Behind Our Masks, A Moment of Connection

In one of those deliciously-cruel twists of fate for the introverted, my car is an instant conversation-starter. I know – it’s pretty. I know – it’s unique. I know – you don’t see that color very often. I’ve heard all of this and more, and not just from members of the Mini Cooper cult. Most of the time I’m fortunate enough to be in motion and unable to respond to their thumbs up or smiles with more than a quick middle-finger. (Just kidding – I would never do that.) 

And one time I am absolutely convinced it got me out of a speeding ticket – I have Skip as a witness

The other day, after an unsuccessful shopping excursion at Troy’s Landscaping, I had just gotten into the car and closed the door just as I heard a woman in a mask and sunglasses exclaim that she loved my car. I paused for a split second, thought about the importance of social connections even among the introverts, and opened the door to say thank you. She took it as an invitation. I still had my mask on, and held the door open as she asked me the name of it (I didn’t remember – Tiffany blue?) and how long I had it (I didn’t remember – five years? Ten?) She came a bit closer, about ten feet away, and my mind suddenly wondered at its instant ability to clock such things after just a few weeks of living like this. She too took our distance and barriers as a simple fact of life, continuing with her inquiries and conversation. 

“How do you like it?” she said, still on the car. “I’ve always liked Mini Coopers. They’re from England, right?” She had a bit of an accent, slightly Asian, and she asked about the license plate, which is my last name. 

“Is is Latino, or Hispanic?” she said. I smiled, and hoped my eyes translated the smile. (Is that smizing?) 

It’s Filipino,” I said. 

“Oh! I’ve been wanting to go back to the Philippines. I was supposed to run a marathon in Manila next January but now we’re not so sure.” The tall white-haired man beside her, whom I assumed was her husband, affably shuffled his feet, seemingly used to these side-tracked forays into conversations with strangers with masks on. “I was in Manila a number of years ago, and the person who showed me around was always very careful about seeing me safe! I’ve wanted to go back since.” 

I nodded, on the verge of telling her about how my family sewed pockets into my underwear to keep money in before deciding against it, and simply stating that I had been there in 1997 and it was just like that as far as concern for valuables and staying safe went.  

It was hot, and I was squinting into the sun, and my mask felt like such a hindrance. Her sunglasses and mask added to the outward elements of distance between us, but somehow I felt closer to her than I have to anyone in a very long time. She returned to the car. “How is the mileage on it?”

Do real people other than my husband actually know the answers to these questions?

I was about to answer, “Somewhere between 10 and 90?” when she realized I had no idea. I said I didn’t really know, but I wanted to give her something. She asked if I had any problems with it. 

“I haven’t!” I said a little too excitedly, happy for an easy lob I could return. “I was initially concerned about its performance in winter, but it actually works fine with snow tires and some judicial decisions on not to take it out in a raging snowstorm.”

Her husband chimed in. “Do the back doors open separately?”

“Oh yeah!” 

“That’s unique,” he said. “Is this the station wagon version?”

Back to the hard questions. 

“Yyyyyeeeeeessssssss?” I said hesitantly, drawing it out and ending on an upward inflection, completely betraying my blatant insanity. “It’s got four seats – I just have it down for plants,” I said, trying to sound semi-sane. 

They admired it some more and took their gracious leave. Part of me wanted to connect a little more, which is rare for me. Usually I want to end such random conversations before they even begin. Maybe I needed something more that day. I’m glad they were there to share. 

Behind our masks, two strangers somehow managed to connect like only people can do. Imparting information (as limited as mine may have been) and finding common touchstones in places as far away as the Philippines. 

Would I have done such a thing if we were without masks? I don’t know. 

The world is in a different place now. 

I’m in a different place too. 

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Paeonia

The peony parade continues with these white blooms form the backyard garden. They were part of a perfumed peony collection I purchased from White Flower Farm a number of years ago. The trouble with collections is that you don’t know quite what you’re getting, but when it comes to peonies my love transcends names and labels and varieties, and as long as they carry a bit of that distinctive peony fragrance, all is well. 

On a recent afternoon, after a busy day at work, I stopped by these clumps and set up a watering stations, slowly moving the watering wand over the ground beneath their feet (avoiding getting any water on their leaves, in a vain attempt to put off mildew) and inhaled their sweet fragrance. It was divine. I stayed there, watering nearby plants for the next hot day, taking my time as I took in the peony’s perfume. Those moments of appreciation are important. The blog may be a bit light on content this week as I work toward more such moments. There are archives to peruse should you wish to see more… (scroll down and type anything into the search box – it’s like gay roulette). 

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Happy Birthday To A Best Friend

Today is Suzie’s birthday, and in the insanity that is 2020 I believe she is working, which is pretty typical for the woman I’ve known literally since birth. (She’s two months older than me, and always will be.) Not sure how we will celebrate, and the card and gift will be late, but this is how we roll. Through all the events of our lives ~ the clams and the Poppins, the daisies and the peonies, the travels and the Junkies ~ she remains the very best kind of best friend. 

Happy birthday, Suzie! (No need to send a Koosa thank you card just yet.)

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Painting the Fronds of Ferns

One of the most exquisite plants in the garden right now – and throughout the entire season for that matter – is the Japanese painted fern (Athyrium niponicum). Do not be tricked by its delicate painted and they are also said to be deer resistant. I planted one a few years ago, and it has since become a dozen, partly from creeping on its own, but mostly (and rather impressively) sporing itself out into the damper areas of the garden. 

Ferns don’t produce seeds, they produce spores: powder-like particles that act much like seeds. I never bothered with trying this method of propagation because it always seemed to technical and involved, particularly when dividing is much simpler, and quicker. However, nature had other plans, and the consistently damp area near our pool pump provided a perfect haven for a number of Japanese painted fern spores to develop into little plants. Andy noticed them last summer, and I decided to wait and see if any survived the winter before moving them. They all did.

A couple of days ago, after I placed our new fountain bamboo, I moved a trio of clumps in front of them, further enhancing the Japanese atmosphere. I’ll add a Japanese flowering maple when I divide that plant next year. The garden propels us forward even as it beckons us to pause and take it all in. 

These Japanese elements were an intentional design plan for the side yard. It’s the entrance-way when friends and family are visiting for a pool gathering, it’s where Andy grills our summer meals, and I finally realized, after years of slightly neglecting it as a forgotten area, that I spent a significant amount of time there. I want it to be a peaceful transitional place, where the arching canes of a pair of bamboo plants gracefully welcome visitors and a stand of ferns peeks up at Andy when he’s checking on the steaks. I have plans for another corner section, if I can dig up some old shrubs that haven’t performed well and establish a Japanese stewartia. I’m taking my time with the entire plan, hoping to enjoy and be present for each moment. Let it take the whole summer

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Jackin’ the Pulpit

Scientifically named ‘Arisaema triphyllum’, this woodland creature is more commonly known as the Jack-in-the-pulpit. A number of years ago I purchased it from some home improvement store, in one of those plastic bags that has a beautiful picture of a fully-grown ten-year-old specimen at the height of its beauty on it, only to spill out some desiccated little nest of seemingly-dead roots, light and lifeless and surely void of any future glory. I half-heartedly dug a hole for it in the corner of a shaded garden and promptly forgot about it. I didn’t plan on seeing that $4.99 again.

A year later, a dark spire rose in its place. Having entirely forgotten about what I’d planted, I waited to see if it was some strange exotic weed. It was too thick and robust to be one of the standard weeds I’d come to know. It was also more substantial than the little spikes of lily-of-the-valley that were encroaching on that particular space. Slowly, it unfurled its three-pronged leaves, and then the hood covering the spathe, and I was enthralled to recall the Arisaema triphyllum I had planted the year before.

This particular variety is darker than the plain green version I knew as a child. It lends it a more sinister and mysterious aspect, something I enjoy at the garden in this portion of the year, when everything else is so bright and chartreuse and innocent. The garden should be a place of balance and contrast, as well as a land of mystery. There should be room for magic and the casting of spells, and even little heads named Jack.

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A Recap from the Garden

In times of tumult and sadness, grief and uncertainty, some people reach out and look for a way to connect. On occasion I will do the same, but not this week. It was better to keep to ourselves, to see Andy through a bit of surgery, and to spend time in the garden. I’ll work on social connections in the next few weeks. On with the recap…

A lilac bloom for you

Flower faces to signify the joy of June. 

Yet another sign of this messed-up year.

Making Pad Thai at home.

Our still-unopened pool becomes a haven for all sorts of creatures

A walk in the garden.

Alli-alli-allium.

The welcome return of the peonies.

Dangling floral bells.

Starry days & starry nights in a song for summer.

The fountain bamboo begins its babble for another century.

Returning to a Renaissance.

And these hunks did their best to show off. 

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Project of the Past: A 21st Century Renaissance: The Resurrection Tour 2010

The year 2010 was a pretty big one for me.

That was the year I got married, and it also marked my 10-year-anniversary with Andy (that’s how long it took this country to get its shit together regarding marriage equality).

It also marked some more minor, but equally-fun anniversaries, such as the 15thanniversary of my first “tour” ~ ‘The Friendship Tour: Chameleon in Motion.’ Ahh, memories of delusions and illusions, they feel so quaint now, and so crazy. Oh well, it was what I needed to do to fake it to make it, and if it went some way toward helping me build some confidence and genuine self-esteem, so be it.

By 2010, I’d realized how I’d been living out life as a work of art, which is fun for others to watch, but not always such fun to actually live. Around this period of time, I began to separate the writing and artistic work I did from the person I was, and differentiating between the two was paramount to becoming a better artist and more importantly a better person. So in many ways, ‘A 21stCentury Renaissance: The Resurrection Tour‘ was a bit of an after-thought in 2010, when my main priority was marrying Andy and enjoying the company of my new husband and all the good people in our life wishing us well.

That didn’t mean the artistic fire had been extinguished. If anything, it burned a bit brighter because once I was able to separate myself from my creative output, it gave me a sense of greater freedom. ‘A 21st Century Renaissance’ was a way of starting over again – and that meant going back to the very basic make-up of the universe and our place in it. To that end, the building blocks of the world were set on display: earth, air, light, water, fire ~ all with a pivotal role to play. 

That focus on the natural world was part of this Renaissance, but I still liked to dress up and inhabit different characters. Set free from tying them directly into my own life, they could put on their costumes and do as they pleased. It was a new way of creating, a new way of artistic expression, and in that freedom was an exhilaration and thrill that had eluded me for a while. 

This was a resurrection. 

Of aspiration. 

Of inspiration.

In some ways, it was if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. 

We each carry our own little worlds around, and they can weigh us down with worry as much as they lift us with wonder. When you let them roll off your shoulders, leaving them in the past and not looking back because there’s no longer a need to dwell there, the world rebuilds itself before you eyes. 

A resurrection indeed. 

{See ‘A 21stCentury Renaissance: The Resurrection Tour 2010’ in its entirety here. Also see ‘StoneLight’, ‘The Circus Project’, and ‘A Night at the Hotel Chelsea’.}

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A New Generation to Last Another Century

The fountain bamboo – Fargesia nitida – blooms once every hundred years, give or take a year or ten. It is quite an enchanting event – the way the little blooms dangle from their canes, dancing with the slightest breeze – but a rather mournful one: after flowering, the plant dies. Most of the Fargesia plants that had been dispersed around the world were propagated through division, meaning the vast majority of fountain bamboo would flower in one mass event, then experience a mass die-off. That blooming explosion happened about seven or eight years ago, which affected the two specimens I’d been cultivating since we first moved into our home.

I purchased and planted them years before everyone realized the blooming cycle was at hand, and for the past few years nurseries would not guarantee survival of Fargesia species because some still hadn’t bloomed. Nurseries are just now coming into supplies of seeded plants from the new generation of Fargesia nitida, and are once again guaranteeing their survival since they aren’t due to bloom for another hundred years.

I’ve been waiting an extra couple of years because when you’re talking about a century of time, you don’t give or take a day. As magnificent as their blooming was – how often do you get to witness a once-a-century flowering event in your own backyard?! – it was heartbreaking as well. I’d grown to love our two fountain bamboos, thrilled at the way they started off so slowly, but soon sent up their name-sake fountain form when coddled with a bit of manure and water during dry spells. They had just begun to develop their characteristic arching form, and outside the bedroom window the canes curved and waved in the wind like the backdrop to some Japanese woodblock. 

The occasion of their blooming caught me off-guard.

I felt the sorrow before I could feel the excitement. 

The celebration of a luxury of rarity paled to the inevitable loss, and I felt more sadness than elation at the magical sight of their blooms. I was in a different mindset then. I took such things to heart, lamenting the loss and reveling in the regret that I hadn’t appreciated our two Fargesia plants while they were alive. Only near the end did I inhabit the moment, giving in to the wonder of what I was fortunate to witness. 

A couple of days ago, four new fountain bamboo plants arrived on our front step. They come from the new generation of Fargesia nitida, and the nursery assures me if there are any blooming issues or die -off they will replace them. We should have about another century before they bloom again. Andy mentioned that we won’t be here to see it, and there was nothing macabre or sad about it – it was the simple truth. Someone once said, “Society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.”

With that in mind, I tucked the four new bamboo plants into their chosen locations around the yard, amply amending the soil with the manure they love so much, and watering them in well to give them the best possible start. A new generation had been put to bed for the first night in their new home. 

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Starry Days and Starry Nights

At this time of the year, there are stars in the sky from dawn to dusk, as the Chinese dogwood carries its bracts above its bright green foliage. They put me in the mind of this song, which I am only just beginning to understand and hear as if for the first time. The lyrics are haunting. I will not print them here. Not yet. They should be heard as they were sung, the way the artist intended. 

Who can say what art even means anymore, what purpose it serves, what good and evil it works in the world. I always wonder about such things in times such as these. When the universe turns brutal, and leaves us with lessons we may or may not be ready to learn, it knocks the wind out of me for a while. I question everything and feel uninspired. Unable to activate the usual frivolous drive that impels me to decorate the atmosphere around me with silly, pretty things, it’s like the rudder was removed and I’m spinning in aimless circles. I can’t even properly formulate a simile or metaphor – it all sounds like a mess. 

Turning to a song – perhaps the song of this summer – I seek some scrap of inspiration on which to grasp, desperate for the frisson that ignites when the right melody of music meets the right cadence of words, when story and sentiment rush into each other’s arms, and a little bit of the world can be felt again. 

And so I listen.

First, to the silence of the morning in the stillness of the house.

Second, to the birds in the backyard, and the neighborhood creaking awake.

Third, to the music in my mind, whatever song that has stuck around from the day or night before.

Starry, starry night…

…Stars in the sky held aloft by the branches of a dogwood tree…

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Dangling Floral Bells

As much as I have tried to appreciate every moment in this year’s garden, I still managed to miss the quicker blooming periods of certain plants, such as this beautiful Solomon’s seal patch. With the extended show of the daffodils and lilacs this year, I guess I expected the same luxury for these pretty little blooms, forgetting that the temperatures had risen and the air had turned more dry. They lasted a few precious days and by the time I got on the ground to sniff and examine them close-up, they had already dropped these subtle bells, along with their delicate sweet fragrance. 

Luckily, they are a hardy bunch, and have expanded extensively in the yard, so they will be back next year. I’m making motions to move some around a bit. There will probably be more than we have room for, and the surplus I can slip into the hidden side yard that needs a bit of work. It’s shady there, thanks to a pair of enormous oak trees, and Solomon’s seal is able to handle a fair amount of shade. It will be nice to have more than pachysandra there, and with just a bit of soil amending, this plant should be just as simple to maintain. 

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The Peonies Always Return

No matter what the state of the world, peonies have been blooming in the late spring for centuries. There’s something comforting about that perspective, particularly in these disheartening times. One of the longer-lived perennials, there are peony beds that have lasted for decades, and the three in front of our home have been there for about eighteen years. I know because I planted them the first year we moved in. 

Strangely enough, it wasn’t in my parents’ garden where I first learned to love peonies. It was in the neighbors’ yard, over a chain link fence that lent them a forbidden aspect which only added to their allure. From the vibrant fuchsia of their petals to the intoxicating perfume they emitted, it was love and fascination at first encounter

I was small enough to squeeze through the tiny path that went along the side of their house, a corridor bordered by the house and then the fence, and backed by a tight row of privet. When I got to the bed of peonies, they rose to my height, so robust and high did they grow. If there had been rain or a morning dew, sometimes the flowerhead would lean into the fence, and I could bring them to my face and inhale the delicious fragrance. Always slightly anxious, even as a child, I found that moment of beauty brought me a brief bit of peace. That glimpse of happiness is recalled every time I smell a peony bloom.

Later years would bring more happy memories – the beds at Suzie’s house on Locust Ave and the day I married Andy come to mind – and I’ve added more plants to our gardens to bring back more memories while crafting new ones. 

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Stars on My Sphere

The single globe of allium that remains in the garden finished its much-too-brief blooming cycle last week, but I’m a bit backed-up on blog posts, so you’re getting to enjoy its architectural magnificence now. Spacing out such beauty is a boon right now, as I find myself stepping away from the computer and online world more and more every day, and it’s been much better for the soul. That’s not a bad direction in which to head. In service of that, take this brief blog post as a gift and go find some silence and peace. In fact, take the day. I’ll be back on Saturday morning. 

(If you really want something to read, visit this post, in which every single word is a different link.) 

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A Spin Around the Garden

We are still in the glorious phase of late spring, which makes regular turns around the garden a happy excursion for our house-bound situation. It’s the perfect break from sitting at the computer and working from home. Those breaks are important, as I’ve discovered. At this time of the year, when everything is practically growing before our very eyes, it’s also important not to miss a single day outside. Even in the rain, I try to get out and examine how each plant is coming along. 

The weeping larch in the featured photo started on an iffy note, but after some heavy pruning and readjustment, it’s exploded into a carpet of the lovely wintergreen color seen here. It’s being crowded by a pushy stretch of Thuja, but for now it’s holding its own. 

A hosta with leaves that could have been painted by a skilled artist makes a keen argument for the power of texture, form, and the various shades of green that abound at this time of the year. A few years ago I planted this specimen – one of several in a row bordering our back patio – and after some serious pampering they have grown into a fine little hedge. 

The daffodils held on longer than any season in recent memory, thanks to a cool, wet spring, lasting well into the end of May. It almost got to the point where I was taking them for granted, which never happens with their typically-short flowering period. 

We have several large stands of Solomon’s seal, one of the stalwart performers in the mostly semi-shaded green sections we have near the house. It spreads nicely, sometimes too nicely, and may need some editing, but that makes for more clumps. From one plant we now have three large patches, and several friends have started their own stands from ours. I still need to cut some back, so I may be adding them to the wilder section at the side of our house that we never quite get to clean up. 

Though they’ve become a bit of a menace in the lawn, these violets make it difficult to be completely mad at them, especially when they are one of the first to appear after a long winter. 

This tree peony is the first peony to flower every year. Sadly, its head swells so large and the bloom gets so top-heavy it cannot stand upright on its own, which means it gets a rather hidden location, and hangs its head when it puts on its show. For that reason I often pick it before the critters can cut it out or it hangs into the muddy ground. 

Finally, our Kwanzan cherry made a stand-out showing this year, lasting longer than usual and wowing with these full double blooms, resplendent against a blue sky. This is why spring gets all the glory. 

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Entering and Exiting By Night: An Opossum Visits

Our pool remains unopened and in need of a new liner (don’t ask) so it’s been turning itself into a green pond of sorts, welcoming and apparently beckoning all sorts of wildlife to make a home of its unchlorinated water. We started off the spring with a visit by two ducks, who were very adamant about trying to nest beneath a poolside juniper. We dissuaded that, repeatedly (though it turns out the whole ‘birds don’t like human scents’ myth is nothing but a myth, as sprays of cologne did not quite keep them at bay). Ultimately, they gave up and moved elsewhere. 

A few weeks went by rather uneventfully until one morning we awoke to find an opossum sitting in the dry shallow end of the pool. Andy had heard it go in during the night, and in the morning hours there it saw, groggy and cranky-looking in the light of day. I felt bad for the thing. Too big to scoop out with the net, we decided to put a wooden plank in so it could climb out. I didn’t want to hurt it in any way – possums eat ticks by the truckload, so I’m very happy to have it patrolling the neighborhood in the night – and I wanted to give it a chance to move out peacefully. 

After consulting some friends, who advised that it would probably sleep during the day, we left it alone in the hope that it would disappear in the night. I would peek over the edge of the pool and peer in to find it at various stations during the day. It had noticed the plank and was sitting beneath it, but other than that made no motions of moving out. I told Andy we would give it one night, and if it wasn’t gone in the morning we would have to be more forceful in our eviction plan.

That evening, after the sun went down and after I went to bed, it made its move and climbed out. There was no sign of it the next morning. That’s my kind of visitor. No muss, no fuss, and just enough contact to be interesting. 

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Pad Thai in the Comfort of Home

Taking pancakes out of the equation, I can do a decent job when rustling up some grub for dinner. Not being able to go out for dinner for months, and not being the biggest fan of take-out, we’ve been doing a lot more cooking than usual. I’ve also been working from home, which makes marinating and prepping things in the morning much easier than texting Andy and asking him to defrost the chicken because I forgot about it. That said, approaching the three-month mark of being home means that some of the luster of cooking dinner every night has dulled, but when I had a hankering for Pad Thai, and no idea of where to look for take-out, I decided to try my hand at making it.

A few years ago when JoAnn was visiting I made us up a batch of vegetable Pad Thai, and I remember it being a rather arduous process – lots of cutting, lots of tofu, and lots of delicate maneuverings that seemed counter-productive to reproducing a simple street dish. This time I sought out a simpler recipe – and you can find any number of variations on the web so seek out one that works for you. The main choices are chicken, shrimp or tofu – or any combination of them. Rice noodles are the base, and I used a chopped shallot and two scrambled eggs sliced into little ribbons. The secret is in the sauce, which in this case was equal parts fish sauce, brown sugar, and tamarind sauce (some say you can use rice vinegar in place of tamarind, but just go find some at an Asian market because the taste is important).

The garnishes are vital to this dish: crushed peanuts (which you must roast first for a lovelier flavor), cilantro, fresh bean sprouts, chopped scallions and lime wedges. I incorporated these into the whole dish at the end of the cooking – healthy portions of each, stirring them throughout the dish while the noodles and protein was still steaming hot. I love cilantro so I topped it with a bit more of that, along with extra roasted peanut pieces. Make your own choices throughout the cooking process – this is a forgiving dish to which you can bring your own variations.

It was a comfort dinner when such food was needed to lift the spirits.

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