Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Hidden & Found in the Forest

I didn’t mean to come upon them. That’s always when you find the best things. They were huddled together in a little clump, rising out of the brown expanse of a leaf-littered forest floor. My eyes picked them out of the forest because back then I could do such things. A single lobelia in a mile-wide meadow was the one thing I would see; a lone lupine on the side of the Thruway as we sped by at 60 miles per hour stuck out like a sore thumb. I’m digressing, moving further away from the memory I want to record here.

It was early June. The end of the school year was upon us, which meant that final exams were at hand too. In those days I didn’t stress much about final exams. If you paid attention and did your work during the year, what more could you do? I usually did well on them. Still, the older I got, the less I seemed to retain, so a look-back was a good idea, even as it pained me. Studying notebooks from the entire year is a big chore, and there’s a point when you can’t do it anymore, when your brain is going to hold all that it’s going to hold, a saturation point that simply won’t allow anything else inside. When I hit that point I stopped and looked out at what remained of the day.

The sun was still slanting through the trees behind our house. It was my favorite time to be out walking in the woods. I hurried down the bank, past the emerging patches of Japanese knotweed, then across a street to another wooded area, up that bank, then down into a slight ravine.

There, in the belly of the forest, in the midst of all the fallen oak leaves, was a nice-sized clump of jack-in-the-pulpit plants. They were part of my childhood lore, when Suzie’s family had them growing happily in front of their house. Each summer I’d study them, fascinated as much by their form as for their endangered status. There were even whispers that they had spread to the point that someone had dug a bunch out and threw them down the bank behind the house.

Now, in the wild, was a tiny collection of them, happily unnoticed by most eyes. I was grateful that I happened upon them. Given their endangered status at the time, I left them alone, content to keep the secret of their location while enjoying the visage they made against the otherwise brown forest floor. It was the perfect study break. Nothing clears the head as well as a brush with the sublime.

The jack-in-the-pulpit plant is a fascinating woodland native. It sends up spikes that unfurl into handsome three-segmented leaves, followed by the ‘flower’ which is a hooded spathe enclosing the ‘jack’ in a cloak of green. If left alone, it will develop a stalk of bright red berries. The specimen shown here was purchased on a whim, in one of those mass-produced plastic bags that contains a sad little dried-up root or rhizome that rarely if ever comes back to life, so I planted it in a shady nook and promptly forgot about it. Other plants took over; a carpet of sweet woodruff, a lacy dicentra, and a hellebore stole the focus, and so the unobtrusive leaves went unnoticed. A couple of years later the spikes emerged and I was pleasantly reminded that it was there. Now it’s a sight to which I eagerly look forward, coming as it does with such pleasant early-summer memories.

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Take Off The Last Thing You Put On

The legendary Coco Chanel had a sage pearl of dressing wisdom: take off the last thing you put on. When heading out for a dressy event, I follow this advice faithfully. In my case, most of my last-minute additions are made in a final moment of insecurity, when in the doubt and excitement of that moment I scramble for one extra bit of sparkle. Taking off that final piece has saved me countless embarrassing get-ups.

For instance, the silly necklace seen here, in all its frivolous glory, was a last-minute addition to a floral suit jacket that was, in itself, more than enough. (Some would consider it too much.) I clasped it, felt the heaviness around my neck, and on the way out heard the voice of Ms. Chanel whispering her words of wisdom. I quickly removed it and hung it around a doorknob for another day. And it worked out splendidly. The jacket was enough.

As in so many other aspects of life, sometimes less is more; elegance is a result of discerned and disciplined editing. Knowing when to stop is an art form of its own.

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A Voice of Hope: Betty Buckley

There aren’t enough accolades or hyphenates to properly convey the wide-ranging brilliance of Betty Buckley. Carving out the start of a rare third act, impressive for anyone in any industry – much more-so for a talented woman navigating the finicky and unforgiving landscape of entertainment – Ms. Buckley has been basically everywhere for the past year – on the big screen in ‘Split’, on the small screen in ‘Supergirl’ and ‘Preacher’, on stage from ‘Cats’ to ‘Sunset Boulevard’ and on countless albums such as ‘Story Songs‘ and the upcoming ‘Hope’. Next week marks her return to Joe’s Pub in a series of shows to highlight the release of her new ‘Hope’ album. I’m still blissfully enchanted by her double-CD of ‘Story Songs’ so this feels like a very happy bonus, and proof that Ms. Buckley has never been one to rest on her laurels; she remains a potent and prolific force, capable of startling transformation and evolution, imbued with a sense of survival rooted in her Texas home and childhood and honed through decades in the entertainment world.

I’ve only had the pleasure of seeing her live a few times – several visits to her iconic residence at ‘Sunset Boulevard‘ and one Andrew Lloyd Webber musical tour in which she was clearly the star, bringing the house down with her extraordinary instrument. In place of that, I’ve feasted on YouTube videos and live recordings that come as close as possible to capturing her magnificent gifts. 

Capable of ranging from the softest coo of a heartbroken meadowlark to the imperious belt of a demanding diva, her voice is divinity transmitted through sound. Lately her music has taken on greater import. Perhaps more than ever, the music that Buckley makes is of vital necessity. In a world darkened by division, where the worst of humanity seems to have been unleashed, her voice and her sentiments present a steely conviction emboldened by beauty, the heart of a survivor tempered by the soul of an artist. Through her remarkable interpretations, she reveals the power of a song to act as a balm upon our collective hurt, hitting some primal chord of how we connect to one another, through empathy, through understanding, through pain and love. The excited trill of a girlish laugh, the throaty growl of a demon-like fury, or the clear, sanguine tone of a note held so pure that it brings tears to the eyes of the lucky listener ~ these are the fertile fields where Buckley’s artistic merits find fruition.

This is a crazy time to be alive, and it sometimes feels like a very sad time as well – but when you need a reminder of all that we can be, the very best that human nature can convey, I listen to Ms. Buckley’s voice, and no matter how tattered and broken we may be, I always find a little bit of hope there.

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Theater Review: ‘The Boys in the Band’

Several weeks ago I saw a local production of ‘The Boys in the Band’ and left sorely unimpressed with it. I’d managed to avoid the movie version all my life based on the roundly negative perception that had been gleaned in the ensuing years of gay evolution, but I didn’t want to go in to the current revival wholly unprepared, so I watched a local troupe do the best that they could.

It felt so dated, so acerbic, so harsh – I didn’t recognize the joy I’ve mostly felt when surrounded by my gay friends. Yet was it the play that was problematic? Or was it my anger and issue with the fact that it was, at its time, an accurate reflection of how gay men lived and were perceived? Or was it my discomfort that some of those very same themes and issues still held true to this day? Whatever the reasons, I went into the current revival – staged fifty years after its landmark premiere – with these doubts hovering in my mind.

Back on Broadway with a thousand-watt cast and pedigreed director, ‘The Boys in the Band’ is one of the hottest tickets in town. The questions that bothered me on first viewing were still in effect, but director Joe Mantello (who lately has been averaging about two directorial pieces per season, and whose previous work includes ‘Love! Valour! Compassion!‘ and ‘Wicked‘) and that perfectly-assembled stellar cast managed to pull off a brilliant feat: bringing back a piece of the past, keeping it faithful to the original material and era, yet somehow making it completely of-the-moment and eerily relevant. (If anyone thinks that our fight was over when marriage equality became the law of the land, check out the vitriol on any number of social media sites. Hatred comes as much from the outside as it does from within.)

Brilliantly-lit and designed, the set is all about surface and reflection – mirrors and glass work to obscure and reveal. As the evening progresses, it gradually gets ravaged, and by the end it’s as messy as all the emotions that have been spilled. The main draw of this production is the cast, and at first I wondered whose star might shine brightest; the good news, and what makes this show work so well, is that they all do. Mantello has insured that each gets a little star turn, but it’s the ensemble work that propels these boys to a greater glory. Working together in finely-tuned nuance and dexterity, they seamlessly weave their own individual tales among the birthday proceedings at hand, flawlessly executing the cadence of the gay world as it exited the 60’s and charged into the 70’s. The sexual freedom on hand portends the arrival of AIDS in the 80’s, which makes this time capsule of gay history especially poignant in a way the original production could not have achieved.

Jim Parsons elicits the complexity and tightly-coiled danger of the evening’s host Michael, gradually coming undone as the night wears on, ending a brief bout of sobriety and giving in to his own demons. His is the rough, wounded heart around which the show delicately revolves. A former one-time paramour, Donald, endearingly played by Matt Bomer, is the first to arrive and set his mind at relative ease. Providing a sweeter foil to the perfectly prickly Parsons, Bomer provides both a calmer presence and some swoon-worthy eye candy (if you want to see him in briefs and briefly naked, it’s worth the price of admission).

Robin de Jesus sparkles and almost steals the show as Emory, deftly devouring the scenery in moments that run from the highest camp to the most lowly pathos, while somehow managing to steer clear of a grating stereotype. Michael Benjamin Washington brings a subdued elegance to his role as Bernard, even as he leaves in tears and regret. The catalyst that provides all the immediate drama is the arrival of Michael’s college friend Alan, the sole straight person in the story, whose overt posturing and derogatory comments belie past secrets operating on multiple levels. Brought to anguished life by Brian Hutchison, Alan may be the most conflicted of them all, a rather stunning reversal of the expected standard order. Birthday boy Harold appears half-way into the evening, but makes perhaps the biggest impression. Masterfully brought to life by a wickedly unrecognizable Zachary Quinto, his feathery, deliberately-cadenced delivery is as delicious as it is diabolical. Wit and sharpness have helped him survive, and all the vitriol that Michael throws at him falls away like so many broken arrows.

As mentioned, each character gets an indelible moment to show-off, and no one is one-note accent, which is quite an achievement. Even the Cowboy (Charlie Carver, in an almost-silent role) makes the most of his few words; his emoting, with the slightest switch in expression in a room of sharper wits, manages to convey innocence, exuberance and earnestness in a performance that is sweeter than it deserves to be.

Portraying a couple perpetually on the verge of a break-up or break-down, Andrew Rannells and Tuc Watkins inhabit Larry and Hank in realistically antagonistic fashion, yet despite the seeming precariousness of their relationship, they ultimately provide the evening’s singular moment of hope and sentiment. In a world that once openly hated us, and in some circumstances still does, the tortured yet honest way they navigate their lives is, in a warped way, one example of how gay people worked to forge their romantic relationships. That’s indicative of this play on a broader scale, and if we don’t see ourselves as readily in these characters, perhaps that’s the best sign of how far we’ve come. Taken as such, the work becomes a celebration. What might outwardly be seen as a sad little birthday party becomes a glorious revelry, thanks largely to the compelling performers who breathe life into a world that has, for better or worse, faded away.

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Fare Thee Well, Miss May

The last day of May is too soon at hand, and with it goes the last full month of spring. That means summer fun is right around the corner, as well as a long-desired break from this blog (for you and me both). Things are moving swiftly in the garden right now, with flower after flower quickly blooming then moving on to the next species. This is the problem with warming up so fast after being cold for so long: plants will rush to make up for lost time, getting it over with sooner than we’d like. Nature likes to keep her appointments.

Case in point was this Kwanzan cherry tree, which had a banner year of blooms. They put on a show for almost a week before being ripped from their branches in a single morning of rain and wind. The petals poured down like a heavy snow, littering the pool and ground with an enchanting layer of pink.

Before they went, however, I captured these shots, freezing them forever at the height of their glory. It’s the only way we have of keeping them. That and these words. Both have power.

Mere memory is fallible.

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Semi-Formal Fabulousness for Pride

Next Thursday, June 1, marks the Semi-Formal event for this year’s Pride festivities in Albany, NY: the GLSEN Gala. It is one of my favorite events, and this year there is a Roaring 20’s Gatsby Theme (which we’ve done a number of times but still isn’t quite old). I love a dressy event, especially one that does so much good in the world. Here’s the info – hope to see you there:

GLSEN-NYCR is proud to present our Roaring 20th Annivsery GLSEN Gala! The black tie is entirely optional but Feather Boas & headbands are strongly encouraged!

Come celebrate a “roaring” 20 years with us, as we continue to fund the Safe Schools Advocacy & Bullying Prevention Work of GLSEN NYCR, right here in the Capital Region of Upstate NY.

Our mission is to ensure that every member of every school community is valued and respected regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression.

Please purchase tickets here, all ticket funds go to GLSEN-NYCR! –> https://donate-newyorkcapitalregion.glsen.org/page/contribute/roaring-twentieth-anniversary

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Valley Bouquet

Lee Bailey was right, as he so often was: it takes a lot of lily-of-the-valley blooms to make a semi-decent bouquet. Fortunately for us (for the most part, with the minor exception of where they’re escaping into the lawn and garden) we have several semi-wild patches of these that have naturalized themselves to the point where we have hundreds of blooms to utilize. To be honest, they’ve proliferated to the point of being a nuisance, but they’re a beautiful nuisance, and at this time of the year they fill the yard with their intoxicating perfume. It was a favorite of my grandmother’s, and they always remind me of her.

I picked these while they were nearing their finish; it will actually divert energy into the root system. Rather than work on setting seed, they will spread by rhizome, popping up through the smallest cracks in a make-do patio. If you want to get a good, healthy clump started, pile on the manure in the fall or winter. They adore it. Leave it out if you want them less robust. One cow’s shit is a lily’s supper. Or, eat shit and prosper. A happy garden is a dirty business.

After amassing all the stems in a simple glass vase, something still felt off. I tried adjusting their placement, but there’s really only so much one can do in this situation, and I’m not quite evolved enough to bunch them in one section as seems to be all the rage in the florist business these days. I realized it was just too formal and monotonous, so I went back outside and plucked a few sets of leaves. It made all the difference.

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Unofficial Summer Start Recap

The unofficial start of the summer season is upon us, and with it the pleasures of the pool extend to the blog. As a Korean lilac spreads its sweet perfume poolside, and a single Rosa rugosa bloom draws focus among the fresh green, I paddle peacefully and pause in the day. A look back at the week that came before…

It began with my review of ‘Dear Even Hansen’ – a show you must see. 

Sky, moon and star.

Praying she makes it

There is beauty in downtown Albany

I caught this Lyft driver texting while driving

A little bauble can make a big difference.

Who wants a break this summer?

Zac Efron filling out a patriotic Speedo

Virtual Ogunquit

I had a dream about Cher.

Hunks of the Day included Ben Platt, Josh Brolin, Troy Pes and Lachlan Carter.

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A Dream of Cher

Who doesn’t love Cher? At one point or another we have all enjoyed one of her songs, one of her movies, or one of her scathing tweets. Personally, I’ve done all three, multiple times. She’s one of those pop culture constants that has nothing left to prove but still manages to make a splash or marker in each of the last five decades. Pretty impressive body of work.

As much as I adore her, I’ve never dreamt about her until last week. It was a remarkably happy dream (most of mine are not). We were in the audience watching Bette Midler in ‘Hello Dolly!’ – don’t ask how we got tickets, or how I happened to be seated next to Cher, but there we were. Strangely, it was Cher who donned the traditional Dolly Levi garb – big feathered hat, tight bodice, flaming red velvet dress – and I was so star-struck by her and her proximity to me that I babbled some nonsense on how big an inspiration she has always been. She seemed touched by my genuine fandom, and grabbed my arm, pulling me through time and space as can only happen in a dream, and suddenly we were inside her beach-house.

A couple of younger guys, who seemed to be transient son figures with their own rooms and section of the house, looked at me warily, annoyed that I had come. Cher was suddenly missing, so I walked around alone, looking out all the windows at where the house was situated on the beach so I could locate it the next day and tell all my friends I had been in Cher’s house.

Eventually she came back, in more casual garb, her dark hair down in loose waves, running a little longer than shoulder-length. A good look for her. I told her how beautiful her house was and she beamed, joining me in looking out at the beach. It was night, but we knew the ocean was there. All we could see was the sand in the immediate house light. What was beyond extended into darkness. It would be brilliant during the day.

She took me on a quick tour of other rooms, but my eyes stayed on the windows, fixated on the beach. I tried voicing my lifelong adoration for her, which I was certain she’d heard a million times before. Still, we each want to connect to our celebrities, to make it known how much they really meant to us, how long and how hard we have loved them. She was gracious, and seemed genuinely touched. I want to believe that. And I wanted to believe the dream.

A fallen bottle of Tylenol in the kitchen woke me to Andy’s late-night maneuvers, and the dream dissipated into darkness.

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Virtual Ogunquit

I planted this Rosa rugosa last year when we couldn’t make it to Ogunquit for Memorial Day weekend. I was hoping its blooms would remind us of the town we so love when we couldn’t be there. This year marks the second time in as many years where we won’t be in Ogunquit for this weekend, so I’m making this post to virtually bring us back to that Beautiful Place By The Sea. It’s the next best thing, and when we’re home-away-from-homesick, this is how we cope.

Lulled by the sea.

Sepia tones.

Holding hands.

Beautiful even in the fall. 

Naked at the beach.

Holding the ocean in our hands.

More fall beauty.

Fall booty. 

Maine woods.

Secret birthday surprise. 

October in Ogunquit. 

The rain in Maine.

Good eats.

To the lighthouse.

A secret garden.

The sun also rises.

Still more eats.

Sea breeze.

Family fun.

A mountain in Maine.

Spring glory.

Friendly faces.

From sweater to underwear.

The hand having writ.

Along the Marginal Way.

Ogunquit beauty.

A garden in bloom.

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Zac Efron’s Freedom Speedo

In anticipation of summer and patriotism, here is Zac Efron in his Freedom Speedo. Mr. Efron is no stranger to being an American hero, as evidenced by similar Speedo posts here and here. And then there’s the All-American act of getting totally starkers for the pleasure of his fans, as he did here and here

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Preparing For Summer Break

Last summer I took my first break from daily blogging in over a dozen years.

It was heaven, even it wasn’t for forever.

I’m doing the same thing this year, extending it from June 20 (or so) into September. That means we’re less than a month away from our big summer break! I don’t use exclamation points lightly around here, so you know this is exciting for me.

It is my intention to do a few sporadic update posts this summer, particularly when whispers of a new Madonna song carry on the wind. I also like the random surprise nature of such a thing, when there’s the likelihood that only a few people will happen upon these unplanned posts. There’s a pleasant aspect of whimsy in the unexpected.

When we return in September, there will hopefully be a reenergized vibe, as there often is upon getting back into the groove after time away. I’m also working on a new project that should be ready for unveiling by late fall (and simultaneously eyeing the project after that, which is how I work best). All in all, this is a time of anticipation – the greatest time of all.

There are a few summer highlights to which I’m looking forward: the world premiere of the ‘Moulin Rouge’ musical in Boston, and my annual BroSox adventure with Skip, also in Boston. In addition, Andy and I celebrate our 18thanniversary in July, and I’ll have yet another birthday in August (already lost track of which one…)

The rest is happily unplanned and unplotted, as befits the season of lounging.

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The Time Has Come For You To Accessorize For Your Life

Sometimes accessorizing is the only thing that gets one though the day.

This little bauble was a keychain I found on clearance at Neiman Marcus while visiting Chicago last year. I attached it to a navy Ted Baker messenger bag because it brought out the aquamarine accents.

Plus it sparkled.

Everything is better with a bit of sparkle.

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Lord Lyft Us Up

I am not someone who is afflicted with road rage. Thus far, I’ve managed to avoid it as successfully as I’ve avoided poison ivy. Mostly due to circumstances and safety (Andy is usually driving me in Albany, and when I go to Boston I tend to zen out at the wheel or channel my inner Broadway diva.) But sometimes, like on Wolf Road when someone is trying to make a left out of Trader Joe’s, or when someone is texting, I find myself veering into rageful territory.

Such was the case when I was following this car the other day. It was going somewhat slow, but, not being in a rush, I stayed behind it. (It’s such a chore to change lanes sometimes.) Anyway, we reached a stop light and came to a halt. When it turned green all the other lanes were moving except ours. Now, I’m honestly not someone who beeps the moment the light turns green. I know people like that. I am not one of them, I promise you. But this was excessive, and after the slow driving I was starting to think the person had fallen asleep. So I beeped. He didn’t jump. He merely looked up from his phone and started driving again, slowly, and going back to, you guessed it, texting.

Some of us pride ourselves on being rebels. God knows I try to be. But there are certain things, laws mostly, that I don’t rebel against. When it comes to safety and driving, I’ve reached the age where it’s not funny. I’ve had my share of speeding tickets, but that’s it, and I haven’t had one of those in about ten years, knock on wood. When it comes to texting while driving, I am adamantly opposed. It’s as dangerous as drunk driving, and just as stupid. So when I see someone doing it (there are tons on the Mass Pike) it truly bothers me. When I see someone do it on Wolf Road, when a car can sneak into your lane without a moment’s notice, I get really irked. When I see someone do it who is driving a Lyft car, well, you get a blog post like this which I’ll tweet out while tagging the Lyft twitter account.

PS – Is that a Fraternity in Christ license frame?

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Downtown Beauty

Working in downtown Albany has its perks. There’s always somewhere new to go for lunch. (Sadly, the turnover for food places is lamentably swift.) There’s somewhere pretty to walk. (Try the path leading from City Hall to the Legislative Building or the River Walk.) And if you look hard enough, you can come upon visages like this: a peek of sky, of cobblestone street, of rich brick building.

Beauty’s where you find it.

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