Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

30
December
2020
Tags: Music
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Let’s Get Ridiculous!

La freak!
La freak!
Yo! Yo! Yo! Let’s go!!!

Veering toward the end of this year of insanity, here’s one last let-loose post before the year-end recap (which I’ve mercifully-shortened to two posts instead of the usual three or four -because we don’t need to prolong the agony). This is a fitting song for silliness, for a year in which I gave up the ghost of perfectionism, embracing our imperfect selves in an imperfect world. That meant being ok with looking ridiculous, a welcome change of pace which originally felt uncomfortable, but soon grew on me like a comfy pair of sweatpants in the middle of a grocery store.

I’M LAID BACK, I’M FEELING THIS
TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT, I JUST WANNA LET IT GO
HIT THE PLAYBACK, I KNOW YOU FEELING THIS
COME ON BABY, LET’S GET RIDICULOUS!
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON
BABY LET’S GET RIDICULOUS
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON
BABY LET’S GET RIDICULOUS

I WAS BORN TO ROCK THE PARTY
I WAS BORN TO ROCK YA BODY
I’M FRESH, I’M SLICK, I’M LA-DI-DA-DI
I’M LAID BACK, I’M FEELING THIS
TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT, I JUST WANNA LET IT GO
HIT THE PLAYBACK, I KNOW YOU FEELING THIS
COME ON BABY, LET’S GET RIDICULOUS!
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON
BABY LET’S GET RIDICULOUS
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON
BABY LET’S GET RIDICULOUS

For the better part of my life, even as a very young child, I’ve always been a rather serious person – perhaps too much so for my own good. Looking back, a great deal of things could have gone differently had I only learned to relax and let go and not been so hell-bent on being so right and so perfect. That’s not an easy thing to change, but this year I had to do it. There wasn’t a choice. 

That ended up being the best thing that could have happened in the tumult that was 2020. 

CRAZY, LOUD, GET WILD IN THE CROWD
LET’S GET CRAZY, LOUD, GET WILD IN THE CROWD
LET’S GET CRAZY, LOUD, GET WILD IN THE CROWD
PARTY PEOPLE
LET’S GET RIDICULOUS!

It was quite an adjustment, and a complete reversal of a mindset that took almost four and half decades to, well, perfect. That’s the thing, however – it wasn’t perfect. Even when things worked out according to itinerary and plan, even when the day or night was ordained before and after as something wonderful, it was never perfect. Because perfection is not for us to attain. Embracing that, and realizing my mistakes and shortcomings, became an adventure of its own. It was guided by therapy and meditation, grounded in honesty and difficult discussions, and in one of those magnificent strokes of the universe, it led to a lighter and somehow fuller way of living.

Admitting that I would never be perfect was the necessary first step in stumbling toward a happier existence. There was a certain freedom that came with that, and with apologizing for those times I was still figuring out and feeling my way through. Such fumbling and flailing is best done with a strong backing beat, some ass-flashing, a bit of bodacious twerking, and a blog post that can be both silly and serious  – something for the booty and the mind – at the same time. 

LET’S GET RIDICULOUS!
ALL THE TIME I’LL BE SEEING YOU AT SCHOOL
AND YOU SO FINE, I JUST HAD TO PLAY IT COOL
YOU BLOW MY MIND ALL THE CRAZY THINGS YOU DO
I SEE THAT YOU WANNA ACT A FOOL
SO BABY LET’S GET RIDICULOUS!

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30
December
2020
Tags: General
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A Bouquet to Span the Years

This simple pine bouquet (and owl accoutrements) has been going strong for this entire holiday season, and shows no signs of letting up. Originally I toyed with the idea of adding some flowers to it, but in the end it called for simplicity, and the bare-bones structure of its branches and varied evergreen forms. Bringing the outdoors inside is a bit trickier at this time of the year, and there are far fewer options, which makes me cherish this one a little bit more. 

Once this runs its full course, I’ll switch out the greenery for something similar – I like the way the Eastern pine looks, as well as the clouds of juniper, so maybe I’ll edit even further. Spare and sparse works best in the winter. 

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30
December
2020
Tags: General
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My Only New Year’s Resolution

Stop courting darkness.

That’s it.

That’s enough.

Too many New Year’s resolutions are made and broken too quickly. I find it best to keep things simple and accomplished with reasonable effort. And who says that resolutions are just for the start of a new calendar year? Every day should be an opportunity for a new resolution. A year is made much more manageable that way. It’s one of the basic tenets of mindfulness – to live in each moment at hand, doing the little daily rituals of life and being fully aware and invested in each of them. It leaves much less time and space for worry and dread.

Take, for instance, these pictures. They were captured on a night that we lost our power. I was alone while Andy was out getting groceries, and the house was completely dark. I lit a few candles, cozied up in a blanket by the hearth, and made the most of the silence and solitude. We always seem to lose our power at inopportune moments (like the recent Vice Presidential debate when we missed the whole fly imbroglio) and since then I’ve come to expect them. It’s easier to roll with the punches and follow the flow of the river than go against it.

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” – Edith Wharton

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29
December
2020
Tags: General
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Being New York Tough

Wearing a mask is an act of love. 

And this article said it better than I ever could.

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29
December
2020
Tags: General
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A Winter Poem by Sara Teasdale

A Winter Bluejay

Sara Teasdale

Crisply the bright snow whispered,
Crunching beneath our feet;
Behind us as we walked along the parkway,
Our shadows danced,
Fantastic shapes in vivid blue.
Across the lake the skaters
Flew to and fro,
With sharp turns weaving
A frail invisible net.
In ecstasy the earth
Drank the silver sunlight;
In ecstasy the skaters
Drank the wine of speed;
In ecstasy we laughed
Drinking the wine of love.
Had not the music of our joy
Sounded its highest note?
But no,
For suddenly, with lifted eyes you said,
“Oh look!”
There, on the black bough of a snow flecked maple,
Fearless and gay as our love,
A bluejay cocked his crest!
Oh who can tell the range of joy
Or set the bounds of beauty?

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28
December
2020
Tags: Holiday
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Last Weekly Recap of the Year

Once upon a Christmas vacation, when I was but a wee school kid, this would be one of the best weeks of the year. All freedom and new presents and time at home with the family – and it was the latter that was always the most fun and important to me, especially if extended family was involved. These days that freedom is gone – I’ll be working, albeit from home for most of the week – and so I live a bit in the past for this final week of the year, remembering how wonderful it was to be a kid around Christmas. On with the recap…

Winter solstice wishes. 

Flashin’ red holiday passion. 

A creamy Christmas treat courtesy of a naked Simon Dunn. 

Green breathing room.

A return to reverence and wonder?

Christmas garland.

It came upon a midnight clear.

A family Christmas from a distance. 

Christmas sentiments.

The social non-influencer, in a velvet jacket.

A Tom Ford holiday mash-up.

Winter vantage point.

Life will always try to trip you up.

Still December. 

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27
December
2020
Tags: Holiday, Music
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Still December…

DECEMBER, IT ALWAYS HAPPENS IN DECEMBER
I GET A YEARNING FOR A CHRISTMAS I KNOW, WITH HOLLY AND SNOW
THE KIND WE USED TO HAVE BACK HOME A LONG TIME AGO
DECEMBER, BRINGS BACK A SCENE THAT I REMEMBER
THE LIGHTED CHRISTMAS TREES AND WINDOWS AT NIGHT
SO CHEERFUL AND BRIGHT, AND ALL THE WORLD A WONDERLAND (ALL COVERED WITH WHITE)

This was very much a December that needed all the Christmas magic it could possibly muster, and so let’s prolong the holiday spirit for longer than usual. In fact, I propose extending the light and the joy through January, and the darkest early days of winter. Why should we limit such good-will and noble sentiment? We should preserve Christmas in our hearts the year through.

CHILDREN SOUND ASLEEP ON CHRISTMAS EVE
THEY’RE DREAMING DREAMS OF MAKE BELIEVE
YOU CAN BET TOMORROW, THEY’LL BE THRILLED 
WHEN THEY AWAKE TO FIND THEIR STOCKINGS FILLED
DECEMBER
THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I REMEMBER
AND, SO NO MATTER WHAT MY FORTUNE MAY BE, OR WHERE I MAY ROAM
IN DECEMBER, I’LL BE GOING HOME

This song came on the radio as Andy and I were returning from dropping off a Christmas ham dinner to my parents. It was already dark, and most of the day was done. It had been a different sort of Christmas, staying home while Andy cooked the ham and an exquisite aroma of spiced glaze filled the house. Not wholly unpleasant, even as we missed seeing family and friends this year. I was just about ready to call it quits for another season when this song sounded its nostalgic magic, reminding me that Christmas is, was, and will always be more a feeling than a specific place or circumstance.

YOU’LL FIND THE CHILDREN SOUND ASLEEP ON CHRISTMAS EVE
THEY’RE DREAMING DREAMS OF MAKE BELIEVE
YOU CAN BET TOMORROW, THEY’LL BE THRILLED 
WHEN THEY AWAKE TO FIND THEIR STOCKINGS FILLED
DECEMBER
THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I REMEMBER
AND, SO NO MATTER WHAT MY FORTUNE MAY BE, OR WHERE I MAY ROAM
IN DECEMBER, I’LL BE GOING HOME
IN DECEMBER, (DECEMBER) I’LL BE GOING HOME
IN DECEMBER, I’LL BE GOING HOME

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27
December
2020
Tags: General
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When Life Trips You Up

There are always going to be those moments and those people who try to trip you up. 

Like this banana peel left so coincidentally right beside my car door.

Had I not been aware, I might have slipped on it like some silly cartoon, and there are more than a few of you who would have loved to witness that. (You know who you are – hell, I’m one of you. I’ve watched a YouTube video of models wobbling and ultimately falling on the runway more times than I’d like to admit.) It’s human nature, and a rather ugly side of it. I’m just as susceptible as the next person – though I’d like to think I’d never leave a banana peel in such a possibly-precarious position. No, it’s more than like – I most definitely would never leave a banana peel – or any piece of garbage – out in a parking lot or other public place. Littering is gross, and denotes a certain moral failing. 

So what did I do? I stepped gingerly around it. We can make all that choice. In pre-COVID times I might have taken a tissue and picked it up so no one else might befall a cartoon fate, but in this day and age I don’t touch anything on the ground.

Dodging banana peels is a metaphor for much of life lately, and so we continue on the journey…

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27
December
2020
Tags: Flowers
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A Winter Vantage Point

Against the windowpanes looking out onto a snowy scene, a potted cyclamen glows warmly pink with its sinuous blooms and soft dark green foliage. It makes a simple yet stunning show with the backdrop of blue dusk lending its winter chill. Such a juxtaposition gives the scene an added coziness, the way a cooler bedroom at night makes sleep beneath a warm blanket that much more pleasurable.  

There’s also something comforting about a greenhouse beauty recalling the warmer days of late summer when cyclamen typically bloom in the wild, bringing that verdant gorgeousness inside when the earth has been cold and barren for several months, and will be for several more. 

Soon enough, the glow of Christmas will wear off, and the long trudge of winter will continue with the bleak gray and brown earth peeking through the snow whenever weather allows. Little scenes like this stave off the coldness of the outside world. They may be transient, they may be temporary, but the emotional sustenance they provide lasts beyond their prettiness. 

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26
December
2020
Tags: Cologne
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Tom Ford Mash-Up

For an extra dash of decadence in a holiday season largely devoid of such excess, I give you a pairing that is a favorite at this time of the year: Tom Ford’s ‘Oud Wood’ and ‘Santal Blush’. On their own, they are exquisite – taken together, they become absolutely divine. The resinous woody aspect of ‘Oud Wood’ intertwines gloriously with the sandalwood of the ‘Santal Blush’, tempering the latter’s sweetness and bringing out that lovely woodsy feel. It is very much a pairing for the festive season of light, when you want to sparkle not only in visage but in scent as well. 

Normally I would warn against mixing scents, but Ford’s Private Blends are an exception, if you are careful about what you are doing. I tend to pair those who have a few note sin common – most of the Neroli line mingle with one another magnificently, as do all of his Oud offerings. But there is glory to be found in the unexpected as well – I once put ‘Santal Blush’ together with ‘Tuscan Leather‘ which originally sounded like a disaster – and it ended up being a powerful delight. 

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26
December
2020
Tags: Fashion
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The Social Non-Influencer

My Twitter bio, written by a once and future genius, describes me as a ‘social non-influencer’ because really, who has influence over whom? And what good is influence anyway? It’s one of those non-quantifiable qualities that doesn’t easily translate into anything very solid. And, as in most things in life, such as bowel movements, I prefer something solid to almost anything else.

My pal Nick has a blessedly-inflated view of my influence, and that’s always sweet to hear, because the reality is that if I had any sort of actual influence, I’d have changed the world by now. That, and everyone would be in bright velvet coats and big velvet flowers and their Zoom background would be filled with sparkle and shine.a

Alas, such influence is not within my power or purview, and I’ve reconciled myself to the limited possibilities, as they exist. It is enough being known for what I am by the few who mean the most to me. That’s power. That’s influence. That’s what matters. The rest of it is all fluff…

Like my Twitter account.

Like my FaceBook account.

Like my Instagram account.

Frivolous fluff and masturbation for the mind – these dangerous time-stompers steal and rob us of reality, and, more sadly, of mindfulness. You cannot be present with your eyes downcast and looking at a little screen. My time on those platforms grows less and less, when I can help it, when I make the effort to disengage and re-engage. I’m a hit-often, hit-quick, and exit-quicker kind of social media guy. Tons of posts, but little stalking or scrolling. It’s slightly selfish and self-serving, but what does one expect from a social non-influencer who isn’t getting paid a dime?

Lollo mi parla di quella ragazza
Di quanto a bellissima e quanto gli manca
Parlare con lei

Tu ancora le rolli a bandiera
Marco, che ha smesso da un po’
E l’anno prossimo
Parte per l’Olanda

E come si fa
Ora che gli idoli sono gli influencer
E noi non siamo niente
Noi non siamo niente
E come si fa, ooooh
Lancia i vestiti per aria, li raccolgono in alto
Quelli con gli aeroplani
Li vedi i miei piani, che volano via

Sotto a uno smercio ci mangiavo il McDonald’s
E ora ci vendono il fumo
E non ci va pia nessuno
E no che non piango
A solo l’allergia
Volevo fare una festa
Dentro camera mia

Lollo mi parla di quella ragazza
Di quanto bellissima e quanto gli manca
Scopare con lei

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25
December
2020
Tags: Holiday
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Christmas Words & Sentiments

“Sonnet of Festivals” by Abhijit Naskar

Christmas isn’t about the decorations,
It’s about compassion.
Hanukkah isn’t about the sufganiyot,
It’s about amalgamation.
Ramadan isn’t about the feast,
It’s about affection.
Diwali isn’t about the lights,
It’s about ascension.
Our world is filled with festivals,
But what do they really mean?
Celebrating them with cultural exclusivity,
Makes us not human but savage fiend.
Every festival belongs to all of humanity,
For happiness has no religious identity.

“Music on Christmas Morning” by Anne Brontë

Music I love -­ but never strain
Could kindle raptures so divine,
So grief assuage, so conquer pain,
And rouse this pensive heart of mine -­
As that we hear on Christmas morn,
Upon the wintry breezes borne.
 
Though Darkness still her empire keep,
And hours must pass, ere morning break;
From troubled dreams, or slumbers deep,
That music kindly bids us wake:
It calls us, with an angel’s voice,
To wake, and worship, and rejoice

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25
December
2020
Tags: Family, Holiday
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From Our Family To Yours, Merry Christmas

There are certain years when Christmas seems to mean a little more, when the previous months have been so difficult and trying that we hold a little tighter to those we love, and that has certainly been the case this year. What a tumultuous and frightening time for so many, and how much we have turned to the loved ones who mean the most to us in the hopes that we see each other through it all. Christmas and its story of love and light – birth and charity – kindness and hope – lasts but a short season, and I wish we were able to carry its goodwill and bonhomie through all of the seasons. Maybe that should be our goal for the next year. 

As for this Christmas, it’s been thrown for the loop that is 2020, and we are dealing with it accordingly. We will still reach out to those we love, we just need to be safe and do it a bit differently. For my extended family that means waiting until it’s safe to reconvene outside in the spring – when we will have our big family gathering for Christmas dinner (and another go-round of gifts since we have more than earned it) out on the patio. We’ll have an early spring at the sign of the first thaw. 

There is something cathartic and reassuring about having something to look forward to. As much as we try to live in the moment, my default is to have something planned just beyond the horizon, something to keep in the distance that propels us forward. 

Until then, we will find our way in this new world together, celebrating from a distance, and honoring the spirit of Christmas with kindness and compassion. My heart is filled with a multitude of Christmas memories, and I hope you have a similar set of recollections to keep you warm on this day.

Merry Christmas to friends and family, near and far.

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24
December
2020
Tags: Holiday
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A Midnight Clear

Of all the eves in the year, Christmas Eve has always been the most magical. Celestial beings hold the earth still for a few precious moments, honoring the love and the lesson of the season. The story of the birth of Jesus reminds us of acceptance, of making just a little more room for our brethren in need. And a spirit of goodwill pervades even the most hardened of hearts. There is a light in the midst of this darkest part of the year, as if the universe understood we needed it most right now. 

This is one of my Mom’s favorite songs – I learned it on the piano when I was a kid and she favored it at Christmas. Its images of a winter scene filled with angels and golden harps are soothing, its melody simple and sweet. Evocative of a midnight mass, it reminds me of peace and stillness.

I would think of a clearing in a snowy forest, lit by moonlight from an otherwise-dark sky studded with stars. The planets would join in and sparkle, while icy boughs would channel moonlight and set it off like shards of glass. There was a mystical magic to such a scene, a brush with the ever-elusive sublime, a little bit of light in the midst of all the darkness.

When I was young, even the traditionally-upsetting exercise of attending church services was filled with a certain comfort and joy, where happiness and peace over-rode the usual social anxiety. There was something safe in a time when everyone was happy, when it didn’t feel like fights or battles or wars could ever break such a spell. 

When the sun and the moon revolved around a winter world, when the snow and the pine trees conspired to make such a beautiful pairing – this was the time of peace and stillness. It was in honor and reverence to whatever you believed in, whatever deity or story or universal being that tied us all together.  All our paths led to this midnight clearing, and I believe they still do. 

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24
December
2020
Tags: Holiday
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A Christmas Garland

This Judy Garland Christmas Special comes complete with the original commercials, which makes it a quaint slice of Americana. This particular show has been honored and lampooned countless times, including an entire episode of ‘Glee’ during its hey-day. It took me a while to warm to the classic almost-campy proceedings, but the older I get, the more I appreciate the nostalgic cheesiness and warmth, and the Garland star-power. “Liza’s out skating with her beau” indeed!

The multi-level living room set, some sort of mid-century eleganza with a Liberace-lite piano, lends its own coziness and sparkle, like some vintage aluminum Christmas tree. Ms. Garland’s fur-lined holiday gown is a thing of exquisite beauty as well. There are too many moments of kitsch and cuteness to recount – but watch for the Santa line-dancers, Liza and Tracy’s ‘Steam Heat’, and one crazy egg nog lift across the expanse of the set. 

All that’s missing is the fondue. 

Enjoy this show now, or save it for tonight when you’re looking to snuggle in for a long winter’s nap. 

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