whatever she deigned to do. It didn’t always come easy, and over the years I would watch her with admiration and awe as she worked hard for where she wanted to go.

Their group of friends and roommates, coalescing during their sophomore year at Cornell, had welcomed me into their circle under the protective wings of Suzie. They let me sleep on their couch and become part of their world. To this day I count them as part of my core group of ‘safe’ friends – the ones who have become family, the ones I trust implicitly and don’t have to worry about offending or losing. Anu was an integral part of that family. We’ve seen each other through weddings, births and deaths – and all those life-altering times when grief and gladness were inconsolably intertwined. When you come together at all the major signposts of a life’s journey, you become connected in an unbreakable way. I’m lucky that Anu has been there for those moments. Andy forged a special bond with her, connecting instantly when they met. (I also happen to adore her husband Cormac, who perfectly complements her in every way.)

Those thoughts ran through my mind as I listened to the prayers of the puja. How simple it had been twenty-some years ago. How very much we thought we knew and how little we actually did. How safe the world felt. Maybe that’s the lucky province of all youth. Despite the light and the love filling the room, nothing felt safe anymore. The fear of losing those we love is just too great, and the older we get the more it seems to grow. The only solace is in finding people who will walk along with us on the way.

The prayer service was followed by a feast of food beneath a tent in front of Anu’s sister’s house. At odds with the somberness of the occasion, the sun shone exultantly, perhaps reminding us that the death of our physical shells is only the beginning of something else. There is some consolation in that too.

We made our way back to Anu’s house, where the hubbub of the day was relievedly drawing down. The October sun slanted lower in the sky. Halloween decorations lined the front porch. Suzie and I would have to leave soon to catch our flight but we joined the remaining family and friends while the kids found their own entertainment. The next generation was on their way along whatever paths they were going to take. There was something moving and poetic about it, the way Riley was doing her schoolwork, the way Sona ran about outside, and even how Jaya hid away quietly in her room. These were Anu’s girls. Growing up too fast, hurtling toward their futures and all that the world had in store for them. Looking through a book of photos of Anu as a child, I caught glimpses of each of her daughters in her various school pictures. Soon – too soon really- they would be going off to college and meeting those people who would become to them what Anu has been to me. At least, if they’re lucky.

This sort of thing is only enjoyable to see on a Friday. 

Before the month steals away in the dark of Halloween night, let’s celebrate the beautiful time of the year that we call October. In a pair of poems by Phebe A. Holder, the end of the month gets its due and honor, and a moment of contemplative rumination fleshes out before us. Too often October is the anti-thesis of March – going in like a lamb and going out like a lion. We like lions in these parts, so the end is just as enjoyable as the beginning, and far more dramatic. (We like drama too.) After this week, the rush of the holiday season will be upon us. Let’s take a pause to slow it down and take in every last day of October sunshine. 

The softened light, the veiling haze,
The calm repose of autumn days,
Steal gently o’er the troubled breast,
Soothing life’s weary cares to rest.
~Phebe A. Holder, “A Song of October”

A brooding calm in all the air,
A dreamy quiet everywhere…
A golden glow to light the day
That fades in purple mists away—
This soothing calm, this presence bright,
October’s sweet and mellow light.
~Phebe A. Holder

Ouch. This was way harsh. On the very day he tried to take credit for the killing of an ISIS leader (after he allowed hundreds of others to escape) Donald Trump was embarrassingly booed at the World Series, where they also gifted him with a round of “Lock Him Up!!!” chants.  Karma chameleon, red gold and green! It’s worth looking up all the angles of this one, as it is a powerful and gratifying gauge of how a big group of baseball fans feels about this President.

There’s no other way to spin it. Try as they might (and their story on this is half-laughable) even Fox News couldn’t spin it any other way than dismal, abject humiliation. I’m slightly perplexed as to why Trump thought this would be a good idea. Maybe he confused all the red hats for MAGA shit? Anyway, here’s hoping all those boos make their way to the ears of the GOP. Even though you know there earplugs are in. 

PS – Guess who was never booed at a sporting event?

The final week of October is at hand, and the high holiday season is about to begin. Hang on to your hats and prepare for the coming. Personally, I don’t usually do holiday shit until the day after Thanksgiving, so don’t expect that nonsense this early, but there may be a few advance peeks of the magic on the way. On with the recap of a week that was more sad than expected, and that’s the way life goes…

Plans for a return to Washington, DC were made for somber reasons. 

October by Hawthorne.

Sadness upon sadness.

Promise of the Plaza.

A Jo for my Blair.

Peace in the backyard.

The velvet robe.

The DuPont Circle Hotel, reprise.

Dining at the Blue Duck Tavern.

‘When we get out of the glass bottle of our ego and when we escape like the squirrels in the cage of our personality and get into the forest again, we shall shiver with cold and fright. But things will happen to us so that we don’t know ourselves. Cool, unlying life will rush in.’ – D.H. Lawrence

The knocking came at a most inopportune moment of the year. In the dark night of fall, a few weeks prior to Halloween, when spirits seek to gain entrance to our world and senses are heightened in expectation of paranormal activity, it sounded above the bedroom ceiling. A loud knock, followed in quick succession by smaller, diminishing knocks, paused me in my descent into slumber. It was enough to plant a seed of worry in my head, and I waited for another sound to tell me something was indeed happening, or a tense silence to allow me to believe it wasn’t. Another loud knock came, then the pitter-patter of little feet on the roof, and the realization and resolution of the quick mystery dawned on me to welcome relief: squirrels in the oak above our house.

Squirrels – those gray ghosts of our backyard, acorn-thieving marauders that pelt our roof with the discarded debris of their handiwork – have been making a fine party for themselves in these high days of autumn. Lying in bed at night, I can hear their paws scurrying over the roof in between the knocks and pings of acorns dislodged from the oak tree above our house. At first it was disconcerting – the notion of small creatures traversing the house in the middle of the night is not initially a comforting one. Upon realizing what it was, and always having a soft spot for squirrels, I now welcome the disturbance. It’s a little reminder that lives other than ours are taking place in close proximity, that we are not the only ones here, and that the others may even be higher than us. Seeking and storing their food stocks, they are doing what they need to do to survive another winter, adding on a little layer of sustenance that will perhaps see them through to the spring. What a perilous life, and if a few spooky knocks at night are the cost, I will happily pay.

Leave it to a squirrel to shatter the glass bottle of our ego.

When I heard the news that the main stars of ‘The Facts of Life’ were reuniting for a Lifetime holiday movie, I thought that this might be the first and only thing that could get me to watch a Lifetime movie. I grew up on ‘The Facts of Life’ despite my parents’ best intentions to stop us from watching it (they didn’t appreciate the sarcasm that bled into our voices after we watched an episode) but I didn’t enjoy the wisecracks as much as I did the idea of a group of friends that became each other’s family. My heart longed to belong like that, to forge my own tribe of misfits. As much I wanted to be Blair, I wanted to find my own Jo –  the person who became an unlikely but inevitable friend for life.

Looking back on my friends, I consider myself lucky for having found a few Jo-figures over the years. Suzie, Skip, Missy, Chris and to a large extent Andy – they are all completely different from me in major ways, and on paper our personalities wouldn’t obviously blend. But life is not about finding those who are exactly like us – most of my favorite people have those traits I lack and/or desire. They fulfill a need to make myself better, even if it’s just by proximity and the rubbing off of their goodness onto my flaws.