Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Thirty days hath September, April, June and November…

We’ve reached the last of the latter, so let’s look back at some of the highlights of this past month. It will be remembered in these parts mostly for the PVRTD Project – my first official project in three years, and one which has me hankering to get started on the next. That’s a very good thing. Anyway, the bulk of the PVRTD Promo posts are encapsulated here, so give it a whirl.

Actually, I’m not going to do all that work. Here are the recaps for the month – do your own homework! I have holiday preparations on the agenda…

The first recap included the tail end of October, which is fitting since some of my behind was included in this post as well. 

The second recap consisted of a mask-bound photo and all the requisite perversion one might expect.

For our third recap, we entered the week of Thanksgiving. No going back now.  

Finally, if it seems like we just had a recap, you’re right. Here it is. And another one is on the way in just a few short days. 

I wouldn’t advise taking parenting tips from Joan Crawford, but when it comes to throwing an adult party (or cleaning a bathroom, I suppose) you could do worse than by following her standards. Now that holiday party season is upon us, we need her wisdom more than ever. (The emphasis is everything.)

Joan Crawford on entertaining at home:

 “The best parties are a wild mixture of people. Take some actresses, a bearded painter, your visiting friends from Brussels, a politician, a hairdresser, and then toss them all together. It’s especially important to have all age groups. Of course I wouldn’t want to have hippies come crawling in with unwashed feet, but all the younger people I know are bright and attractive and have something to say and they dress like human beings. Another important party secret is I always add a splash of vodka to everything. Nobody knows and everyone ends up having a wonderful time.”

As we kick into high holiday gear, there are going to be days when we are all this broke-down tube of toothpaste: hanging on for dear life, emptied and exhausted, on the verge of collapse, on the edge of sanity or the bathroom shelf.

At times like this it’s good to remind yourself that this too shall pass. Then get back out there and resume the holiday mayhem and magic. ‘Tis the season!

The coupon flyer arrived like clockwork, and since not many coupons for 25% off the entire order arrive regularly, I bit, even though the hours were limited to 7 AM to 1 PM. I was going to try the day after Black Friday to score some deals at JoAnn’s Fabrics. After over a decade and a half of shopping experiences there, I can honestly and accurately claim that the JoAnn’s Fabric Store in Colonie is the most mis-managed retail operation in existence. I know retail. I worked retail for a number of years. They suck. And I speak from countless visits where the line snaked around the store, two inept people were on the register, and ten workers paraded around the store doing absolutely nothing. 

But whatever, they are such a big company they don’t give a damn about quality service, so I long ago gave up on complaining or changing anything. That’s the mindset you need to have going into that store, unless you want to get really pissed off and angry. I didn’t and I don’t. I arrived, glanced over at the registers and saw one person there, while another worker stood at the door holding a big green balloon and doing nothing else. Completely pointless and a total waste of resources. Totally JoAnn’s Fabric. Like, spot-on brand work. Happily, I wasn’t in a rush. It was 7:15 AM on Saturday, and I had nowhere to be or go. I ran into about eight more workers on the floor. A line was already forming in the fabric section. Thank God I didn’t need any fabric. 

I took my time perusing the doorbusters and stuff, seeking out garland for the upcoming Boston Children’s Holiday Hour. I found some, along with some gifts for my niece and nephew, and made my way leisurely to the register. I passed a harried-looking woman who had stopped right before the register section Walking past her, I sensed she was pissed – but hey, don’t stop and bend down to look further and expect me to wait for your ass. Sorry. 

Two workers on the registers, and two women in line behind the two already at the counter. 

“I’m in line!” the first one shrieked to no one in particular. “I was with her,” she said pointing to someone already checking out, “But we’re separate so I’m next!”

Like I gave a shit. 

The woman behind me wasn’t having it. “Great, just two days into the shopping season and already an a-hole. I can’t stand this,” she muttered. 

The woman in front of me had a cart full of stuff. “They never have enough registers open,” she said. The woman behind me then launched into a tirade about how the fabric section had a line and no one could get a simple cut of ribbon she needed for an event that morning. I stood between the two of them nodding. It’s JoAnn’s. It always sucks. 

The woman in front of me finally had her turn. It took forever. The lady behind me explained she thought she could just rush in and get the ribbon she needed for her event and this was entirely ridiculous and JoAnn’s just didn’t know how to do anything, and I absolutely agreed. My arms were starting to get tired from holding all the garland and kids’ gifts. Still, I was in no rush, and this woman obviously was. Five minutes later, when a register finally opened (the lady holding the green balloon saw that we were waiting forever and put the balloon down to take a register) I told her to go first. She initially said no, but I insisted and she thanked me. I told her I had nowhere to go and wasn’t in a rush. (Plus, truth be told, I didn’t trust someone whose sole task had been holding a balloon at the door to check me out.)

All in a day at the Colonie JoAnn’s Fabric Store. 

PS – The garland was way overpriced, even with the sale. 

For the most part, I abhor a meme. 

This is one of the exceptions. 

Because I love Pooh.

And the sentiment.

We are in it now.

The 2018 Holiday Season.

Feel the stress! Feel the pressure! Feel the power!

We just had a full moon, and Mercury continues in its disruptive retrograde pattern, so God help us all. 

I’m going in with low expectations in the hope that I will be happily surprised with how well things go. The older I get, the less prone to perfectionism I find myself, which makes everyone around me much happier. On to the week that came before…

Naked male momentum.

Fine fitness by Roger Frampton.

Albany made beautiful. 

The work of a Pervert. 

A day of extra-special thanks.

Turkey-lurkey, goosey-loosey.

Finally got to see ‘Come From Away’ on Broadway. 

A weekend in NYC with Mom, Dad and Andy. 

How to get through the holidays: press pause. 

All soup, no nuts. 

The Tailspin Cocktail – a new holiday favorite. 

These #TinyThreads made for fun interludes.