Monthly Archives:

February 2021

The Words of Langston Hughes

‘I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I’ll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody’ll dare
Say to me,
“Eat in the kitchen,”
Then.

Besides,
They’ll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed–

I, too, am America.’ ~ Langston Hughes

“Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed –
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.”

~ Langston Hughes
Continue reading ...

Invincible in the Winter

Within this mid-point of winter, a bit of the garden still endures: these dried umbrels of Sedum ‘Autumn Joy’ seen in the afternoon sunlight, caged by the shadows of the stalwart cup plant stalks. Blue snow echoing blue sky, and in this winter landscape that once formed the floral border beside the pool, the invincibility of summer shone through the deep freeze. 

This is still the golden hour, come summer or snow, and it retains a different kind of magic now. The shadows are more pronounced, less hazy. Maybe the snow lends a crispness to it, a way of sharpening the light. 

As the hour progresses, and the sun lowers itself in the sky, colors grow deeper, the world gets more saturated, and the myth of winter as a colorless bore is confronted and confounded. The little forest of sedum flower-heads stands defiantly against the snow and wind. I admire their resilience, their tough and unyielding stance. Once upon a time I feared I would bend or break in the face of such adversity. Now, I follow the sedum’s example and stand in the winter wind. A cloak is all I need. 

Continue reading ...

Retrograde Throwback Thursday

This Throwback Thursday is brought to you by the madness that is Mercury in Retrograde. For a couple of weeks now I’ve been wondering what the fuck is going on, as moods and insanity and other such full-moon feelings have been rearing their ugly heads, not to mention a number of crazy circumstances and happenings that are more in line with the kookiness of 2020 than a promising 2021. As a full day of challenging events unfolded one right after the other, I looked up Mercury in Retrograde dates and sure enough, there it was: January 30 through February 21. 

That sets my mind oddly at ease – I was beginning to think I was losing it. Now that there’s something external to blame, we can move forward and be a little more careful. In the meantime, here are a couple of fun throw-way-back pics from a behind-the-scenes peek of our old knotty-pine room haunt in Ogunquit, Maine. Maybe this will be the year we return… or maybe not. We need to get through this apparent retrograde motion first… be wary, be warned. 

Continue reading ...

Channeling Dalloway

“Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.” ~ Virginia Woolf

What a luxury to have flowers at the veritable height of winter! Troubled by modern-day worries, I haven’t been sleeping as well these past few weeks, which means I’ve been waking at 4 or 5 in the morning and not getting back to sleep. On this particular morning I popped up around 5 AM, and since I didn’t have to start work until 8, I made a quick trip to the grocery store for these flowers and some groceries for the week.

What a difference a simple bouquet makes, and I’m reminded that this was something I was going to implement regularly for this winter. It’s never too late, so here we have beauty and color and fragrance. They are the first thing to greet us when we walk out of the bedroom, and they help start the day in happy fashion.

“Beauty, the world seemed to say. And as if to prove it (scientifically) wherever he looked at the houses, at the railings, at the antelopes stretching over the palings, beauty sprang instantly. To watch a leaf quivering in the rush of air was an exquisite joy. Up in the sky swallows swooping, swerving, flinging themselves in and out, round and round, yet always with perfect control as if elastics held them; and the flies rising and falling; and the sun spotting now this leaf, now that, in mockery, dazzling it with soft gold in pure good temper; and now again some chime (it might be a motor horn) tinkling divinely on the grass stalks—all of this, calm and reasonable as it was, made out of ordinary things as it was, was the truth now; beauty, that was the truth now. Beauty was everywhere.” ~ Virginia Woolf

Continue reading ...

Wednesday Pants

Feeling the first flush of spring in a slightly longer and sunnier day of late, I put in an order of Bonobos pants in shades bright and Easter-like. Emboldened by their pastel prettiness, I allowed a brief fantasy of the world as we once knew it, when I could wear three pairs of pants to work in less than a week and still have a day or two left for more. 

On the inside waistband of the blue pair was the word ‘Wednesday‘ so this seems a fitting time to post this photo. Happy Hump Day! 

Continue reading ...

Breaking the Morning in Candlelight

It’s not the cold or ice of winter that bothers me. It’s not the wind or snow. It’s not even the messy mix of salt and dirt that winter roads invariably become. It’s the darkness – that pervading darkness that comprises too much of the day and all of the night. It’s there when I wake and there when I retire, and it seeps into the middle of the day through gray shadows and the early setting of the sun. 

The concept of hygge has shown me the importance of light, even if it’s just the light from a candle or two. In that warm little beacon there is all the brightness of the world, all hope and joy and the single spark of spring on the tongue of a flame. There is warmth and loveliness here

Most of the time I employ candles at night, when the full darkness has overtaken all the land. I forget the powerful presence they can have early in the morning, when I’m about to sign on for the day, when the sky is still dim and darkness stubbornly lingers in more than just corners. Somehow it’s quieter then than the latest hour of night. Easing one’s way into the day is equally as important as easing into the time for slumber. 

Continue reading ...

This Crazy Cactus

Our crazy Thanksgiving/Christmas/Halloween/Easter cactus is blooming again, which means the light is mirroring some point in fall, ricocheting back and ever-closer to spring. This echo of blooms is a happy happening, signifying days that are getting longer, and a faint hint of hope in the air. 

We no longer have a walking iris, the blooms of which would be the other sign that winter was about to start its slow exit, so this cactus will have to do. 

Continue reading ...

The Words of Mary McLeod Bethune

“Knowledge is the prime need of the hour.” ~  Mary McLeod Bethune

“If we accept and acquiesce in the face of discrimination, we accept the responsibility ourselves. We should, therefore, protest openly everything … that smacks of discrimination or slander.” ~ Mary McLeod Bethune

“To those of you with your years of service still ahead, the challenge is yours. Stop doubting yourselves. Have the courage to make up your minds and hold your decisions. Refuse to be bought for a nickel, or a million dollars, or a job!” ~ Mary McLeod Bethune

“Forgiving is not about forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt.” ~ Mary McLeod Bethune

“I leave you love. I leave you hope. I leave you the challenge of developing confidence in one another. I leave you a thirst for education. I leave you a respect for the use of power. I leave you faith. I leave you racial dignity. I leave you a desire to live harmoniously with your fellow men. I leave you finally, a responsibility to our young people.” ~ Mary McLeod Bethune

“Cease to be a drudge, seek to be an artist.” – Mary McLeod Bethune

Continue reading ...

A Filipino Comfort Food Dish

Keeping up almost a year of social distancing, my Mom and I have kept in contact through meal exchanges, often in the driveway donning masks, and it has turned certain dinners into virtual mental meet-ups grounded in culinary connections. It’s the best we can do in these perilous times, but there is a great deal of comfort in it, especially in a dish of Filipino food like this bowl of mung beans. My Mom learned how to make a number of Filipino dishes from my Aunt Luz, and she in turn taught me how to make things like pancit and sweet and sour fish. 

There are a number of dishes that still bring us together, even when we’re apart – and it’s the same way we can feel connected to people we’ve lost. Food, especially comfort food, and especially in the middle of winter, can be a way of making mental connections with those we love. The act of breaking bread is a sacred ritual, and since we can’t do it together these days, we find other ways to make a meal mean something. A virtual family dinner if you will, until spring returns and we can gather outside like we did at Thanksgiving. 

Continue reading ...

Contained Chaos Amid Meditation

A couple of days ago I switched out my daily meditation for an hour of yoga – and while it was good to return to yoga, the following day’s meditation was more of a challenge as my mind stayed scattered for longer than usual. It’s an interesting study on how just one day of meditation can make a difference, at least for me. Without that 29-minute window within a 24-hour cycle, thoughts and tensions and stresses accumulated with no acknowledgment or reconciliation. The next time I meditated, it was more of a challenge to slip into that empty expanse of calm. Thoughts scattered and rushed across my mind – a deluge of minor worries spilling over each other – with plans and schedules and reminders of a new work week clamoring for attention as well. 

A few minutes in, I nodded at what was happening, accepting the chaotic firing of neurons and bridging of synapses, and instantly my meditation calmed. Focus returned to my breathing, the usual mental markers appeared, the clear expanse of an open mind slowly revealed itself again, and the calm serenity of a typical meditation session was restored. 

Continue reading ...

A February Recap In A Turtleneck

A snowy week in February concludes, and another one begins. Such is our slow trudge through the winter of 2021, when everything feels like some purgatorial space of in-between uncertainty. That seems to be a theme here, when I teeter on decisions that once felt sure and simple. Even a trip to the grocery store is fraught with debate and internal dialogue, and lately I’ve been foregoing the trips and staying in, hunkering down with a book on the conversation couch or snuggling into the corner of the basement sectional, idly flipping through television channels and not watching much of anything. So goes winter… Another week is ahead, one that contains Valentine’s Day, whatever that might mean this year. If history is any indication, it means snow – lots of snow… so on with this pre-red recap.

February makes me shiver.

A snowy groundhog

The sweet spot.

The words of Shirley Chisholm.

Being the conductor of your own orchestra.

A gratuitous Gus Kenworthy glimpse

A winter window.

Wild is the winter wind

The words of Claudette Colvin.

Emanating warmth on the floor of winter

Bowls that sing.

Pulling the P at lunchtime

Friday flute mindfulness

Rita Hayworth gave good face.

The words of Dr. Mae Jemison.

Room noir.

The return of some glorious beefcake: Ben Cohen.

Making a command decision.

My virgin attempt at making Filipino leche flan

Continue reading ...

A Semi-Successful Leche Flan Attempt

Even my late Aunt Luz, who is probably one of the greatest cooks I’ve known in my life, sometimes had trouble with her flan. I remember visiting her apartment in Washington, sitting in their little kitchen as her bath of flan was pulled from the oven, and the little ramekins were floating in a curdled mess of eggs and burnt sugar. Quietly, I took it in, expecting some sort of yelling fit as her husband – my favorite Uncle – would have uttered had he been involved. Instead, she laughed it off, and I got my first lesson in gracious dignity while in the kitchen. Andy’s Mom had similar difficulties – according to him she was about 50-50 when it came to producing a decent flan. For my very first attempt at this Filipino leche flan, I was hoping for something that didn’t burn the kitchen down.

Yes, my bar is that low

Suzie challenged me to give it a whirl, and of course I took her up on it, perhaps over-confident from our last kitchen skirmish (which feels like ages ago). The online recipes I read were quite enthusiastic about how easy a leche flan was to make. The ingredients certainly seemed simple enough: a dozen egg yolks, a can of sweetened condensed milk, a can of evaporated milk, a teaspoon of vanilla extract, and some sugar. 

The instructions seemed simple enough too: line a baking dish with some cooked sugar (boil it with a couple of tablespoons of water) then add the egg mixture and bake in a water bath. There were a few things I didn’t do right – the melted sugar freaked me out a bit, so I took it off the heat way too soon, resulting in the relatively clear liquid and coating you see at the end. Next time I’ll be brave and let it go dark.

I strained the egg mixture, which was a good move, as some of the egg whites were caught before they made it into the final dish. I whisked it as gently as possible, per instruction, but bubbles will be bubbles and that didn’t bother me. The flecks of vanilla bean, while decadent, weren’t quite the creamy look I was going for – another mistake of mine for putting in vanilla bean paste instead of vanilla extract. (A reminder that being fancy isn’t always necessary.) Other than that, though, this turned out surprisingly edible, if not downright decent.  I’ll give it another go in a while, and send some to Suzie. 

Continue reading ...

A Command Decision

Truth be told, in my mind all my decisions are command decisions. In this case, I finally had enough and a command decision was made, after months of deliberation: I am no longer going to bother following the directional arrows in stores and supermarkets because literally no one else does, including and most especially the employees. Anarchy rules.

Continue reading ...

Gimme a B!

For Ben Cohen! He’s got his own category here, so it’s about time we featured some lovely photos by Snooty Fox Images and revisit some of Cohen’s hotter posts to warm the winter’s night. 

Like this Ben Cohen calendar shoot

Or this Ben Cohen beefcake post

Or this sexy-scented Ben Cohen post.

Or this Ben Cohen manscaping post

Or this straight-ally story

Or this definitively sexy Ben Cohen post

Continue reading ...

Room Noir

“Noir: all those beautiful sentences telling you the most terrible things.” ― Robert Polito

Shadows, and shadows within shadows. Gradients of darkness and light. The remarkably inconsistent way a space looks colorful or devoid of color depending on how the light and darkness work, and it’s always the darkness that is more intriguing. Light leaves nothing to the imagination, and we humans crave imagination. We want to imprint our own vision, our own story, our own connection to any singular event. Sometimes we want it more than we want truth. We are rarely satisfied to simply appreciate something other than we. 

The recesses of a Saturday night, hidden furthest from the sane, reasonable safety of a weekday, operate mostly in shadow and mystery, perhaps giving this night more allure than any other. What mysteries shall unravel on this one, and what mysteries shall be left alone?

“Why am I telling you this?” he went on. “A secret’s only a secret as long as you keep it. Once you tell someone it loses all its power–for good or for ill–like that, it’s just another piece of information. But a real mystery can’t be solved, not completely. It’s always just out of reach, like a light around the corner; you might catch a glimpse of what it reveals, feel its warmth, but you can’t know the heart of it, not really. That’s what gives it value: It can’t be cracked, it’s bigger than you and me, bigger than everything we know. Those tight-ass suits can keep their secrets, they don’t add up to anything. This deep in the game, pal, I’ll take mystery every time.” â€• Mark Frost

Continue reading ...