Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Hearts of Tulips

We’ve only been dining with my parents outside and in their garage for the past year, but this Thursday will mark two weeks since my second COVID-19 vaccine, so soon that will change. At least, we’ll be able to exercise the option of joining them safely indoors as they’ve been vaccinated for a couple of months, and Andy finished his course a couple of weeks ago. Yesterday marked the last time we dined in the garage, as soon their backyard terrace canopy will go up, and we’ll be able to join them for dinner there, or inside if the weather decides to continue its erratic behavior. 

For this dinner, Mom made a delicious lasagna, and on the table was a simple but lovely bouquet of tulips and daffodils. It was a seasonal mark of celebration – quiet in its spicy scent, up close, and glorious in its colorful vibrancy. The tulips have lasted for several years – longer than the usual short-lived and sport-breaking trajectory of the average tulip bulb. 

After dinner we briefly toured the backyard and made plans for the upcoming season. Visions of Korean lilacs unfurled, and the hope of spring carried on the light wind. 

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Spring Grin & Pear It

These flowering pear trees – all flowers, no edible fruit – are in their brief glory this week. They’re so ubiquitous that we’re all sort of sick of them, and aside from this show they’re rather plain. Worse, their growth is such that their branches constantly break beneath the slightest winter snowfall. I’m not sure what constitutes their immense use in landscaping, other than some quick growth. Slow and steady always feels more rewarding to me, but that’s my own insufferable pathology. 

All of that sour critiquing aside, I’m taking this moment to celebrate their turn in the sun – and any turn in the sun for the matter, as it’s proving elusive and mysterious at a time when we need it the most. I’m ready for the full-fledged arrival of spring, longing for outside time that doesn’t bite with the wind or cut with the chill. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Lourdes Leon

It can’t be easy being Madonna’s daughter. As much as I love Madonna, one does get the feeling that living with her is no easy gig. Yet from most indications her first-born daughter, Lourdes Leon, is making her way from beneath the enormous shadow of the most famous mother in history. Ms. Leon earns her first Dazzler of the Day honor, thanks to her latest turn as the muse and model of Marc Jacobs, and a charming ‘Vanity Fair’ story that reveals a level of sophistication that one might expect from the offspring of Madonna. Watching her grow into her own may not be as rocky as some anticipated. 

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Recalled to Boston Life

Gearing up for a couple of Boston weekends in the not-too-distant future, our first trips in far too long, I’m doing my best to contain my excitement, as too many exciting plans have been dashed int he past year. Instead, I’m taking a contemplative look back at some previous visits, such as this one from April 2019, in which a relatively large contingent of some of my favorite family and friends descended upon the city for one spectacular weekend. My Mom and my niece Emi arrived first, and I had an early dinner with them, then Kira joined me at the Copley Fairmont, and we made our way to the condo where the Montross family was cozily ensconced on a rainy and windy night. It remains one of my favorite Boston weekends that somehow worked out perfectly. Bonus: Madonna had just released ‘Medellín adding to the magic and majesty of the moment. And soon, we shall begin a few new Boston chapters… 

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Dazzler of the Day: Victoria Beckham

If you were a Spice Girl, which Spice Girl would you be?

My answer is easy and obvious: Posh.

All the way. And not just because of David Beckham.

Marking her debut as Dazzler of the Day, Victoria Beckham earns the honor for her fashion line, and for staying somehow above the fray of celebrity downfalls and difficulties that too often plague former members of girl groups and boy bands. Ms. Beckham has turned her love for fashion into a viable career, punctuated by an elegant sense of timeless style married to a very modern angle. Sparse, severe, and chic to the east thread, Beckham surprised the fashion world with her consistent excellence. She hides behind that never-caught-smiling cool visage, but I sense a sly humor underneath it all. That in itself is a dazzling feat.

PS – David Beckham.

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A Narcissus Inspiration

The best designs are simple and based in the most rudimentary lessons of nature. Color combinations especially are taught to us in the way nature arranges its blooms and foliage. The golden throat of a bearded iris flanked by the purple majesty of its perfumed petals. The chartreuse leaves of the coral bark maple and the thrilling juxtaposition of its reddish stems. The striking magenta of the Lychnis tempered by the wooly gray green rosettes of foliage from which its fire rises. 

Such were the ideas of inspiration flitting across my mind when I was deciding which curtains to order for the patio canopy this summer. I decided to keep things simple, and chose a white and yellow palette like the ‘Ice Follies’ Narcissus seen blooming in the garden this week. 

The drabness of stormy days and the lingering threat of snow demanded something cheery and sunny. Last year I added accents of yellow to the patio in a table and a couple of plant stands, and no one got to see any of it. I’ve held onto them for another year, and they are quite striking when the sun echoes their glad glow. It’s sets a fun stage for outdoor visitors, and when a chill deigns to creep in at last light, these curtains can be drawn closed in a circle of intimacy and warmth. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Mel Odom

A Renaissance man in every sense of the term, Mel Odom is the embodiment of what a true Dazzler of the Day fully encompasses. With a storied career of artistic achievements, he continues creating new work and pushing his artistic evolution with every new project. His portraits include “world leaders, scoundrels, authors, friends and family” and chances are you’ve seen one of his pieces somewhere. (His Madonna portrait appeared in an epic Rolling Stone review of ‘Like A Prayer‘ – and Odom’s take on her revealed the ethereal, mysterious, and bewitching essence of that album, and of the woman herself.) 

His artwork has entranced the entire world, with regular appearances in Time, Rolling Stone, Blue Boy, Omni, the New York Times, and Playboy (where the eroticism of much of his work found happy fruition). Reminiscent of the style of Tamara de Lempicka, Odom’s artistic expression also reaches further back to the gods and goddesses of Greek and Roman mythology. While in less-sophisticated hands it might remove his subjects from grasp, Odom draws them closer to the viewer, presenting an intimacy in the eyes and the gaze, eliciting a sense of mystique in the very act of revelation. Even when the eyes of his subjects are closed, he somehow succeeds at revealing a bit of their soul. Illuminating that connection between beauty and humanity is where Mel Odom truly dazzles. 

{Visit his enchanting website here.}

(‘Charleston’ by Mel Odom.)

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The Korean Victorian Holiday House

Grandly ornamented and punctuated by its black and white paint scheme, the stately Victorian house on Locust Avenue served as the gathering place for a host of my most favored childhood memories. It was here where my family would religiously assemble for every Thanksgiving and Christmas Day, here where we would honor Suzie’s birthday each June ninth, and here where graduation parties and weddings would eventually take place. For my childhood, it was a place of magic and enchantment, carrying the familiarity of a home-away-from-home, but tinged with enough mystery and secrets to always be slightly out of reach. 

Behind the carriage house there were the rumored wanderings of a group of chickens. Further out along the forest’s edge was a stand of rhubarb, and beyond that a few stands of Jack-in-the-Pulpit, purportedly discarded from the front bed. The formal gardens had the carved out remnants of a little pool – a water feature that had long ago dried up and never been re-filled. The hot and dry days of summer made it inhospitable, but I loved imagining its former incarnation, and would lurk there beneath the drooping boughs of an evergreen, even when Suzie had long tired of being outside.

While there was nothing secret about the gardens, they held a mystique that has never dissolved, even all these years later when I re-examine them in my mind. There is always something more to be found around each curve, something in the shade of a grand elm, or beneath the gnarled maze of grape vines that threatened to engulf their arbor. It was a beauty and sublimity that carried on the mockorange-perfumed breezes of summer, or the sweet wafting of the otherwise inconspicuous fringe tree. The peony beds and their heavy flowerheads of fragrant majesty got all the credit, but I knew were quieter forces at work perfuming that wondrous air. 

All of these wonders were secondary and peripheral to the real magic and mystery of the grounds: the Ko house, and all its Victorian majesty. Like the central locale of ‘Meet Me In St. Louis’ years before I ever felt the pull of Judy Garland, the Ko home was the hub of so much of my social world. Clearly that wasn’t much since I was just a child, but to a child it was everything. 

Much of its Victorian charm had been preserved and left fully intact – there were stained-glass windows, red-velvet-embossed wallpaper, fireplaces both upstairs and down, and a warm-hued wood that ran throughout the house. With all the wood, and some dark carpeting, it should have felt dim and dark, but somehow it never did. Not in my childhood days. For all of its multi-storied, sprawling expanse, it felt intimate and cozy – a testament to the family that occupied it, as well as all the artful objects and unique items that populated the shelves and corners. 

Gnarled cacti and bizarre succulents stood rising out of buckets and ancient pottery. On the mantle of the dining room fireplace, glass jars of ginseng roots suspended in some preservation liquid stood sentry, their contorted forms a fascinating opportunity for anthropomorphic meanderings. Korean dolls, decked out in the most exquisitely colored dresses of silk paraded behind glass boxes perched above bookshelves. A round bay window, lined with a curved, cushioned banquette for rainy day reading sessions (which I never saw anyone occupy) marked one of my favorite spots in the house. It was in that room that Suzie and my brother and I spent the latter half of a dim evening – on the night we had to stay over because Dad was having eye surgery in Albany. No one would be home to watch us, so Mom packed us up for the Ko house, where we were largely left to Suzie’s entertaining expertise. As worried as we were about our own father, we felt safe in the dark expanse of that room, which would typically be fraught with shadow and menace on such a night. 

As the memory recedes, I try vainly to hold onto the warmth that came from the Ko home, and I still find it in Suzie and Elaine and the Ko boys. It wasn’t about a place or a space – it was about the good things that happened there. It’s different for me since I was mostly an onlooker and visitor – there for the happiest of celebratory days – and perhaps our childhoods give too much power to place and circumstance…

 

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When the Jury Summons Memories

“It is not an easy decision. No one will win – we have all only lost. Even those of us who had no choice in serving on this jury have lost, even when we haven’t done anything.” – Me, Summer of 2012

For a very long time, I wasn’t able to talk about my time on the jury of a murder trial in 2012. Keeping a diary of my experience seemed like enough – and I’ll provide the links to that in a moment – but once it was over I was so traumatized and disoriented by the events that I literally couldn’t talk about it. When the topic came up, I would walk away, switch the conversation, or tell whomever was around I just didn’t want to talk about it. That had never been the case about anything before. Even when circumstances proved uncomfortable or sad or disturbing, I could still talk about them. This one shook me and spooked me in ways that shifted the very foundations of my adult life, and so I buried it. At least, I tried. 

For the whole summer of 2012, I was haunted by my time on the jury. Haunted by the two boys whose lives were lost in very different ways. Haunted by the dismantling of everything I once held dear and important. Haunted by the swift and utter dissolution of all my happy illusions. Those ghosts would hang on until I started talking about it. Slowly and just a little at first. Then a bit more, and a bit more, until it was ok to ask me about it, until I could pass the courthouse at lunch and not feel the pit of worry in my stomach. 

When I went into therapy we touched on the trial a bit, and this week I may bring it up again, as all of the media attention on the George Floyd trial and the jury speculation brought a bunch of memories back. I realized that I’d been avoiding much of the trial coverage because it was infuriating to see how the media commented about the jury and the assumed verdict. 

The truth is that the only people who will ever know what those jurors actually saw and experienced are the jurors themselves. Not the lawyers, not the officers, and not even the judge knows exactly what they are going through or determining. It was one of the things that struck me most about the judge’s orders in our jury duty instructions. At some point in the trial he told us there was no one else on earth who would understand or realize what we were doing, and there was something very special and sacred in that. 

As everyone was preparing for the George Floyd verdict, I found myself going back to my own jury duty days, and the way they profoundly changed my life in the summer of 2012. Reading through them again, I see the journey I took in a healthier way. In the beginning, I had just intended to document it for a funny blog post or two, whining and complaining about the smelly guy next to me, or the person who was cutting their toe-nails in public. I didn’t anticipate what it would become, or how it might change me.

  1. I can keep a secret
  2. I was wrong about jury duty
  3. A juror’s first impressions
  4. Fingers crossed for a dismissal
  5. Hopes of a dismissal dashed
  6. On the third day
  7. The third day continues
  8. A brighter morning, a darker day
  9. Disenchantment sets in
  10. Tears on a Friday
  11. The second week begins
  12. The end of an endless day
  13. Too tired to write, too haunted to care
  14. The last full day of deliberation
  15. The last day and the verdict
  16. The first days after

“There are strict instructions and guidelines for those serving jury duty. There are procedures and rules and laws we must abide. There is no such guidance for what to do when your jury duty is over, no advice on how best to decompress, how to reconcile your decisions with the aftermath of reality, no helpful word on how to forget.

I thought it would be easier to shake than this.

I am afraid I will be haunted.

And no one understands.”

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When the Bark is the Bite

This is the glory time for the Coral Bark Maple tree – its leaves are the brightest chartreuse, and the bark is the brightest red it will be all year (not quite what I think of as coral, but more than close enough, and gorgeous in its own right). We have two beautiful trees – one each at opposing corners of our home – that soften the edges while thrilling with this color combination. Even the tiny stems of the leaves ring red, offsetting the vibrant lime of the unfurling leaves. 

These little starbursts of color are one of the sweetest parts of spring. So fresh, so new, so delicate – and yet so bold, so thrilling and so brazen. Spring is all of this. 

Such happy shades are redolent of the freshness of the season, and it never fails to seize my heart a little, no matter how many springs I’ve seen.

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Dazzler of the Day: Snoop Dogg

On this particular date there’s only one person who could possibly live up to the Dazzler of the Day: Snoop Dogg. I’ve been a fan long before his friendship with Martha Stewart thrilled the world, tickled by his mellow way of making his journey through life. There is something very Zen about how he navigates the tricky world of celebrity. And even though I’m not into the gin these days, ‘Gin & Juice’ is still a jam – but my main joint will always be ‘Drop it Like It’s Hot’.

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Pink-Cupped Narcissus

My one-time gardening guru Lee Bailey, in his exquisite book ‘Country Flowers‘ went on in rapture about the loveliness of a few new pink-cupped Narcissus. At the time I was entirely under his spell (this was in the pre-teen years of the mid to late 80’s) and so I begged my Mom to order a few for fall planting. After putting them in at the entrance to a little forest path lined with slate stone, I eagerly anticipated their show all through the winter. The following spring they poked through the ground, and bloomed in just the enchanting way Bailey had described – not quite a true pink, but a pink brushed with shades of peach and apricot. This color changed and evolved – some went into the more traditional pink, but always lined at the edge with a bit of something warmer – and some stayed a lovely shade of peach. Either way, it was a welcome variation from the yellow to which we’ve al grown quite accustomed. 

These days whenever I see pink-cupped Narcissus in a garden store I’ll pick up a bag and plant them in memory of Lee, hence this pretty creature who defied the recent snow and cold to boldly throw a bit of beauty into our neglected side yard. I love the barely-discernible accent of green in the throat – pink always goes so nicely with green. 

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Dazzler of the Day: John Cena

John Cena is a quintessential Renaissance man. He has mastered and conquered the worlds of professional wrestling, bodybuilding, acting, and rapping. More importantly, as my pal Skip pointed out, Cena is actively involved in the Make-A-Wish Foundation, and holds the record for most wishes granted. That alone merits this Dazzler of the Day crowning. (See also his turn as Hunk of the Day.)

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A Squirming Recap

The spring squirm has me all sorts of antsy for some finer weather and outside living, but until fickle Mother Nature decides not to dump more white stuff on us no guard should be let down. (Looks like we have another possibility of more snow this week, so the time has not yet come for tender annuals.) On with the messy recap… 

Proud and unbowed.

Andy’s love of the message T.

Why so serious?

Awakened by a spring rain.

Chartreuse spring.

My second COVID vaccine down.

Ilagan family fun.

Barely seen, but still there.

Back to my beloved.

The spring squirm.

A gorgeous jacket for a gorgeous quote.

Dazzlers of the Day included Ronen Rubinstein, David Sedaris, The Weeknd, Hope Trautwein, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Elissa Halloran, and Chris Grigas.

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A Gorgeous Quote Deserves a Gorgeous Jacket

“It has made me better loving you… it has made me wiser, and easier, and brighter. I used to want a great many things before, and to be angry that I did not have them. Theoretically, I was satisfied. I flattered myself that I had limited my wants. But I was subject to irritation; I used to have morbid sterile hateful fits of hunger, of desire. Now I really am satisfied, because I can’t think of anything better. It’s just as when one has been trying to spell out a book in the twilight, and suddenly the lamp comes in. I had been putting out my eyes over the book of life, and finding nothing to reward me for my pains; but now that I can read it properly I see that it’s a delightful story.” – Henry James, ‘The Portrait of a Lady’

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