Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

The Littlest Fern Held by the Littlest Vase

One doesn’t necessarily need to go big if you’re already home, and sometimes the littlest things are the most beautiful. This simple ‘bouquet’ is created from the smallest vase in our home (a whimsical work of shell-like grace, procured from Faddegon’s a couple of years ago) and a single frond from a Japanese painted fern (which had sprouted up via spore beside our pool heater). The impossibility of all those elements coming together and forming a rather hardy bouquet makes it extra appealing.

Ferns have proven to be tricky things in arrangements. Sometimes they last for weeks, other times they wither in the span of minutes. There’s nothing consistent about it, as both results have been gleaned from the very same species, clipped at the very same time, and given the very same treatment. Ferns can be finicky.

The variety of Japanese painted fern seen here has generally proved to last more than a few days, particularly if cut early in the morning after a damp night. Coupled with this wonderfully-ribbed off-center vase, it makes for a striking visage, and has me completely rethinking my outdated notions of perspective.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

[Cut to me lounging in a velvet robe with an ostrich feather collar, languidly lifting a martini to my lips.]

#TinyThreads

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The Sexiness of Simon Dunn on Full Display

Globe-trotting, galivanting Simon Dunn has made his way back to Australia, where he is offering training for anyone looking to get in better shape. There’s no better billboard for his training program than his own body, and that canvass is looking stellar these days. Mr. Dunn made an Olympic splash before branching off into other areas of fitness, including a recent stint for Attitude magazine in which he gives training advice (and looks ridiculously good demonstrating things). He’s also been a role model for LGBTQ athletes, living as an openly gay athlete years before it was as talked-about as it is today.

He’s graced this website in a number of posts, starting with his very first Hunk of the Day crowning. There was this fun snow-inspired shoot, and this furry exploration of some salacious tan lines. He bottomed out here in the best possible way, and tipped his bulge here. Hopefully he’ll get back in the Snooty Fox swing of things as their work together provided some scintillating images. In the meantime, feast your eyes upon all that he still has to offer, and set up some training sessions if you’re lucky enough to be in his vicinity.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

At the first sign of rain, or the slightest dip in temperature, I instantly want a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup.

#TinyThreads

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Once Upon A Promise Kept

A promise kept adds a certain sparkle to one’s karmic evolution, and here, as promised, is my most recent project, online for all the world to see. (I can send you a link for a rather expensive hard copy to be printed if you’d like.) This is ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ – my family-friendly project for the summer of 2019. It was officially released at ‘The Flower Party’ earlier this season, and now finds proper placement in the pantheon of projects here.

There was a minor promotional roll-out for the project (see this delusional interview – Part One and Part Two, along with this fantastical press release) but keep in mind that this was nothing compared to the hype and hoopla built up for the ‘PVRTD’ project a few short months prior to ‘OUAW’. They’re both on the projects page, which means darkness and light can co-exist, whether you take the pink pill or the blue pill or no pill at all.

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The Madonna Timeline: Song #154 – ‘Batuka’ ~ Summer 2019

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

IT’S A LONG WAY (IT’S A LONG WAY)
IT’S A LONG WAY (IT’S A LONG WAY)
IT’S A LONG DAY (IT’S A LONG DAY)
IT’S A LONG DAY (IT’S A LONG DAY)

LORD HAVE MERCY (LORD HAVE MERCY)
THINGS HAVE GOT TO CHANGE (THINGS HAVE GOT TO CHANGE)
THERE’S A STORM AHEAD (THERE’S A STORM AHEAD)
I HEAR THE WIND BLOWING (I HEAR THE WIND BLOWING)
LET ME CATCH MY BREATH (LET ME CATCH MY BREATH)
WILL WE WIN THIS RACE? (WILL WE WIN THIS RACE?)
SWEAR THE ROAD IS LONG (SWEAR THE ROAD IS LONG)
AND THE HIGHWAY LISTENS (AND THE HIGHWAY LISTENS)
‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG WAY (‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG WAY)

Madonna’s magnificent ‘Madame X’ album ushered in this summer season, which made for some happy music and some gloriously sunny days. How many more Madonna albums will christen a summer? I’m not sure it will happen again. (The quintessential Madonna summer album is, and remains, ‘True Blue’ – but I’d venture that ‘Madame X’ comes close (consider future timeline entries ‘Crazy’, ‘Crave’, and ‘Come Alive’ – all carry an easy-breezy summer vibe.) That leads us to the latest official timeline post: ‘Batuka’ – which joins ‘Future‘ and ‘Killers Who Are Partying‘ as a modern-moment music recollection.

I WAS UP ALL NIGHT
I SAID A LITTLE PRAYER
GET THAT OLD MAN
PUT HIM IN A JAIL
WHERE HE CAN’T STOP US (WHERE HE CAN’T STOP US)
WHERE HE CAN’T HURT US (WHERE HE CAN’T HURT US)
WE WILL STAND TALL (WE WILL STAND TALL)
UNDERNEATH THIS TREE (UNDERNEATH THIS TREE)
‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG WAY (‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG WAY)
IT’S A LONG WAY (IT’S A LONG WAY)
‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG DAY (‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG DAY)
IT’S A LONG DAY
BUT WHEN WE CAN STOP IT ALL (BUT WHEN WE CAN STOP IT ALL)
IN THE RIGHT WAY (IN THE RIGHT WAY)
WILL WE STAND TOGETHER? (WILL WE STAND TOGETHER?)
IT’S A NEW DAY (IT’S A NEW DAY)
SO DON’T JUDGE A HUMAN (SO DON’T JUDGE A HUMAN)
‘TIL YOU’RE IN THEIR SHOES (‘TIL YOU’RE IN THEIR SHOES)
IF YOU HAVE A DREAM (IF YOU HAVE A DREAM)
THEN YOU CAN’T STOP US (THEN YOU CAN’T STOP US)

The call-and-response chant that will likely form a rousing portion of her upcoming theatre tour is the best part of ‘Batuka’ – and while the conceit has its limits and repetitive drawbacks, it proves effective enough, and this song gives the ‘Madame X’ album part of its world-music pedigree. The video is a joyous celebration of the beauty that Madonna found in other parts of the world. You have to love her for that, and this one grows on you like some of her best summer music.

SING, “HALLELUJAH” (SING, “HALLELUJAH”)
SAY, “AMEN” (SAY, “AMEN”)
SING, “HALLELUJAH” (SING, “HALLELUJAH”)
AND SAY, “AMEN” (AND SAY, “AMEN”)
I SAY, “OH, YEAH” (I SAY, “OH, YEAH”)
I SAID, “OH, YEAH” (I SAID, “OH, YEAH”)
I SAY, “AMEN” (I SAY, “AMEN”)
I SING, “HALLELUJAH” (I SING, “HALLELUJAH”)
‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG WAY (‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG WAY)
IT’S A LONG WAY (IT’S A LONG WAY)
‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG DAY (‘CAUSE IT’S A LONG DAY)
IT’S A LONG DAY 

SONG #154: ‘Batuka’ – Summer 2019

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M’s Birthday: A Linky Look Back

Madonna celebrates her birthday today, and later on I’ll post the newest Madonna Timeline (another entry from her ‘Madame X’ album). This post is all about looking back for a bit, as some birthdays tend to be. I’m hard-pressed to think of someone who’s been such a consistent source of inspiration over the years as Madonna has been to me. It’s difficult to equate her, and those fans of her who have stuck by for over three decades, with any other artist or experience. It’s a singular thing because performers like Madonna are a dying breed – quite literally. There’s also no one else who has maintained such a lofty place in pop culture for such an extended period of time, and while she may not have all the tweens dressing up like her anymore, most modern-day pop stars admittedly owe their paths and ambitions to the trail she blazed.

The lady requires no further justification for my love, so on her birthday I’m simply going to let a few random Madonna Timeline entries speak for the celebratory joy she has always brought to my life.

Let’s begin with, well, a Celebration.

A moment of tarnished innocence through which we might Live to Tell.

This clarion call to Express Yourself.

For whenever the world wants to Wash All Over Me.

After three decades it’s still about Survival.

Unlocking The Power of Goodbye.

I’m Addicted to her inspiration.

After all this, she still manages to make me feel Like A Virgin.

And then she’ll make a wish Like A Prayer.

And flit away like a Ray of Light.

Even in a Drowned World: Substitute for Love she reveals herself Inside Out.

Open Your Heart,” she pleaded, unashamed to say that she was ‘Crazy For You‘ all the while knowing full well that you’re Frozen when your heart’s not open.

Happy Birthday, M.

(I always knew you would last.)

PS – You’ve got to just… Vogue.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

Don’t forget that if you are looking to work for the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation as a Forest Ranger or Environmental Conservation Police Officer, the time to apply for the Civil Service exam is now. Diversity candidates are especially encouraged to apply. 

#TinyThreads

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Summer Sunday Idyll

It seems like such a tease to post this on a Thursday, but it’s far better than posting it on a Monday, so let’s enjoy the relatively quick route to the weekend. This was taken last Sunday, on a perfectly beauteous day filled with sun, tempered with some bright happy clouds, and backed by the blue skies for which the best August days are rightly renowned. Things get more intense as the sun loosens its grip for the season. Gone is the hazy heat of July, dispelled by cooler nights and whispers of fall on the breeze. It was absolutely lovely, and I spent much of the day reclining on the patio and reading a book in between quick swims and dismantling a climbing hydrangea from our brick chimney. At some point beauty can’t be justified by threatening structural integrity, so it was time. We have several other specimens scattered throughout the yard to make up for it.

As for the backyard patio, it’s in fine form at last – after a stubborn and stilted start to the warm weather, everything has caught up. The hanging sweet potato vines are descending almost to the ground, while potted papyrus, elephant ears, and angel’s trumpets are in their glory. If only our season could extend beyond October – we need just a little more time for the figs to ripen. Well, we shall see if they can make a run for it before it’s time for their slumber. In the meantime, let’s have more beauty, more loveliness, more of these summer idylls…

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

A simple summer cocktail, one that utilizes sweet tea as its base. (I’ve been told by true Southerners that the only tea to use is Lizzane.)

Southern Peach Sweet Tea

  • 1 part bourbon
  • 2 parts sweet tea
  • ½ part peach schnapps
  • Garnish with fresh mint

#TinyThreads

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Summer Roll Dreaming

It’s been a woefully long time since we’ve been fortunate enough to spend a day at the beach – any beach – and so I turn to a local favorite to approximate the sort of thrill I usually get when eating by the shore. This is the sumptuous lobster roll as assembled by dp: An American Brasserie, and it brings to mind all sorts of happy memories: a late-morning lunch break in Ogunquit, a seaside adventure in Provincetown, even a quick bite in Boston – all good things, all delicious moments.

Thankfully this restaurant knows how to do it right, and if you can’t get to the beach this summer, here’s a very happy substitute. You can get wine and dessert too – oh, and their mussels are simply amazing, but those are magnificent year-round. Get the lobster while it’s summer.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

It’s not enough that people add an unnecessary ‘L’ to my name, or switch out the second ‘A’ for an ‘E’ – now I have to put up with this. 

#TinyThreads

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Dinner & A Show with Mom & Dad

My family and I have been attending performances at the Mac-Haydn Theater since I first came out over two decades ago. The ride to Chatham is a summer treat, as are most of the productions we have seen. This year was a banner one for the troupe, with ‘Sunset Boulevard‘, ‘Ragtime’ and the upcoming ‘Oklahoma’ rounding out a stellar season. 

Our most recent excursion was for ‘Ragtime‘ and we dined at Yianni’s before the show. I’m up for any decent place that offers a nice selection of sushi in the middle of upstate New York. And a Manhattan. (Though I will save that for the cooler months.)

When dining with Mom and Dad, you must order dessert. It’s the best part. Then it was showtime. 

 

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My Birthday Wish List 2019

Thanks to the quick shipping by Amazon Prime and any decent company these days, it’s no longer necessary to plan such lists that far in advance. Here, without further ado and bluster, is a fantastical wish list (because they are mostly expensive fantasies) for birthday gifts in the event that anyone wants to find something to mark the anniversary of my existence (hi Mom!)

Let’s begin with the more mundane and reasonable items, as found on my Amazon Wish list. Ho hum. Gift certificates from Sephora, Brooks Brothers, and/or the Mandarin Oriental Spa will always be appreciated and useful. But for the decadent and over-the-top dream items, let’s begin with this luscious fragrance from Penhaligon’s: Monsieur Beauregard. It’s available from Bloomingdales here, but I’ve also found it for a slightly cheaper price point on Amazon. Either way, it’s a doozy, both in sillage and cost. 

Next up is this pair of leopard-print shoes. Every fall and holiday season I promise to incorporate more leopard into my life, and every fall and holiday season I fail. I’m still on the hunt for a leopard calf hair tote, but have yet to find the right one. These shoes, available from Zappos, will have to do. (I’m a 9.5 in these puppies, FYI.)

Despite my penchant for flashy color and crazy patterns, some days require something quieter, such as these boxer briefs by Tom Ford. Please find them in size small (they run on the big side) and color Nude 1. 

Last and most certainly not least, is this exquisite robe by Missoni, available right now on a killer sale at Saks Off 5th – and it’s fortuitously only available in XL (which is what I require for this one). Isn’t it pretty? 

While it’s nice to dream, I’ve also grown a little more practical in my old(er) age, so failing all these pretty things I’d be more than happy for a little assistance in securing our Savannah trip or a hotel splurge in Boston or New York to see a show. Practically practical in every way. (And for all you wonderful non-family members, my birthday is August 24, so just send cards and cash by then.)

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A Summer Gathering of Extended Family

“I’m hosting a summer dinner for my ex-girlfriend and her family,” I said when asked what I was doing over the weekend. It sounded strange, but such is the strange world in which we live. I’ve been close to her and her family since middle school, so this was a natural thing, and a very happy reunion with some people we often see over the holidays. The menu was on the casual summery side, as seen below. 

The Menu ~ A Summer Gathering

– White Bean Dip with Herbs

– Fresh & Tangy Cucumber Bites

– White Peach Sangria

– Kick-ass Quinoa Salad (Cold)

– Bulghur Shrimp Salad (Warm)

– Andy’s Kickin’ Chicken (for Chillin’ & Grillin’)

– Hot dogs & hamburgers for the kids

– Carol’s Potato Salad

– Missy’s Veggie, Cracker & Pita Platter

– Carla’s Italian Pastries

Even better than the food was the company, and the two Abramo boys and their new addition Queenie made use of the pool space while we perused the gardens and settled in on the patio. It was the perfect summer gathering with some of my favorite people in the world. Hopefully we’ll get to do it again.

The importance of catching these moments is more apparent to me than ever now that kids are involved. They mark time better than any clock or calendar, and they remind me how quickly it’s going. Too quickly. 

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