Once upon not such a long time ago I would have thrown quite the hissy fit and tantrum over not having a pool for the summer thus far. Fortunately, once in a great while the universe grants me just enough wherewithal to move into a new perspective in the nick of time. There was a sprinkling of the divine in the grand scheme idea of therapy and meditation leading into this summer, and those practices have left me in a better place to deal with life’s minor setbacks.

One of the lessons of ‘The Science of Well-Being’ course I took on finding more happiness in life was getting off social media. Unplugging and stepping away from the phone. Not checking on FaceBook or Twitter ot TikTok or Snapchat or Instagram or Name-Your-Own-App. For someone whose website is fed by links on social apps, it was surprisingly easy. I’m actually on most social media sites far less than some might assume. I hit often, but I hit quickly and leave. I’m not usually a scroller who burns away tons of time just peeking at things that don’t directly concern me.

More importantly to the happiness course, and the lesson that is really at the heart of stepping away from social media, is the idea that we should not be comparing our happiness with the happiness of others, nor should we compare anything in our lives with what others have. That’s a certain path to unhappiness and discontentment. There will always be someone who has, or pretends to have, “more” than you and me. What we forget is that “more” is relative, and one person’s “more” can be quite different from what truly constitutes our idea of “more.” In other words, comparing someone else’s online life – the image they cultivate and put forth on social media – to our life, whether real or cultivated for public consumption, is a certain recipe for unhappiness.

My general attitude goal – the one that has allowed me to survive on social media for all this time – is that I’m happy for whatever someone else is happy about. If they get to do something or obtain an item they really like – a vacation, a show, a new bag – then I’m more or less just happy for them. Very rarely do I think, “Damn, that should be me!” In fact, I’ve never thought that. I can’t say I haven’t ever felt envy and jealousy about some of what I’ve seen, but I never thought I deserved it more, or deserved it at all. Prior to this year I was definitely guilty of making those comparisons, and while I was strong enough never to be bitter over it, I felt somewhat bad whenever I went online. Once I realized what I was doing – comparing myself to other people rather than to what I really wanted in life, as well as believing that what appeared to make other people happy would invariably make me happy – I was able to adjust how I looked at things online. What a profound difference that made. 

And so, these days when I see my friends and family frolicking in their pools, with actual water, I don’t feel envy or bitterness, I just feel happy that they are having a good time. It’s so much nicer, and feels so much better, celebrating other people, and I’ve never been able to feel bad about myself if someone else is finding their own happiness.

Besides, who says you can’t have fun with an empty pool? Stay tuned for those photos…

Maybe the Grinch was onto something before his heart grew all those pesky sizes so big. He proclaimed one of his biggest problems with all those Whos was the noise, noise, NOISE. Lamenting the loudness of certain neighbors, I can totally relate, if not wholeheartedly sympathize with the Grinch’s plight.

The half-joking of this opening belies a more serious statement, which is that the world needs a little more appreciation of stillness and quiet. After working mostly from home for the past few months, I’ve found more silence during the day than I’ve ever had, and it’s been good. For the first few hours of the early morning, instead of turning on the television or the music, I do my work in relative quiet while Andy sleeps. That’s not something I’ve had when trying to pack trips and travels into most weekends, but in the current state of the world, we’ve had nothing to do but stay at home and find our peace here. To my surprise, it’s been just as rewarding.

Silence is a big part of my meditation process too. While some people find it too scary to be alone in quiet, I prefer it, embracing the complete silence, slowing my thoughts, and allowing them to present themselves and then float away. There is no noise to cover that up, no distraction to make it easier. At first I’ll admit it was a little disconcerting. Not uncomfortable, just different. The world has evolved to the point where we are almost constantly surrounded by sound, and once you take that away it can be slightly jarring. If you’ve ever been to a rock concert, you know the feeling when it’s over. The world is suddenly eerily quiet. You may wonder if you’ve suffered some hearing loss for a while. And slowly, the noise comes back and things return to the general level of sounds to which we are all accustomed. When you meditate in silence, the same phenomenon surfaced, in smaller fashion. That’s partly why I started slowly, in short five-minute sessions before gradually increasing my time in quiet. Now I find it more comforting than classical music or white noise. Clearing the mind is easier for me when the world is silent.

I find similar peace outside in the yard. Where I once lugged out an old portable stereo to fill the air with Madonna or 80’s bops, now I walk in silence, listening to the birds and the chirps of chipmunks. At night there are noisy frogs that provide all the sounds I need. Amid the ferns, and the gentle unfolding of a summer day, silence feels like the best soundtrack.

The true narcissists and egotists of the world make every day about themselves. 

The rest of us, the wanna-be narcissists and pretend egotists, carve out special days in which to make ourselves feel a bit better. 

The more-enlightened don’t need a day or even a moment for themselves – they exist in the present and that’s all they need. 

I’m somewhere in-between these circles, so I’ll take a Sunday of self-care, which these days means just taking things a little easier. When thrashing out some of my not-quite-successful efforts at self-improvement with my therapist recently, she reminded me of what I’d already accomplished, and wondered whether I was being too hard on myself. The Virgo in me sees nothing wrong with wanting to be better; the human in me is starting to realize that the whole Virgo thing needs to be adjusted. 

And so we have reached Sunday, the day of rest.

A day to savor the simpler things.

The beauty of the world.

As seen in this exquisite box made by my friend Meredith, which I purchased for the holidays as a gift for Andy. Comprised of gorgeous paper she has traveled the world to procure, it stands on the table beside which I meditate, where a stick of Palo Santo incense unfurls its ethereal smoke coils. 

Through my half-closed eyes and deep breathing, the flowers and cranes and colors dance hazily in scenes of beauty as I try to clear my head. The best thing to occupy the senses when darker thoughts threaten to encroach is a thing of beauty. 

The box is a work of art, and not only on the outside. Lifting the lid there is more beauty to be found inside. Placid water scenes, flowers from other seasons, worlds contained within worlds… I like that there is still more to be seen and discovered if you slow down and look deeper. The charm and surprise and variety of life, and of what life hides just beneath the lid, is a large part of what keeps me entertained and enthralled by this world. 

Grounded in new ways, I sit on the floor in front of this box – a box that could contain nothing and everything – and I begin my meditation. A moment of self-care, framed in a room of beauty.