Me, to a co-worker decked out in a plaid flannel smock with pockets and ruching: “You are checking all the boxes to piss me off today.â€
Author Archives: Alan Ilagan
February
2019
February
2019
The Hate Debate Over Adam Levine’s Nipples
We are definitely living in a toxic internet land. Once upon a time one could make an innocuous shirtless post about Adam Levine and have a few of his fans write something fun and nice and everyone would call it a day. Those who didn’t find Mr. Levine their cup of tea moved on without comment, because why would they even bother with something that didn’t interest them? Not so anymore. This post about Adam Levine performing at the Super Bowl, and this subsequent post about his shirtless appearance at said bowl, garnered some of the most polarizing views on any of my posts. (Let it be said that these were superficial shirtless posts – that’s sort of the point of the ‘Shirtless Male Celebrities‘ category. It’s not that deep.)
It did, however, bring up a more serious consideration in light of Mr. Levine baring both his nipples in his shirtless portion of the program.
A number of years ago, Janet Jackson was basically stoned for baring one half-second of a single nipple at the Super Bowl halftime show with Justin Timberlake. I posted the comment that it was a bit of a double standard, hashtagging the whole #FreeTheNipple movement. (Look it up – I’m not here to educate or enlighten – I’m here to entertain myself. Emphasis on myself.) Again, just my commentary on the fact that Ms. Jackson, or any female for that matter, would not be able to get away with showing their nipples during the Super Bowl. Rather than acknowledging this or engaging in a civil conversation, people immediately went into whether they loved it or hated it, whether they adored Adam or abhorred Adam, and suddenly a post on a shirtless Adam Levine was as divisive as political commentary. What the actual fuck?
Now, I’m not saying there isn’t time or space for serious discussion and contemplation here. But on a shirtless Super Bowl shot? If that riles you up so much, and if you have so much anger and annoyance that you simply must comment and piss other people off, then this really isn’t the place for you. Please, stop reading, unfollow and unfriend, block and push off, because I’m not here for that. Calm the fuck down and channel your energy into something better.
Like a mood-killer-filler blog post such as this.
February
2019
A Gratuitous GIF post of Chris Hemsworth
We don’t give Chris Hemsworth enough credit for cutting off his Thor hair and ending up even hotter. If you prefer his longer locks, check out this post, where he joins some shirtless brethren. Or this one where he keeps his long hair and shakes his ample ass for the camera. Or this bulge-tastic post of his, well, excessive crotch bulge. Or this simply shirtless one. The GIFs just keep on giving. (And check out his brother Liam Hemsworth in his underwear here.)
February
2019
Who Would Do Such a Thing?
People never fail to disappoint me.
Take this asshole for example.
They took up two parking spaces for no reason other than, presumably, to be a complete and utter asshole.
This was the busy parking lot of the Honest Weight Coop, close to the entrance, where every space counts, but this person felt they were important enough to merit two.
Shame.
February
2019
A Frosty Recap Made Hot By Adam Levine
The rollercoaster that is Northeast weather took a few ups and downs this past week, and quite frankly my mind is not quite equipped to make sense of it all. On a meteorologically stable day I can be prone to moodiness – throw in temperature shifts of 60 degrees from day to day and you’re looking at the makings of a mental/emotional vortex beyond the imaginings of your mind. Forewarned is fairwarned, especially when fair weather is not on the horizon. On with the Monday recap…
A simple but beautiful bouquet.
More beauty, honest beauty.
A naked James McAvoy in motion.
Virtual Sunday brunch.
February arrived without fanfare, but with a freeze.
Follow these Tiny Threads and keep warm.
A shirtless Adam Levine took it off for his Super Bowl climax.
Hunks of the Day included Bradley Cooper, Kyle Dean Massey, Ty Mitchell, Tyler Curry-McGrath, Aaron Tveit, Wilson Lai, Sean McVay, and Ted Rath.
February
2019
Adam Levine’s Shirtless Super Bowl Climax
It was a dreadfully dull and lackluster first half of the big football show, and for a moment it looked like the halftime show was going to be sucked into the boring proceedings, but right before the end of their performance, Maroon 5 kicked into ‘Moves Like Jagger’ and Adam Levine took off his shirt and showed off his tattoos and necklaces. (I liked the latter much more than the former.) It’s been far too long since Mr. Levine appeared here without some clothing (recall this epic naked ass GIF post). This will go some small way toward rectifying that. (Or visit this post to see some more.)
I still maintain that this is one big-ass double standard. Mr. Levine bared both his nipples, while Miss Jackson got in trouble for baring just one. I blame Justin Timberlake.
February
2019
Super Bowl Jock Mania
My idea of the Super Bowl is the Academy Awards, so this is but a pre-show practice for that main event. There have been years when I’ve been more excited than others (ok, just the one year, when Madonna ran the halftime show) and quite frankly the blush is off the Patriots rose for me, but any opportunity for socially-acceptable gorging on Buffalo chicken dip is reason enough to celebrate in these parts. I’ll add some celery to go with my healthier living of late.
Looking back in the blog, something that is more often irksome than not, I see that there have been a surprising number of football-related posts. Not only for the obvious jockstrap features, but in the Hunk of the Day series and other miscellaneous entries. These are a few (ok, a lot of) examples of how the pigskin runs deep here:
- Super Bowl Spotlight: Rex Burkhead
- Super Bowl Jockstrap Parade
- Super Bowl N0-Pants/No-Show
- Super Bowl Queen
- Super Bowl Gratuitousness
- Super Bowl Cocktail
- Super Hunk: Rob Gronkowski
- Super Naked Justin Timberlake
- Super Bowl Sexy Trio
- Super Bowl Glory Hole
- Super Bowl Commercial: David Beckham Nude
- Bonus David Beckham Link
- Super Selfie Jockstrap Post
- Super Hunk: Julian Edelman
- Super Hunk: Tom Brady
- Super Bowl Halftime Show 2019: Adam Levine
February
2019
One Act Text Play
{The screen lights up on this exchange between Skip and Alan…}
ALAN: Did Tom Brady fuck a goat? What are all the goat references about? Or is GOAT like EGOT but for football?
SKIP: Greatest Of All Time.
ALAN: OMG. Well thank God he didn’t fuck it. Wait, was the goat named Sylvia?
February
2019
Winter Malaise
Discontent.
Ennui.
Rawness.
That pretty much sums up the last few days. Winter has settled in, the polar vortex has sent a magenta chill through the heart of the country, and despite a relatively healthy start to the year, the excitement and thrill of such a change of pace has dulled to a drudge-like burden. Still, we press onward…
Maybe such a malaise is the product not only of the winter season, but of getting older in general. Forty-three years of anything, especially living, can wear away at the wonder of the world. I’m trying to forge inspiration and interest with a new project, yet even that is proving challenging. It’s all about getting in the right mindset and being open to what the universe is whispering. Winter winds simply make it more difficult to listen.
I do my best to center myself. Yoga. Meditation. Burning incense.
I seek quiet and peace in a long, indulgently-hot shower scented with rosewater and accompanied by a candle. Andy delivers a bouquet of flowers – tulips and iris – while a hyacinth bulb in a vase of water is finally coming into fragrant bloom. It’s the closest thing we have to a garden right now.
The White Flower Farm spring catalog arrived a few days ago. I’ve been earmarking pages with ideas and plans, and when I’m done I’ll pass it along to Suzie to see if it sparks her perpetually-put-off dream garden. They’ve got the land and space to do it, but they’ve also got an enormous black walnut that makes things tricky. A raised bed might do the trick; otherwise a bit of research on what plants won’t be bothered by the walnut’s expansive spread will be needed.
That’s how to get through these days: living largely in the mind.
Daydreaming of sunnier scenes.
Winding along the days of winter…
February
2019
A New Jake Gyllenhaal Naked Pic
It’s been way too long since Jake Gyllenhaal has been naked onscreen, and on this blog, so let’s get a glimpse of his new Netflix movie wherein he plays a gay character. And in this scene wears nothing but glasses and a laptop, with a shirtless accessory. Mr. G has been naked here a number of times. Check out those previous nude looks here, here, and here.
February
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
Sometimes the people that are hardest to love are the ones you want to love the most.
February
2019
The Shortest Longest Month: February
I know it’s technically short, but it feels so especially long. Our last full month of winter is upon us. Let’s get it over with – the sooner it starts, the sooner it’s over. This is usually a messy month. Snowstorms and freezing and thaws and birds and dirt and salt… winter’s ugliness at its worst with little hope on the horizon. We try to find comfort in cozy fireside scenes, folding ourselves into a book, dropping into a cup of hot tea, or ducking into a local greenhouse. (If you’re near an indoor botanical garden, what a lovely circumstance!) I tend to find cut flowers even more of a comfort now, and I noticed that the very first cut daffodils of the season are starting to appear in the market – their sunny shades and happy fragrance such welcome harbingers of a spring that still feels so far away.
February holds its own charms, even as it freezes and fusses, throwing snowy tantrums and pouting like a spoiled child. Such is the province of this month, when Valentine’s Day rears its silly head, past Presidents remind us of what used to be a glorious office, and the weather begins the roller coaster of high winter. Here’s a quick look-back at some other February incidents.
- February 2011
- February 2012
- February 2013
- February 2014
- February 2015
- February 2016
- February 2017
- February 2018
January
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
There is no such thing as too much powdered sugar.
January
2019
The Virtual Brunch Experiment
It didn’t quite make sense on paper. A virtual brunch in upstate New York and Florida. Abelskivers, Harvey Wallbanger cake, fried spam, and garlic fried rice. Oh, and Pennsylvania Dutch beets and hard-boiled eggs. Above all else, the Senor Breakfast Sandwich.
When faced with the prospect of trying to bridge the distance between New York and Florida, where Elaine is enjoying warmer temps and (for the most part) sunnier days for the winter, I thought it might be fun to try a virtual brunch and loop her into our Sunday morning chaos. Suzie, Pat, Oona and Milo joined in, as did my parents and Andy, and somehow, in spite of some minor technical difficulties, it worked out better than expected.
Food preparation was key – as was enlisting the efforts of some of the guests. Suzie made not one bundt cake, but two (including the dreamy Wallbanger), and brought her magical egg-frying pan, and some ripe avocadoes. Mom brought her quiche, and Elaine served up some French toast from Florida. Since Dad was in attendance, I also fried up some Spam (which I was told was traditional Filipino breakfast fare – even if he and I had never had it) and a pan of garlic fried rice. I love a savory/spicy dish in the morning, and I have to say that, when fried up right and given some pepper, a piece of Spam is not the worst thing I have ever tasted. Consider it our substitute for bacon and sausage.
My second attempt at abelskivers didn’t go quite as well as the first, mostly because I was being so very precise that first time. That’s the way recipes usually work with me, and why one should be careful for the first few times you’re making something new. Abelskivers also take some finesse and careful timing to do right, so I didn’t quite have it down during a busy brunch. They tasted well enough though, even if their form was less than perfect. (They are not pictured here.)
The FaceTime call with Elaine worked better than expected too, and it was nice to have her join in the festivities since she is always missed during her winter months in Florida. Usually we just count the hours until her return in the spring – this experiment proved another avenue of communication in real time, and sets us up to do it again before the winter ends. We also got a virtual tour of her Florida digs, where it’s warm even when it rains.
As for that next brunch, I’m thinking of something slightly more traditional – maybe a frittata with a big platter of home fries, or these roasted potatoes with their decadent crumble of feta and fresh oregano. Better yet, I may just order a breakfast pizza from the nearby market and call it an easy morning. The best part of brunch is the company, the rest is just gravy. (Oooh, sausage gravy… and biscuits! That may be our next menu sorted.)
January
2019
James McAvoy: The Naked Beast
He is currently appearing in super-buff form in ‘Glass,’ M. Night Shyamalan’s final installment of the tenuous trilogy that began many years in ‘Unbreakable.’ In the second film, ‘Split,’ James McAvoy turned in a stupendous multiple-personality performance that was utterly riveting. There is one insane slow close-up in which you can register his transformation from one personality to the next in terrifying detail. He’s possibly even better in ‘Glass,’ even if the movie doesn’t quite rise to that level of perfection. This time around he convincingly shifts characters in strikingly swift fashion, but with a certain masterful cock of the head or a specific glint in the eye, you always know exactly who “has the light.†Of course, this post isn’t just to honor McAvoy’s acting talents, it’s to give superficial praise and notice to his body. He’s already been a Hunk of the Day here – this is a holder until he officially wins a second go-round at it, and he’s only one nude scene away from that.