Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

All These Junes…

All too briskly, June has bonded toward its end and we have already arrived at the start of July. Summer moves quickly and waits for no one. That doesn’t mean I won’t try to still its march and slow its roll. Hence this post, which looks back the Junes that came before. I’m not quite ready to let go of that glorious month, and at only thirty days it feels like we owe it one more. That January gets thirty-one seems criminal if it could have been tacked on here. 

June 2010: Thirteen years is a long time – revisiting this June feels remote and lovely. 

June 2011: Recent Supreme Court rulings have many of us rightfully concerned about marriage equality, which means we might be going back to 2011, and before. 

June 2012: Pride was all the rage in June, and happily it remains so.

June 2013: The best Junes are often those in which nothing but summer happens. 

June 2014: Summer vacations and Tom Daley in a Speedo.

June 2015: Flowers and frills and more flowers.

June 2016: Summer salads and nakedness and movies. 

June 2017: Sunsets, Speedos and sweet summer perfumes.

June 2018: We took this summer off, but it still had some good entries.

June 2019: Boston in the summer and days by the pool.

June 2020: Foodstuff, flowers and fluff.

June 2021: Olympic glory, dazzlers and Madonna.

June 2022: A shepherd’s pie of summer posts. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Priyanka Chopra Jonas

In front of many a strong man is a stronger woman, and while this website has thus far only celebrated the Nick Jonas half of this entertainment power couple, it is Priyanka Chopra Jonas who earns this Dazzler of the Day. As an actress, singer, film producer, writer and philanthropist, she is one of India’s most renowned and beloved celebrities. She has been making motions for worldwide domination with recent films and series such as ‘Quantico’, ‘Baywatch‘, ‘Isn’t It Romantic’, ‘Citadel’ and ‘Love Again’. Her upcoming work ‘Heads of State’ finds her joining John Cena and Idris Elba for an action film, but that might be a cakewalk compared to her latest role as mother. 

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Downtown Roses

How strange it should be that my major doses of roses this summer have come not from my own garden, or some countryside stand or greenhouse, but rather from a few bushes in downtown Albany which have been blooming their heads off for the past week or so. Such a sight has given life to my lunchtime strolls, and is a reminder that flowers can offer emotional sustenance in the deepest and darkest of downtown corners. 

My relationship with the rose is as basic as anyone else’s, and though we don’t bother with growing them anymore (Andy and I gave up because we don’t have any extra space, or the additional effort the successful cultivation demands) we still love them. In fact, a bouquet of them stands in our den at the moment because I pick them up for Andy from time to time as I know how much he adores them. They remind him of his mother, and so they carry a sentiment that is worth keeping. 

These roses are located in a little corner garden right on Broadway in downtown Albany, where they provide a happy sight to office workers out on lunch or a break – should they choose to stop and smell them. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Sidharth Malhotra

After an auspicious start as a fashion model, Sidharth Malhotra quickly and sensationally made the jump to acting, where he has crafted a passionate worldwide following for his television and film appearances. including the upcoming  film ‘Yodha’ and web series ‘Indian Police Force’. This marks his first Dazzler of the Day crowning, in a happy year that started off with a much-ballyhooed wedding. 

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Top Twenty Madonna Timelines

You may have heard that this is the 20th year of ALANILAGAN.com, and as such I’m going to start culling a few ‘Top Twenty’ lists from the archives in celebration of such a milestone. (Who knows if I might make to another?) We’ll begin with one that is close to my musical heart: the Top Twenty Madonna Timelines. (These are not in any strict order, as it’s too difficult to rank that, they are just twenty notable timelines.)

The Madonna Timeline has been a regular installment here wherein I dissect a specific Madonna song (chosen randomly by the ‘Shuffle’ feature) and go into whatever memories or background I have of the song, when it was released, and/or what it has come to mean to me over the years. For a long time, I could date my life based on what Madonna era was happening, but failing memory and lack of indelible career moments have largely left that in the past. Here’s a reminder of some of my favorites.

1. Drowned World/Substitute for Love ~ This is my favorite Madonna song (with the caveat that such a preposterous proclamation is always subject to change – but this one has stayed at the top of my list since it came out in 1998, and as much as I adore her I don’t see Madonna topping this one anytime sooner or later). The opening track of her best album to date (the miraculous ‘Ray of Light’) this song ushered in one of the greatest Madonna eras ever. It was once again about the music, and this music came with layered nuance, lyrical poignance, and introspective grace. It was an emotional reckoning, highlighted by this compelling track, which seduces the listener with a calm and languid beginning then ruminates on the price of love and fame and the search for something more before culminating in one of the most powerful bridges she has ever written.

2. Vogue ~ Madonna has always been about fun and glamour, and nowhere is that more evident than in her classic anthem ‘Vogue’. From the opening command of ‘Strike a pose!’ to the quasi-rap litany of Hollywood royalty, this is Madonna at the crux of fabulous and campy in an ode and an invitation to the gay balls of the late 80’s. It also inspired a major timeline sprinkled with Oscar Wilde quotes and gay memories galore.

3. Like A Prayer ~ The rarefied upper-echelon of Madonna’s catalog contains many iconic moments and the crowning jewel of her musical oeuvre has to be ‘Like A Prayer’. For substance, style, and transformative musical transcendence, this remains Madonna’s most majestic move, and it has endured for decades with good reason.

4. Erotica ~ Sex and sin and seduction, oh my! A turning point in Madonna’s career formed a valuable and necessary life-lesson for me, laying the groundwork for my own creative expression. 

5. Turn Up the Radio ~ Losing oneself in a pop song is one of Madonna’s most enduring hat-tricks, and a large reason why some of us have never been able to quit her. ‘Turn Up the Radio’ starts off as a stellar slice of escapist pop music, until you realize by the bridge she is desperately doing all that she can to simply survive (“We gotta have fun, if that’s all that we do”).

6. Rain ~ Forging the heart of the gorgeously-icy ‘Erotica’ album, ‘Rain’ was part of a pivotal moment in my life – and may have actually saved it

7. Rebel Heart ~ At this stage in her career and life, Madonna has nothing left to prove, but an air of defiance imbues the title track of the under-appreciated-if-chaotic ‘Rebel Heart’ album. It’s a bit of a look-back and reassessment of “all the things I did just to be seen” while refusing to be anything other than the rebel she has always embodied.

8. Crazy For You ~ One of my very first crushes forms the narrative portion of this Madonna Timeline, and for that reason it holds a special place in my heart.

9. Secret ~ The Madonna song that will forever be linked with the memory of the first man I ever kissed, ‘Secret’ is heartbreaking on a personal level, and healing in the same way.

10. You Must Love Me ~ Though I was semi-stalking a young man at the time this song came out, ‘You Must Love Me’ eventually became the command that came true, as the object of my affection way back then ended up becoming a lifelong friend.

11. Music ~ When it comes to fun, nobody does a better bop than Madonna. From ‘Holiday’ to ‘Spotlight’ to her millennium-opener ‘Music’, she knows how to craft a catchy and infectious tune. Coupled with the first few months of dating Andy, this song informs one of the happiest times in my life.

12. Express Yourself ~  Another moment in Madonna history is also one of the most self-empowering songs ever written, and this take-charge anthem is a potent blast of pop perfection (cue the horny horn break).

13. Ray of Light ~ Exploding out of the spring and summer of 1998, the lead track to Madonna’s greatest album ‘Ray of Light’ is a roaring revelation of celebratory abandon and realization – the zenith of Madonna’s dance-pop evolution, even if she had no hand in actually writing the song. The timeline is always a fun memory, as it brings me back to a night in Boston when, fueled by a cocktail of something called ‘Liquid Cocaine’, I sped through Copley Square on roller-blades with a long black cloak flowing in my wake.

14. Messiah ~ Despite her ‘Something to Remember’ collection, Madonna has never truly been appreciated for her ballads, which is criminal, as they form the compelling contrast and anchors of so many of her albums. This selection from the somewhat-messy ‘Rebel Heart’ opus echoes other brilliant balladry such as ‘Falling Free’, ‘Promise to Try’, ‘I’ll Remember’ and ‘I Want You’.

15. True Blue – An ode to old-fashioned romance and sweet, hopeful innocence, this frothy confection of ear candy goes down easy and rekindles a simpler time in life.

16. Live to Tell ~ The best songs of Madonna transcend the limitations of pop music, allowing multiple readings and layers of interpretation. ‘Live to Tell’ hints at secrets and betrayals, survival and destruction, and is one of Madonna’s most serious and powerful ballads.

17. Secret Garden ~ Closing out the sexual kaleidoscope of ‘Erotica’, this glorious glimpse of a metaphorical musical garden found flowering and fruition and little to nothing to do with fucking. A precursor to cocky clickbait.

18. You’ll See ~ Turning romantic tragedy to independent triumph, ‘You’ll See’ was pegged as the ‘I Will Survive’ of its day, and it came at a time when my own romantic adventures were just beginning.

19. Survival – Opening her deceptively-soft-focused ‘Bedtime Stories’ album (one of the most unexpectedly-pivotal albums in her career, lowering expectations as it repositioned her as an artist who would endure rather than burn-out in a blaze of glory) this track and timeline found both Madonna and myself in a fascinating state of flux.

20. Material Girl ~ Where it all began for me.

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Things My 47-Year-Old Body Can’t Handle Anymore

Please God may this not be an ongoing feature, but for the moment it’s Buffalo chicken wings. Andy introduced me to the glory of the Buffalo chicken wing back when we met twenty-three years ago, and in my mid-twenties my stomach could handle them with nary a gurgle.

Fast-forward to today, and I need two solid days (and as many bowel movements) to recover from eating a batch of them. No matter how healthy I trick myself into thinking they might be (because celery sticks) I simply have to face the sad fact that a fried piece of chicken doused in hot sauce and blue cheese dressing will never be good for me. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Dan Amboyer

Currently starring in the Barrington Stage Company’s production of ‘Cabaret’, Dan Amboyer earns his first Dazzler of the Day crowning thanks to an impressive theatrical career, with turns in such classics as ‘The Tempest’, ‘Godspell’, ‘Dido and Aeneas’, ‘As You Like It’, ‘Inherit the Wind’, and The Importance of Being Earnest’. His latest onscreen appearance was in the Neil Patrick Harris Netflix comedy series ‘Uncoupled’ and he recently became a father, so he will likely be booked for the foreseeable future. Catch him here for now. 

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A Preponderance of Pink…

Electric pink, to be precise. 

This shade seems to be all the rage on the nursery scene, as I found a trio of plants employing the not-so-subtle hue and plopped them into the front of our garden near the pool, where their shocking Day-Glo brilliance could best be appreciated. For all my talk of evolving into someone who now finds beauty in the calmer and quieter aspects of the garden, my heart still responds to bold and unabashed colors. 

First up is this gorgeous variety of bee balm (Monarda) on which I am not completely sold just yet; its form has been a little too compact and crowded for my taste (and for its own, as it seems to already be succumbing to mildew rather early in the season for such things). We shall see how it plays out the rest of the year, and whether it comes back at all next year. For some reason the last Monarda I planted did not make it through the winter.

Next up in the pink parade is this pretty petite petunia, whose petals are perfectly perimetered by green. A hard ‘G’ might ruin the sentence I had going, but visually it’s a knock-out. 

Finally, a twist on the purple and blue salvia that proves so deliciously irresistible to hummingbirds (if and when they show up – haven’t seen any this summer yet). This one will hopefully call out to those exquisite creatures, beckoning them with its bold color combo and offering sweet succor for their dainty little tongues and beaks. 

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Dazzler of the Day: J. Harrison Ghee

Fresh off their Tony win as Best Leading Actor in a Musical, J. Harrison Ghee earns their first crowning as Dazzler of the Day. With an acclaimed performance in ‘Some Like It Hot’, Ghee is burning up the Broadway boards, which should come as no surprise to those of us who have followed their incendiary career, including on-stage appearances in ‘Kinky Boots‘, ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’, and ‘Chicago’. I can’t wait to see where they will take us next.  

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The Place with the Yellow Flowers

Like clockwork, the bright and sunny blooms of the evening primrose (Oenothera fruticosa) appeared almost to the day that summer begins. Also known as sundrops, these plants have a grandly exuberant flowering right now, and will occasionally repeat the show in smaller scale as the summer progresses. (Such floriferous behavior often wears itself out in this first showing, so enjoy it now as a second show is not always guaranteed.) 

They bring to mind this song about “the place with the yellow flowers” which kicked off our summer season here a couple of years ago. When toying with a theme to get my head around this summer, I found my memory jogged all the way back to 1990, but that feels like an undertaking to which I may not have the time, stamina, or ambition to properly commit. It was probably one of my most favorite summers ever, and in some way I’ve tried to return to it too many times to have it mean much at this point. 

In the meantime, there is all this sunniness, coming from the ground up, as storms and showers line the foreseeable future in the sky. Summer has begun in restless and uncertain terms, so I’m taking the sunniness wherever I may find it. 

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Taking the Rain

The rain came down the rain came downThe rain came down on meThe wind blew strong and summer’s songFades to memory
I knew you when i loved you thenIn summer’s yawn now helplessYou laid me bare you marked me thereThe promises we made…

The first time I ever watched the George Cukor classic ‘The Women’ was on a lazy summer day, when it was too hot to stay outside, so I flipped through the channels of the television and this black and white movie came on TCM. Knowing it had inspired various fashion designers over the years, I settled in for the afternoon and watched the travails of Mary Haines and her female cohorts (with one of my favorites, Rosalind Russell, battling Joan Crawford for a meal of scenery). The bottle of perfume that forms a pivotal plot point for discovery was named ‘Summer Rain’, a name that has gone largely forgotten in favor of the more pointedly named ‘Jungle Red’ nail polish. 

Tonight we are being deluged by rain, and so I was put in mind of the movie, and this song, which has nothing to do with the movie, but is from a summer-themed album ‘Reveal’ by R.E.M. That collection contained the more-overtly-related ‘Summer Turns to High‘ and the glorious ‘Imitation of Life‘. 

I used to think as birds take wingThey sing through life so why can’t we?We cling to this and claim the bestIf this is what you’re offeringI’ll take the rain i’ll take the rain
The nighttime creases summer schemesAnd stretches out to stayThe sun shines down you came aroundYou loved the easy days but now the sunThe winter’s come i wanted just to sayThat if I hold i’d hoped you’d foldOpen up inside, inside of me

Most of the favored songs for summer are upbeat and effervescent and hopeful. That’s what summer is supposed to be – sunny and light and airy. That leaves out the darker underside, and somehow the more beautiful and somber shades of summer. It’s here in this song, here on this rainy evening, in which I take my own version of ‘Summer Rain’ down from the shelf, ‘Un Jardin Apres la Mousson’ by Hermes – which translates to a garden after the Monsoon – and spray a little on before bed. 

Far from waking from thunder, I’ve always slept better during the rain, in or out of Hermes

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Dazzler of the Day: Sandra Bernhard

Late in the night during one of my teenage years she came to me. Flipping through the channels, I paused as this red-haired force of nature chewed the entire screen up with a fascinating amalgamation of song, comedy, stories, acting, and brilliance. This was Sandra Bernhard in her iconic show ‘Without You I’m Nothing’ – one of the first introductions some of us had to the wit, bravado, and bold magnificence of this performer, and reason alone for naming her Dazzler of the Day. She created worlds upon worlds of emotion and pathos and thrilling comedic relief, taking us right up to the edge of all that was known and familiar, then gleefully tossing us all over it. I fell for her then and there, and it’s been a lifelong love affair ever since. She is busier than ever, appearing on stage and screen and radio and album – and her summer schedule has her popping up in all the classic LGBTQ+ destinations, starting with San Francisco and Provincetown. Check out her website here for more info on all the things she has brewing. 

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A First Recap For Summer 2023…

… and an invitation for you to follow my ass on Instagram here. (Hence the Insta-grid snapshots.) My Twitter account needs to go if the current management is going to remain, and Instagram may be the social media fix I need to fill that void. 

As with spring, summer begins in not-so-fine roller-coaster fashion, but right at the moment of this writing it is sunny (following several spells of rain, sometimes hard, sometimes light) so I’m focusing on the light when it’s here, and presenting this initial recap of summer in positive form. 

As Norma Desmond once rightly proclaimed: “I can say anything I want my eyes!” In this instance my eyes said STFU.

Speaking of Norma Desmond, her original incarnation played a glorious part in this caftan-centric post

A bohemian summer begins with some skinny dipping.

Scattering summer wishes to the wind.

A walk in the summer garden.

The second night of summer is sometimes more magnificent than the first.

The marvelous mandevilla, appreciated at long last.

Pride still matters, and likely will for the rest of my lifetime. 

My old-school summer playlist goes way back. (This shit used to go on cassette tapes!)

Where water and sun collide, even if it’s just in the mind. 

A Sunday night post by candlelight.

Dazzlers of the Day included Chad Putman, Zane Phillips, Brian Buzzini and Samantha Parker.

PS – Follow me on Instagram. (Take a chance! Be a woman!)

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Candlelight in the Attic

Lately I’ve been pushing myself to stay up to midnight to get in the Wordle of the day before I fall asleep. On a streak now of 105, I’m half-terrified of missing one, and half wishing I end this streak so I won’t be staying up to midnight. The silly pressures of a day. The silly things we force upon ourselves. And so here I sit, ensconced in the attic, where I have a single candle burning and lending an element of coziness to counteract the chill of the air conditioning unit in the window. Writing around the midnight hour usually leaves much editing and revising for the following morning, but I’m not going to bother. It’s my blog and I’ll fuck shit up if I want to. Like ending a sentence with a proposition. Or starting a sentence with ‘like’ or… well, ‘or’. Yes, I shall leave this post alone, foibles and artistic license/abuse and all. 

Maybe I should do more writing like this, to show what really traverses the frayed connections my brain is barely capable of making these days and nights. I once shared my struggle with social anxiety with a friend and they expressed great appreciation and relief that someone so seemingly not anxious about things could be so debilitatingly afflicted. It dawned on me that maybe my image does in fact overshadow the reality of my limits. Revealing it doesn’t feel like giving something up as it once did. Quite the contrary – it feels emboldening, as if all those years of pretending might have actually coalesced into something genuine; I have in fact been able to build a belief in myself that might have been false at first but has since become real with a lot of behind-the-scenes work. 

If you were perched in one of the pine trees or maples outside the window, you would glimpse a light in the attic – part candle, part lap-top, part reflection – and you might wonder at what the occupant is doing up at such a late hour, even on a weekend in summer. I wonder too.

“How much good inside a day?
Depends how good you live ’em.
How much love inside a friend?
Depends how much you give ’em.”
Shel Silverstein, ‘A Light in the Attic’

On this night, in the spirit of the Zen-like series ‘Mad Men’, we shall close with a song to roll over the end-credits. It’s basic, it’s a cliche, it’s a classic, and it’s summer. It’s all surface and all deep, still water. It’s a secret and a revelation. When two people share all their hopes, all their dreams, all their love… 

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Dazzler of the Day: Samantha Parker

Realtors have to be the most seductive people on earth because their jobs and livelihoods depend upon winning people over. (Confession: I’ve fallen prey to their unintentional charm at least once.) Behind any successful seduction, however, a bit of genuine heart is required, as most of us eventually wise-up to the rest. Taking such care into finding homes for others, Samantha Parker earns her first Dazzler of the Day for putting her heart into her job, while expanding and searching for her own purpose in the city of Albany. 

What is most intriguing to me is her mission-without-a-mission-statement for an ongoing/upcoming/ever-evolving project she terms #TheHeartOfAlbany. “My heart has changed courses a couple of times,” she begins on the intro page, and my own heart thrills at someone who can be open and honest enough to acknowledge and face changes as they come, be they difficult or trying or initially-unwanted. The idea she is working on is in its incubation stages – and that’s always impressive for those of use who won’t try anything out publicly unless we are absolutely sure it will work. I admire that courage and audacity. If you’re looking for a home, or simply for some inspiration, spirit and sparkle, check out her website here along with her opening salvo for #TheHeartOfAlbany excerpted below. 

What is #TheHeartOfAlbany?

A project or a hobby? I don’t believe it will be anything earth-shattering. With the exception of daily journaling and the occasional social media posts, I don’t really write. So what is this? I tried something a few years back with #TheHeartOfAlbany that never really lifted off because I overthought it. Typical. “Analysis paralysis”, as my friend Eric Meissner would say. At that time, #TheHeartOfAlbany consisted of long form video interviews with the feel and style of who knows what. I had a vision a long time ago while majoring in communications at UAlbany that I would interview people for “the scoop” by asking poignant questions, digging deeper into understanding them so they’d share their soul. Much like Oprah, I have always admired her, (we would be besties). In my mind, that sounded good yet it didn’t happen that way in these videos. BTW – Shout out to Alejandro del Peral and Tom Nardacci. They rolled with me at my first attempts, they trusted me. People will say “yes” when you ask for help, especially when its to share their passion. Long form videos take a lot of time and resources, so the project soon became a hashtag of home sales in the area along with places I found interesting in my travels. Not at all what I envisioned it, however I didn’t want it to fade.

So here I am, a few years later trying not to overthink the #HeartOfAlbany + looking to bring it back somehow. Originally, the idea for this was to document local people doing amazing things in our area. “Change-makers” … people passionate about their craft, their work and highlight the impact they were making. I feel like I am being called to try this “thing” again, and heavily. Reflecting that it’s been a 3 years since “the world shut down” (to the day), there could be some correlation.

So, it’s 2023. What am I doing? What are others doing?

If you don’t know me, a vibrancy has always lived inside of me. I have gotten through sooo much in this life. Because of that I have an immense amount of love and compassion for others, have always been an uplifter, an encourager. My nicknames “perky Sam Parker” and “Sam Sparkle” were welcomed because I am mostly cheerful, I smile a lot. I walk into spaces to warm them. During the pandemic I would do FB Live videos with birthday wishes and reading daily excerpts from A Year of Positive Thinking by Cyndie Spiegel, just to spread optimism. To spread hope. Being around people brings life into every fiber of my being so you can imagine I was itching to break out of jail. I do my best to find silver-linings, it always gave me hope and always strengthened me.

So, as I look around at this city right now, in 2023, who is rebuilding this city after some darks days, weeks, months even years, post-apocalypse? I know there are a vast number of people who complain a lot. I am not talking to those people. I am asking if there are others that believe there is great opportunity here who are eager to see this city vibrant again? Are you wondering the same thing? Perhaps you are seeking more for our home too. Are people doing something to restore and/or keep their vibrancy and passion alive here too? If so, I need to find them. Talk to them. Maybe they never left. Maybe they did. Maybe they abandoned their ideas and gave up and are stagnant, or maybe like me they are finding their passion again. Someone out there must know though. I cannot be the only one craving more energy. #TheHeartOfAlbany may not make big waves or reach the masses, but if one story turns into two, two then turns into three… I would be so happy. I have no mission statement, just a heart. And if it leads me to a few more hearts who desire the same things, thats a huge win. Are you someone I should talk to? I am here for it.

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