It must have been January of 2001. I was staying with Andy at his house in Guilderland and we were still a new couple. Yes, we’d already thrown a holiday party together but who hasn’t? It was early morning when I awoke to a thick cover of snow on the ground and more falling from a dull gray sky. Partly dismayed and partly relieved, I was due to be in Boston for a job interview with GLAAD, and now the drive looked difficult if not impossible.
A couple of months prior to that I interviewed with them for an Office Assistant position, and I had come in second. The other person just had more experience, they said, though they genuinely liked me, told me as much, and said if anything else opened up they would be in touch. I wasn’t expecting them to call and actually mean it, and now I had an interview for a second position in a few hours.
Andy and I had had a short but difficult talk over what a job in Boston would mean, and though I didn’t want it to be so he was right that it would probably mean the end of us. I still wanted to try it. I thought my heart was in Boston and I wasn’t sure if it was with him. I can see now that I was scared.
Boston was the safer prospect. I knew Boston. I knew the loneliness that I could encounter. I didn’t know what a life with Andy would be like. It felt right thus far, but who could foresee the future? I looked to the universe for signs.
Outside, the snow fell harder. I went upstairs and looked down at Andy’s living room. I remembered the first night we kissed on his sofa. I remembered a day when I dropped by unexpectedly and found him meditating there with a crystal. I remembered a night on the floor of his bedroom when I looked into his eyes and saw the soul of someone I could love.
The light of day was seeping into the sky, fighting the snow in the air, and bringing the room into greater focus. It brought my heart into focus too, and though I knew it was risky to follow one’s heart, I also knew there was no way I could give up on what Andy and I had. I called the GLAAD office and told them there was no way I would make it to the interview that day, and in fact rescheduling wouldn’t work either, thanking them for the opportunity but I would have to pass. Hanging up, I immediately felt happiness and contentment. I bounded back into the bedroom and joined him under the covers. Later, we would get up and make a batch of my Mom’s beef stew – the best way to spend a snowy day.
There would be days when I thought back at that decision, and though I would wonder about it, I would never regret it, because we crafted something beautiful and memorable and sacred together, something which stands as a testament to our love no matter what else happens. We did it together, defying the winter snow, defying our joint fears and doubts, defying the loneliness that might otherwise result.
If given the chance again, I would do the same thing.
It was Andy. There was never a question.
He was my home.
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