Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Lilac Wine

The only thing missing from this post – practically perfect with its views of lilacs and the voice of Nina Simone – is the perfume from these beautiful flowers. Even in this terrible world, even in this wonderful world, one need not get lost to be found. The appeal of losing myself to such intoxication has faded with the passing years. I remember the empty magic of diving under, but I do not miss it. A song is enough to get close to that enchantment. 

I lost myself on a cool damp night
I gave myself in that misty light
Was hypnotized by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree

Flowers and music, so perfectly paired, remind me of The Flower Clock. And the start of summer.

I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in its recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
And be what I want to be

When I think more than I want to think
I do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because it brings me back you

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Dazzler of the Day: Ted Lieu

“If we turn our back on the world’s most vulnerable people, we’re eschewing the values our country was founded on.” ~ Ted Lieu

He’s my Twitter hero, thanks to his epic and savage take-downs of ignorance and hate, as well as his thoughtful and insightful bits of wit and wisdom. Even more impressive, his service to our country earns Ted Lieu our Dazzler of the Day honor. A United States Air Force Veteran, and a member of the House of Representatives, he still counts his family as his first priority. His work in Congress has earned him a place on the House Judiciary Committee and the House Foreign Affairs Committee. I’m thankful for his presence there, and his hard work for all the people of this country.

“Diversity – both in ideas and people – has always been one of the country’s greatest assets.” ~ Ted Lieu

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Another Queen Returns

It’s been much too long since a proper Madonna Timeline, and that gets rectified tomorrow morning. In the meantime, a look at what Our Lady has been up to in these recent photos. Whatever she’s doing, it certainly becomes her. This blue pant-suit and pin-straight blonde hair is a nifty new look for a woman who has already worked just about every pose known to humankind

She’s still working on that ‘Madame X Tour‘ release – maybe it will be ready by the two year anniversary of the album on which it was based, but that seems wishful thinking. Personally, I’d prefer a new album, but Madonna works as she wants, and none of her fans seem to be able to sway her in any way. It’s the sort of defiance that turned many of us into fans in the first place, so I can’t begrudge her any choices now. 

With summer just around the corner, the world waits for the next Madonna bop – well, perhaps not the entire world, but my little piece of the world. And in that world, Madonna still fascinates. 

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Lilacs

May: the lilacs are in bloom. Forget yourself. ~ Marty Rubin

Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart; I breathe at this hour the fragrance of the lilacs, the violets, and the roses, as at twenty years ago. ~ Victor Hugo

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Our 11th Wedding Anniversary

Some years are quieter when it comes to anniversaries, worthy of a look-back, a quiet acknowledgment and appreciation for all that came before. This is one of those years, and so here’s a list of links to bring back that magical time in Boston circa 2010…

A Wedding in the Public Garden.

Our favorite cake ever.

A ritual of rings.

An anniversary flower.

Wedding memory highlights.

Anniversary blooms.

On the eve of a wedding.

A 10th wedding anniversary.

The anniversary collection

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Dazzler of the Day: Kamala Harris

This Dazzler of the Day is a stunner, holding so many ‘firsts’ that I can’t keep track. Kamala Harris is the first female Vice President, the first Black Vice President, and the first Asian Vice President – and that’s only the ‘firsts’ of her current job title. She was actually my first choice as the candidate for the most recent Presidential election, and it’s thrilling to see her embrace and expand the office of the Vice President, working closely in tandem with President Biden on all key policy points. I also distinctly recall her giving the go-ahead for gay marriages to commence in California, at a time when it seemed like this country was not quite ready to do so. For all those reasons (and so many more), Harris earns her first Dazzler of the Day honor. 

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Blossoms of Cherry

Starting in shadows only possible by sunlight, the cherry blossom parade began its march in the cold, grim gray around which spring sometimes surrounds us. A cruel few days of wind threaten their duration and perfection, hastening their exquisite show in a spring that has proven unwieldy and wild. 

This cherry tree moves quickly – its blooms barely noticeable one day, then suddenly bursting open with the first drip of rain. Up until the last week or so it’s been a dry spring. These were just waiting for the water, and they don’t care whether it’s sunny or gray when they bloom. It will happen when it happens. 

Instead of enjoying them on the branch, while the wind bit at my face, I hurriedly stole these pictures. Looking at them now, I feel a residual echo of their beauty and grace. This year, that will have to be enough. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Jose Antonio Vargas

Jose Antonio Vargas earns his first Dazzler of the Day honor thanks to his untiring and ongoing fight for the rights of immigrants. He’s been nominated for Emmy and Tony awards, and has won the Pulitzer Prize. His memoir ‘Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen’ is the next book on my reading list, and a new book ‘White Is Not A Country’ is scheduled to be published in 2023. For more of his many accomplishments, check out his website here.

“This book is about homelessness, not in a traditional sense, but the unsettled, unmoored psychological state that undocumented immigrants like me find ourselves in. This book is about lying and being forced to lie to get by; about passing as an American and as a contributing citizen; about families, keeping them together and having to make new ones when you can’t. This book is about constantly hiding from the government and, in the process, hiding from ourselves. This book is about what it means to not have a home. After twenty-five years of living illegally in a country that does not consider me one of its own, this book is the closest thing I have to freedom.” ? Jose Antonio Vargas, ‘Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen’

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Art Deco Summer

Searching for a summer theme song is always a fun endeavor, and I think I’ve got an oldie that will work wonders when the sunny season kicks in. More problematic and onerous is the idea of blogging all summer long when I’d rather be reading or lounging by the pool. To keep that inspirational font flowing, I’m toying with a slight revamp of this ancient website, by most accounts on its last legs as its WordPress format is hopelessly outdated. I no longer have the desire to keep it going forever – or at least whatever constitutes forever these days – yet I’m not quite ready to give it up. 

I could always take the summer off as I’ve done a couple of times, or maybe just reduce the posting schedule. More exciting is the idea of a transition period to toy with other themes and ideas, perhaps with a goal of starting an entirely new site with new stories and new journeys and new guests. Summer makes for such enterprises

For the foreseeable future, the art deco background of the roaring twenties may make for suitable website decor. We’re in the twenties again after all…

 

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Dazzler of the Day: Cole Walliser

Lately I’ve been obsessed with watching video clips of the set-ups for the E! Red Carpet Glambot – directed by Cole Walliser, who earns his very first Dazzler of the Day thanks to his effervescent attitude and infallible ability to get the best out of his celebrity subjects. With a mane of hair that I daresay surpasses the locks of Jason Momoa, Walliser usually makes as dapper a sight to behold on the red carpet as those he so expertly captures on the glambot. Don’t be fooled by all that frivolous fabulousness – Walliser has been making short films and music videos for a while, working with such luminaries as Katy Perry, P!nk, and Miley Cyrus. 

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A Lunch Walk Beside A Magnolia

The past few weeks haven’t been conducive to taking my usual lunch-time stroll through Downtown Albany on my days at the office, but last Tuesday I returned to the practice – a reminder of how important it is to break up the work day with a proper mental reprieve. In this case, a walk on a lovely spring day when all the trees were fresh of growth, and a magnolia was just finishing up its early magnificence. 

The benches were blessedly empty. Even after a year of quietude and non-crowds, I still embrace this solitude. Beauty can be enjoyed on your own, something I fought against for so long I almost started to forget. A squirrel was my only companion on this walk, and he or she didn’t seem keen on striking up a conversation. 

Beneath a magnolia, I paused and did my best to inhabit the moment, to be present, to feel every pulsation the day was eliciting. Such presence is the goal of any good day. I will do better to remember that. 

Magnolias are a breed of tree that I’ve always admired from a distance, and in someone else’s yard, where they can deal with the messy aftermath of these glorious blooms. Such thick petals don’t scatter lightly on the wind – they tend to fall straight down, littering the lawn and making a muck of things when spring rains wait only to rot the fallen. But on days like this, when their blossoms are still carried high, brilliant against a blue sky, I entertain fantasies of planting one of these somewhere on our tiny lot. 

I’ll try to return to this space in a week to remind myself of why that’s a dirty idea. 

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A Recap Capped with a Hug

It’s been over a year since I last hugged my parents. I remember the first visit with Mom last March, when it all began. Neither of us knew how long it would be, though I’m almost certain we didn’t think it would be for over a year. I stood in their driveway on a cold March day, picking up a package of toilet paper she had managed to procure when the rest of Albany had been depleted. It was strange to keep a six foot distance then, but I did it for her safety on that day, and every day since. When the two-week post-second-vaccine period had passed, I stopped by for a Sunday visit and hugged both her and Dad. It was a very fine moment. 

Without masks and distance, it’s easier for Dad to understand and engage. I think the past year has been the hardest on him for that reason. At 90 years old, the best defense is engagement and activity – COVID almost took that away from us, but we worked around it, and in some ways I was able to be more present with the circumstances. 

It was a week of returning to some form of normal on other fronts as well – a welcome return – and I embrace it hesitantly, hopefully… 

New friends silver, old friends gold.

Upside down you turn me.

Try a little tenderness.

Globules of grape.

A pesky Pink Moon.

Vaccination celebration.

The return of the Queen.

Happy hibiscus

My Filipino heritage – in honor of Asian American – Pacific Islander Heritage Month. 

The season of Gatsby.

Dazzlers of the Day included Regina King, Chloé Zhao, Kyle Griffin, Jen Psaki, Colman Domingo, and Annie Lennox.

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Dazzler of the Day: Annie Lennox

Elegance, humility and grace don’t often find themselves as descriptors in the career of any pop superstar, but Annie Lennox has embodied those traits, and so many more wonderful aspects. in her storied journey. An icon since the 80’s, when she burst onto the scene in the Euythmics, she eventually came into her own with color albums like ‘Medusa’, ‘Bare’, ‘Nostalgia’ and my personal favorite ‘Diva’ – the latter of which absolutely illuminated and guided me through the formative years of my life. To this day her voice remains a sterling treasure, but it’s her attitude and advocacy for all those in need of help or support that have kept her legacy so impressively untarnished. She earns this Dazzler of the Day because of those efforts, and because she’s just so fucking cool.

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The Season of Gatsby

“If that was true he must have felt that he had lost the old warm world, paid a high price for living too long with a single dream. He must have looked up at an unfamiliar sky through frightening leaves and shivered as he found what a grotesque thing a rose is and how raw the sunlight was upon the scarcely created grass. A new world, material without being real, where poor ghosts, breathing dreams like air, drifted fortuitously about…” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

Every year at around this time the spirit of Gatsby calls to me

Maybe it’s the spring air, tilting between the wilderness of winter and the first whispers of summer. 

Maybe it’s the perfume of lilacs, lilting on the tricky breeze, and ever-threatening to disappear once that breeze turned into a wind. 

Maybe it’s the elusive tragedy of almost getting everything you think you want, and almost realizing you may not want it. 

Perhaps that’s why Gatsby has always been a hero to me: he never quite gets what he thinks he wants. There’s a nobility in that – a tragic and sorrowful nobility that transcends the roaring fabulousness of his opulent surroundings, hinting at a scrappy past he wants to remain secret, a hungry emptiness that the self-invented often take to the bank. It’s the wanting that is so moving – the desire that finds no easy satisfaction. Some say that’s the same sadness inherent in the American dream, especially for immigrants, and when the vast majority of us are descended of immigrants it’s a sadness that pervades this great American experiment. When the power of individual achievement is realized, when you create yourself from the ashes of the absence of fuel or family or the simple helping hand of another person, you craft a life of loneliness – a solitude that cannot be broken or unbound by love or marriage or the adoration of the entire world. 

“His dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

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My Asian American-Pacific Islander Heritage

“Asian Americans inhabit a purgatorial status: neither white enough nor black enough, unmentioned in most conversations about racial identity. In the popular imagination, Asian Americans are all high-achieving professionals. But in reality, this is the most economically divided group in the country, a tenuous alliance of people with roots from South Asia to East Asia to the Pacific Islands, from tech millionaires to service industry laborers. How do we speak honestly about the Asian American condition—if such a thing exists?” – Cathy Park Hong

At a time when acts of anti-Asian racism are having a surge it is more important than ever to be visible and vigilant, and to celebrate Asian American – Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month. The U.S. Census Bureau defines Asians as those “having origins in any of the original peoples of the Far East, Southeast Asia, or the Indian subcontinent, including (but not limited to) China, Japan, Thailand, Malaysia, Korea, India, Cambodia, Vietnam or the Philippines.” Pacific Islanders are those whose “origins belong to Polynesia, Micronesia, and Melanesia. This classification includes (but is not limited to) Native Hawaiian, Samoan, Tahitian, Guamanian, Fijian and Papua New Guinean people.”

Taken together, these two groups include an extensive list of countries, whose histories and cultures vary magnificently, making any sort of blanket categorization risky at best, and part of the purpose of AAPI Heritage month is in learning these distinctions.

May was chosen as the honorary month based on the reported arrival of the first Japanese immigrants to the United States on May 7, 1843. That month also marked the anniversary of the completion of the transcontinental railroad, and the majority of workers who worked on laying those tracks were Chinese immigrants. Though reports differ slightly, the first documented Asians to actually arrive in the Americas were Filipinos in 1587, who arrived at what would become the California coast.

“Inevitably, though, there will always be a significant part of the past which can neither be burnt nor banished to the soothing limbo of forgetfulness – myself. I was and still am that same ship which carried me to the new shore, the same vessel containing all the memories and dreams of the child in the brick house with the toy tea set. I am the shore I left behind as well as the home I return to every evening. The voyage cannot proceed without me.” – Luisa A. Igloria

My Filipino heritage was neither hyped nor erased when my parents raised us. My Dad, who is from Batangas (located on Luzon, the largest island of the Philippines), largely adopted an American way of life before we were born, so it was my Mom who insisted on making our Filipino heritage a part of our upbringing. They both cooked Filipino dishes, and Dad would regale us with tales of his childhood (mostly as a comparison to how easy we had it in ours). When Dad’s family members would visit we would listen with rapt interest as he slipped into Tagalog, marveling at a side of him we rarely got to glimpse.

As biracial children, my brother and I had our feet firmly planted in American soil, but our roots stretched between the Philippines and Hoosick Falls, NY (where Mom was born). While I don’t recall experiencing many incidents of overtly racist behavior toward us, I sense now that part of that was the financial privilege we enjoyed from Dad’s work as an anesthesiologist and Mom’s work as a nursing professor. The middle-class comfort we enjoyed likely acted as a buffer against more obvious forms of racism. We were exceedingly lucky that way, and so we were largely able to embrace and celebrate our heritage in our dinners of pancit and bowls of asado. Because of that, our Filipino background never seemed to be a source of pride or of shame, and we rather easily assimilated into America, an act which carried its own sense of dissolving and dissolution. Only lately have I begun to see the importance of retaining our stories of origin, and sharing these with others.

When it comes to fanfare and self-celebration, I sort of feel like I get enough of that here on this blog, but perhaps I don’t focus on my ethnic background as much as I should. Part of it may be that I’ve taken the American celebration of the individual to heart. So when the agency at which I work, the Department of Environmental Conservation (DEC), began seeking out employees to be featured for AAPI Heritage Month, I didn’t even think of submitting my name. Instead, I sought out others to celebrate, but it wasn’t easy. My work on diversity and inclusion was challenging and exciting, yet could be frustrating as well. It was new to many of us, and finding our way with sensitivity was proving tough, as much as our little advances were rewarding.

As we were struggling to find willing participants to represent the AAPI employees at DEC, I eventually realized I had to step up for this month and my own Filipino heritage, of which I’ve always been rather quietly proud, following in the example of my own father, and my mother’s insistence on us learning that indelible part of our origin. It also helped illuminate the representation for Southeast Asia, illustrating how AAPI Heritage Month included more than those with origins in China and Japan. (You may visit our agency’s public website and view my brief bio here, as well as read about some of my outstanding AAPI co-workers.)

While such heritage month celebrations usually rely on the lighter aspects of our culture – food and costume and artistic contributions – they resonate in deeper ways today. When the world encroaches with yet another incident of racial hatred, and acts of violence against Asian Americans grow in number and viciousness, I’m reminded that not everyone had the privileges I was and am afforded. I’m also reminded of the perils of racism, whether overt or latent or unintended, and I want us all to do better. To that end we celebrate May as Asian American – Pacific Islander Heritage Month.

“For Filipino Americans, it’s a battle for recognition, for identity in a culture where, for the mainstream, Asians tend to fade into a monochromatic racialized ‘other.'” – Jose Antonio Vargas

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