There was a long stretch of my life in which I was terrified of straight men. They were the ones who called me a fag, the ones who threatened with violence and brute force because they couldn’t argue with wit or intelligence. It took a long time to understand that they were the ones who felt threatened and small, that their actions were the stuff of insecurity and weakness. Once I realized that, they were no longer to be feared. Of course, realizing this on an intellectual level is much different than exercising it in daily life, so it took a while before I welcomed straight men into my world, but in 1995 I started to do just that with Suzie’s friend Chris.
We were about as different as two people could be, but somehow our friendship slowly grew over the next couple of years, jumpstarted and solidified with an infamous trip to Puerto Rico, and since then he’s been one of those friends who have become family by choice and deliberate selection. Chris taught me that straight men could be as sensitive and compassionate as anyone else, sometimes even more-so, as he wore his heart on his sleeve and was in many ways much more sensitive than me. He opened up a world of friendship that was refreshingly devoid of competition (we would never be going after the same person) and all the other stereotypically-challenging but nonetheless-true difficulties of friendships with women and gay men. It was a profound relief to be friends with a straight guy ~ it removed so many concerns and reminded me of childhood friendships that had long since dissolved in the wilderness of adolescence. My friendship with Chris opened me up to other friendships, and he was one of the first to help me broaden my narrow viewpoint and break down my barriers. I met him twenty-five years ago this month, so this weekend we are celebrating the silver anniversary of our friendship with a stay at the Plaza, a play, and a Betty Buckley concert. (See below.)
In addition to that, we are celebrating something else. About fifteen years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting my friend Sherri’s husband Skip for the first time. He’s probably appeared in more stories and posts than most because he’s the webmaster for all that you see here, and better than that he’s become a treasured friend. Like Chris, he has a certain social charisma that I’ve always lacked ~ and those are the people that I love to be around because they’ve made it their mission for people to love to be around them ~ their lives are designed to be such because they like people around them at all times. I tend to prefer a quieter and more solitary existence. That we continually get along so well is one of the magical mysteries of friendship.
Today is Skip’s birthday, and we’ll be celebrating with cocktails (and mocktails) at the Plaza, followed by dinner, and capped with the first preview of ‘Plaza Suite’ – so Happy Birthday! Rain check…
{PS – At the time this was originally written, these were the plans. Given the shutdown of Broadway, the advice not to travel, and the general insanity of the world, we are forced to make other plans, so stay tuned for the denouement of this!}
