If a restaurant review ends, “I would eat hear again†I would not trust it.
Author Archives: Alan Ilagan
11
August
2019
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August
2019
11
August
2019
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August
2019
A Summer Sunday Cocktail
“To cure yourself, all you need is Campari and soda.†– Christopher Castellani, ‘Leading Men’
A knot of lemon twist.
A glass of ice pellets.
A sprinkling of Campari, a dash of gin, and a topping of soda water.
The simple summer Campari spritz. Leave out the gin if you must, but don’t you dare leave out the citrus. Use orange, go for grapefruit, or stick with lemon, just do not omit the sacred twist.
For the most part, I prefer Campari in a proper negroni, but in the summer I’ll do this lighter spritz in honor of the sun. The glorious bitterness of the orange-inflected liqueur matches the fizzy edge of the soda water, and its digestif properties are an added bonus.
10
August
2019
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August
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
I just saw that Gay Uncles Day is August 14. Like I need more pressure in my life.
Wait, do we get gifts?
10
August
2019
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August
2019
Have It All
MAY YOU HAVE AUSPICIOUSNESS AND CAUSES OF SUCCESS
MAY YOU HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
MAY YOU TAKE NO EFFORT IN YOUR BEING GENEROUS
SHARING WHAT YOU CAN, NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS
MAY YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD HAPPINESS
MAY YOU ALWAYS LEAD FROM THE BEATING IN YOUR CHEST
MAY YOU BE TREATED LIKE AN ESTEEMED GUEST
MAY YOU GET TO REST, MAY YOU CATCH YOUR BREATH
AND MAY THE BEST OF YOUR TODAYS BE THE WORST OF YOUR TOMORROWS
AND MAY THE ROAD LESS PAVED BE THE ROAD THAT YOU FOLLOW
Summer is for happy songs. Save the cynicism for fall or winter. Save the hope and the glory for spring. But give me a happy song before the summer ends. Give me poetry set to music. Nothing too deep, though. Please. Summer has its secret sorrows and carries its own heartbreak. That’s why it’s important to have sun and music and water that laps at distant shores. Palazzo pants and terry cloth wraps. Sunglasses and sunscreen, and Tom Ford’s ‘Soleil Blanc’. Brightness and shine and summer’s contented sighs.
WELL HERE’S TO THE HEARTS THAT YOU’RE GONNA BREAK
HERE’S TO THE LIVES THAT YOU’RE GONNA CHANGE
HERE’S TO THE INFINITE POSSIBLE WAYS TO LOVE YOU
I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT
HERE’S TO THE GOOD TIMES WE’RE GONNA HAVE
YOU DON’T NEED MONEY, YOU GOT A FREE PASS
HERE’S TO THE FACT THAT I’LL BE SAD WITHOUT YOU
I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT ALL
OH! I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT ALL
I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT
I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT ALL
Some days summer wants only to rain, to blanket the world with a gauzy mantle of clouds and a thick veil of mist. Obscuring the sunny clarity that usually accompanies high noon with a hazy, soft-focus fog, summer likes to play its tricks on the unsuspecting sun-worshipper. Dampening emotion and sidewalks with tears from the sky, it displays another facet of its jewel-like form. See how it sparkles! See how it rends rainbows from raindrops!
MAY YOU BE AS FASCINATING AS A SLAP BRACELET
MAY YOU KEEP THE CHAOS AND THE CLUTTER OFF YOUR DESK
MAY YOU HAVE UNQUESTIONABLE HEALTH AND LESS STRESS
HAVING NO POSSESSIONS THOUGH IMMEASURABLE WEALTH
MAY YOU GET A GOLD STAR ON YOUR NEXT TEST
MAY YOUR EDUCATED GUESSES ALWAYS BE CORRECT
AND MAY YOU WIN PRIZES SHINING LIKE DIAMONDS
MAY YOU REALLY OWN IT EACH MOMENT TO THE NEXT
AND MAY THE BEST OF YOUR TODAYS BE THE WORST OF YOUR TOMORROWS
AND MAY THE ROAD LESS PAVED BE THE ROAD THAT YOU FOLLOW
Above all else, summer is the fruition of the promise of spring, even when it rains, even when it pours, even when it’s breaking your heart. And so we sing. We sing from the depths of sunny despair, we sing from the heights of crying eaglets, we sing and we dance and we fall to the ground exhausted from our song.
WELL HERE’S TO THE HEARTS THAT YOU’RE GONNA BREAK
HERE’S TO THE LIVES THAT YOU’RE GONNA CHANGE
HERE’S TO THE INFINITE POSSIBLE WAYS TO LOVE YOU
I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT
HERE’S TO THE GOOD TIMES WE’RE GONNA HAVE
YOU DON’T NEED MONEY, YOU GOT A FREE PASS
HERE’S TO THE FACT THAT I’LL BE SAD WITHOUT YOU
I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT ALL
OH, I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT ALL
I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT
I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT ALL
OH, I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT ALL
09
August
2019
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August
2019
09
August
2019
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August
2019
A Switch of the Sky
Some skies are sick.
Dangerous.
Some whisper loudly of tornadoes.
Warnings.
Some are simply queasy, eliciting vertigo when you look up into them.
Such was the sky last night.
Clouds swirled in opposite directions. Multiple layers of distinct shades, a darkly twisted ombre that would look better on paper or cloth than in the sky. There it swirled, ominously portending large, heavy raindrops, which fell soon enough, driving us indoors and under cover.
Summer has its own dangers.
This is not over yet.
08
August
2019
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August
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
Reading at the urinal. Now that’s a new one, even for me. (And I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit go down at the urinal.)
08
August
2019
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August
2019
After the Sun Soothing
Leave it to the Beekman Boys to come up with the perfect summer soap selection in the form of their ‘After the Sun’ aloe bar enriched with goat milk. The sound scientific support for all their products finds soothing results with the addition of skin-cooling aloe and the tranquility-inducing attributes of lavender. Following a day at the beach or by the pool or working beneath the high sun in the garden, this is a vital component of any proper cool-down treatment. It’s a ritual that closes out a summer day in peaceful and contented form.
See more Beekman Boys adventures here, here, here, here, and here.
07
August
2019
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August
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
Albany has really managed to muck up the intersection of Northern Boulevard and Albany Shaker with that nonsensical new traffic pattern.
07
August
2019
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August
2019
Do You Want to Work at My Agency?
Aside from the occasional elevator comment, there aren’t many instances where I discuss my work on this site, mostly because this is largely a place of entertainment and frivolity. Every once in a while, however, it becomes imperative to get a little serious, and in this instance it’s to point out that a very important pair of Civil Service exams are being given soon. For anyone who may be looking to get into a career with the Department of Environmental Conservation, particularly in the fields of law enforcement and forest protection, this is for you: two of our most sought-after positions – Environmental Conservation Police Officer and Forest Ranger – have just announced their exams.
Based on a recent Governor’s initiative focusing on diversity and inclusion, we are seeking a diverse candidate field, so women and minorities are especially encouraged to apply. My agency has an admirable mission to protect and conserve our natural resources and environment, and while I may not be able to effect change in such a direct, hands-on way, I get to do my best to bring aboard some of those talented people that have the fortitude and integrity to do the concrete work. To that end, if you or anyone you know are looking for a rewarding and challenging career, please send them the following links to the exam announcement:
06
August
2019
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August
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
When they go low, I whip out my limbo skills.
06
August
2019
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August
2019
The Voluptuous Fig
Behold, the brown turkey fig, which is reportedly hardy to parts of Zone 5. This is the first time I’m attempting to grow figs, and this particular specimen is making a grand first impression. It’s done so spectacularly this summer, I’m not going to risk losing it by pushing its survival rates in the winter of Zone 5. We’ll be making room for it in our unheated garage, where it will hopefully survive the winter there to put on an even better show next year.
This variety doesn’t need pollinators – the fruit just appears, first as a tiny little bulbous thing at the end of a short stem, after which it slowly swells into something that thus far is approaching what the ones in the store look like. The handsome foliage is enough for me – if these fruits come to, well, fruition, that’s just the cherry on the sundae. Or the fig on the frosting.
As can be seen, there are quite a few on the way. I hope they hurry up and ripen soon – a bowl of fresh figs smothered in honey and maybe some crumbled goat cheese sounds like the perfect summer snack. As pretty to see as they are sweet to eat…
05
August
2019
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August
2019
The First Recap of August 2019
How we ended up here already is beyond my comprehension. The last full month of summer is underway. My how the season is flying by. It’s been a pretty full one, and it’s not over yet, so let’s dive back in…
An anti-party Madonna Timeline.
These hunks generally prefer a Speedo, but they’ll do shorts too.
Are we seriously considering Nick Jonas rocking a Dad bod?
The Taylor Swift pendulum has swung back to the fan zone.
Cristiano Ronaldo in his underwear again.
When two loved ones argue it’s not pretty. This is Summer vs. Retail.
Chris Evans: that’s America’s ass.
Hunks of the Day included Dominic Albano (no relation to Captain Lou), Ryan Bingham, Nick Hounslow, Daniel Matsunaga, Lionel Messi, and BJ Gruber.
04
August
2019
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August
2019
America’s Ass: A Gratuitous Chris Evans Post
Chris Evans is a hero on and off the screen, so this quick Sunday night post is dedicated to him. And his ass. Cause that’s America’s ass. Luckily, he’s shown some of it off in posts like this. God Bless America. And its best ass.
04
August
2019
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August
2019
Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series
Why does Retail want to kick Summer out of the bed so soon?
