Forty-seven years into this life it’s difficult to find any revelations that profoundly shift the make-up of the man I’ve become in all that time. Every once in a while, however, there comes a situation that does shift everything I thought I knew, and on Friday night that came from a discussion with Suzie about eggs. Apparently it makes me look like a complete and total ass (I’m paraphrasing Andy) but that sort of jolt is good for a perfectionist Virgo who up until a few years ago genuinely believed he could do little to no wrong. My how times have changed…
All my life, I’ve assumed that eggs just came in one basic size. I’d only half-noticed the large and extra-large and Grade A markings on the cartons, and to be honest I just thought those were marketing strategies, like ‘World’s Greatest Butter’ or ‘Extra-large pumpkins’. Whenever I saw a recipe that called for one large egg, I would simply open the fridge and look for the largest egg I could find and use that. It always worked.
Imagine my shock to find that ‘large’ and ‘extra-large’ were two very different and distinct egg sizes/weights, and there were more too, like ‘medium’ and ‘jumbo’. Perhaps you can’t imagine such a thing, because neither could Suzie. In fact, when the topic came up, there was a good five-minute period of wild confusion, as she was talking about ‘large’ eggs in the apparently traditional sense, while I was talking about large eggs as eggs that happened to be on the large size. Finally I blurted out, ‘What do YOU mean by jumbo eggs?’ and that’s when we realized my folly. Forty-seven years of thinking eggs came in one size came screeching to a stunned halt.
Immediately, I texted everyone I knew with the simple ask of “What is a large egg?” Some would rightfully wonder if I’d started drinking again. One told me to go to bed. Most didn’t understand the question, because all of them had learned, not sure where, that eggs were sized and labeled differently. Small consolation came on social media, where most people thought I was kidding, a few thought I was ridiculous, and just a smidge said they were on my side and always thought eggs came in one size too.
Suzie and I were trying to figure out how I could have baked so many things without incident (more or less) over the years, and I said in exasperation that I’d only ever seen a recipe call for large eggs. I’ve never seen one that used jumbo eggs or medium eggs – had I noticed that I might have made the connection. But unfailingly, all the recipes I’ve ever made required ‘large’ eggs. The reason it always worked, as we found out, is because Andy has only ever stocked the fridge with ‘large’ eggs. Another happy accident that avoided unhappy accidents.
Suzie and I drove along the rainy, dark roads in shocked and shook fashion, each trying to wrap our heads around things for different reasons. The next day I stopped in the market to confirm it, and there they were – all differently sized and labeled – medium and jumbo and extra large and small.
I’m still processing…
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