Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

Vital Floral Respite

When the doldrums of January stretch out before us, when we are knee-deep in the weeds of winter, I find solace in any greenhouse within reach. That means weekly trips to Faddegon’s or some place similar where I can get lost in the lush, tropical environment of a greenhouse, surrounded by plants and flowers and beauty as a balm for the winter-ravaged heart. Last weekend I brought the twins here, and though they seemed quizzical as to what we were doing, they merrily went with the flow as if they had a choice. 

If I teach them anything, I hope it will be an appreciation and love for nature and plants, and the peace found from immersing yourself in their presence, even in the endless landscape of a winter that finds us all bundled up and itching to get out. 

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Winter Precious

When it doesn’t rock us too much, winter makes a good moment for reflection. Keeping that lesson in mind, I sit at the dining room table before the night of day arrive and type out these words. The light from the computer screen and a dim overhead lamp guide me, and I add the light of a candle for something soft and flickering. Before COVID alerted the world to the fact that most of us could successfully work at home, these early morning hours used to be the only time I was alone in the house. There was always a sort of solace I found in solitude, provided I could hear Andy’s occasional rustling in the bedroom. Present but distant, the way I’ve operated, the only way I knew. 

The click and gentle hum of the heater as it kicks on alerts me to the wakening of the world, and soon it will be time to shower and face the day. For now, however, there is only darkness, and the endless expansive possibilities of a winter’s day. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Nathan Lee Graham

The Dazzler of the Day feature was tailor-made for artists and entertainers like Nathan Lee Graham, who can instantly seduce and render an audience rapt with wonder and adoration. Currently setting the path to hell alight in a stunning turn in ‘Hadestown’ (which we will finally get to see when it winds its way to Proctors in a couple of months) Graham brings an impressive history of show-stopping performances to whatever stage is lucky enough to host his talents, such as his turns in ‘Sweet Home Alabama’, both ‘Zoolander’ films, and ‘Hitch’, in addition to his stage work in ‘The Wild Party’ and ‘Priscilla, Queen of the Desert’.  Check out his website here

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Finding Fetish Footing – IFKYK

My feet are in piss-poor shape. Rough and chapped, the heels cry out for moisture and care that I just don’t have to give. The toenails are even worse – ragged and shredded, because instead of properly clipping them I tend to just tear off the ends in idle moments of barefoot daydreaming. Even in the summer, when sandals and poolside lounging might put them on semi-public display, they don’t get much more pampering than that, and it shows. 

Last year, however, with the happy advent of my first manicure, I was also told to concentrate on my feet as well, and while I’m not quite ready for my first pedicure, it’s on the distant horizon, so I need to get my soles in order. To that end, I’m starting with the heels and moving outward, beginning with some basic moisturizing lotion before sliding into my socks. It’s a little moment of self-care and indulgence that I’m simply going to embrace in my middle-age. Life affords a few more comforts in consolation for growing older and dealing with other discomforts. 

As for the foot fetishists out there, I see you, I hear you, and I honor your prayer. Bottoms up for the unabashedly kinky: to thy own sole be true. (And if your hidden proclivity is getting off on feet, I’d say that’s one of the more harmless kinks in this day and age; I will not be volunteering more extreme examples..)

{This blog post has been brought to you by Shameless Clickbait, FeetFinder, and Thirst-Trap (Feet-Don’t-Fail-Me-Now remix).} Now everybody cut footloose!

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Minty-Fresh Balls Rekindle Happy Memories

From the shriveled to the delectable, this blog day is all about the balls. Here we have a thoughtful and much-appreciated gift from our friends Lorie and Cal, who brought back these mint malt balls from our favorite candy shop in Ogunquit, Maine. It was an unexpected delight on a day when it was badly-needed, and it instantly brought Andy and I back to happy memories of that Beautiful Place By the Sea

While we have found similar treats at our local market, the original ones have a decidedly different, and much better, taste and texture to them, so it was with gleeful excitement that I tore into the bag, savoring each ball like it might be the last. The memories returned in giddy and wild form – fall visits and spring stops, cozy meals and romantic moments, peaceful times and breathtaking vistas – it was like a little pill of Ogunquit that suddenly exploded in my brain. 

Thank you Lorie and Cal!

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Shriveled Ball-like Brilliance

Winter has hit these ornamental fruit trees like a shot to the nuts, taking the smooth youthful blush of their hanging balls and shriveling it up with the advance of the season. Everyone knows Mother Nature doesn’t mess around, and when it’s time, it’s time. In this case, these berries had an extended season – usually their perfect form has shriveled long ago. The past few months have found a gentler rush of weather in these parts, though the rest of the country may beg to differ. 

This is the sort of winter scene that goes mostly unheralded and unnoticed in our hurry to get through the darker season. It’s also the sort of beauty that I find most arresting, perhaps because it comes at such a bleak time, when we are starved for color or excitement, when the barren land is mostly bereft of this bravado. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Cheryl L. Johnson

Without a Speaker for a week, the House of Representative had only one gavel-wielding person in charge of keeping some sort of order over all the clowns (and adults) in the room: the Honorable Cheryl L. Johnson, who mightily earns her first Dazzler of the Day thanks to grace under great pressure. Johnson was recently sworn in once again as the Clerk of the House of Representatives, and she will likely need that grace in the days to come. 

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A Recap Rich with Retrograde

With the full moon last Friday, and both Mars and Mercury in retrograde motion, the universe is rocking us all for a loop these past few days. At such tumultuous times, I tend to lay low, keep to myself, and stay as quiet as possible. There’s even a hushed tone to these posts, in the hope of making it through this with some bit of tranquility. On with the weekly recap

Roses in the darkest season.

Drinking the blood of a virgin.

Our New Year’s guests.

Cheese and apples for the kids

Adventure in the turquoise night

Finding my cherry.

Underwear by Dominic Albano.

Lone shoe, lost in the rain.

Memories of a superstar.

Light of a star long gone

Kiss my Bitter Peach.

Acquainted with the night.

Every Sunday can be Christmas if you cook this

Vamping with the twins before Plan B.

Dazzlers of the Day included Luke Evans and Hakeem Jeffries

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Vamping for Plan B with the Twins

Plan B is the code name for our next trip to Boston – named as much for the city as for my second attempt at a getaway-weekend with the twins. The first time we were scheduled to do this, plans were derailed due to a storm. That weekend had to move forward without Emi and Noah, but not without my promise to make it happen again at a later date

In anticipation of that, we had them over for a New Year’s Day sleepover, and in the morning-after we posed and vamped for a few photos before and after a run to Starbucks. Everyone says they are growing up so quickly, and I see it now and then when I’ve been away from them for a while. 

It’s only a matter of time before I lose them to their phones, if it hasn’t already happened. But they seem to have a good balance so far of turning them off and entering real life – and there are moments when I will be all too happy to have them distracted by something other than my incessant attempts at being entertaining. (This majesty doesn’t just happen without great effort.)

There are worse ways to spend a winter weekend, and until we can burst onto the patio and into the pool, we will have to find coziness and fun in the attic, which is happily outfitted with a treasure trove of hats and wraps and costumes to rival anything of Miss Havisham. Uncle Al’s wardrobe runs wide and deep, like the brocade carpet bag of Mary Poppins, and is just as magical.

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Dazzler of the Day: Hakeem Jeffries

At this point, there is a stark difference between Democrats and Republicans. If you watched any of the 14 times that Kevin McCarthy lost his vote for House Speaker, you saw that difference. Throughout it all, one party stood above the Republican clown-show circus, and one person led them in absolute unity and certainty: Hakeem Jeffries. If he is the future of the Democratic Party, we are in good hands. He easily earns this Dazzler of the Day, not least because I love a man who knows his way around alliteration. Check out his plans here and let’s work to make this country better than what the Republican House leadership have in the works. 

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Every Sunday Can Be Christmas

Babs is the nickname for Barbara Costello, whose recipes and TikTok account have taken off thanks to recipes like this Christmas Breakfast Casserole. With the glorious culinary alchemy that results from eggs, sausage, cheese and bread, her Breakfast Casserole is one of the easiest and most rewarding things one can make for a Sunday brunch or special occasion breakfast such as Christmas morning. I tried it out on the twins when they had a sleepover here last weekend, and it was as much assembling it with them the night before as it was eating it the next morning. 

As described, the preparation for this casserole takes place the night before you want to have it, then left in the fridge for all the flavor and ingredients to marry before baking the next morning in the magic way that casseroles have of coming together. It’s perfect as the centerpiece for a more extravagant brunch gathering, as it just needs to be popped in the oven for 45 minutes and then it’s done. According to Babs, it also reheats beautifully – the best kind of flexible dish for when other items like poached eggs or a Hollandaise are more time-sensitive. (Not that I’m doing poached fucking eggs or a GD Hollandaise – this casserole is all I can manage when watching two twelve-year-olds.) 

My Mom is having our family friend Elaine over for a night this week, so I’ll put together one of these for them to bake in the morning. A dish that allows for people to socialize without excessive kitchen effort is a beautiful thing indeed. 

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Acquainted With The Night

Last night we had a full moon, on top of Mars and Mercury being in retrograde motion, which made for quite an interesting day at work. Before leaving the house, I made an intention that I would focus on three f-words for the day: flexibility, forgiveness, and fun.

Flexibility: because it’s always easier to be flexible than rigid. There are so many times in a day when being able to bend is so much more helpful and conducive to progress than refusing to yield. During times of distress or drama, being flexible and open to other opinions and ideas is often the way to finding solutions rather than making things worse. 

Forgiveness: because we all need to be a little more forgiving – of others and of ourselves. It’s ok for people to make mistakes, and it’s ok to make them yourself – most of all, it’s ok to forgive and move on beyond them. This is far easier said than done, and takes some practice and loads of effort, but I’ve found it incredibly useful. It brings about a peaceful heart more than perhaps anything else. 

Fun: because we are only human, we will make fools of ourselves and fumble through the human experience in all sorts of awkward, ridiculous manners. The best thing to do when any of that befalls you is to laugh it off. Whatever setback or conundrum or fluke that happens, whether it be the full moon or planetary retrograde motion or the simple foibles of an average day, if you go into the world ready to laugh instead of cry, you’re already one step nearer to happiness than misery. 

And so I made my way through the day with those words in my head. With every red light, slow/bad driver, or wayward pedestrian along my commute to work, I paused before rising to road rage, allowing myself a deep breath or a smile and chuckle, and when I arrived at the office, that mood was able to hold. It was no small feat, as a full moon/retrograde day in the office is often a nightmare. Somehow, I was able to keep this little trio of f-words in my head, and respond to whatever came up in better form, without resorting to screaming something like “Fuck around and find out!” at the top of my lungs. Hey, sometimes it’s the simple achievements that matter the most. 

I also decided to go into the evening with an intention of peace and calm, to rein in the energy of a full moon and the Mars and Mercury retrograde and focus it toward an inward practice of meditation. For too long, I’ve discounted the power and capability of intention, dismissing it as some new-age concept of empty words and meaningless tripe, but I now think there I something to it. We set the mental scene for our days and nights. We hold the power. And now I hold those thoughts to keep me on track. 

“Acquainted With The Night” by Robert Frost

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain – and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye; 
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

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Dazzler of the Day: Luke Evans

The very first Dazzler of the Day for 2023 goes to Luke Evans, who brigs some much-needed heat  to these proceedings, and never met a Speedo he didn’t don for our viewing pleasure. Evans earns this crowning for far more than his ability to look good on the beach (or naked) – his vocal talent (he has a new album out here) matches his acting prowess, making him a threat on multiple levels of entertainment. His charisma shines through every role, even as he disappears into his characters. He makes a dazzling beginning for 2023.

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Kiss My Bitter Peach

Tom Ford has a knack for scintillating fragrance monikers. (Hello ‘Fucking Fabulous‘, ‘Rose Prick‘ and ‘Lost Cherry‘.) One that has an overused-emoji already in place for its glory is ‘Bitter Peach’. While it came out a while ago, this one is a recent addition to my cologne cabinet thanks to a Christmas present from Andy. I’ve loved peach as a fragrance for years, but never experienced it in a perfume or cologne.

At first I was skeptical, as Ford’s fruity excursions (like ‘Lost Cherry’) have veered too close to the sugary mainstream stuff that celebrities like Britney Spears or Jennifer Lopez put forth. Upon an initial quick spritz at a nearby Sephora store, I remained unconvinced – however, when I tried it out again a year later, the bit of bitterness was enough to keep me intrigued, and the bright peach that opens it so gorgeously made it worth the ask. 

There’s also a perfect backing soundtrack to this scent, provided by Prince in a B-Side cut from his collection of ‘The Hits’  – this is ‘Peach’:

It’s certainly a ripe song for a Tom Ford Private Blend fragrance – it gives sass and sex and just a touch of raunch – though the fragrance itself is more subdued and graceful. ‘Bitter Peach’ is a brief puff of summer sweetness, immediately tempered by a spicy gourmand vibe from some cardamom, blood orange, rum and cognac. An element of promised bitterness comes in at the end of the opening. While the base notes are a little voluminous (the literature lists Indonesian Patchouli Leaf, Vanilla, Tonka Bean, Sandalwood, Benzoin, Cashmeran, Styrax, Labdanum and Vetiver) they marry well and end up settling into something elegantly restrained – the bright and sexy peach fuzz transforming into the softest cashmere.

At that point, the one drawback of such beauty occurs: it goes away too quickly. Topping out at about an hour or two, that initial voluptuousness fades to a whisper that stays quietly close to the skin, demanding repeated application throughout the day – not necessarily a bad thing, but something to consider with its hefty price tag. 

This is one of those rare Ford Private Blends that can, and probably should, be used year-round. Many of his creations work well only in certain seasons (‘Mandarino di Amalfi‘, ‘Costa Azzurra‘, and ‘Venetian Bergamot‘ for spring and summer; ‘Amber Absolute‘, ‘Vert D’Encens‘, ‘Ébène Fumé‘ for fall and winter) ‘Bitter Peach’ would work well in summer, fall, and even winter, thanks to its spicy accents of bitterness and the warm softness of its dry down. 

Such multi-faceted use mirrors the double and triple entendres for a scent called ‘Bitter Peach’ – the likes of which could be explored for days. You’ll have to settle for this cheeky blog post and all its innuendo and butt-baring outuendo. 

Summertime, feelin’ fine, getting wildAll that’s on my mindHere she come, dressed in redGet her done, is all that’s in my headHer hot pants can’t hide her cheeks
She’s a peach…

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The Light of a Superstar Long Gone

It is understood that we are only just now seeing the light from stars that may have been extinguished or imploded (or whatever happens when a star dies) years after the fact. Is that comforting or disturbing? I can’t quite decide. It’s certainly a bit of a mind-fuck when it comes to time and perception and the purpose or pointlessness of our tiny place in the universe. 

A similar sense of displacement and fuckery is at work when I find myself on the verge of sleep and wake, suspended in that dream-like bardo of worlds where what is real blends confusingly with what is past, what may have never come to pass, and what has yet to come to pass. Ghosts haunt that borderline realm – the ghosts of time: past, present and future – like some Ebenezer Scrooge parable. 

Long ago, and oh, so far awayI fell in love with you before the second showYour guitar, it sounds so sweet and clearBut you’re not really here, it’s just the radio

Don’t you remember, you told me you loved me baby?You said you’d be coming back this way again, babyBaby, baby, baby, baby, oh babyI love you, I really do

This haunting cover of ‘Superstar’ by The Carpenters gives me similar pause, an echo of the original that I posted about earlier. The song somehow becomes even more evocative in this version, a hazy visage drained of color like dreams or memories, and if the first post was one of youthful clarity, this one feels fuzzy and messy and the result of all my time on earth. 

Loneliness is such a sad affairAnd I can hardly wait to be with you againWhat to say, to make you come again? (Ooh, baby)Come back to me again (Ooh, baby)And play your sad guitar

For almost half a century, I’ve looked up at the same stars – the light from thousands of years ago. While my body aches and creaks and says so much time has passed, in relation to the stars this is merely a blip in the story of the universe. It lends all of us a certain humility, and humility will always be one of the most beautiful features of any human being. Too many of us (including myself too much of the time) forget to access or exhibit that at key moments – and every moment can be key when it comes to humility. At so many points, just a little dose of humility could have changed the course of history – personally and universally. When you think of how small we really are in the grand multi-dimensional scheme of time and space, it is gorgeously humbling

Don’t you remember, you told me you loved me baby?You said you’d be coming back this way again, babyBaby, baby, baby, baby, oh babyI love you, I really do

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