Some concepts are better left as concepts.
Case in point: avocado fries.
Author Archives: Alan Ilagan
21
October
2018
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October
2018
21
October
2018
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October
2018
Decadent Defiance 2
From ‘The Pink Triangle’ by Richard Plant: “Perhaps the Nazi Party’s most explicit statement on homosexuality is the one it published on May 14, 1928, in response to a query about its stance toward reform of Paragraph 175. It is worth quoting in full:
It is not necessary that you and I live, but it is necessary that the German people live. And it can only live if it can fight, for life means fighting. And it can only fight if it maintains its masculinity. It can only maintain its masculinity if it exercises discipline, especially in matters of love. Free love and deviance are undisciplined, therefore, we reject you, as we reject anything that hurts our nation.
Anyone who thinks of homosexual love is our enemy. We reject anything which emasculates our people and makes it a plaything for our enemies, for we know that life is a fight, and it is madness to think that men will ever embrace fraternally. Natural history teaches us the opposite. Might makes right. The strong will always win over the weak. Let us see to it that we once again become the strong! But this we can achieve only in one way – the German people must once again learn how to exercise discipline. We therefore reject any form of lewdness, especially homosexuality, because it robs us of our last chance to free our people from the bondage which now enslaves us.”
On this bed all the pleasures of the world in a single strand of silk!
All the tease, all the want, all the carnal desire running through the thinnest silken cord, wound round and round, tighter and tighter…
All your fantasies laid bare but for a bit of lace…
Rip it off.
Rip it all off.
Like a second skin, scant shell…
Be savage as you ravage
this body, this bed…
Seduction carries an inherent danger when an imbalance of power exists.
But you like the danger too.
The redness of the skin
The bruising of the body
The trickle of blood and its metallic taste on the tongue.
Like tasting winter…
“Among the homosexuals were exceptional people whose deviance could be called tragic; on the other hand [there were] also cheap hustlers and blackmailers. The prisoners with the pink triangle never lived long. They were exterminated by the SS quickly and systemically.” – Raimund Schnabel
PVRTD
November 2018
The Projects Page
www.ALANILAGAN.com
21
October
2018
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October
2018
Decadent Defiance 1
“Such degenerates have no right to existence in a well-regulated bourgeois society, and they have no gift for doing so. They endanger society to a high degree and they do so as long as they live. Medical science has found no way to cure these victims of an organic disturbance. They should be put away for life…” ~ Richard von Krafft-Ebing, ‘The Deviant Sexual Male Before the Court of Justice’ 
Black and white photographic decadence, captured from a bit in the boudoir, teases and hints at the upcoming ‘PVRTD’ project. Grainy images from a faded television, a glimpse of the past through a present lens, flickering lights, wavering shadows… they each play a part. Darkness descends with the arrival of night.
The strange inherent contradiction of lace – the way it is both cool and warm at once – and the morbid, mourning, passion-filled color of black – the color that contains all colors – and the juxtaposition of sex and death, implored or implied, bleeds into these pre-proceedings.
What the eye detects, what the web of lace conceals, what the fuck is so jarring about the luxury of a night? A rumble in the distance – clap of thunder, dropped bomb, rolling truck – static and fuzz and tension.
An invitation. A hesitancy. A furtive look.
Coquettish innocence armed with a poisoned prick.
Peek-a-boo.
Defiant and compliant, with promises of pleasure and perhaps the palpitation of pain in the face of what is to come. Who will make it through the night?
“These efforts are nothing but vulgar, perverted crimes and we will punish them by banishment or hanging…”
PVRTD
November 2018
The Projects Page
www.ALANILAGAN.com
20
October
2018
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October
2018
When the Day Dims…
There is far too much anger and sorrow on the internet these days. I count myself among those who may not always help the situation, particularly on my Twitter feed in which I do my best to counter all the awfulness and fact-skewing nonsense out there. This blog has largely steered clear of such stuff, unless something really egregious happens. (If certain bigots would stop fucking with marriage equality then everything would be fine.)
Thankfully there are spaces of warmth and safety, places we can visit without the constant barrage of bad news, hateful comments and miserable trolls. I’m still trying to make this one of those destinations. To that end, here’s a pretty sunset from upstate New York.
20
October
2018
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October
2018
Family Fun: A Treasure Hunt for the Twins
Our as-annual-as-we-can-muster-it Treasure Hunt for the twins was staged a couple of weeks ago. That’s when we have our niece and nephew over for a fall treasure hunt around the backyard followed by some hot chocolate with marshmallows. The turning of the seasonal clock finds us inside for the rest of the time, since the pool is too cold to swim and the air and lawn are too damp to play. This year we found an old spell that actually worked, as when we returned to where our Treasure Hunt began, the empty box over which we chanted our incantation was filled with a Halloween surprise. (I’ll let the twins tell that tale themselves.)
As is always the case, the hunt for Halloween treats took far less time than anyone expected (hoped) and soon we were left with sugar-spun kids looking to fill three hours with non-stop entertainment.
The Halloween trick-or-treat bags were a hit, as were the rubber-ball eyes that glowed when they bounced on the ground. These too, though, were forgotten as quickly as the Treasure Hunt and soon more distractions were needed.
As the fun Uncle, it was up to me to occupy the twins’ time with magic and make-believe, and no other place on earth is more amply stocked for just such a demand than our attic. Costumes, accessories, decorations and dreams were all to be found if one took the time to look carefully. The twins are still at an age where those things matter, where a few magical turns in the proper outfit can lead to corridors of enchantment and mysticism, where the land of imagination reigns supreme over the dull trappings of reality and adulthood.
Sometimes that magic finds its way downstairs and onto my own head. If the top hat fits…
{These are the sorts of photos that I will revisit whenever I need a laugh or a smile. I don’t even recall what was going on in them, but I know we were laughing hysterically at every turn. Thanks to Uncle Andy for indulging our demands for a photo shoot!}
20
October
2018
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October
2018
Andy’s Cake Day
If you happen to see Andy (or, even better, if you have his cel number) be sure to wish him a Happy Birthday today. There is enough sorrow and darkness in this world; we need more happy days like this, and we need to make the most of them when they’re at hand. He’s had a difficult few months health-wise, and this is also the time of the year when things get a little sadder with the closing of the pool, the end of the summer, and the anniversary of losing his beloved Mum.
Still, we forge ahead. I’ll do some fall cleaning and make him his dinner of choice. He’s indicated he wants to lay low and not go out, which sounds practically perfect. Quiet birthdays are woefully underrated. Andy has always preferred a non-scene like that. Preparing for winter brings out the meditative mode in us; it’s one of the first things that attracted me to him. On this birthday, I wish him a year of better health and more happiness. I love you, Drew.
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October
2018
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October
2018
Fall’s Edge
Lightly rubbing a crayon over the sheet of construction paper, I concentrate on picking up only the faintest outline of the leaf’s veins. The stronger ones show through, revealing the shadowy image of the inner-workings of this remnant of oak. I don’t know which I like better – the pointy-edged leaves or the rounder ones. Each is beautiful in its own way. The rounded ones have better veining though, giving them the edge.
The school art tasks of fall were the respite I found when feeling homesick or riddled with social anxiety. They were silent activities for the most part, and carried out on solitude – the best kind of task for my frame of mind. The teacher would give instruction, then we’d separate into smaller groups and fend for ourselves with the materials at hand. I liked those moments almost as much as silent reading time (easily my favorite part of elementary school), not only for the creative artistic aspect of the work, but for the safety of being alone. Maybe it’s strange that a boy would feel safer when alone than with a school mate; such was my favored lot in childhood. How close self-possession is to self-obsession. As a child, I was no more obsessed with myself than any other kid was, but I suppose that’s the lot of youth too – thinking only of ourselves to ensure our survival.
Fall saw all the animals scrambling for similar self-preservation. The squirrels and chipmunks have been rounding up their winter stash for weeks. The geese have been making motions of heading south. There is a frantic excitement in the air now that the days have turned over to reveal the full chill of the season. The push and pull of time and tense lends friction to our motion. We have begun the hustle to winter.
19
October
2018
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October
2018
YouTube & Me
Little-known fact: I’ve had a YouTube channel for a few years now.
I just never really did anything with it.
A requisite whale watching video. (Yawn.)
A Madonna video from her Rebel Heart Tour stop in Boston (and one featuring her son David’s birthday).
A gratuitous Speedo swim.
A flowing summer caftan.
A pair of boisterous twins.
A cherry tree shedding its blossoms.
A hint of a new project.
For some reason, YouTube was, and largely remains, just a frivolous afterthought. As much as it trounces all other social media sites, dwarfing even FaceBook, Twitter and Instagram, I just never liked it much. That was my typical Thoreau-like aversion to present day trends and technology. My niece and nephew, however, shamed me into stepping up my YouTube game when they poked fun at the fact that I only had 40 subscribers. If you have to get schooled by a pair of eight-year-olds, you’re already lagging behind. So, let this be my game attempt at posting more videos and shedding another veil. Now please go and Subscribe to my channel to show my niece and nephew that I did make something out of my life!
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October
2018
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October
2018
18
October
2018
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October
2018
The PVRTD Promo Blitz Continues…
The camera catches things the mirror can’t.
The way we hide.
The way we avert our eyes.
We can trick the mirror because we are the one on the other side.
You can’t trick the camera.
It has its own tricks, to be sure, but its gaze is more penetrating than the mirror.
We have control over what the mirror will reflect.
The camera will see us as it sees fit.
We don’t always like what it sees.
Sometimes, we want the lies that only the mirror can tell.
Because yes, it has two sides.
We can believe the lies.
We want to believe in them.
Life is easier when cradled in a cocoon of untruths.
Laura Argiri once wrote in her magnificent book ‘The God in Flight’, “Growing up is the slow process of learning to tell oneself the truth.â€
Forty-three years into this life, I find it may be time to grow the fuck up.
PVRTD
The New Project
NOVEMBER 2018
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October
2018
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October
2018
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
The world would be vastly improved if we still taught children how to write a proper letter, and how to wait for a response.
17
October
2018
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October
2018
Secret Celebrity Stash: SJP
Celebrity fragrances are a dicey bunch. For every exquisite ‘Truth or Dare: Nake’ by Madonna there are five silly bottles of candy water by Britney Spears. Most famous folk just seem to be in it for the money, their eyes turning all shades of violet in the hope of tapping into the cash-creating legacy of Elizabeth Taylor. Every once in a while, however, someone comes along who puts a little more time and care and research into what the world will forever associate with them, and Sarah Jessica Parker has done just that with her successful beauty line.
I was impressed by the way Ms. Parker came off in ‘The Perfect Scent’, Chandler Burr’s telling of the creation of two new perfumes. She was making her debut fragrance ‘Lovely’ and it sounds like ‘Stash’ was her original, albeit slightly too dark and out-of-the-box for the masses, attempt at what she actually wanted to produce. Thankfully, ‘Lovely’ became a smash and ‘Stash’ came along a few years later for those of us whose tastes veer a little dirtier.
Its triumvirate of top notes includes two of my favorites: grapefruit and black pepper, with some sage thrown in for good measure. After they dissipate a more resonant collection of notes comes through: cedar, patchouli, ginger lily and pistachio combine to give it the woody heart that pulls the perfume to a more traditionally-masculine space. It doesn’t quite stay there, however, as the dry down becomes something exquisitely beautiful and unisex – with the sweet and pungent base notes of olibanum, vetiver, musk and Massoia wood. On me, this turns into a rich sandalwood, which also happens to be my go-to for holiday scents (think Tom Ford’s ‘Santal Blush’ and Diana Vreeland’s ‘Absolutely Vital’). It comes into its own during the fall season, when its smoky edge can ease into the coziness of the cooler nights.
This not-quite-linear journey makes ‘Stash’ an impressive addition to the wildly popular SJP Beauty line, and it’s rare to find such gorgeous complexity at an affordable price point. If you find that it doesn’t linger as much as you’d like, there are supplemental items such as the hair mist and body oil to bolster the effect. Personally, I enjoy its lighter touch, especially in the office or during the crisp early days of fall descending.
16
October
2018
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October
2018
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
Phone calls are like meetings: largely unnecessary and better managed with an e-mail.
16
October
2018
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October
2018
The Next Big Underwear Bulge
The time feels right for a new underwear moment to take the world by storm. It’s been a while since we had one – I feel like the last one may have been one of the Jonas brothers: Nick in his butt-cheek-teasing photo lay-out channeling Marky Mark or Joe in his oiled-up Guess shots. Prior to that the last bulge that shook the world belonged to David Beckham. Both he and Ben Cohen have been quiet of late on the baring-skin front, something that needs to be rectified. Or maybe they, like myself, have eased into the middle-age paunch of comfort and can’t be bothered to give a rat’s ass about showing their own shirtless selves off anymore. I can dig it.
Anyway, I have hope that someone new offers a scantily-clad moment to rock the pop culture world. We need it now more than ever. Who will it be? A few suggestions:
15
October
2018
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October
2018
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
Where is my spoonful of sugar for the medicine of life being doled out each day?
While quite intent in my pursuit, I need a merry tune to toot.
