This month marks the start of the 16^thyear of existence for ALANILAGAN.com, which makes me feel like a grumpy old Dad spewing grumpy old Dad jokes as his kid peels out of the driveway while texting. Thankfully, this website behaves much better than any teenager ever could. It does exactly as I say, adhering to precisely what I program, and doesn’t give me any lip or sass aside from the occasional error that is more the provider’s fault than anyone else’s. Quite the opposite of any unruly offspring, this website has provided a steady anchor no matter what crazy fucking shit is going on in my personal/family life, offering a single sanctuary on which I can perpetually rely, unlike just about everything and everyone else. There’s something special in that, and I don’t take it lightly. Not after sixteen years. We’ve been through too much together.

Is it strange to anthropomorphize a website? Of course it is. Yet strange is what we do best here. There aren’t many personal blogs that have lasted this long, so I can basically do what I want. Though to be honest that freedom has been in place from the very beginning of our journey back in 2003. The world was very different then, but what has remained the same is the desire to express myself as creatively and crazily as I feel fit, without censorship or limits. That may result in a voice that will never be palatable for mainstream/mass consumption, but my words are basically harmless, and the nudity is never full-frontal. Anyone who claims this place is pornographic must cringe at all the porn on the average sitcom. They have no place here anyway, as we have an acceptance policy of all people, and they would not be comfortable with such a stance. They are always welcome to join us, I just doubt it would be their cup of tea. We get many passing visitors like that, and I’m always glad for the brief time they spend here. I’m more grateful for those who deign to return, no matter how few and far between they may be. This is my sweet thank you to those folks, the ones who come back on the regular, who put up with my trying posts some days, my nonsensical posts other days, and the general ridiculousness that populates all the rest of the remaining days.

Anyway, please come back to see how this sweet sixteen year unfurls. If it’s anything like a real-life sixteen-year-old, get ready for the drama. You know I will do my best to bring it.

Last year at this time I was doing my best to get over the darkness of the ‘PVRTD’ project and delving into painting and florals and all the whimsical wantonness of ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ which means that this year I’m feeling a little unmoored. That’s ok for the time being when the focus is on other issues, and I already have a pair of projects lined up. Since 2020 is a year of anniversaries, these are happy and nostalgic look-backs, something I don’t always enjoy, but will in these cases. More details to come in the next few months.

Now seems as good a time as any to revisit some former projects too, so be sure to visit The Projects page and see what came before. The winter is fertile creative time, mostly because there is so little else to do. This year that’s not necessarily true, so I’ll keep busy on all fronts.

With the advent of the ubiquitous camera phone, as perfectly-focused images become standard fodder, decent pictures are a dime a dozen. True there is a great deal to be said for composition and the skilled rendering of light, shadow, subject and movement, but these days it’s much easier to get a lovely image with the touch of a phone screen. Because of that, I haven’t been putting as much effort into presenting images as I once did, and it certainly shows.

I will still slow things down and go back to my trusted Canon for serious projects and photographs that mean a little bit more to me {see ‘PVRTD’ and ‘The Delusional Grandeur Tour’ for example} but for the purposes of this casual blog, I don’t really bother much with a real camera anymore. (Again, you’ve probably noticed.)

I guess this is my way of publicly working out the next steps for The Pictures page. Is it worth revamping? With the ease and instantaneous possibility of presentation provided by Instagram and other social media, what is the point of updating the photo pages at all? Part of me feels what’s there can remain as an archived bookmark to the past, and part of me feels I should do something with it, bring it into whatever modern version photographs are granted these days. I’m a dinosaur when it comes to such matters, and worse, a dinosaur that doesn’t give a fuck.

Maybe I need to talk this over with my webmaster.

Maybe I need to find the inspiration to dazzle again.

Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die.

(Most likely scenario: maybe I just leave it alone and pretend we never had this dilemma.)

PS – Follow me on Instagram just in case I migrate there for good. 

BABY WE CAN DO IT

TAKE THE TIME DO IT RIGHT

WE CAN DO IT BABY…

Does a weekend go by faster when you cram a ton of activities into it or when you sit around and literally do nothing for two days? For a while I though that the best way to slow down time was to do nothing. Waiting or simply existing seemed a proper stimulus for slowing things down. But when I think over weekends of lots of activity versus no activity, it’s actually the ones that are filled with things that seem to last the longest. Travel and exploration seem to expand the concept and feeling of time, while staying inside and not venturing anywhere actually speed it up. It’s something I’m still working out in my mind. And this is where I begin my mindful work-outs, right here in these words, right here on this blog. It is my laboratory, my playground, my greatest experiment, and my safety zone. In the stillness and quiet of a thoughtful morning, when the world is mostly still asleep, at least in this particular time zone, I begin to formulate such thoughts. Perhaps they will lead to action, perhaps they will lead to nothing.

Perhaps I just want that lead singer’s golden caftan dress.

If Baby New Year can run around all naked and cherubic, then so the hell can I. Here’s to your own nude romps in the New Year. May your home be warm, and may your bits and bobs be forever swaddled. (Be wary of scratchy bows covered in glitter. They may not be your friend.) On with the first recap of the year, and me naked but for some glasses and tinsel and a big scratchy bow!

We cannot begin without first finishing up last year’s business, and what a bad bunch of business it was. If you think you can handle it again, here is the 2019 Year in Review: Part One, Part Two and Part Three. (I just thank sweet baby New Year and little baby Jesus that there was no Part Four.)

The only good thing about the way 2019 ended may have been this super-collection of Hunks. 

2020 begins in black and white, and hazy shades of gray. 

Letting the old shit go. 

The Waiting was over as the Madonna Timeline returned with this entry from the ‘Erotica’ era. 

Snoopy and Woodstock greet winter. 

My winter fragrance: Birch and Black Pepper by Jo Malone.

Winter songs for winter snow.

Ben Cohen bangs in the New Year in his underwear. 

Who wants to have fun with filters? Hint: not me. 

A Jello Renaissance: the craziest dessert I’ve ever made.

Even in plaid flannel, I will sparkle and shine. 

New hunks of the day included Benjamin Melzer, Matt Rogers, Mohamed Saleh, Omar Sharif Jr., and Lee Sun-Kyun.

A few people asked me if I would be live-tweeting the Golden Globes, and while I enjoyed the past season of film, I’m not sure I’ll last the whole night. I will do my best, but I find myself less interested and obsessed with these things when the world around us is burning down, in some places quite literally. But frivolity has its place, and its importance, perhaps especially in such a world, so let’s do our best. Before it even begins, I’ll let you know the three people to whom I am most looking forward to seeing: Billy Porter, Nicole Kidman and Cate Blanchett. I believe the first two are definitely going, and my fingers are crossed for the third. Keep checking back for updates as I add them.

Billy Porter is divinity and heaven in a standing white swan outfit.

Christina Applegate – love her, hate what her dress is doing for her.

Ben Platt – keeping it classy in a well-fitted tuxedo. Classy but boring. Save that kind of thing for the Oscars.

Margot Robbie – The dress has pockets, so I guess I’ll just pretend to be happy for her.

Ana de Armas – The danger of black sequins is the garbage-bag effect. Word is not yet out as to whether she steered clear of the danger.

Kit Harington – Decked out all in black – black on black on black – and I’m guessing everyone would rather see him in naked and nude.

Rami Malek in Yves St. Laurent is a perfectly-fitted vision.

For me, it’s all about Jennifer Aniston’s classic tousled-hair. 

Jodie Comer is giving the Green Monster a run for its money. 

Taron Egerton is in a back tuxedo. And bow tie. Calm down. 

Kerry Washington’s ensemble is why double-tape exists.

Kirsten Dunst – I don’t know… I want to like it. And I do love pink. I’m just not sure. Maybe it’s the neckline, or lack there-of. 

Jennifer Lopez – Oh no. No bow. No no no no no. 

Tiffany Haddish – One step short of a Grecian Goddess. But it’s a big step. 

Awkwafina – If we have to ask if that’s a chest hair situation, it’s not working. 

Gwyneth Paltrow – When tulle attacks. Brown tulle. Rhymes with ‘stool’. As in sample. 

Charlize Theron – Torn in the best possible way. I am loving and hating it equally, which means it will probably be my favorite of the evening. I still like a challenge. 

Daniel Craig – I miss the baby blue square-cut.

Nicole Kidman – Divine scarlet elegance, and structurally astounding. The epitome of how to skillfully architect a dress. 

Paul Rudd – He can wear anything and look cute. Even that boring tux. 

Nick Jonas – If International Male was still in business…

Keegan-Michael Key – That is one big-ass bow tie, and I dig it.

Ansel Elgort – Cleans up better shirtless. 

Renee Zellweger – Love the color, hate the cut. She’s gorgeous in it, just my personal preference craves something more.

Scarlett Johansson –  When your husband is prettier than your dress.

Glenn Close – Exquisite color, and mentioned solely for the link.

Chris Evans – Finally! A tux with a colorful twist! I like it so much I don’t even care he’s not naked (like he is here). 

Annette Bening – So severe! 

Matt Bomer vs. Sofia Vergara – Best battle of the night! And it wasn’t even over Joe Manganiello. 

Beyonce – Did they have to sit you in a different section for those shoulder puffs? 

Taylor Swift – The requisite curtain-comment moment. Wasn’t sure we’d get one, so thanks Tay-Tay! 

Jason Momoa – Tank top. Naked. Whatever. You win. 

Cate Blanchett – Oh they are going to hate it, but I quite love it. Aside from the hair – why that hair? 

Let’s end this on a high note: Brad Pitt in a tuxedo, serving classic golden tresses and reminding us of who we used to be. (Oh, and Brad Pitt shirtless.)