Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Sunday Shirtless Celebrity Shenanigans

It’s been a while since we’ve collected a few shirtless gentlemen and put them together in one single amped-up post of gratuitous man-candy. This is that post, for all the fans of shirtless celebrities (and maybe we can find room for a naked male celebrity somewhere in the mix too). Let’s begin with our across-the-pond pal Dan Osborne, who has made no beef about stripping to his skivvies, and beyond. For that we are grateful. 

AJ Pritchard personifies all things youthful and beautiful, and sometimes nothing else matters. 

What’s in Simon Dunn’s magic box

Colin Kaepernick kneels for what’s right and stands for all that’s sexy

Joe Jonas has more than one fan, particularly when he poses in his underwear

 

When will Gleb Savchenko earn his next Hunk of the Day crowning? 

Jack Laugher in motion is almost as good as Jack Laugher in his Speedo

Trevor Donovan got all cheeky here before

Finally, fit and fine Sidharth Malhotra is already due for his next crowning as Hunk of the Day

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Caught in the Act of Creation

We are on the verge of the month that my new project ‘PVRTD’ gets released. It’s all happening online, right here on The Projects page, which ushers in a new era of how these things may be done from this point forward. It also marks a departure from most of what I’ve done thus far in both style and substance. Here are a few peeks at the change in tone, and a look at what goes into the creation of something new.

Much of the promotional stuff has been typical strip-tease mining, and while that’s fun for some of you, it doesn’t encompass what the bulk of ‘PVRTD’ is about – and that’s been quite intentional. Before every big fall there is a rise to the giddy heights of decadence and freedom. Here, the very first peek at what happens afterward… and some behind-the-scenes shots of how we made it all happen.

For this work, I got my friends and family to help out. It’s such a dark project that I wanted the warmth and light of those people who mean the most to me to seep in somehow. On this particular weekend in Boston, Kira aided me in the photographic duties, and we traversed Chinatown seeking out the appropriate settings and scenes.

It was a dreary and damp night, but she made it fun and bearable, and we ended it with a bowl of soup. Sharing such a meal at the sleepy tail-end of a cold evening out is one of my favorite things to do. A necessary one too. The subject matter, while it had not yet been fleshed out fully, would be weighty, and knowing this imbued our work with a seriousness that most of my projects often lack, particularly in the creation portion. (You should have seen the hysterics involved in shooting some of my holiday cards. The darker those were, the funnier it was to make them.) For this project, there wasn’t as much laughter.

The fatigue from a night of shooting shows through here, and I love that. My guard is down when I’m with Kira. I can ease into a subway manspread (it was practically empty!) and let the outside wind fuck up my hair and it’s all ok. We got some good shots and in my mind I was already figuring out what part they would play in the new project.

We walked from the subway to the condo, the night promising the end of winter but neither of us quite believing it.

I think I’m at my most alive when I’m in the act of creating.

PVRTD

November 2018

The Projects Page

www.ALANILAGAN.com

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Standing Near the Fire Pit

Last weekend we attended a dinner party at my brother’s house – a cozy rendezvous with a few moments by the fire pit. What does one wear to such a thing? None other than this fabulously-rendered knit poncho that I found in some hidden store in Portland, Maine a while back. I bring it out for fall days like this, as much for its layer of warmth as for its ridiculous form and style. We all look foolish in a poncho, let’s be honest.

Before dinner, Paul got the fire going, and Andy and I posed before the guests arrived. We would return to it at the end of the evening, when all was dark and the fire had softened to a pile of glowing embers. Sometimes that’s the best part of a fire, even if it takes some howling and crackling to get there. As for the dinner, it was a lovely gathering of friends old and new – the perfect fall escapade – and one of those rare times when I felt I was on the inside looking out instead of my usual vantage point on the periphery. Or maybe I just felt like one of the group instead of being the elephant at the zoo.

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Stripped of the Ultra-Violence: A Boo-jolais Costume

“Is it better for a man to have chosen evil than to have good imposed upon him?” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

For this year’s Boo-jolais Wine Celebration as put on by the Alliance for Positive Health there was a monster theme. While some are going for the literal – werewolves, beasts, and inhuman creatures of monstrous animus – I’m more of a literary fan via Kubrick cinema, and in that hyper-specific field there is no one more monster-like than Alex Defarge from ‘A Clockwork Orange’. This look is a perennial classic, and this isn’t my first time donning bowler and codpiece.

As for the Boo-jolais Monster Ball, the cause and the organization behind it are always worthy if you’re looking to donate. Check out their site and all the good work they do here, and maybe I’ll see you there next year…

“We can destroy what we have written, but we cannot unwrite it.” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

“The important thing is moral choice. Evil has to exist along with good, in order that moral choice may operate. Life is sustained by the grinding opposition of moral entities.” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

“It is as inhuman to be totally good as it is to be totally evil.” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

“It’s funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you watch them on a screen.” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

And speaking of that, please subscribe to my YouTube channel for more of the old in-out, in-out.

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New Ben Cohen Calendar 2019

I was just lamenting the lack of new Ben Cohen photographs when I saw the announcement that his 2019 calendar is now on sale (purchase it at this link). The drought has come to a glorious end! Mr. Cohen has done a great deal of work for against bullying with his Stand Up Foundation, and continues to fight for those of us being hurt or discriminated against. It’s always inspiring to see someone with a public platform do and say things to make the world a better place for others. In a similar but slightly more vain vein, it’s always inspiring to see Mr. Cohen period. Here’s a reminder of why.

PS – The back is as good as the front

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Fall Weekends of the Past

Whenever the world grows cold, and I feel the need for reassurance and warmth, I think of my grandmother. She seemed to come more regularly into our orbit every fall, as the days began the march to the holidays. My Mom would bring us into her hometown of Hoosick Falls to spend the weekend with Gram just as the fall ascended to its apex. In preparation, I would make a batch of apple cinnamon muffins. They filled our house with the comforting smell of cinnamon and spices. Nestling them into a cloth-lined basket a la Little Red Riding Hood, I loaded them carefully into the car and we made our way along the backroads into the little town where Gram spent most of her life.

In close proximity to Vermont, Hoosick Falls was a sleepy village, through which the Hoosick river flowed. Water played a part in our journey there, as we crossed bridges that went over streams and said river. “Over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go” was an apt musical cue, and we would sing it out loud as we entered the town.

That first night we would settle in to an old-fashioned meal cooked by Gram, accompanied by apple-cinnamon muffins for dessert. We went to sleep in spite of our excitement over the next day’s travels.

Some years the leaves were in the midst of their glory; others they had already been rendered bare. The sky was usually gray, and the air damp, but the scent of fireplaces made it all feel more cozy. Along with the rustling of leaves, the sound of rushing water came to signify fall, as it ran behind one of our favorite places to stop: the candle mill.

As one of the main destinations for me and my brother, its two-or-three-story building stood on the edge of a roaring stream, always full of fall rain. Before we got outside to inspect it closer, however, we had candle work to do. There was one small section, on the landing between floors I think, where they offered a pair of pure white linked candles which you could dip in various wax colors which were heated and smelled deliciously of light, if light could have a fragrance. We would dip and make our own designs (I always tried to make an entire rainbow on the candle, but after the third or fourth dunk it was futile, and the yellow never got as light as I wanted it.) That wasn’t the point – we loved it, being able to take part in something like that, putting our own little spin on something as wonderful as a candle.

Afterward, we would go behind the building and look over the bank onto the rush of water. A little waterfall crashed further up the stream; it was noisy there, in the best way. We wanted to get closer, but there was danger there too. Childhood verges ever on the dangerous. We gripped our paper bags of candles tightly, as we edged nearer the ledge. Mom and Gram pulled us back and then it was time for dinner in Manchester.

Those weekends were why Gram would come to symbolize the coziness of fall to me. Together with my Mom, they crafted a sense of warmth just when the world began to go the opposite direction. Later, Gram would teach me to crochet, another act of creation that would see us through the winter as well. But that’s another story to tell, and we’re not quite there yet.

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A Twist on a Twist

After a particularly stressful day at work, one of the best ways to wind down is to reinstitute the proper cocktail hour. Should you find yourself out of olives, which I did the other day, a cherry pepper will do just fine. Its pumpkin-like form is a bonus this time of the year.

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Water Sports with Madonna

When I was matriculating at Brandeis University, there was a physical fitness requirement. You had to know how to swim (a lap or two in the pool and treading water for a few minutes) which made sense what with the dangers of a shallow water feature by the worship area on campus (read: sarcasm) and you had to do a much more rigorous workout consisting of running, push-ups and sit-ups. If you failed any of the above, you were required to take one or two semesters of physical fitness courses depending on what you were able to do. I passed the swimming portion easily, and did quite well on the other portion too, but missed opting out of the two semesters by one or two sit-ups or push-ups. (Ok, I wasn’t really trying because I thought a physical education class would be a nice break in my schedule.) I only had to take one semester, and since it came so easily to me I chose a swimming class (Water Aerobics, to be exact). It seemed a good choice on the hot day that we were sweltering inside the gymnasium; no one had the foresight to think about the fact that this water course would be taking place in November and December. I digress… back to the Water Aerobics.

It was filled with women. There was one other guy in it – some pale bespectacled young man with a ratty ponytail – which made for a gloriously empty locker room. Not that I would have minded some eye candy at that point in my life. That would have to be provided by our instructor, who (while mustaches were NOT my thing right then and there) had a decent, if lithe, build and a hairy chest. A throwback to those 70’s Olympic swimmers, minus the skimpy Speedo. Not quite my type, which was good, since I could focus on the task at hand: water aerobics!

Our instructor was decent, guiding us through various routines that utilized the water as resistance, enabling us to work out and tone muscle. The aerobics part came in the form of active repetition, and this was set to music. Like, 80’s music. The one track that we always ended with was ‘Higher Love’ by Steve Winwood, and if you’ve never done water aerobics to this song you have no idea how dumb and idiotic one human being can feel. Picture the lot of us doing jumping jacks in the shallow end of a pool, all in time to ‘Higher Love’ and you might have an inkling of how ridiculous the world is. Clearly something had to be done, so I took it upon myself to save this wretched exercise in embarrassment.

It was the fall of 1993, and Madonna was just embarking on her Girlie Show Tour, featuring songs from her latest album ‘Erotica’. It had a number of racing dance-pop tracks, easily on a BPM par with Steven Winwood. I quickly made a tape (since the instructor still used a cassette player) and slipped it under his door before class one day. Part of me thought he would never use it, but I had to try. The idea of jumping around in my swimsuit to Steve Winwood one more time was too unbearable.

For the next class the instructor said he wanted to thank whomever put the tape in his office, and then he popped it into the player. It started with ‘Fever‘ and we were off. Scissor-kicking through the water in time to ‘Deeper and Deeper‘ and forcing buoyant “weights” underwater along with ‘Words‘; if I thought it was funny doing water aerobics to Steve Winwood, doing it to Madonna’s ‘Erotica’ album was even more hilarious, especially when I thought of the fact that it was my fandom that started the whole thing. It took all my self-control not to break out in laughter, and at one point we were thankfully underwater so I could let out the biggest guffaw where no one could hear. It struck me as so comical, and I only wished my friend Ann could be there to see it. We would have drowned from laughing so much.

The only drawback is that to this very day a snippet of the ‘Erotica’ album will come on and I’ll be brought back to that pool at Brandeis. Thanks Madonna.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

Me: “I can fight! I’m scrappy.”

Co-worker: “You threw your back out taking a picture of a flower.”

#TinyThreads

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Boo-tiful Bounty

The Boo-jolais Wine Celebration takes place in just two days (Friday, October 26, 2018) so if you haven’t ordered your tickets yet get right on it, and then get immediately to work on your costume. While this is typically a big fashion night for me, this year’s Monster costume theme takes some of that pressure off. (There are a lot of ‘monsters’ ripe for imitating in this world…)

They also just released a fabulous list of vendors who will be supplying the night with good things to eat, and some wonderful items on which to bid in the silent auction. As produced by the Alliance for Positive Health, this is always a night on which to see and be seen. Get ready for a monstrously good time…

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Optical Illusion

Does it move when you see it too?

While not an official #TinyThreads entry, this is mindless midday fodder. 

Enjoy. 

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Reconstituted Spirits

Fall is for soups. No other dish is so versatile and forgiving during times of cold weather. Simply making a pot of soup warms the soul – not only from the heat of the stove and ingredients, but from the methodical chopping and dicing and formulating that goes on when the soup is being made.

During a marathon of ‘Pati’s Mexican Table’ I caught a bit of her imploring us to not be afraid of the guajillo pepper – the dark red pack of dried vegetables that always looked so daunting to my lower-level cooking capability – and I decided to pick up a bunch and try it out.

There are several things I’ve picked up over years of watching the Food Network and CreateTV. One, the power of fresh herbs. This cannot be underestimated. For years I went without, or simply sprinkled some feeble decade-old bottle of desiccated blandness with little or no results. The simple addition of a few sprigs of flat-leaf parsley or some roughly-chopped cilantro or mint makes the final flourish to any dish a revelatory event. Two, the power of roasting things. Particularly nuts or seeds or spices. In this instance, the dried Guajillo pepper.

Pati throws a few on a heated skillet, lets them get a little darker in color, turns them, then adds them to some water. A pound of whole tomatoes and a single garlic clove on top of that and your soup base is pretty much done. Boil for ten to fifteen minutes, puree until smooth, then heat a little olive oil in a soup pot and pour in the puree. When it gets darker (about ten more minutes) add 6 cups of chicken stock. That’s it. The rest is all up to you. I added avocados, crème fraiche, queso fresco, cilantro and some tortilla chips. (I strongly advise that you fry your own tortillas – they’re so much better that way, and you can cut them into whatever size and shape you want.) She offers much better instructions and details on her enchanting website, along with additional options to stoke your hunger fire.

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The Decadence Before the Fall

“I shall go on shining as a brilliantly meaningless figure in a meaningless world.” â€• F. Scott Fitzgerald

Before any downfall, be it of a person or a civilization, there is a glorious heyday – a stretch of glory and fun and decadent celebration when the world feels at its fullest. These are the days when the only thing one worries about is where the next font of fun will be found – at the end of a meal, at the bottom of a bottle, or at the edge of the next project.

We doll ourselves up because what else is there to do? Idleness has started more wars than we realize. The human spirit no longer finds contentment in being still and silent. Maybe it never did.

Still, we aim to sparkle. We aim to astound. We aim to be more than the bodies and shells we inhabit.

Decked out in lace, bound by strands of silk, and corseted by grommeted brocade, we spin and twirl and tread across a land that will soon be barren.

We do not know this then.

We do not want to know.

We want only to want…

PVRTD

The New Project

November 2018

ALANILAGAN.com

 

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Erotica/Sex Recap

The anniversary of Madonna’s ‘Erotica’ album and ‘Sex’ book came and went without notice this year, which is strange for these parts, so this post will do double-dog duty and serve as our usual weekly recap, in addition to a quick summation of all things erotic before that.

The year of 1992 found Madonna releasing one of her most controversial projects: a coffee-table art book of erotic photographs along with an accompanying album. The theme: sex. The result: publicity, book sales, and further notoriety. The ramifications: severe. The memories: amazing. All in all, a very heady time in a very heady career, and it came along at a tumultuous point in my life. It’s all on the Madonna Timelines for the ‘Erotica’ album selections.

Back to the present moment, immediate past. The week began with an insignificant #TinyThreads post, which you can follow back beginning here.

Who should fill the next big underwear bulge?

The exquisite, and slightly dirty, side of Sarah Jessica Parker: Stash

The Perverted Promo onslaught continues… 

My very own YouTube channel (hit that Subscribe button before you miss a single video!)

The edge of fall

Andy’s birthday!

The almost-annual Treasure Hunt for the Twins

The days grow dimmer

Perverted peeks: decadent defiance

Decadently defied again. 

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

Some concepts are better left as concepts.

Case in point: avocado fries.

#TinyThreads

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