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Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

A Heartwarming Meal by Andy

Andy’s first attempt at chicken adobo – that classic Filipino dish – was a resounding success, despite my mis-remembering the exact ratio of rice vinegar needed (it’s a party forgiving recipe). Having him make this ancestral dinner was a surprising and heartwarming gift of a very long winter. When he took over the chicken curry dish I made early on in our relationship, he elevated and perfected it, so I’m looking forward to future adobo endeavors. 

These little things that spark joy in our day-to-day existence are the true jewels of a life. Too often they seem incidental or mundane – those in-between moments that tie bigger events together – but they are the real events, if only we knew enough to honor them as they came. 

My husband making a dish beloved by my father is just this sort of moment. 

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The Spark of Light Come Again

Today is a holiday for any proper Madonna fan, as it marks the anniversary of her US release of ‘Ray of Light’, which remains my favorite Madonna album. Here’s a partial track listing of all the songs that the Madonna Timeline has recounted:

The release of the album came at a tender time in my life when I was examining similar themes of love and loss and finding meaning in the moment. Musically, it managed to be entirely of its time, while forging a futuristic sound, and grounding itself in timeless songs and melodies. A triumphant hat-trick she has yet, in my opinion, to match.

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A Monday Morning Moment

This posting slot is usually reserved for our weekly blog recap – and it’s still coming later today – but it feels like a good moment to pause in our usual schedule, to put off our usual Monday morning madness, and practice a bit of mindfulness before beginning the work-week.

The other night, while writing a blog post not far removed from this one, I sat on the bed in the attic and listened as the wind wailed and howled outside the window. The whole roof creaked and groaned beneath its force – a reminder that winter was still very much here, and in no rush to move along despite the insistent ticking of the calendar. The wind makes its own music, especially in the winter. It’s strange that the more tumultuous and cacophonous it becomes, the calmer and quieter it feels inside. That a simple roof and a basic windowpane might afford such protection is a wonder of the world and how we survive in it. 

The next morning I perform an early meditation – a luxury of a weekend – and I light a candle as part of the process. Candles only appear to give off a different light during the day – no less wondrous or powerful, and sometimes warmer from the act of joining in the daylight rather than being the sole source of illumination. On a frigid Monday morning, a little candlelight and a little mindfulness make for a proper starting moment of calm.

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A Pause in Our Divine Duties

We pause now in our recent posting schedule of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale, as the weekend comes to a close, and the Oscars ceremony begins. Looking back at what I was creating twenty years ago has been a conflicting experience, and a large part of why I don’t tend to look back at previous projects, especially those that were made so long ago. Comparison is the ultimate thief of joy, and comparison is undoubtedly the first thing that happens when I look back at these photos. 

It’s not that I suddenly notices the ravages of wear and tear on the body – what a difference 29 is from 49 – it’s that I notice the ravages of wear and tear on the mind. While I certainly miss the lithe form and gray-less hair of my twenties, it’s the mindset and innocence, and the loss of which, that pains me the most. Less the physical trappings and more the mental space that youth affords. 

That said, I would not trade the wisdom and knowledge and acceptance I have learned and earned over the years to go back or return to those days. In that respect, the comparison ultimately ends up being a reassuring one, but that’s not always the case, so I shall continue to warn against comparison as a general rule. 

As for looking back, as long as there are more mildly-amused smiles than justifiable-cringing at all my antics and outfits, I can take it without regret. That is something I will count as a success. The posting of this one will continue this weekend, in the meantime, catch up below:

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

  1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part OnePart Two, and Part Three
  2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
  3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
  4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
  5. Purple Puff Confection: Part OnePart Two, Part Three and Part Four.
  6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
  7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One 

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Fuchsia Fabulousness

The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale delivers a fabulously frivolous dose of style over substance, so I won’t sully this with my excess verbiage. Quentin says it better than I ever could:

“What a stylist needs is glamour – a far more powerful force than mere prettiness. Glamour exists where something not clearly defined seems to be promised but never given.” ~ Quentin Crisp

“I’m talking about flair, style, elan… even the most wretched of us can do something about them.” ~ Quentin Crisp

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

  1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part OnePart Two, and Part Three
  2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
  3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
  4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
  5. Purple Puff Confection: Part OnePart Two, Part Three and Part Four.
  6. A Blue-Hued Interlude

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A Blue Hued Interlude

‘Questions in a World of Blue’ would have been the ideal song to accompany this interlude of the Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale – alas, that was already used in this moon-themed post on a lost former-friend. And so we are tasked with the dilemma of finding another blue-themed song to go with this blue-hued interlude. The Blue Danube, Rhapsody in Blue, and Blue Moon – a triumvirate of trite and true blue classics – and all seem too literal, too easy. The Divine Diva Tour is a little more complicated than that, despite what the surface might have you believe. Instead, have a listen to ‘Blue Night’ below, as our interlude brings us further along this fairy’s tale. 

This is the tale of a little boy

who once found wonder everywhere in the world,

but who came to be

Lost in the mirror, enchanted by his own self

The embodiment of Narcissus, captivated by his own reflection.

A boy caught up in the superficial, the surface, the appearance of things –

in the ever-shifting kaleidoscope of reflections and images and mirrors – 

always slightly askew and backwards,

reversed and upside down and dizzyingly grand if a little grotesque

Nothing was real. All was fantasy,

… no matter how much he was loved…

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

  1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part OnePart Two, and Part Three
  2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
  3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
  4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
  5. Purple Puff Confection: Part OnePart Two, Part Three and Part Four.

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Lions and Lambs and Lent, Oh My!

‘Tis the day for the proverbial ‘In like a lion, out like a lamb‘ quote, as March arrives and ushers in the week where Lent begins. It’s all entirely too religious for me, and as I’m scheduled to see ‘Conclave’ with Andy and Mom, I’ve had about all I can take of religious destruction for the moment. Let us pause instead, to welcome in the month where spring begins again, at least according to the calendar – and I’ll take whatever form it comes in after this trying winter. 

A little hope never hurt anyone. 

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Delicious, Dreamy, Queer and Dear

“Do you know that delicious dreamy feeling when one first wakes on a summer morning, with the twitter of birds in the air, and the fresh breeze coming in at the open window – when, lying lazily with eyes half shut, one sees as in a dream green boughs waving, or waters rippling in a golden light? It is a pleasure very near to sadness, bringing tears to one’s eyes like a beautiful picture or poem.” ~ Lewis Carroll

“To rise and forget, in the sunlight, the ugly dreams that frightened you so when all was dark – to rise and enjoy another happy day, first kneeling to thank that unseen Friend, who sends you the beautiful sun?” ~ Lewis Carroll

“‘Dear, dear!’ How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I’ve changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle!” ~ Lewis Carroll

“The delight we experience when we allow ourselves to respond to a fairy tale, the enchantment we feel, comes not from the psychological meaning of a tale (although this contributes to it) but from its literary qualities – the tale itself as a work of art.

The fairy tale could not have its psychological impact on the child were it not first and foremost a work of art… As with all great art, the fairy tale’s deepest meaning will be different for each person, and different for the same person at various moments in his life.” ~ Bruno Bettelheim

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

  1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part OnePart Two, and Part Three
  2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
  3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
  4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
  5. Purple Puff Confection: Part OnePart Two and Part Three.

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The Fairy in Flight

The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale continues in its flight, as our fluttering protagonist dons this iconic purple tulle confection, and prances about the verdant landscape like Maria Von Trapp. This particular setting will come into play again in much more dramatic fashion, but for the moment enjoy this drama-free scene, and all of its fairy-tale elements

“When I used to read fairy tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I grow up, I’ll write one – but I’m grown up now… at least there’s no room to grow up any more.” ~ Lewis Carroll

“While the fantasy is unreal, the good feelings it gives us about ourselves and our future are real, and these real good feelings are what we need to sustain us.” ~ Bruno Bettelheim

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

  1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part OnePart Two, and Part Three
  2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
  3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
  4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
  5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One and Part Two

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Looking Back, Way Back

Farewell fickle February! You will not be missed!

Be gone, wretched month of winter madness! 

Hit the road, brutish beast, and don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more!

All right, it seems I’m not a fan of February, and I don’t know any sane person who is, so we bid the vicious month adieu with this look-back, and a few out-takes from the Divine Diva Tour, giving another layer of meaning to the term ‘look-back’. We do love a double-entendre in these precious parts. 

It sets us up nicely for tomorrow’s resuming of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale. We are deep into fairy territory now, so come back and fly with us… 

The month began with David Beckham baring some butt cheek. Bodacious!

The media began the find out portion of its own FAFO journey. Brilliant!

The prime and prep for the posting of the Divine Diva Tour sounded with this playlist. Beautiful!

The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale took flight. Bragadocious!

The body of my youth is missed now more than ever. Brazen!

The Valentine Collection. Bewitching!

The very naked Patrick Schwarzenegger. Bootylicious!

The very porn-free nature of this website. Brash!

The fragrance to embody the desert-like depths of winter. Boss!

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

Some days the urine smells vaguely like maple syrup, and at such times I think, “Life can be so sweet.

#TinyThreads

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Today: Economic Blackout

As Norma Desmond once proclaimed, “Today’s the day!” She wasn’t ever talking about not spending any money for a day, but times have changed and we are in a dire stretch. It seems the only way we as a people can speak to those in power is through their income, so this is the day we send a message to the corporations running things, and the oligarchs that have infiltrated our government, by simply not spending anything other than on local businesses. It’s actually not as difficult as it initially sounds, especially if you’ve made any plans prior to this as I’ve already suggested

Personally, I’m grateful for the spending break – at least, my dwindling bank account is thankful. Inflation, eggs, and gas have all gone way up since Trump took office, as so many of us predicted, and we are all paying the price. 

But not today, Satan! And not for a while – this is my impetus to start saving and stop spending on a more daily basis. There is joy enough to be found without having to pay for it. 

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Back to Basics: A Primal Reminder

A pair of worn blue jeans, a pair of Calvin Klein white briefs, and a basic white t-shirt: the standard uniform of a classic gay that runs back to the 80’s and beyond, and a reminder that what is simple is often what will last. Withstanding the test of time is important to those of us approaching the half-century mark of life on this earth, and as the world reels from the events of the past few months, I retreat to what is simple and true. 

It started with the otherwise-drab and dull notion of cutting back on spending. Yawn, yawn, yawn, I know – but the opportunity for something exciting is there if you allow your perspective to shift the slightest bit. In my case, that means embracing the idea of being creative in the re-using and repurposing of clothing, one of my main expenditures. For all of my life, I’ve been highly susceptible to advertising and shopping traps – even when I didn’t need something, if I wanted it in the slightest way, I’d find a way to get it.

At this point, I really don’t need another coat or bag or bottle of cologne, but the temptation is always there. With every online pop-up ad comes a visage that is perfectly curated by any basic algorithm to speak directly to my heart’s desire. Lately, however, with the intent to curb spending and realign priorities, I’ve been saying no. In my case, it is a willful and intentional change of direction, one that takes some thought. 

Every time I see something I want, I rack my brain and sometimes my closets to determine whether I have anything remotely like it. 98% of the time, there is something that is extremely similar, as my closets run deep, and when I find that item in my home, I delete it from my online cart and push it out of my head.

(There has only been one instance where I’ve regretted not getting something: an ombre coat from Louis Vuitton circa 2005/2006, which had shades of deep fuchsia and transitioned through gold into an exquisite shade of deep blue, and which I called the New York flagship store to inquire about – they told me they had it in stock in my size and could hold it, but after a week I said not to bother as it was $2300 or something. To this day, that coat haunts me, but it’s the only instance where not buying something has led to regret; all the more common is the regret I get from purchasing something I never really needed.)

These days, I find myself recycling old clothing (assuming it still fits, but that’s another post for another time) and returning to the basic classics of jeans and a t-shirt. 

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A Sad FAFO Award: The Measles Victims

Thoughts and prayers for the unvaccinated children in this country.

Murder charges for the parents who refused to vaccinate their child against a preventable deadly disease. 

Our country just had its first under-18 death from measles in ten years – it was an unvaccinated child in Texas. With the anti-vax insanity that Trump fostered and publicly allowed to proliferate for both his terms, along with bringing anti-vax lunatic RFK Jr. into the administration, this is the direct result. Way to go, parents! Instead of believing science and facts and getting the measles vaccine for your own baby, your child got sick and died. 

Don’t get mad at me for being insensitive. I’m one of the libtards who voted against this onslaught of awfulness and misinformation from happening. If you voted for Trump, you voted for anti-vaxxer RFK Jr. as Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services. And now, for the first time in ten years, a child is dead from measles. Pro-life much?

As the GOP says for all the dead kids, ‘thoughts and prayers’. 

FAFO – The First Award

FAFO – The Police Union

FAFO – The Free Press

FAFO – The Kansas City Chiefs

FAFO – Medicaid Recipients

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