Author Archives: Alan Ilagan

First of all, when did Jesus find a moment to cut his hair between all the floggings at this time of the year? I mean no offense; I’m all for a glow-up, especially that luscious beard, it’s just a little weird. Or maybe I’ve been out of the religious loop for so long that some new rendering of the Big JC is now in place. Whatever. 

Second, does anyone else see a slight resemblance to the great Chris Salvatore in this particular Jesus? That would explain a lot. 

Third, why are the Jehovah Witnesses still coming to our home and leaving this smut on the door? I thought the particular visit chronicled here would be THEIR LAST VISIT. Some people are very slow to learn. 

Anyway, if anyone is interested, the JW crew is putting on a party for Jesus’ Death at the Kingdom Hall tomorrow. As noted in the pamphlet, “At this important event, Jehovah’s Witnesses commemorate the death of Jesus just as he commanded.” 

Sounds super fun. 

This pair of ducks has been here before, we are almost certain of that. They always arrive to scope out possible nesting sites, despite my sometimes elaborate methods of keeping them at bay. They seem a bit slow to learn, as we will be chasing them out of the vicinity for a few times over a few days. 

It’s a sign of spring, and a happy one at that. It’s reassurance and warmth that nature continues on despite the sorry state of the humanity. We could learn a lot from these ducks. And I hope they learn a little from us (we simply cannot have ducklings at the pool this year!)

Yesterday was the last day of the recent period of Mercury in retrograde motion, so hopefully things will calm down a bit until we go retro again. A few days ago, I looked up into the sky and found the moon just as she was about to duck behind a bank of clouds. I paused where I was (at a gas station, having just filled up the tank and further breaking the bank) and took in the sky. 

The older some of us get, the more we tend to look down as we go about our day. Our postures become more hunched, we don’t bother lifting our heads or holding ourselves erect – it’s just easier to give in to gravity at some point. I still like to look up – at the buildings, at the sky, at the moon wherever she might be. It’s a small moment of mindfulness, as it forces me to stop in my tracks (or run the risk of walking into something) and take in the surroundings. Mindfulness need not involve silence or sitting in the lotus position – it comes in little pockets throughout every day if we take a little care to allow it to manifest. 

On that day, I looked at the moon, I thought of our small place in the universe, and I went on with my day, a little more grounded. 

Most of us, if we are exceptionally lucky and fortunate, have that core group of friends who have been there from our earliest cognizance. I have a few groups of friends who have been there for the long haul, some going back to my childhood. As I look over the past two decades, inspired by the recent and ongoing premiere of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale project, and photos like the one featured here, I feel a little exhausted. Not in a bad way, just in an expected manner of satisfied fatigue when one begins to contemplate all the years one has lived. When looking back on all the time that’s passed, I think of those friends, who were there when we were just starting off – graduating from school and embarking on the singular journeys we each had to make. That’s why this monologue  from ‘The White Lotus’ spoke to me so movingly:

“That’s funny because if I’m being honest, all week I’ve just been so sad. I just feel like my expectations were too high or I just feel like as you get older, you have to justify your life and your choices. And when I’m with you guys, it’s just so transparent what my choices were and my mistakes. I have no belief system. Well, I mean, I’ve had a lot of them. I mean, work was my religion for forever, but I definitely lost my belief there. And then I tried love and that was just a painful religion just made everything worse. And then even for me, just like being a mother, that didn’t save me either. But I had this epiphany today: I don’t need religion or God to give my life meaning, because time gives it meaning. We started this life together. I mean, we’re going through it apart, but we’re still together. And I look at you guys and it feels meaningful and I can’t explain it, but even when we’re just sitting around the pool talking about whatever and name shit, it still feels very fucking deep. I am glad you have a beautiful face and I’m glad that you have a beautiful life. I am just happy to be at the table.”

With that, her character cleared the air, after a week of pretending that everything was happy and good when it didn’t always feel that way. It’s how most of us go through life – pretending we are ok even when we’re not, because often that is the only way to make it through. But friends – the best ones – see through it, and don’t let us get away with it. Every once in a while, it’s good to have that moment of acknowledgment and clarity, to accept that this life, this world, are far from perfect, that we, as human beings, are infinitely flawed, and it’s ok, it’s all right. 

Robert Irwin takes the cake for his recent underwear unveiling, and that’s about all the news that’s fit to print in these parts. A few other things happened too, so let’s do the weekly recap and move deeper into April…

I. Can. Not. Wait.

Bad Bunny goes full-frontal here!

Jelly bean season.

Night & day, light & gay.

Asian dream song.

The family that plays together…

A word, then, on men.

Diner dream music.

The line between selfish and self-care is a fine one.

It’s salty kinda…  but I like it.

Friday night solitude.

Glamour is youth, ergo we were all glamorous once. 

What do you mean it’s not in the computer?!?!

This was the tale of how I got locked in Albany Rural Cemetery…

… and this is the insane outfit I happened to be wearing when they finally let me out. 

All in the name of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale.

The hook or the ovation?

Robert Irwin posed in his underwear and won the Dazzler of the Day. (That’s all you need to do, guys.)