Time & Cuff links

What makes a man?

Time & cuff links

Just kidding – I’m not about to answer that question in any in-depth way today. It’s far too cold and there are far too many awful things happening in the world to offer much more than distraction and respite. We won’t be getting that serious. 

We’ll get serious in another way

Whenever the world threatens to overwhelm, when it bears down just a bit too hard to carry on, I tend to pause and take stock of the things over which I have any semblance of control. That immediately removes an enormous amount of mental clutter, because too much space is consumed with dwelling on what-ifs and could-haves and should-haves. Even the been-theres and done-thats can be boxed up and shipped out. Decluttering the mind is as important as decluttering the dwelling space (if you’re a Virgo like me that means a great deal). 

And so I stop and sit very still while an icy wind menacingly surrounds the house. 

I notice how shallow my breathing is, and slow and relax it. Narrowing the windpipe and elongating the breaths, there is instant relief. My shoulders relax, my gaze softens, and the years of practicing meditation immediately set my countenance to calm

Now I can go about tending to the simple task at hand: selecting cufflinks (a gift from a friend – thank you Paula!), a timepiece (a gift to myself after a promotion), and a vibrant silk scarf for a possible office outfit (a dash of color for a week of gray). This is what I can control, and these little things will bring me simple joys. 

Trifling worries, and more substantial concerns, are pushed out of my headspace for the moment, and in the relief that ensues I’ll be better able to handle them at a later time. Some will fall away by then because they never really mattered in the first place. This is how mindfulness works its magic

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A Celebration Anniversary

A year ago tonight I saw Madonna’s Celebration Tour in Boston, and it remains a highlight in the Madonna concert canon. In so many ways it was a spectacular greatest-hits show (more-so than Reinvention) and one that felt surprisingly-moving on many levels. It also reminded me of my lifelong love for an entertainer who has never given less than her best, even on her most trying days. That sort of dedication and work ethic seems in short supply these days. 

Like all of us, Madonna is getting older, but I have a feeling there are a few more magical music tricks up her sleeves (should she choose to wear any), and maybe a classic return to something as renowned and beloved as her ‘Confessions on a Dance Floor‘ opus. Words has it that she’s working with the person who helmed that seminal work (Stuart Price) for an upcoming album. If anyone can catch lightning twice, it’s Madonna. 

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

Two things I was rightfully afraid to look up: skeet and fcf. 

Stay off-line, kids. It’s safer away from here

#TinyThreads

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Silver Light

The immaculately-talented singer Linda Eder first cast her spell on me when I saw her in ‘Jekyll & Hyde’ on Broadway. Since then I’ve been a fan, catching her live on occasion and thrilling at how she performs a song. This one has changed and come to mean different things over the years. I won’t bore you with what it means to me now – take it in and make it your own story.

On frigid winter mornings, the light is silver, the music is another memory waiting to be made, and the past is a comforting torment. 

Even now…I remember all the empty spacesYou filled with loveEven now…Every corner of the world we sharedIs still filled with loveEven now…not a day goes byWhen I don’t ache for youThrough my tears I still hear your laughter even now
Stars still shine bright when they’re goneHearts that break will still beat onLetting go is the hardest thing to doCause all those feelings startAnd time can’t change my heartIt all leads back to you

Even now…you are in my dreams and in my dreamsYou always will beEven now…You’re the one true thing that brings my heartBack home to meWhen I’m scared…I can close my eyesYou are there…Ever youngAnd somehow, I can always find you even now
From all the memories kept insideTo all the dreams we knew, the rush of youWill always be a part of me
Even now…you are in my dreams and in my dreamsYou always will beEven now…You’re the one true thing that brings my heartBack home here to meEven now…in my darkest nightStill you shine silver lightSo I fall through forever with you even now

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Dazzler of the Day: Andrew Garfield

Sliding on a pair of readers to see the teleprompter during the recent Golden Globes ceremony, Andrew Garfield made the world swoon with a daringly unbuttoned shirt and one slickly suave gesture. Backed by an arsenal of impressive performances going back to the fractured heart of ‘The Social Network’ and including a powerhouse turn in ‘Tick Tick… Boom!’ As promised in this shirtless post, Garfield earns his log overdue Dazzler of the Day crowning right now. (Also hinted at in this almost-naked post.)

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

Does anybody read e-mail in their personal accounts anymore?

I’m checking about once a week.

Less during the holiday spam overload. 

#TinyThreads

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Twin Flame Blue

A blue line between flame and fuel distinguishes the twin flames of this candle – a dinner party gift from an old friend. Glowing in the dimming afternoon light, it crackles slightly, providing illumination and sound and delicate scent, along with a gentle source of warmth – touching on all the senses and setting a soothing scene for a daily meditation. 

In these icy winter days, meditation has become a necessary custom, one in which I indulge gratefully. It usually marks the moments between the work day and the afternoon if I’m working from home, or the wind-down time after a day in the office, or sometimes the dim period right before retiring to bed. In all circumstances, it provides a literal grounding, as I sink onto the floor, assume the lotus position, and slow my breathing, narrowing the windpipe until I approximate the sound of a distant ocean. 

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Shame on You… Shame on All Of You

Yes, you.

And shame on everyone who knew about the glory that is the chocolate orange and just sat on that knowledge without so much as whispering its magic and wonder to me. (Not to be confused with the chocolate starfish or a starfruit.)

This is Terry’s Chocolate Orange, and apparently much of the world was aware of its awesomeness and yet no one bothered to introduce it to me until Andy gave me one for Christmas. At first I assumed it was some lovely trifle of candy, which I piled in with the rest of the treats I received.

Then I tried it.

Is this the best chocolate I have ever tasted? 

Quite possibly. At the very least, it was a revelation.

The instructions to ‘Tap and Unwrap’ are no joke – you do need to give this a fun tap, and not the shy kind, at which point it will open up its inner orange form and fall into bite-size slices easier than a real orange would. Such whimsy! I was instantly obsessed, but Andy says they only come out around the holidays, and of course we are no longer in the holiday times, so shame on all of you who kept this secret all these years. 

If you happen to find any hanging around on clearance, you know where to send them. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Nikki Glaser

It’s been more than a hot minute since we’ve had a Dazzler of the Day crowning, and the first one of 2025 goes out to Nikki Glaser, who just did a fabulous job of hosting the Golden Globe Awards. Apologies for having slept on this comedic talent, but in fairness I’ve been sleeping on much of pop culture and entertainment for the past year or so – just glad to have caught up with her brand of humor now. She was nominated for her comedy special ‘Someday You’ll Die’ – and has a few upcoming show dates listed on her website here

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Slowing the Roll with a Cup of Tea

Right before Andy was about to fill his favorite coffee cup for a morning cup of coffee, I borrowed it for this picture, and filled it with oolong tea. At such times he will occasionally refer to me as a menace, even if my usurping of his favored cup was entirely unintentional as far as disrupting his routine. Such is cohabitation, even after twenty-four years. 

A cup of tea is a favored ritual for reminding one to be mindful. The process of making tea is simple enough – and the basic steps involved are an easy lesson in how to focus on the singular steps of a task one by one. That has translated into a step-by-step correlation on how to get through the average day. One step at a time, one little goal to accomplish, then on to the next. The idea of an entire day can be daunting for some people, but the idea of a minute or two is manageable for most of us. A day is nothing but a collection of minutes – you just need to get through them one by one. Or, as a wise man once remarked, “Life is much more successfully looked at from a single window.” That made more sense in my head than when I actually typed it out, but it stands true separately, perhaps not in direct relation.

Now I’ve dipped into the folly of overthinking when my mind should be on the tea at hand

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Solace for the Saddest Day of the Year

According to hearsay and annual reports from this very blog (trust neither) January 6 is the saddest day of the year. That makes sense to me – the Christmas and New Year’s season are finished – Little Christmas is done – and most of us are back to school and work at the point where winter has only just begun. The long haul begins in daunting, depressing and disheartening fashion. A spell of post-holiday blues is to be expected, though this year, perhaps because the holidays weren’t a time of celebratory shenanigans, I’m feeling less blue than usual. In fact, ever since 2025 dawned, I’ve felt a calm and sense of hopefulness that I’m attributing to the (deliberated chosen) lack of news on television as well as a renewed focus on daily meditation. Along with a new book and intent on being more mindful, this year has started off in calm and tranquil waters. May this be a reminder that so much of life is how we perceive it, and how we choose to respond to that perception. In other words, we have more control over what happens to us than we think. 

To that end, in an effort to combat what is typically perceived as such a dreadful day, I will be focusing on finding moments of peace and prettiness, and taking any sort of dismal news that comes my way as a minor bump, easy to navigate around or roll right over. Rolling with the punches and traveling with the tide is so much easier than constantly battling against it. It doesn’t negate the opportunity to address things later on, and sometimes simply sleeping on a prickly issue blunts the sharpest points of said pricks. For today, I’m setting down the battle-ax and refusing to issue any battle-cries. 

Let us find comfort in the day, and in each other. 

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A Recap Filled with Comfort Food

Patti LaBelle’s Over-the-Rainbow Mac and cheese, along with a hefty side-helping of collard greens, provide the main sustenance I’ve had for the past two weeks. Don’t judge – it was the holidays; we are back to salads and intermittent fasting now. Here’s a weekly blog recap that you will hopefully find as comforting as this plate of goodies:

What do you think of holidays that fall on a Wednesday?

2025 began in contemplative and quiet fashion, the very best way to begin.

Things that start in silence leave room to build.

A song for New Year’s Day.

Calming song, soothing morning

A gratuitous Tom Holland post.

Taking stock of the wind in our fails.

Forget the rubbing and shredding, try this easiest fondue I’ve ever made.

It finally happened: glitter on my dick.

Returning to non-innocence: a few almost-naked male celebrities.

Riding on the icy air, a rose defies winter.

For the future, a year of look-backs.

During such dim days, a deeper winter read.

Neither delicate nor demure, a flower is ferocious.

What say you to low-carb cabbage pizza?

Wilting or withering or fading like a flower.

The year that was 2024 came to a close with this first part of the year in review.

And when there’s a part one, there should always be a part two

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Fading Like A Flower

Like Bon Jovi, Roxette played a bigger part in the musical soundtrack of my youth than I realized. This one takes me back to regaling classmates to a study hall in the library. Nobody knew where any of us would end up – hell, some of us weren’t sure we’d make it out of study hall alive, much less high school itself. I never doubted the latter, and something in me knew that peaking in high school was an easy power-grab for lasting misery later in life. Perhaps that’s what made it bearable when it sucked. 

In a timeWhere the sun descends aloneI ran a long, long way from homeTo find a heart that’s made of stone
I will tryI just need a little timeTo get your face right out of my mindTo see the world through different eyes

This morning’s flower post put me in a floral state of mind, so here’s another nod to the theme, populated by photos from a recent trip to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. Back in high school I had to hide my love for flowers and plants, like I had to hide so many other things – the essence of me, hidden and tamped down in the service of survival. 
Every time I see you, oh, I try to hide awayBut when we meet, it seems I can’t let goEvery time you leave the roomI feel I’m fading like a flower
Tell me whyWhen I scream, there’s no replyWhen I reach out, there’s nothing to findWhen I sleep, I break down and cry (cry), yeah
Every time I see you, oh, I try to hide awayBut when we meet, it seems I can’t let go (can’t let go)Every time you leave the roomI feel I’m fading like a flower
As for those high school days, a shifting ambivalence exists when looking that far back in my life. It’s a burden I choose not to pick up tonight. Instead, I dive back into this song, and let it all fade away… 
Fading like a roseFading like a rose
Beaten by the stormTalking to myselfGetting washed by the rainIt’s such a cold, cold townOh, it’s such a cold town
Every time I see you, oh, I try to hide awayBut when we meet, it seems I can’t let goEvery time you leave the roomI feel I’m fading like a flower

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#TinyThreads: An Insignificant Series

Turn cabbage into pizza?

Abso-fucking-lutely not. 

The cauliflower crust nonsense was bad enough. 

What is wrong with all of you?

#TinyThreads

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Ferocious as a Flower

One of my “fans” recently complained that I post too many flower stories. She then tried to explain that she didn’t even read my blog but one of her “side-pieces” had reported to her that it was all flowers and hot men so she didn’t need to bother. One of my mainstay favorite parts of this blog over the years has been the unsolicited complaint, usually proffered from someone who says they don’t actually read it but hears about what I write. While my use of the word ‘favorite’ is somewhat steeped in sarcasm, it genuinely doesn’t bother me. In truth, it has actually been a source of amusement and pride in still ruffling feathers enough to merit comment or criticism twenty-plus years into this adventure. 

“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” ~ Oscar Wilde

There is also something flawed in anyone who dismisses the power inherent in the beauty and ephemeral grace of a flower. It speaks to a lack of development of true power and appreciation, as does attempting to bring down anything that doesn’t directly speak to one’s own preferences.

Flowers can be as ferocious as prose can be deadly

And so to all the flower-lovers out there – and all the flower-haters too – this song’s for you. 

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