Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

My birthday dawned as it usually does – quietly, calmly, without fanfare or excitement. Technically I didn’t come into the world until about 3 in the afternoon, so birthday mornings have been quiet since way back then. Andy slept in while I took a shopping walk on my own; when solitude is an option, it is made more delicious. Especially on birthday mornings. 

I made my way downtown before doubling back and pausing with a slow walk through the Boston Public Garden. 

As is typical of all things 2020, the pond was drained due to invasive wildlife. So accustomed to such bullshit have I become that it didn’t even register as disappointing. It was interesting to get this glimpse of how it works anyway – I love a behind-the-scenes, or below-the-water, peek at what goes on behind the beauty. 

Meanwhile, the zinnias continued their blooming show nearer the condo. By early afternoon, I returned there just as the sun was growing hot. Like it always has, the condo provided comfort and respite from all sorts of weather, allowing only the best light indoors, and as the time of my actual birth arrived, we sat in the splendor of the space as Cole Porter played on the stereo. 

With provisions from Eataly filling the dining table, we made a pre-dinner snack for ourselves, and I took a quick siesta in the bedroom – one of my favorite things to do, and very much a happy way of marking my birthday. 

We dined at Eddie V’s, one of the closest restaurants so we wouldn’t have to be bothered with public transportation or an Uber, and on our way there were more flowers to help with the quiet celebration. 

Low-key and lovely, my birthday came to its contemplative close. In a crazy year, we made the most of it, and that was more than enough. Anything that’s not a complete bonkers disaster has to be considered a stunning success at this point. 

Boston retains its beauty, if you know where and how to find it. If that beauty is more subdued these days, and a little bit hidden, that only makes it all the more wondrous. 

The body of a 44-year-old just one day removed from 45 is different from the one I had at half this age, but I’ve been taking a little better care of it now than I was back then. That’s what happens when you get older. Rather than fight it, it’s best to embrace those changes, leaning into ways to live a little healthier. 

After returning from a pre-birthday dinner, I prepared to take a quick shower in the hazy nether region before another birthday. Forty-five years ago tonight I did not exist. In the way that birthdays sometimes bring about a moment of melancholy, I wondered briefly if there would have been any discernible difference in the world if I hadn’t entered it the next day. Even the most influential among us have very little say or sway in changing the world in sweeping ways; the best we can do is nudge and cajole in small ways the shifting trajectory of the universe. 

Looking back to when I stood in the same bathroom twenty five years ago, I wondered at how much had truly changed. I didn’t feel all that different on the inside, but how unrecognizable the outside world had become from just five or ten years ago. Upon closer examination, I suppose I had changed quite a bit too, and not just on the outside…

After making a solo test-run day-trip to Boston a couple of weeks ago, I knew the city was as safe (if not safer) than where we were at in Albany, so Andy and I made our first journey out-of-state in many months for a birthday trip to Beantown. In Boston, masks were worn all the time – even on the street when no one else was around – and there are sanitizing stations at every store and entrance. Our plan didn’t involve much public interaction – two dinners out was all we had planned, and if we felt uncomfortable with anything we reserved the right to hunker down in the condo and not go anywhere. In the end, our time there was delightfully uneventful, even for a birthday get-away, and it felt good to be doing something closer to normal. 

As we pulled onto Braddock Park, my heart leapt a little from simple joy. Oh how we have missed you! It reminded me of friends and gatherings and happiness and weddings and love. In the middle of the island, the fountain was playing and spraying its happy song, the trees were still green, and the gardens of the Southwest Corridor Park were dizzy with zinnias in full bloom. 

We unpacked and settled in while sunlight poured into the bedroom and the air conditioner cooled the stuffy space. It hadn’t been opened to any air flow since March, and you could almost feel the condo breathing again. A ZZ plant stood near the window, still alive after all these months thanks to its water-storing tubers, like a little green camel. Hurriedly, I gave it a deep drink of water. Life stirred.

While Andy took a nap, I walked around the old haunts, meandering along Newbury Street and through Copley Square. The city was quieter, even more-so than the usual slumber of summer, and I embraced the change. Oddly enough, my time in Boston has never been to plug into the noise and excitement of a city, but to find the peace and stillness amid all the hustle and bustle. 

Our first dinner was at Terra at Eataly – a new restaurant on the upper floor of Eataly. Its glass ceilinged beauty was given a dramatic flourish as a lightning storm descended and gave us a show of strobes throughout dinner; the universe was not going to let me leave the age of 44 without some drama. The storm let up just in time for us to make our way back to the condo. My last night as a 44 year old had arrived…