Monthly Archives:

October 2018

My Halloween Costume 2018: Homage to Mr. M

Call me Mr. M or call me Skippy Day, because this Halloween I went to work as my boss’s husband, Skip Montross. You know and love him, and today I was him. From the worn baseball cap to the distressed jeans and beaded man-bracelet, I embraced all the little details that go into making one Skip M. It coincided with the Boston Red Sox parade, so it was a win-win wardrobe situation. It also brings to mind all of our Boston adventures, so here’s a linky look back:

BroSox Adventure 2014: No posts or links exist documenting this first foray into the #BroSoxAdventure, and it’s probably for the best. 

BroSox Adventure 2015: Part One, Part Two and Part Three. (Thus far, this was the only time we had a police encounter on any of our excursions, and it happened in Loudonville so it doesn’t really count.)

BroSox Adventure 2016: Part One and Part Two – in which our hero installs an air conditioning unit while Alan looks on while sipping a gin and tonic, and no one wants to dance with somebody. 

BroSox Adventure 2017: Part One and Part Two – The year I spit beer onto the human beings in front of us at the Red Sox game. I’m still ashamed. And The Karate Kid. 

BroSox Adventure 2018: The Only Part – because I took the summer off from blogging and we went later this year than usual. It was still awesome. Skip planked, even if he didn’t mean to. 

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

Scene of the next generation: parents driving their kids to the bus-stop and waiting with them. This is our state of the world thanks to murderers, child molesters and territorial turkeys. We are fucked.

#TinyThreads

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Halloween Come & Gone

Soon all our pumpkins will be as lost as the ones seen here. Personally, I’m not sorry. For most of October we’ve had our fall and it’s been a relatively fine one. After today, the eye wanders to the start of the holiday season, extended and early as so much of our world seems to be these days. 

The arrival of Halloween is viewed with mixed feelings in our house. Andy and I will arrive home after a work day and there’s usually already a group of kids waiting eagerly to demand candy before we can even pull into the garage. I despise the eager as much as I despise the tardy. This season my Halloween costume is Hateful Creature. I’ll be wearing it all year

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My Office Muse

A few people have asked what I do at my job.

This clip pretty much sums it up. Just call me Juno, your happy Human Resources case worker. 

And here’s me at a typical meeting. 

“Will you get out of here?! Men’s room, are ya kidding?!?”

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My Fellow Americans?

There were three of them and one of me. The day was pouring rain – you remember the recent Saturday when the Nor’easter was hitting – and I figured if I was going to make the Price Chopper run I’d at least have a Starbucks coffee out of it. There I sat, next to a table of two older men chatting over their newspapers. Typical upstate New York politics – they liked Trump’s policies and that’s what they were voting for, who needs another lefty! Their hatred of Cuomo. Their disdain for Delgado, and how they weren’t worried about Faso. How they felt New york City should be separated from the state because they could never beat them based on numbers.

I focused on my coffee and didn’t turn around. A third gentleman sat down across from them, enjoying their talk. One was complaining about a recent treaty that Trump was pulling out of.

“They should do away with treaties,” said the guy who was doing most of the talking, not bothering to say which ones.

Then they started talking about the wall, and how it needs to be built. “There are drones that could see for miles and know when people are coming from the other side.” Some bit about a flame-thrower I couldn’t quite make out. (Yes, a flame-thrower.) And then this: “They should build it out of a slippery material, and then have a ditch of oil, maybe two feet deep, so when they get across the ditch they will be covered in oil and be too slippery to climb the wall.”

Yes, I busted out laughing. But they didn’t notice. They were too busy solving the world’s problems safely from their vantage point in upstate New York.

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Tiny Threads: An Insignificant Series

Someone please explain the following saying to me: I can’t win for losing.

I mean, duh. Isn’t that the whole point? What am I missing?

#TinyThreads

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Recap on the Eve of the Eve of All Hallow’s Eve

There’s a whole lot of Eve going on right now, and Bette Davis is likely throwing a tantrum in her grave as only she can. All fire and brimstone and things that go bump in the night… I have nothing more to add. Let’s look back at the week that came before.  

The decadence and the lace.

Breathing new life into peppers. 

It’s all an illusion

It was a Monster Ball.

The chain of #TinyThreads.

Madonna and water sports

Hot twist.

Dipping candles in the fall.

A shirtless Ben Cohen returns to the calendar game.

A bit of the ultra-violence.

Family by the fire pit

Caught in the act.

Shirtless Sunday fun-day stuff

A ghastly business.

Hunks of the Day include Matty Lee, Mark Ballas, Rory McIlroy, Randy RainbowTitanius Maximus, Matt Dallas and Daniel Newman (again). 

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Ghastly ~ {PVRTD Promo}

“Homosexual practices were actually very widespread in the camps. The prisoners, however, ostracized only those whom the SS marked with the pink triangle. The fate of the homosexuals in the concentration camps can only be described as ghastly… Theirs was an insoluble predicament and virtually all of them perished.” ~ Eugen Kogon

Shadows in shadows,

turned the blackest night

next to sunlight on snow…

Ominous darkness, foreboding

and criminal.

Stains of history,

implacable

stubborn

doomed.

Stains in shadow,

stains in complicity,

stains in conspiracy…

Shadow takes us all,

suffocating

smothering…

Choking on

smoke rising

from the bodies,

Breathing in

your charred brothers and mothers and daughters and sisters and uncles and grandfathers and sons

our charred brothers and mothers and daughters and sisters and uncles and grandfathers and sons

burnt hair

flesh

bone

floating into the sky

onto the snow

mud or blood or ash, who can tell…

?

PVRTD

The New Project

November 2018

www.ALANILAGAN.com

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Sunday Shirtless Celebrity Shenanigans

It’s been a while since we’ve collected a few shirtless gentlemen and put them together in one single amped-up post of gratuitous man-candy. This is that post, for all the fans of shirtless celebrities (and maybe we can find room for a naked male celebrity somewhere in the mix too). Let’s begin with our across-the-pond pal Dan Osborne, who has made no beef about stripping to his skivvies, and beyond. For that we are grateful. 

AJ Pritchard personifies all things youthful and beautiful, and sometimes nothing else matters. 

What’s in Simon Dunn’s magic box

Colin Kaepernick kneels for what’s right and stands for all that’s sexy

Joe Jonas has more than one fan, particularly when he poses in his underwear

 

When will Gleb Savchenko earn his next Hunk of the Day crowning? 

Jack Laugher in motion is almost as good as Jack Laugher in his Speedo

Trevor Donovan got all cheeky here before

Finally, fit and fine Sidharth Malhotra is already due for his next crowning as Hunk of the Day

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Caught in the Act of Creation

We are on the verge of the month that my new project ‘PVRTD’ gets released. It’s all happening online, right here on The Projects page, which ushers in a new era of how these things may be done from this point forward. It also marks a departure from most of what I’ve done thus far in both style and substance. Here are a few peeks at the change in tone, and a look at what goes into the creation of something new.

Much of the promotional stuff has been typical strip-tease mining, and while that’s fun for some of you, it doesn’t encompass what the bulk of ‘PVRTD’ is about – and that’s been quite intentional. Before every big fall there is a rise to the giddy heights of decadence and freedom. Here, the very first peek at what happens afterward… and some behind-the-scenes shots of how we made it all happen.

For this work, I got my friends and family to help out. It’s such a dark project that I wanted the warmth and light of those people who mean the most to me to seep in somehow. On this particular weekend in Boston, Kira aided me in the photographic duties, and we traversed Chinatown seeking out the appropriate settings and scenes.

It was a dreary and damp night, but she made it fun and bearable, and we ended it with a bowl of soup. Sharing such a meal at the sleepy tail-end of a cold evening out is one of my favorite things to do. A necessary one too. The subject matter, while it had not yet been fleshed out fully, would be weighty, and knowing this imbued our work with a seriousness that most of my projects often lack, particularly in the creation portion. (You should have seen the hysterics involved in shooting some of my holiday cards. The darker those were, the funnier it was to make them.) For this project, there wasn’t as much laughter.

The fatigue from a night of shooting shows through here, and I love that. My guard is down when I’m with Kira. I can ease into a subway manspread (it was practically empty!) and let the outside wind fuck up my hair and it’s all ok. We got some good shots and in my mind I was already figuring out what part they would play in the new project.

We walked from the subway to the condo, the night promising the end of winter but neither of us quite believing it.

I think I’m at my most alive when I’m in the act of creating.

PVRTD

November 2018

The Projects Page

www.ALANILAGAN.com

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Standing Near the Fire Pit

Last weekend we attended a dinner party at my brother’s house – a cozy rendezvous with a few moments by the fire pit. What does one wear to such a thing? None other than this fabulously-rendered knit poncho that I found in some hidden store in Portland, Maine a while back. I bring it out for fall days like this, as much for its layer of warmth as for its ridiculous form and style. We all look foolish in a poncho, let’s be honest.

Before dinner, Paul got the fire going, and Andy and I posed before the guests arrived. We would return to it at the end of the evening, when all was dark and the fire had softened to a pile of glowing embers. Sometimes that’s the best part of a fire, even if it takes some howling and crackling to get there. As for the dinner, it was a lovely gathering of friends old and new – the perfect fall escapade – and one of those rare times when I felt I was on the inside looking out instead of my usual vantage point on the periphery. Or maybe I just felt like one of the group instead of being the elephant at the zoo.

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Stripped of the Ultra-Violence: A Boo-jolais Costume

“Is it better for a man to have chosen evil than to have good imposed upon him?” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

For this year’s Boo-jolais Wine Celebration as put on by the Alliance for Positive Health there was a monster theme. While some are going for the literal – werewolves, beasts, and inhuman creatures of monstrous animus – I’m more of a literary fan via Kubrick cinema, and in that hyper-specific field there is no one more monster-like than Alex Defarge from ‘A Clockwork Orange’. This look is a perennial classic, and this isn’t my first time donning bowler and codpiece.

As for the Boo-jolais Monster Ball, the cause and the organization behind it are always worthy if you’re looking to donate. Check out their site and all the good work they do here, and maybe I’ll see you there next year…

“We can destroy what we have written, but we cannot unwrite it.” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

“The important thing is moral choice. Evil has to exist along with good, in order that moral choice may operate. Life is sustained by the grinding opposition of moral entities.” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

“It is as inhuman to be totally good as it is to be totally evil.” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

“It’s funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you watch them on a screen.” ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

And speaking of that, please subscribe to my YouTube channel for more of the old in-out, in-out.

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New Ben Cohen Calendar 2019

I was just lamenting the lack of new Ben Cohen photographs when I saw the announcement that his 2019 calendar is now on sale (purchase it at this link). The drought has come to a glorious end! Mr. Cohen has done a great deal of work for against bullying with his Stand Up Foundation, and continues to fight for those of us being hurt or discriminated against. It’s always inspiring to see someone with a public platform do and say things to make the world a better place for others. In a similar but slightly more vain vein, it’s always inspiring to see Mr. Cohen period. Here’s a reminder of why.

PS – The back is as good as the front

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Fall Weekends of the Past

Whenever the world grows cold, and I feel the need for reassurance and warmth, I think of my grandmother. She seemed to come more regularly into our orbit every fall, as the days began the march to the holidays. My Mom would bring us into her hometown of Hoosick Falls to spend the weekend with Gram just as the fall ascended to its apex. In preparation, I would make a batch of apple cinnamon muffins. They filled our house with the comforting smell of cinnamon and spices. Nestling them into a cloth-lined basket a la Little Red Riding Hood, I loaded them carefully into the car and we made our way along the backroads into the little town where Gram spent most of her life.

In close proximity to Vermont, Hoosick Falls was a sleepy village, through which the Hoosick river flowed. Water played a part in our journey there, as we crossed bridges that went over streams and said river. “Over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go” was an apt musical cue, and we would sing it out loud as we entered the town.

That first night we would settle in to an old-fashioned meal cooked by Gram, accompanied by apple-cinnamon muffins for dessert. We went to sleep in spite of our excitement over the next day’s travels.

Some years the leaves were in the midst of their glory; others they had already been rendered bare. The sky was usually gray, and the air damp, but the scent of fireplaces made it all feel more cozy. Along with the rustling of leaves, the sound of rushing water came to signify fall, as it ran behind one of our favorite places to stop: the candle mill.

As one of the main destinations for me and my brother, its two-or-three-story building stood on the edge of a roaring stream, always full of fall rain. Before we got outside to inspect it closer, however, we had candle work to do. There was one small section, on the landing between floors I think, where they offered a pair of pure white linked candles which you could dip in various wax colors which were heated and smelled deliciously of light, if light could have a fragrance. We would dip and make our own designs (I always tried to make an entire rainbow on the candle, but after the third or fourth dunk it was futile, and the yellow never got as light as I wanted it.) That wasn’t the point – we loved it, being able to take part in something like that, putting our own little spin on something as wonderful as a candle.

Afterward, we would go behind the building and look over the bank onto the rush of water. A little waterfall crashed further up the stream; it was noisy there, in the best way. We wanted to get closer, but there was danger there too. Childhood verges ever on the dangerous. We gripped our paper bags of candles tightly, as we edged nearer the ledge. Mom and Gram pulled us back and then it was time for dinner in Manchester.

Those weekends were why Gram would come to symbolize the coziness of fall to me. Together with my Mom, they crafted a sense of warmth just when the world began to go the opposite direction. Later, Gram would teach me to crochet, another act of creation that would see us through the winter as well. But that’s another story to tell, and we’re not quite there yet.

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A Twist on a Twist

After a particularly stressful day at work, one of the best ways to wind down is to reinstitute the proper cocktail hour. Should you find yourself out of olives, which I did the other day, a cherry pepper will do just fine. Its pumpkin-like form is a bonus this time of the year.

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