Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

“The hard soil and four months of snow make the inhabitants of the northern temperate zone wiser and abler than his fellow who enjoys the fixed smile of the tropics. ” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

A January thaw wreaked havoc with the gardens and emotions, accompanied as it was with strong winds and much-higher-than-usual temperatures, yet I managed to weather it without the traditional emotional mayhem. Maybe I’m getting better at this. Previous January thaws have thrown me for loops and whirligigs and dizzying spirals. I tended to grab onto the moods and shifts of those around me rather than holding true to myself. Despite appearances to the contrary, I can be pretty stalwart when it matters.

The earth teaches these lessons in its own way. It sometimes takes a few turns around the sun for me to get it – I take my time in learning certain things, and that’s all right. The longer it takes to learn a lesson, the longer I find it stays with me.

“Winter is a season of recovery and preparation.” –Paul Theroux

One of those life lessons is that of forgiveness. I’ve had trouble with this one for decades, and it still doesn’t come naturally or easily to me. Because forgiveness, in most cases, means that someone has done you wrong. After a while, one gets tired of having to forgive. Repeated incidents that require forgiveness tend to reveal underlying attacks which, in their repetition, lend the rational person to determine it may not all be entirely unintended. But I’m getting ahead of myself, talking in vague ambiguities, when winter should be hard and steadfast and crystalline. January thaws muck that up, but I wouldn’t give up a 60 degree day with sun for anything right now. We will live with the emotional mayhem. Winter weather will return soon enough.

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.” –Edith Sitwell

One of the things that I’ve admired about Justin Trudeau is that he is human. He’s made mistakes, apologized for them, and admits he is not perfect. We all will have our issues with politicians, no matter how seemingly good they occasionally appear. This post, however, is not to delve into anything as serious and deep as all that. This is all about Justin Trudeau’s beard. Where do you stand on it?

Personally, I dig it. I dig the gray (ahem). I dig the gravity it lends, and the casual flair that is somehow peppered with distinction. It’s how a beard should work. It’s almost enough to grant him a second Hunk of the Day crowning. Almost.

When you get temperatures in the 60’s in January, it tends to make people a little giddy and crazy and out of sorts, and when that coincides with the full moon, well, it’s a wonder we’re all still here. Somehow, though, we made it through the wilderness. One week done, another one begun. This is how we find our way through the winter. That and buying flowers for the husband. Hence these roses, given as a thank you for the rather impressive feat of Andy fixing the snowblower on his own, thanks to nothing more than a YouTube tutorial. On with this rollercoaster of a recap…

There were moments of silliness.

There were no photos please.

There was a retro radio show. 

There was the promise of a new project.

There was this fragrance.

There was a crazy good dinner I made myself. 

There was a room for two.

There was Luke Evans in a skimpy Speedo.

There was a sprinkling of sparkle.

There was a message of body positivity.

There was a Sweet Sixteen birthday for this very website. 

There was a moment of contemplation.

This month marks the start of the 16^thyear of existence for ALANILAGAN.com, which makes me feel like a grumpy old Dad spewing grumpy old Dad jokes as his kid peels out of the driveway while texting. Thankfully, this website behaves much better than any teenager ever could. It does exactly as I say, adhering to precisely what I program, and doesn’t give me any lip or sass aside from the occasional error that is more the provider’s fault than anyone else’s. Quite the opposite of any unruly offspring, this website has provided a steady anchor no matter what crazy fucking shit is going on in my personal/family life, offering a single sanctuary on which I can perpetually rely, unlike just about everything and everyone else. There’s something special in that, and I don’t take it lightly. Not after sixteen years. We’ve been through too much together.

Is it strange to anthropomorphize a website? Of course it is. Yet strange is what we do best here. There aren’t many personal blogs that have lasted this long, so I can basically do what I want. Though to be honest that freedom has been in place from the very beginning of our journey back in 2003. The world was very different then, but what has remained the same is the desire to express myself as creatively and crazily as I feel fit, without censorship or limits. That may result in a voice that will never be palatable for mainstream/mass consumption, but my words are basically harmless, and the nudity is never full-frontal. Anyone who claims this place is pornographic must cringe at all the porn on the average sitcom. They have no place here anyway, as we have an acceptance policy of all people, and they would not be comfortable with such a stance. They are always welcome to join us, I just doubt it would be their cup of tea. We get many passing visitors like that, and I’m always glad for the brief time they spend here. I’m more grateful for those who deign to return, no matter how few and far between they may be. This is my sweet thank you to those folks, the ones who come back on the regular, who put up with my trying posts some days, my nonsensical posts other days, and the general ridiculousness that populates all the rest of the remaining days.

Anyway, please come back to see how this sweet sixteen year unfurls. If it’s anything like a real-life sixteen-year-old, get ready for the drama. You know I will do my best to bring it.

Last year at this time I was doing my best to get over the darkness of the ‘PVRTD’ project and delving into painting and florals and all the whimsical wantonness of ‘Once Upon A Watercolor’ which means that this year I’m feeling a little unmoored. That’s ok for the time being when the focus is on other issues, and I already have a pair of projects lined up. Since 2020 is a year of anniversaries, these are happy and nostalgic look-backs, something I don’t always enjoy, but will in these cases. More details to come in the next few months.

Now seems as good a time as any to revisit some former projects too, so be sure to visit The Projects page and see what came before. The winter is fertile creative time, mostly because there is so little else to do. This year that’s not necessarily true, so I’ll keep busy on all fronts.

With the advent of the ubiquitous camera phone, as perfectly-focused images become standard fodder, decent pictures are a dime a dozen. True there is a great deal to be said for composition and the skilled rendering of light, shadow, subject and movement, but these days it’s much easier to get a lovely image with the touch of a phone screen. Because of that, I haven’t been putting as much effort into presenting images as I once did, and it certainly shows.

I will still slow things down and go back to my trusted Canon for serious projects and photographs that mean a little bit more to me {see ‘PVRTD’ and ‘The Delusional Grandeur Tour’ for example} but for the purposes of this casual blog, I don’t really bother much with a real camera anymore. (Again, you’ve probably noticed.)

I guess this is my way of publicly working out the next steps for The Pictures page. Is it worth revamping? With the ease and instantaneous possibility of presentation provided by Instagram and other social media, what is the point of updating the photo pages at all? Part of me feels what’s there can remain as an archived bookmark to the past, and part of me feels I should do something with it, bring it into whatever modern version photographs are granted these days. I’m a dinosaur when it comes to such matters, and worse, a dinosaur that doesn’t give a fuck.

Maybe I need to talk this over with my webmaster.

Maybe I need to find the inspiration to dazzle again.

Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die.

(Most likely scenario: maybe I just leave it alone and pretend we never had this dilemma.)

PS – Follow me on Instagram just in case I migrate there for good.