“You’re not the man of my dreams, but I fell in love with you anyway.” ~ Andy, circa 2000
Perhaps it’s as close to perfect as life gets that Andy often has the most succinct way with words. Case in point was this quote, spoken to me in the earliest days of our relationship, which on first reading (and hearing) seems ripe for criticism, but has since come to embody an exquisitely honest illumination on the most enduring romantic relationship of my lifetime. Twenty years ago today I met Andy VanWagenen while minding my own business and having a rare solo Sunday night out at a sleepy Oh Bar. Looking back through my Backstreet Boys day planner from 2000, I see the entry, so seemingly simple and matter-of-fact: meet Andy at Oh Bar, overnight. I went home with him and that was that – our life suddenly laid out, the next two decades designed to unfurl in happy fashion, guided by the gentle nudges of destiny and forged by a shared commitment to one another. It sounds so simple when taken in such celebratory context, as if every day of twenty years didn’t come with its own challenges, the way life interrupts and throws its road-blocks up when you least expect or want them.
Andy lost his Mom as we were about to spend our second holiday season together. I lost my favorite Uncle and my Gram. Friends and family members got married. Some ended up getting divorced. Some had kids, and we had a new niece and nephew, and even a grand nephew. When it was finally legal, Andy and I got married too (ten years into our relationship). Life had its wild and unpredictable way with us, granting us joyful days tempered with difficult ones. Andy lost his Dad, and we both started to lose friends and people we’d grown up with. Through it all, whenever things turned especially sad or bleak, as much as when they were giddy and ecstatic, we would turn to each other. For two people who were in many ways loners at heart, we found a wonderfully comfortable companionship, one that has sustained itself for twenty years.
We still argue, we still laugh, and we still discover new things about the other even at this late stage. Most importantly, we still love. Even when we fail and fall short, we still love. Even when we’re not the men of our dreams, we still love. Two decades into our shared lives, we still love…
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