Finding Mindfulness in a Dish Rag

When I first started exploring meditation and mindfulness, I began with Thich Nhat Hanh’s book ‘The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation’. It was a very good place to start, even if my skeptical mind wasn’t quite ready at the time to receive much of its wisdom. In fact, the chapter on finding mindfulness when washing dishes at the kitchen sink almost had me giving up on the whole endeavor. 

Back then, I wasn’t about to discover mindfulness while washing dishes at the kitchen sink. I wasn’t about to discover anything while washing dishes at the kitchen sink other than annoyance or agitation, because how on earth would any sane person find something as wonderful as mindfulness in such a position? It took a while, and a lot of dishes, before I pushed through and began to understand. 

My unlocking of the possibility for mindfulness came to me in the shower, as so many things do. (I need a waterproof board and marker for all the genius thoughts and ideas that have gone down the drain because I couldn’t remember them thirty seconds later.) I’d been reading the book and trying to put Hanh’s words into practice, taking the time and making the effort to be mindful and present in the moment, just experiencing every sensation and granular movement in and of themselves, and suddenly it clicked. That shower remains in my mind as a turning point, when I realized that, with some care and focus, I could find mindfulness in the most mundane of tasks, and a certain peace could result from doing so. 

That was two years ago. I’ve been meaning to revisit Thich Nhat Hanh’s book to see what I likely missed that first time around. On a recent morning, two years ago to the date of that mindful shower oddly, or not oddly, enough, I found myself washing the pan and plate from a quick breakfast I had made. As I ran the dishes under the hot water and watched the soap bubbles gather, I remembered the notion of ‘washing the dishes to wash the dishes’. Over the years, my repulsion of doing dishes had eased, and I took these moments as opportunities to be calmly with myself, especially on mornings where Andy was in bed and probably wouldn’t be thrilled to come out to a sink full of plates. 

As I rinsed off my plate and turned it round within a dish towel, I felt the texture of the fabric in my hands, the residual warmth of the clean, smooth plate, and the delicate scent of lemons drifting up from the soap. My eyes moved to the window, where I watched an icy mix fall almost imperceptibly from the sky – gray precipitation from a gray bank of clouds falling on gray fences and gray land. I saw the beauty there – the subtle beauty of winter – and I felt the beauty by being absolutely present in the stillness. There, then, was the moment of mindfulness. All other worries and tensions eased while the dishes were being washed. Appreciating them for their service – the vessels in which a sustaining meal was carried to my mouth – I placed them carefully back in their places. 

“If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can’t wash the dishes, the chances are we won’t be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future—and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, ‘The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation’

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Tibet by Cambridge

Many years ago, I found myself trudging through a winter day in Cambridge, MA during a weekend in Boston by myself. Hurrying away from the bustle of Harvard Square and all the annoying college kids, I found myself on a quieter stretch of sidewalk, where I came upon a little store whose entrance was draped in strings of bells and colorful prayer flags fluttering in the wind. Seeking respite and peace, I ducked into the small space, where a man sat behind a little register, and two tiny rooms were filled with clothing and prayer bowls and Tibetan objects. 

Tibetan flute music played over the sound system, filling the store with the calming sounds you may hear below. A stick of incense emitted curls of smoke, which drifted into every corner of the store – not overbearing or heavy, like incense can sometimes be, but light and airy and cleansing. 

On that day, the man behind the counter taught me how to tie a scarf for maximum warmth, and I found this collection of Tibetan music. I play it every winter, around this time, when one needs some solace from the lengthy drudgery of the dark season. It instils a calm, partly from remembered quiet nights in the Boston condo, where I’d drift to sleep in the warm comfort of that brick fortress, partly from newer memories conjured from evenings of tea, with warm light and warm blankets on the conversation couch after a dinner by Andy. 

The cup was a gift from Suzie from her trip to Denmark this past summer. Andy uses it for coffee, but once in a while I’ll use it for tea, especially on winter evenings when something precious is appreciated. A Friday night in February feels like just such an occasion. 

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The Perfection of the Imperfection

My attempts at cooking certain things have proven some of the most fertile grounds for learning to embrace the imperfections inherent in daily life. Multiple pancake disasters, a few bad run-ins with the rising of yeast, and a spilled pan of candied yams here and there have conspired to chip skillfully away at my desire for perfection, forcing a valuable lesson in accepting defeat, and embracing the notion that the quest for perfection is a losing one. 

With that in mind, I present this plate of folded eggs, which looks a bit of a mess and fright but is actually one of the easiest and most delicious breakfasts I’ve made in a year. I was idly swiping through my phone to pull myself out of some social media cooking/recipe hole I’d plunged into thanks to Babs, and I lazily paid scant attention to a folded eggs idea which was just scrambled eggs that weren’t stirred as much, left in an-almost runny state. I got the gist of it then fell not-so-promptly asleep (as one does when scrolling through the phone while in bed). 

The next morning I remembered the basics of the recipe, and decided to give it a try. For this version, I used four eggs, a couple of thinly-sliced scallions, a small bunch of chopped parsley, a smaller bunch of chopped cilantro, some dill weed, salt and pepper. Then I added a few tablespoons of half-and-half and whisked it all together. I heated a medium-sized pan, and dropped in three generous pats of butter – once they melted and started bubbling, I poured the eggs in and let them sit. Turning down the heat, I gently began pulling the cooked bottom layer around so the liquid parts could reach the pan. Repeating this carefully until it was all just barely runny (I turned off the heat completely once they were getting close) I then rolled the whole thing onto a pretty plate. (For scrambled eggs, I would have been more vigorous and regular in my stirring.) It wasn’t meant to look pretty, as the goal was a rustic but delicious dish, and I went into it expecting and desiring a bit of that imperfection. The end result delivered – more for the mouth than the eyes, and that’s what matters. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Brandi Carlile

My favorite moment of the Grammys this year (yes, even more favorite than Madonna introducing Sam Smith and Kim Petras, which was epic enough) was Brandi Carlile’s wife and daughters introducing her performance. Carlile is no stranger to the Grammys, having added to her staggering total of wins again this year, and she is no stranger to many of my social media friends, as evidenced by the outpouring of love that happens whenever I see someone post something on her. She earns this Dazzler of the Day honor for a career of determined focus and singular talent, and for being brave and fabulous when it’s not always easy to be either. 

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The Lion That Never Sleeps

Standing sentry at the entrance to the Copley Fairmont in Boston’s stately Copley Square, this golden lion has been greeting visitors with nobility and grace for as long as I can remember. Lions are plentiful in Boston, and I love spotting them scattered throughout buildings and architecture, from the top of the Old State House to the pair of peaceful stone giants framing the staircase of the Boston Public Library. There are less famous lions, and one of my favorites is in this front corner of a private residence in the South End

All of these lions remain stoic and silent, a lesson in stillness and power. While the winter rages and the summer burns, they stand unbothered and unburdened by the maelstrom around them. In that respect, I long to be like these lions.

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A Troye Sivan Appreciation Post

Troye Sivan has been featured as a Dazzler of the Day in this post from a couple of years ago, so today’s feature is just a little form of further appreciation for their talents. Unsure of whether they’re the new official face/body of Calvin Klein, perhaps this should be an official audition in the event that they’re not. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Nick Offerman

Most of us know Nick Offerman as a force of sly, comedic genius, but that doesn’t always translate to remarkable dramatic work, as many actors have proven over the years. His recent turn on that episode of ‘The Last of Us’ has proved a veritable revelation, illuminating the sublime talent that has been at the heart of Offerman’s career. (His tender rendition of ‘Long Long Time’ is already one of the most riveting moment of television I’ve ever watched.)

Joining his ‘Last of Us’ onscreen partner Murray Bartlett as Dazzler of the Day, Offerman earns this crowning for a richly varied career and ongoing enthusiasm for all his crafts. To that end, Offerman is a Renaissance man in the truest sense, he sings and plays guitar, he performs on stage and writes, his latest book being ‘Where the Deer and the Antelope Play’, and he continues to indulge in his passion for woodworking. Check out his enchanting website here, where this is also a schedule of his upcoming live performances

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Don’t F&ck with Madonna on My Time

Words from the Queen:

“It was an honor for me to present Kim Petras and Sam Smith at the Grammys. I wanted to give away the final award which was album of the year, but I thought it was more important that I introduce the first transgender woman to perform at the Grammys – a history making moment!! And she won a Grammy too! Instead of focusing on what I said in my speech thanking artists like Sam and Kim for their fearlessness, many people chose to only talk about close-up photos of me taken with a long lens camera who would distort anyone’s face by a press photographer!!
Once again I am caught in the vortex of ageism and misogyny that pervades the world we live in.
A world that refuses to celebrate women who have hit 45 and feel the need to punish them if they remain strong, willing, hardworking, and adventurous.
I’ve never apologized for any creative choices I’ve made or the way I dress or look and I won’t start. I’ve been degraded by the media since the beginning of my career, but I understand that it’s all a test and I’m happy to be pioneering in that field too so that all the women behind me have an easier future.
As Beyonce would say you won’t break my soul
I’m looking forward to many more years of subversive behaviors, pushing boundaries, facing the patriarchy and most of all, enjoying my life.
Bow down my bitches!” ~ Madonna

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The Brightest of Mocktails to Stave Off Winter

This is that miserable time of the year when any and all sorts of trickery to get through the winter are actively employed, such as in this spur-of-the-moment lavender mocktail. (Lavender is all the rage these days.) I squeezed a bunch of limes and a lemon to form the tart base, then tempered it with some sweet lavender syrup, and added some mint seltzer to top it off. (The latter was just some plain seltzer that I let sit with a few bags of mint tea submerged.) It was an ode to summer – when all those ingredients would be in ready and happy supply, some of which could be culled directly from the garden in the case of the lavender and mint. 

I added some vodka to the proceedings for our recent dinner guests, so it can be made however you want or desire – for me, the vodka wasn’t missed, as it was the flavor that brought me back to those sunny days. Garnished with twists of lemon and lime, it was a little reminder that summer will return.

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Tale of the Target Tweet

Sometimes an entire story can be told in a single tweet.

Is it meta to do a blog post of a tweet, and then tweet out the blog post?

Or is it just FaceBook

Impressive Insta.

Tik Tok we don’t stop. 

 

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Meditation Upon A Rose

The rose has found itself celebrated and beloved in these parts, thanks in part to the most basic floral interpretation of its existence, its namesake in other situations, and its fragrance in still more variations. Today’s glory goes to the rose in its stone form: rose quartz. 

When I meditate, I hold this specimen in my hand. It takes up the full palm, and it is heavy and substantial. It is a grounding totem, literally and figuratively, and though I don’t place much actual faith in the power of crystals, I do believe there’s something to the practice if you truly believe. In other words, if we think that holding a certain stone will lead to something (in the case of rose quartz, it is said to emit vibrations conducive to love, joy, and healing) perhaps it’s not the stone working some sort of magical spell and more a case of we as humans manifesting those things through intention and unconscious propulsion toward those states. 

Practically, it is a focal point for my meditations – an object I can hold in my hand and feel whenever the mind starts wandering. Sometimes, a simple and singular focus is all one needs to keep a meditation on track and achieve that slightly-absent-minded state of blankness and stillness and peace. 

Rose quartz is also imbued with some happy memories for me. It was an early gift from Andy, when we were first dating, given as much to symbolize our love as it was for its healing aspects. Whenever I had doubts or worries, I’d hold onto that stone and work to calm my heart and quell my anxiety. Was it the stone working its power or was it my intention bringing it to fruition? Who can say and why does it matter? It brought me peace then, and it brings me peace now. 

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Putting the Kettle On

“The purpose of art is to lay bare the questions that have been hidden by the answers.” ~ James Baldwin

For twenty years, this website has spilled my personal tea, while occasionally commenting on pop culture, LGBTQ+ culture, Madonna culture, and often nothing cultural at all. In preparing for its 20th anniversary (coming in March!) I’ve been going through some previous posts and found a few that I feel are worth sharing again. Pull up a chair, plop down on the couch, or go full tilt back on the bed and see if anything sounds interesting. I’m putting on a pot of tea and getting cozy and comfortable with this spot of ‘Tea for Two’ as we take a little trip down memory lane… 

 

Those links go back many years, and much of this website gets lost and buried in the passage of time. Here are a few more that have been posted more recently, because it’s usually more interesting to deal in the here and now than the past and previous.

Feeling my years – a way of bridging the past and present

Forty years into her game, Madonna is going on tour again.

How a year begins.

Burning it all down: the first ring of fire.

Burning it down again: the second ring.

Tea time with Dad.

Empty rooms of a young heart.

How to make the whole place shimmer.

The room for meditation and tea.

Bet I made you look.

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A Recap Spanning the Two Full Months of Winter

We have made it to the last full month of winter, and this recap straddles the only months that contain winter in their entirety – next month contains the first few days of spring, so let that inspire you to carry on through the next couple of weeks. Yesterday brought a Full Snow Moon, which I and several friends and family have been feeling for longer than a day. Let’s push forward through this winter – on with the recap.

That lavender haze inspired by Taylor Swift and Tom Ford

A candlelight date with my husband.

A fruitful February, and a few from the past.

This hour of television absolutely wrecked me, in the best possible way. 

Still practicing the polish and poise

Good friends are the main ingredient of a good dinner party. 

Dark but just a game.

A little song for winter.

Hunkering down in hygge.

Mirror gazing.

On the nature of daylight.

Dazzlers of the Day included Matt Friend, Sam Smith, Chris Salvatore, Austin Wolf, Pedro Pascal, Christopher Griffin, and Murray Bartlett.

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On the Nature of Daylight

Several years ago I was introduced to the music of Max Richter, and since then it has enriched my more contemplative moments, providing an extension of the miraculous sense of stillness somehow rife with movement. Not unlike the gorgeousness of the work of Philip Glass, its richness is in its layers and motifs, holding the breath and soul still when all the world wants to do is rush and rattle. The title of this post gets its name from the piece below, which was used to sublime effect in that heartbreaking episode of ‘The Last of Us’ that everyone is talking about. 

The repetitive undulation at work here works in a meditative fashion, lulling the listener into a sense of peace, and calming the restless wanderings of the mind. It’s more difficult to tame the heart, but this can work on that as well if we let it. Some people take issue with the repetition – I find it comforting, and the ultimate illustration of the human spirit: no matter how many times we get beaten down, no matter how many times we get disappointed, we keep coming back for more, we keep getting up and trying again. There is nothing more human than that, and in our efforts I find grace and humility and love. 

There have been moments when I’ve wanted to give up on us as a species, when I watch the news and see how awful humans can be to one another, but eventually and always they are supplanted by a story or a thread of hope in some small act of goodness one of us has done for another, and I find the fight to keep going, to keep trying, to keep living and doing some little bit of goodness in return. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Murray Bartlett

Fresh off what is already being called the most powerful hour of television this year in ‘The Last of Us’ – Episode 3, Murray Bartlett is no surprise or revelation to those of us who have been admiring him for years. His riveting turn in the first season of ‘The White Lotus’ was responsible for putting it on the map just as much as Jennifer Coolidge, and his appearance on ‘The Last of Us’ is one of a long line of memorable performances. Now he can add Dazzler of the Day to his ever-expanding pantheon of accomplishments.

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