Certain songs are like elegies, for those moments when there’s nothing left to say. We listen to their sadness and try to make sense of the sorrow, but there is no answer or solution to loss and grief, only bottomless depths of more. Perhaps there is comfort in company; quite often there is not. That doesn’t mean the effort is in vain.
When the loss is not by death or force, when the loss of someone from your life is by choice, sometimes that’s even harder to take. And when you’re the one to go, sometimes another’s heart is harder to break.
IN EVERY HEART THERE IS A ROOM
A SANCTUARY SAFE AND STRONG
TO HEAL THE WOUNDS FROM LOVERS PAST
UNTIL A NEW ONE COMES ALONG
I SPOKE TO YOU IN CAUTIOUS TONES
YOU ANSWERED ME WITH NO PRETENSE
AND STILL I FEEL I SAID TOO MUCH
MY SILENCE IS MY SELF DEFENSE
AND EVERY TIME I’VE HELD A ROSE
IT SEEMS I ONLY FELT THE THORNS
AND SO IT GOES, AND SO IT GOES
AND SO WILL YOU SOON I SUPPOSE
Once there was a girl who loved me very much. She loved me more than I could ever love her, maybe more than I could ever love anyone. Being loved like that is a luxury we should all be lucky enough to feel at one point. It scares most people, but we are better for it. Later on in life I would be the one to do the loving, or so I thought, though never quite as purely and unreservedly, never in such undiluted and untainted form.
Oh I thought I did. It felt like I loved more fiercely and carelessly than anyone could have ever loved someone, even those I barely knew, but it was fallacy and fabrication. To be loved by someone who knows you, and who has known you since you were a child, is how we complete our souls. Not all of us are lucky enough to have that.
BUT IF MY SILENCE MADE YOU LEAVE
THEN THAT WOULD BE MY WORST MISTAKE
SO I WILL SHARE THIS ROOM WITH YOU
AND YOU CAN HAVE THIS HEART TO BREAK
AND THIS IS WHY MY EYES ARE CLOSED
IT’S JUST AS WELL FOR ALL I’VE SEEN
AND SO IT GOES, AND SO IT GOES
AND YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS
SO I WOULD CHOOSE TO BE WITH YOU
THAT’S IF THE CHOICE WERE MINE TO MAKE
BUT YOU CAN MAKE DECISIONS TOO
AND YOU CAN HAVE THIS HEART TO BREAK
I probably didn’t deserve such a beautiful song. I’m not sure if I deserve it now, but maybe I’m a little closer. We approach grace in different ways. It takes a little longer for some, and most of us fall down along the way. We just need to find those who will help us get back up, who will sit with us in silence or just be there without fanfare or expectation.
AND SO IT GOES, AND SO IT GOES
AND YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS.
