A day filled with 2’s…
2 – 22 – 22
It all adds up.
To 10.
And a time ripe for the two-to-too-tutu lesson.
Live it.
Love it.
Laugh it.
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Monthly Archives:
February 2022
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February
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February
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February
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February
2022
While the Wind Rages
“My first big insight came when I realized that my reactions to these experiences were causing me more pain than the experience itself.” –
Let’s begin this work week with a scene from the start of the recent weekend. Thinking back to a hopeful and exciting Friday morning on a Monday has usually been a source of annoyance and agitation. Withdrawal from relaxation and fun during a mundane start of the week has never been a favorite mindset. But lending such negative feelings to what is past and done takes away from the memory of good weekends, while also serving to depress and upset what could otherwise be a perfectly sunny Monday.
And so it was this past Friday, when I woke to head out to Boston for the weekend, on which I decided to set a new intention. The day was sunny – and windy – and the living room was illuminated by the sun as well as its reflection off the snow, unmitigated by leafy canopies as the branches were bare. It made for the brightest this room gets – a lovely anomaly during what is typically a darker part of the year. As the wind raged outside, I sat down and lit a stick of Palo Santo, watching its flames almost disappear into the light, then studying the curling tendrils of smoke once the flame went out.
The wind was almost thunderous in its power and might, churning and moaning like a restless ocean. We don’t get such wind, even in the winter, and it was a reminder of nature’s magnificence. Listening to the ebb and flow of its drone, knowing that what I was hearing was already muted and blunted, and the actual force much stronger were I to open the door, there was a strange sense of calm and peace. The sun’s strength undulates as well, with passing clouds moving swiftly across the sky, changing the light in the room in gentle waves.
When a series of strong wind gusts rolls over the house, I hear the cracks and clicks of the trees, and the cracks and clicks of our home, all standing in brave defiance of the wind, in defiance of the winter, as if we could hold it off forever, as if we won’t one day be leveled by it all. But that doesn’t scare me, because there is no point in being scared of what may come. The best and surest way to get through life is to do it one moment at a time. On this morning, there is sun shining through the wind, there is the promise of a weekend away, and there is a meditation playing out with slow breaths in and out.
“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).” –
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February
2022
A Windy Winter Recap
February tightens its frigid grip on us as a spell of bitterly cold and powerfully windy days brings us into the last full week of this treacherous month. Yes, the last full week, and then the lions of March arrive with royal fanfare and flare. Until then, a quick look back…
Olympic drama: why I stopped watching this year’s events.
A snowy expanse for meditation.
Shirtlessness and mindfulness.
A trio of Tom Ford Private Blends fresh from his rose garden.
… and a return to the Madonna Timeline.
Somewhere between peach and pink.
Dazzlers of the Day included Erin Jackson, Jacksepticeye, Aneesa Waheed, and Zendaya.
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February
2022
Bare of Branch, Rich of Sky
“I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape—the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show.” ~ Andrew Wyeth
A standard winter scene – bare branches against a subdued blue sky – makes for an ideal pausing point for a Sunday meditation, or a few moments of mindfulness. Rather than clutter this space with words and my own take on mindfulness, I’m leaving it mostly empty and sparse, allowing for your own interpretation of the above quote, for your own story and thoughts to flow and be released. We are too afraid of quiet and an expanse of space.
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February
2022
Somewhere Between Peach and Pink
Andy surprised me with a bouquet of flowers before Valentine’s Day, and I surprised him with this bouquet of roses after Valentine’s Day. (He also came through with a trio of roses on the day itself.) These peach/pink beauties called to me from Trader Joe’s, and while I prefer the hot and fiery colors in a rose, Andy enjoys the softer pink and purple palette, so I veered to the pink as much as possible. Where peach and pink meet is a dreamy place.
More and more spring flowers are appearing in the market these days, a sure sign that spring is well on its way. That is reason for happiness! As eager as I am for that, and as antsy as we all seem to be feeling at this stage of winter, there is more to this season – though only about a month more, which means there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s fill the rest of the tunnel with roses.
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February
2022
A Hug From the Inside Out
The best dinner dish is one that makes you feel like you are being hugged from the inside out, and those meals are usually one part comfort food, one part elegance, and one part spice. In these winter months, the spicier the dish, the more indulgently warm and welcome they are. For this Moroccan chicken recipe from Tara Kitchen, the make-up employs preserved lemons and olives with raisins and spices for its opening flavor and kick.
Opening up with a more lasting and resonant warmth, the Moroccan spice mix Ras El Hanout lends it a complex heat and sparkle, with some additional cumin, coriander and black pepper adding another layer of flavor to the mix. This is the ideal winter comfort food meal – hearty and spicy, but not overtly hot, with delicious pops and accents of acidity with the preserved lemons and olives, tempered beautifully by the handful of raisins and some fresh parsley.
Certain dishes dispel the cold and darkness of winter, and I’ve already made this one twice in as many days because it does that so well.
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February
2022
Dazzler of the Day: Zendaya
The accolades from her performance in the HBO series ‘Euphoria’ get louder and louder every week – though to be honest I have not yet been able to bring myself to watch the show based on what is said to be regularly-triggering topics and depictions, and it’s all I can do to handle the damn Olympics right now – but I am certain Zendaya is entirely worthy of the praise. Given her previous winning turns in everything from ‘The Greatest Showman’ to ‘Dune’, it seems she can do no wrong. And her red carpet style is nothing short of stunning – hence this Dazzler of the Day honor.
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February
2022
The Madonna Timeline: Song #167 – ‘Something To Remember’ ~ Summer 1990
{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}
Seems I’ve played the game for much too long
I let people buy my love and I
Never got to sing my songs for you
I had all my bets laid all on you
Set your stakes too high, you’re bound to lose
In the game of love you pay your dues
Say that happiness cannot be measured
And a little pain can bring you all life’s little pleasures
What a joke
Summer in upstate New York is a sticky and uncomfortable affair much of the time. Nights, especially, drone on longer than necessary when the heat and humidity combine to make for difficult sleeping and restless nights. The summer of 1990 – which was the summer of Madonna’s Blond Ambition reign – found me hurtling from Amsterdam, New York to Washington, DC and Russia – then back again. It was, indeed, ‘Something to Remember’, and I do… I still very much do.
When last we left the ‘I’m Breathless’ entries of the Madonna Timeline, the question was ‘What Can You Lose?’ With ‘Something to Remember’, we return to that magical summer – a summer that could quite feasibly be one of my favorite summers of all time, as they don’t seem to be getting any better. There’s something profoundly sad in that, and yet inevitable, so I embrace the one from 1990 all the more warmly.
That was the summer we went to the Soviet Union – my first plane ride anywhere – initiation by Aeroflot fire. That was the summer we returned to the corn already high again. That was the summer we almost grew up. One day I’ll try to more fully capture the trip to the then-Soviet-Union that we made then – for now there are only these hints of it.
I was not your woman, I was not your friend
But you gave me something to remember
No other man said love yourself
Nobody else can
We weren’t meant to be
At least not in this lifetime
But you gave me something to remember
I hear you still say, love yourself
At the not-so-ripe age of fourteen, I was just starting to awaken to the madness of adolescence and all the confusing thrills that were just around the corner. There were stirrings of attraction, but at that point I couldn’t tell friendship from romance, and honestly I was always looking for someone – anyone – to stave off the loneliness.
Madonna was there with her blonde-tressed ambition in full-effect, but on the ‘I’m Breathless’ album there was this jazzy slow-burn song of lost love, and somehow I already felt I understand her pain in my own longing. Visions of a dimly-lit bar, smoke adrift in the air back when it could be, the way it was everywhere in Russia, crossed my mind when I listened to this, rushing toward adulthood as much as it struck a little bit of terror in me.
I had all my bets laid all on you
Set your stakes too high, you’re bound to lose
In the game of love I’ve paid my dues
Guess I’m waiting for my place in your sun
Wish I had the chance to know you when it wasn’t stormy weather
What a shame, who’s to blame?
The song would haunt me when we returned home, when we went back to being stuck in a small town, back to when we were alone again. I would wake to the bright sun of summer and feel pangs of emptiness, having been on an exciting adventure and tasting what life could be, then suddenly plunged back into the summer before another year of high school, and another year of being trapped. And hunted.
At night – those awful, restless, unending summer nights that somehow seemed darker than any night in winter – I would play this song, and dream of a glamorous existence which consisted mostly of whispered images, a sparkling tableaux parading fantastically across my mind, based in bits of movies, passages of novels, stories of decadence. It was my fledgling crafting of the life I would one day eventually lead, only when the time came I would not realize it. Only looking back can I see and almost feel its frisson. And mostly I’m glad for that – glad that I had that, and glad that I’m no longer in it.
I was not your woman, I was not your friend
But you gave me something to remember
No other man said love yourself
Nobody else can
We weren’t meant to be
At least not in this lifetime
But you gave me something to remember
I hear you still say, love yourself
As the summer of 1990 came to its inevitable close, we returned to school. Things felt different again, the way they would for the next few years. Adolescence would shift the world in such irrevocable ways. We hung on as best as we could, but there were stumbles and falls. Madonna finished her Dick Tracy chapter, bid adieu to Breathless Mahoney, and by the end of the year she was onto ‘Justify My Love‘. It was a darkly beautiful road of more adult concerns, a daring and edgy period that wouldn’t let up until the turn of ‘Bedtime Stories’.
‘Something to Remember’ was also the name of Madonna’s first and thus far only collection of ballads, released in the fall of 1995 and primed to set the stage for her first glorious comeback in ‘Evita’. Much happened in the ensuing years since its release on ‘I’m Breathless’, and by the fall of 1995, summer – in all its forms and incantations – felt very far away.
Song #167 – ‘Something To Remember’ ~ Summer 1990
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2022
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February
2022
Murmurs of Madonna
Tomorrow the Madonna Timeline returns with something billed as something to remember, but it’s not one of the strongest entries. Some Madonna songs can be no more than filler, and fodder for memories. In this preparatory post, we see some of her latest online shenanigans. What I would give for her lighting and filters…
The latest murmurs of Madonna have her working on a collection of her 50 #1 Dance hits for this fall (late summer?) as well as casting her movie biopic. I wish I could get more excited over both of these projects, but Madonna’s strength has never resided in re-hashing. Re-inventing, yes. Revolutionizing, absolutely. Re-treading… not so much, even if a Madonna re-tread is still often more spectacular than most pop stars’ virgin tracks.
Speaking of virgins, I see that her classic ‘Like A Virgin’ song is used now in a Virgin cruise ship commercial. Once upon a time, that song was controversy and untouchable for commercial purposes. Clearly, times have changed. A cruise ship commercial. Dear God.
Tomorrow, we return to the glory days. May there be a few more in the future…
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February
2022
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February
2022
The Blush of a Tom Ford Rose
A surprise pre-Valentine’s release of three new Private Blend rose scents from Tom Ford was happy news indeed, made even happier by Andy’s gift of a sampler set including the entire trio. (I wish Ford had done something similar with the Vert or Oud lines, but we’ll take what we get.) In this case, everything’s coming up roses, as Ford presents scents inspired by a rose garden, and while I’m a relatively recent convert to the love of rose in fragrances, the passion burns brightly now, as evidenced by ‘Oud Fleur‘, ‘Portrait of a Lady‘ and ‘Rose & Cuir‘. For Ford’s latest floral entries, I did a sampling of each over a three day period, and here are my thoughts.
Rose de Amalfi ~ I expected to either love or hate this, but I fell somewhere in-between. An all-too-brief opening of sharp citrus – with the tartness of bergamot – dissipates all-too-quickly, but while it lasts it hides the powdery rose from view. Sadly such giddy citrus never stays for long, and as soon as it subsides the powdery heliotrope takes over, again hiding the rose from view. It’s a tantalizing game of hide and seek, with no satisfying reveal.
Approaching the questionable border of an antiseptic quality, this one then surprises with an echo of that sharp citrus opening, lingering a little longer as if to expressly defy the notion of citrus before disappearing again.
This is the point where I expected it to crumble into sugar, the way a few of Ford’s latest releases have gone (‘Lost Cherry’ and ‘Rose Prick’ for instance) but just as it begins to crystallize to a dusty essence, it holds on, clinging desperately to some small trace of tartness and refusing to caramelize into something more. The heliotrope then steps forward again, a multitude of tiny blooms to mask the rose, and it seems as though the rose of Amalfi is a shy one indeed, letting itself be whisked off sight unseen by some rushed sea breeze.
Rose de Chine ~ Hesitancy greeted my spritzing of this one, as a previous offering from Ford, ‘Fleur de Chine’ was not in any way a favorite. This one begins spicy and green, with elements of tea, so already I’m happily surprised. A unique opening, it calms down and starts to move into the territory of ‘Fleur de Chine’ but avoids the cloying, slightly medicinal mark of that miss. The rose is more subdued here, and after a short while this turns into a typical perfume – perfectly fine if entirely unremarkable. Initial freshness dries down after half an hour, and a warm amber begins to resonate. Neither love nor hate.
Rose de Russie ~ The preliminary literature on this had it pegged as the one I would love the most, and all went according to plan. This is a gloriously peppery rose with underlying layers of leather that reveal themselves in stages. The rose and pepper battle for dominance in the opening, and it’s an exquisite duet for those of us who find rose in its pure form too sweet and rich. Darker than its cousins, ‘Rose de Russie’ is the evening scent for this trio, and I appreciate it all the more for that. It’s still slightly green, with an herbal element which crops up after the opening, much appreciated to keep steering away from the danger of sweetness. There was a fruity note that surfaced at one point- not at all unwelcome, and I’ll take fruity over sugary any day.
Twenty minutes in the scent goes all bashful, timid and hesitant, barely peeking out from the cuffs of my shirt. Still gorgeous, simply subdued. Then the synthetic leather vibe comes into prominence, still laced with a peppery rose, and still slightly hidden, which is a good thing at this point. I need to explore this one a bit more, but it’s a likely contender for the spring/summer scent 2022…
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February
2022
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February
2022
A Go Fund Me for a Friend
Every now and then a Go Fund Me pops up for someone I know, and this time it’s worth a share. Check out the page for Ken Screven, a history-making hero who could use a little help right now. See the Go Fund Me page his friends have set up for him here: https://gofund.me/dd2fd7dc. And feel free to share it.
Our friend Ken Screven needs our help.Ken has been hospitalized since October 30, when he was admitted to Albany Medical Center. Ken spent most of November at AMC before being transferred to the Fulton Center in Gloversville. He’s since been back to AMC and soon will be transferred to the Shaker Place Rehabilitation & Nursing Center in Colonie.His medical expenses are piling up. Although he worked for one company for more than three decades, his insurance coverage ended when he retired. He is now on Medicare and it’s not covering the extraordinary expenses of his medical care. We hope to raise $25,000 to pay his out-of-pocket expenses and to purchase equipment to allow Ken to successfully rehab and hopefully return to his beloved apartment in Center Square.Ken is our legend: He was the first black man hired to report the news in New York’s Capital Region. We all remember hearing his deep baritone voice in our living rooms for 34 years while he worked as a reporter and anchor for WRGB, the local CBS affiliate.
Ken is our hero: He was awarded the Albany Damien Center ‘Hero Award’ in 2020 in appreciation of his longtime advocacy for the region’s LGBT community.
Ken is our fighter: He’s a fierce (his favorite word!) defender of racial justice.
Ken is our friend: So many of us have so many memories of Ken being there for us when we needed him.
If you follow Ken on Facebook, you’ve seen photos of scores of friends who visited him in Albany and Gloversville during the past four months. He wrote these words about a month ago:“The actual number of people who continue to embrace my spirit astounds me. You guys don’t realize how much your continued joy and energy is lifting me up, even in dark times here in a nursing home. This photo is from a few months ago. My current energy level doesn’t reflect what I need to rejoin you but certainly, I feel and need your love and support and courage.”
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February
2022
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February
2022
Dazzler of the Day: Aneesa Waheed
Those who understand the magical alchemy between good food and good company inherently know how to dazzle just about everyone. As such, Aneesa Waheed is named Dazzler of the Day for her inspired enthusiasm for sharing good food with the world. She’s opened three local establishments of her creation, Tara Kitchen, and I was fortunate to finally have dinner with some dear friends at the Troy location. The website for her culinary creations can be found here, and is worth several deep dives – the blog alone offers videos and recipes for some amazing dishes. While there, you can also delve into Waheed’s marvelous story of how she came to craft such delicious Moroccan-inspired fare, with elements of all of her world-wide journeys adding delectable accents and unexpected delights to the global comfort food forming the basis of her menus. And speaking of those menus – they are worth a slow and teasing read-through before your visit, when you can request a detailed explanation of your favorites. We have just begun our Tara Kitchen journey, and I can’t wait to visit again.
(Be sure to scroll down to her video recipe of chicken with preserved lemons and olives, a dish I just made, and it was simply insane.)
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February
2022
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February
2022
Mindfulness Amid the Mundane
The post-shower towel shot serves several purposes. First and foremost is the clickbait aspect that typically gains more viewers when anyone takes their clothes off. Second, there is the bait and switch aspect for which this site should be better known. A post fronted by gratuitous nudity that ends up being about meditation and mindfulness is one of those twists that keep me interested in this nineteen-year-old website. Third, taking a shower is a mundane everyday moment that is ripe for mindfulness, so these photos go along with that idea, and give me a chance to expound upon a beginning practice in meditation and mindfulness, which some friends and family have asked about.
I’ve been making my way through Matthew Sockolov’s ‘Practicing Mindfulness’ book, a collection of ’75 Essential Meditations to Reduce Stress, Improve Mental Health, and Find Peace in the Everyday.’ The most recent meditation I tried is ideal for anyone looking to begin a meditation practice, and I wish I’d happened upon it sooner in my journey. It’s about resting the mind, which seems to be the most difficult part of meditation for almost everyone I’ve talked to about this.
Sockolov recommends this easy ten-minute practice as a way to calm the thoughts that invariably creep into our heads as soon as we stop moving and sit still. In today’s world where information and distractions are thrown at us non-stop from the moment we wake to the moment we fall asleep with our phones in our hands, still mindlessly scrolling like automatons, this is especially challenging to do. We are conditioned to be in a state of constant stimulation, and that is wreaking havoc on multiple levels. The best and easiest way to break this cycle, and the addiction of the phone, is to step away from it, and insist on carving out time and space for simply sitting still in silence. Not the most comfortable place for anyone to be anymore, but if you give it a chance you may find the rest of your life begins to calm down too. It worked for me.
Begin by finding the time and place to do this. If you are one who worries about time (like my Virgo self), set a phone alarm for five or ten minutes so you’re not constantly looking at the minutes passing by. Find a quiet place of solitude, even if it’s just a bathroom to escape. Ideally you have somewhere better to go where you can be comfortable. The practice is to sit or lie down and begin deep breathing. One slow breath in and one slow breath out. Then again. And again.
Once you are doing this, you will find a number of thoughts start creeping into your head. What you are making for dinner, what time you need to pick the kids up from practice, what you need to get from the store, what outfit to wear for next weekend’s get-together, who you need to call back, who you don’t want to text back – a myriad of life’s nonsense will suddenly impede on this moment, and that’s ok. Allow the thoughts to come, acknowledge them, and let them pass by. Eventually they will stop. If they don’t, it’s good to find something else to focus on to maintain the quiet posture. Sockolov advises on holding a couple of phrases in your head:
May my mind be at ease.
May I be at ease with my mind.
On each slow inhale, you can focus on the mantra ‘May my mind be at ease’ and on each slow exhale repeat it again ‘May my mind be at ease.’ On the next inhale think of the next one ‘May I be at ease with my mind’ and doing the same on the exhale. It provides a basic framework and focus that may help in pushing other thoughts from the mind, and achieving that divine blank space in your head is the purpose here. When worrisome thoughts are eradicated, it’s difficult to worry. This magic is something I wish I had discovered earlier, because it bleeds into the rest of life.
If you can manage five to ten minutes of this each day, you will find it easy to increase by a minute or two until you’re getting in a good fifteen to twenty minutes of meditation, and that’s when things get even better. It allows you to be more fully present, and leads into the practice of mindfulness, inhabiting the most mundane moments of the day, such as a simple shower, or the act of getting dressed. These things are typically rushed and blown through without thought, other than worrying about what comes next. By being present to the task at hand, you may find a joy in the process itself, and focusing on each step of a task is another way of pushing worrisome thoughts from your headspace.
{Naked selfies not required in a shower situation; I’m only here to illustrate and illuminate.}
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February
2022
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February
2022
Blue Villain Bad Guy
Post-Valentine’s blues got you down?
Pre-Valentine’s blues got you down?
General Valentine’s blues got you down?
Come ride with this giddy bit of musical villainy by Billie Eilish. If it’s good enough to be used in a figure skating routine, it’s good enough to use here. And it is by all accounts and measures good enough.
White shirt now red, my bloody nose
Sleepin’, you’re on your tippy toes
Creepin’ around like no one knows
Think you’re so criminal
Bruises on both my knees for you
Don’t say thank you or please
I do what I want when I’m wanting to
My soul? So cynical
Boy versus girl in the World Series of love, and boy versus boy in the Super Bowl of Glory.
We were all these things, we were all these people, we were all the devil in disguise.
And at the end of every day, we washed all the dirty off.
Or did we?
So you’re a tough guy
Like it really rough guy
Just can’t get enough guy
Chest always so puffed guy
I’m that bad type
Make your mama sad type
Make your girlfriend mad tight
Might seduce your dad type
I’m the bad guy
Duh
Some songs are simply diabolical, bringing out the best of the beast inside of us. They make us lose our sense of… sense. When coupled with the madness of men, what chance did any vestige of innocence ever stand? A slinky baseline, more slinky than any dress you’ve worn, and tighter than any anatomically-contoured crotch-pouch that Andrew Christian could ever come up with… defying you not to move.
I like it when you take control
Even if you know that you don’t
Own me, I’ll let you play the role
I’ll be your animal
My mommy likes to sing along with me
But she won’t sing this song
If she reads all the lyrics
She’ll pity the men I know
Ghosts appear in the dim night shower.
Ghosts of the men I used to be.
Ghosts that creep up behind me
…to thrill, to chill, to kill…
It’s what we used to do. Slaying before it was ever a thing on a Friday night drag show on VH-Fucking-1. Ghosting in a way more real and visceral than your sad cel habits could even approach. You don’t even know what it’s like to want, your little whines will only approximate and echo our feverish desperation. It was literally life or death then.
So you’re a tough guy
Like it really rough guy
Just can’t get enough guy
Chest always so puffed guy
I’m that bad type
Make your mama sad type
Make your girlfriend mad tight
Might seduce your dad type
I’m the bad guy
Duh
A blue-lit shower backed by Billie Eilish, music both mysterious and monstrous, perfect for bending over and getting fucked by memories of nights so dark no starlight could reach them. Not then, not now, not ever. So impenetrably black you cannot see, and what you think your eyes detect is but a tease, a bubble on the tongue.
I like when you get mad
I guess I’m pretty glad that you’re alone
You said she’s scared of me?
I mean, I don’t see what she sees
But maybe it’s ’cause I’m wearing your cologne
And haunting.
Don’t think we cannot thrill anymore, don’t even.
I will take your pop anthems and turn them into trifling playthings, like this post.
Captured. Entranced. Held all the way down, all the way to the end.
The End.
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February
2022
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February
2022
Dazzler of the Day: Jacksepticeye
This Dazzler of the Day is going to totally show my middle-age, because I’m not exactly sure what he does, but he clearly has an enormous following, and anyone who can make an impact in such a fractured online world is pretty damn impressive. Allow me to introduce Jacksepticeye, originally christened Seán William McLoughlin, who is a popular Irish YouTuber and blogger. While I may not get the name or the impact, I know he’s raised millions of dollars for charity, and the empathy belying that is more than enough to dazzle. Check out and subscribe to his crazy-popular YouTube channel here.
