Monthly Archives:

June 2018

Meeting an Idol in Manhattan – Part 3

We slept in on Saturday morning, as we had no plans or any need rush to be anywhere until the concert much later that night. The day was sunny and bright – the perfect almost-summer day in New York that looked like it might border on being too hot, but shade and a slow pace, along with frequent shop stops, would easily combat any discomfort.

We began in simple and casual fashion, the way I prefer most breakfasts in New York. A typical little Greek diner was more than enough to satisfy what we needed, then we took our time walking downtown while our meal settled. We had no destination in mind, no plan plotted out – it was just Andy and me, walking on a beautiful day, pausing as we felt like it and taking our time.

At such moments, secret places tend to open up and invite one in if you let them. Most of us are too hurried or focused on something else to realize the little nooks that New York can provide. Most of the time I’m the same way, but on this day we had the luxury of walking for the sake of walking, and taking in every possibility that floated our way. Such as these little parks. They are all over, and most are open to the public during the day. They are also mostly empty, because too many people just don’t notice or care or have the benefit of time. I knew we were the lucky ones on this day.

Roses and hydrangeas and a world of green invited us through wrought-iron gates, and respites of cool shade and tranquil quiet, buffered by leaves and tree trunks, gave us beautiful pause on our walk.

These were magical places, where flowers floated in the sky and fish swam in the stone…

 

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Meeting an Idol in Manhattan – Part 2

Andy could not manage an additional show and it was clear he was hurting, so we kept our evening plans to a casual dinner at Keen’s. Suzie took me there a couple of times, whenever we were seeing a Madonna concert at Madison Square Garden. It was classic New York, and we loved the burgers. Plus, there were all those pipes hanging from the ceiling. Kids like me could get hooked into counting them so as not to disrupt the adult diners. We made the short walk from our hotel to the restaurant and arrived early enough to get in without a wait. (The pub area is always more fun than the main dining room, let’s face it.)

I ordered a martini and Andy got his Hemingway daiquiri. He may single-handedly be bringing back this classic cocktail from almost-obscurity, and I applaud him for that. We will work on our home version this summer. For now, our cocktail glasses clinked beside one another on the table, our burgers arrived, and soon it was time for a shared dessert.

Summer whispered her impending arrival; when we exited the dim restaurant it was still light out, and we walked in that happy confusion the longest days of the year provide. It also meant that there was an hour or two of retail therapy available, so we stopped along the way and Andy helped me pick out a new Tallia jacket that was 75% off. It pays to follow your instincts, and on that night I just knew we should stop for shopping.

I felt the same way when we woke the next day…

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Meeting an Idol in Manhattan – Part 1

If it feels like we’ve been in New York a lot recently, it’s because we have. There was our visit to ‘Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Parts 1 and 2’ back in April, and our recent Mother’s Day pilgrimage in May (‘The Boys in the Band’, ‘Once on This Island’ and ‘Dear Evan Hansen’). The month of June brought something even more special, at least for me: a Betty Buckley show. Ever since her iconic star turn in ‘Sunset Boulevard’ I’ve been a die-hard Betty Buckley fan, and my adoration and adulation of her has only grown over the ensuing years. She’s one of those rare artists who changes and evolves, yet somehow always manages to produce meaningful and beautiful music, even when venturing into uncharted territory. Her 18thalbum, ‘Hope’, was the reason for her celebratory series of shows at Joe’s Pub at the Public Theatre, and after missing out for too many years, I finally booked us tickets.

We arrived at the Albany-Rensselaer station to a sign that explained all trains were going to Grand Central terminal, instead of Penn, which foiled my original plan for our hotel to be within short walking distance of the station. On a good day, Andy doesn’t well with a lot of walking, but things were even more distressing because he’d just had a rough bout with a recent blood test. Somehow, he managed to trudge through the change in plans, and was a trooper for the entire weekend.

Grand Central is so much nicer than Penn anyway, and a quick Uber ride would get us to our accommodations without incident. The ride was more than worth it as our suite at the Hotel Eventi was an elegant treat. One of our favored Kimpton properties, the Eventi extended our appreciation for the company and its customer service. (We even whispered the little promotional phrase and were gifted with a cute little summer basket of beach accessories.)

After settling in, I went for a quick walk while Andy took a much-needed siesta. We were in the city again, and the evening was open…

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High in a Hometown Castle

Now that I’ve reached the age where most of my friends have been married off, there are fewer occasions at which we get a chance to dress up, so whenever the opportunity arises we take it. If it also coincides with a fundraising effort for a hometown cause, so much the better. Such was the happy confluence of events when we went to a benefit at the Amsterdam Castle. Filled with hometown heroes, it was a fun night out with my family, and I got to see several friends I haven’t seen in years.

Before the festivities, however, we took a few family photos, because that’s what you do when you’re all dolled up and have a beautiful afternoon for a backdrop.

Yes, I wore florals. For spring.

And yes, it was groundbreaking.

Elaine joined us and with all of the people we met at the castle, I was pleasantly reminded of all the goodness that happens when a community comes together for a cause. (If you’ve ever been curious about what the inside of the Amsterdam Castle looks like, give them a call and reserve a room.)

Most exciting for some of us was when Andy posed with my Mom in front of her new car that he helped her select. Car Pride. It’s real.

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The Madonna Timeline: Song #144 ~ ‘Mer Girl’ – Summer 1998

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

Have you ever swum in the black of a summer night?

I don’t mean in a brightly-lit pool or an ocean under a full moon.

I’m talking pitch black, perhaps in a lake not surrounded by electric-laden homes, when the sky might be dotted with stars but no moon. When you can’t see where the water ends and the sky begins, you can only feel it. I would imagine that it’s as thrilling as it is terrifying, that without being able to tell where water meets shore one would feel maddeningly lost, but at the same time absolutely free. We are so rarely without boundary or vision. I wonder if it echoes back to the darkness of the womb, to the amniotic fluid surrounding us before we learned to breathe air. What a strange state to be in – the very ends and beginnings of our lives.

I RAN FROM MY HOUSE THAT CANNOT CONTAIN ME
FROM THE MAN THAT I CANNOT KEEP
FROM MY MOTHER WHO HAUNTS ME, EVEN THOUGH SHE’S GONE
FROM MY DAUGHTER THAT NEVER SLEEPS…

A minimalist track murmurs a muffled introduction. The music is as close to liquid as music gets. Credit the wizardry of William Orbit and his way around gurgles and bubbles and water-like personification. As the main conjuror of the aural texture of Madonna’s ‘Ray of Light’ album, Orbit helmed things like a proper ship captain, navigating the watery environs that informed so many songs on that great work of art. For its final cut, the devastating ‘Mer Girl’ closed proceedings with a dark, poetic, and often tortured treatise on life and death, particularly the early loss of Madonna’s mother.

I RAN FROM THE NOISE AND THE SILENCE
FROM THE TRAFFIC ON THE STREETS
I RAN TO THE TREETOPS, I RAN TO THE SKY
OUT TO THE LAKE, INTO THE RAIN THAT MATTED MY HAIR
AND SOAKED MY SHOES AND SKIN
HID MY TEARS, HID MY FEARS
I RAN TO THE FOREST, I RAN TO THE TREES
I RAN AND I RAN, I WAS LOOKING FOR ME

What swims in that primordial darkness of fluid and life? What particles of matter comprise and collide to give us purpose and meaning? What other beings or entities share that lake of night? What gives rise to connection, to affection, to love? There is beauty in the blackness, in the way it goes on forever and swallows everything up. Immortal being. Endless existence. A point in time on perpetual repeat. The fluid stirs, all warmth and life and lack of light – the time frame expands. Infinity.

I RAN PAST THE CHURCHES AND THE CROOKED OLD MAILBOX
PAST THE APPLE ORCHARDS AND THE LADY THAT NEVER TALKS
UP INTO THE HILLS, I RAN TO THE CEMETERY
AND HELD MY BREATH, AND THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR DEATH
I RAN TO THE LAKE, UP INTO THE HILLS
I RAN AND I RAN, I’M LOOKING THERE STILL
AND I SAW THE CRUMBLING TOMBSTONES
ALL FORGOTTEN NAMES

When describing the summer before her ‘Ray of Light’ album was released, Madonna characterized her state of mind as haunted. The violent deaths of Princess Diana and Gianni Versace had hit close to the rarefied circles of the upper-level celebrity echelon. Madonna had been in the tunnel where a Princess crashed, had walked up the steps now bloodied with a designer’s spilled life. She had known death from the age of five, the age one typically begins to make memories, to know and to be aware. She felt it again and again throughout her life – all those friends that died from AIDS, the ones that had informed the woman she was becoming. She knew its indiscriminate, cruel pull, the way a person was there one day and simply gone the next. It was a terror that destroyed as much as it made her resilient. She defied it in most ways, teased it in others, yet it remained a steadfast dancing partner, as reliable as her own fame, as faithful as her most die-hard fans.

I TASTED THE RAIN, I TASTED MY TEARS
I CURSED THE ANGELS, I TASTED MY FEARS
AND THE GROUND GAVE WAY BENEATH MY FEET
AND THE EARTH TOOK ME IN HER ARMS
LEAVES COVERED MY FACE
ANTS MARCHED ACROSS MY BACK
BLACK SKY OPENED UP, BLINDING ME

Like no other Madonna song before or since, ‘Mer Girl’ is the most introspective and raw she has been, both lyrically and musically. It never quite resolves itself. Death here is not only an end. It’s a stepping-off point. To where, no one can know or say, but when you’re running away from one thing, you’re running toward something else. Whether that’s nothingness or some other state of oblivion may never be known.

I RAN TO THE FOREST, I RAN TO THE TREES
I RAN AND I RAN, I WAS LOOKING FOR ME
I RAN TO THE LAKES AND UP TO THE HILL
I RAN AND I RAN, I’M LOOKING THERE STILL
AND I SMELLED HER BURNING FLESH
HER ROTTING BONES
HER DECAY
I RAN AND I RAN
I’M STILL RUNNING AWAY

The ambient music drains before Madonna finishes her delivery. The last lines are sung unaccompanied and alone. There is vastness and emptiness here. There is a hallway that runs on forever, a sea that never reaches the shore. There is loss unending, sorrow without solace, a ruin that can never be restored. Somewhere there is light – somewhere the sun and the moon and the stars shine and reflect and sparkle, but not here.

This is the end…

Before the beginning.

SONG #144: ‘Mer Girl’ – Summer 1998

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Summer Memory: Cologne Chaos with Chris

It’s strange: some of my most fun cologne memories have to do with my friend Chris, who doesn’t even wear the stuff. The first two happened in the summer he first lived in San Francisco. He was part of some do-good mission that I never quite understood (Greenlining perhaps? Or was that Suzie? I don’t know… I understood as much about their jobs as they do about mine. Our friendships are such that work talk is gloriously omitted.) On that first visit to San Francisco, I decided to save some money and stay with Chris at his co-op, which was a mistake even in my early twenties. The long line of fraternities leading up to his place culminated in the shabby worse-for-wear building that housed his little room. The skunky smell of pot pervaded the entire place. Not that I minded in the least – I was more repelled by the unkempt nature of the surroundings, including its denizens, and the screeching that accompanied their mid-day fucking or murder scene – we could never be sure which it was.

Luckily, we didn’t spend much time in that space. I wanted to see the city, not some ramshackle pot-house near Berkeley. Chris left early the next day for work, while I slept in a bit until the noises of a strange place rustled me into alertness. I boarded the BART and made my way to Union Square. Chris had some more work to do and would meet up for cocktails and dinner later that afternoon. Now that I was back in civilization, and on firmer footing in familiar retail territory, I could find my own way.

Summer in San Francisco is usually cooler and more pleasant than summer in New York. Still, the days held their sun and their heat, and every city seems to store up its own inferno within the sidewalks and streets of cement and stone. On that afternoon, I went shop to air-conditioned shop, trying out clothing and shoes, both escaping from and celebrating the summer that was at hand.

A window display of ties and underwear drew me into Macy’s – a daunting department store for the uninitiated – a playground for me. I found three ties on a huge sale, and they hang in my closet to this very day, favorites for their style as much as for the memory they evoke.

Passing by the cologne counter, I was taken in by a new Issey Miyake’s Summer fragrance – big on citrus, and light and refreshing in every way. It was an antidote to the heavy patchouli and pot combination that weighed down the heat of a summer day in San Francisco. I tried some on and immediately fell in love. It was housed in a tall, slim container of green glass, and in those vintage days of being able to bring liquids in your carry-on I purchased a bottle. I wore it for the rest of the trip, including that afternoon’s meet-up with Chris in the Union Square Fairmont.

Prior to its renovation, the hotel lobby was a sky-high-ceilinged affair of rich woods and ornate furniture. With its high windows and sprawling scale, it was a magnificent room which would, we discovered years later, be sinfully renovated into a ghost of its former self. Back then, it was a beauty, and the perfect backdrop for a meeting of relatively new friends. Though we had gone to Puerto Rico together, I still didn’t really know Chris yet. But on that day, over a margarita and a Midori sour (don’t judge our younger selves) we forged the first bonds of a friendship that would inform and embolden the rest of our lives.

We sat in that magnificent room, looking out at the city and ruminating on all that two guys in their early-twenties could ruminate on, and in between the laughter and contemplation, the stories shared and learned, we found a certain solace there.

We meandered around Union Square in slightly tipsy fashion before finding a place for dinner, and just being in the company of a straight guy who accepted me for who I was cemented the happiness of that moment. It also gave me a sense of self-worth in ways that my own family couldn’t supply. It wasn’t that they ever maliciously withheld that, they just didn’t know how. For being there when others weren’t, Chris became a surrogate brother to me; I will always be grateful for that.

I would return to San Francisco a few weeks later, to close out that summer in surprise fashion, and on that trip a more light-hearted and frivolous cologne memory was made. A few blocks away from where Chris worked was a Ross store – and if you have the pleasure of not knowing what that kind of retail abomination is, consider yourself blessed. Think of it as a cross between Kmart, Walmart and Marshall’s, with a dash of the worst of Burlington Coat Factory thrown in for bad measure. I don’t know what brought us into the store, but I’m willing to bet it was Chris. We didn’t make it far. I stopped us at the entry cologne counter, where the saddest selection of Curve and Cool Water assembled in discounted dourness. After seeing that, I was done, but Chris was entranced by the young woman behind the counter, and in true, dedicated wing-man form, I stepped up and started sampling colognes. For the most part, I’m the shy guy, especially when compared to Chris, who will talk to any and everyone except the lady who catches his eye. At such times I have to be the one who initiates and keeps the conversation going, which is what I did on this day.

We had a quick side conversation and he told me to just buy something so they could keep talking. I balked slightly, but he was adamant, and in a moment of sheer stupidity/loyalty, I asked her for a small bottle of Cool Water – the absolute least of the evils on hand, considering their featured line of Brut – and quickly purchased it before anyone could see. (My only hope is that the gods of fine fragrance know my heart and realize, in my mortification, how sorry I am. In my defense, I never wore any of it.)

The funniest part in all this was how quickly we moved from insult to injury: Chris never took the next step to get the woman’s phone number. I stood in the doorway of a Ross’s ‘Dress For Less’ store with a goddamn bottle of Cool Water in my bag, and nothing to show for it but a fruitless exercise of embarrassment and shame, and a hilarious memory that we quickly added to the ever-growing bank of such hindsightful joys.

I’ll save our third fragrance memory – a smoky, peppery scent found in the fall at the Standard – for a more seasonally appropriate time… For now, I’m basking in the glow of Issey Miyake’s ‘Yuzu’ scent – an updated version of that long-ago summer scent from San Francisco – and smiling at the way we used to be.

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The Unforgivable Damage is Done

It was my first day of preschool and something wasn’t quite right. After we walked into the classroom, they had the mothers sit in the front of the class while the kids were sent into the rest of the room to play. I didn’t know what was about to happen, but I could only half-heartedly play with the toys and other kids. Most of the time my eyes were watching my Mom, making sure she was still there, too scared to face the unfathomable idea that she was going to leave me there. When it came time for the parents to go, I was inconsolable.

For two days I hid under a table with another child named Jeff, who would become a friend and eventually kill himself when we in high school. On those first days, separated from our mothers for the first time, he shared a tissue with me because we were both crying under that table. We were lucky though. Our Moms were right there, waiting for us at the end of the half-day.

In our country right now, there are kids who no longer have that. Kids who have been ripped from their parents, sometimes literally, in Donald Trump’s horrid zero-tolerance border policy that separates parents from their children even in legitimate cases of seeking asylum. I never thought this country would sink so low, and while I rarely delve into politics on this blog (I usually save such ire for Twitter) this time is too much.

Last night, news broke that it wasn’t just kids – the government had opened three ‘tender age’ shelters for babies and toddlers who had been separated from their parents. In these cages, border guards are reportedly instructed not to touch or hold these children, and if there’s one thing I know from studying and reading and simply existing as a child once myself, that is horrific. It goes against the very essence of humanity. It is cruel, malicious, evil, destructive, and will cause irreparable damage to those children.

On my first day of kindergarten, I felt the same fear as I felt in preschool. When it was time for the parents to leave, I climbed into the teacher’s lap, just to be held. I still remember the tiny bit of comfort it afforded me. I remember her green dress, silky and soft, and how my quiet tears stained it in spots.

Four decades later I still remember those first days of school, how traumatic and upsetting they were, and I cry at the idea of what might be happening to those children whose mother or father won’t be waiting for them a few hours later.

I think of those children in cages now, and how they aren’t allowed to be touched or held. What is happening to them? What terrors have been unleashed upon their childhoods? What immeasurable damage is being wrought? No one is there to hold or comfort them. They are alone in a foreign country. Innocent and unable sometimes to even communicate. And now we are being told that thanks to this policy and the unpreparedness of our government to deal with so many, there’s a good chance some won’t ever be reunited with their parents. What does that do to a person? What does that do to a child?

America, under the ruinous govern of Donald Trump, has done this – is doing this, right now as you read these words. It is not a law, it is a policy enforced by Trump and this cruel administration, enabled by the GOP that controls all branches of government. If Trump wanted to do so, he could go back to what we did before he entered office, which was simply not to separate families. He could end it with a single phone call. But he is not doing that because he is a heartless and horrible person who doesn’t understand empathy or human compassion. He sees these children as political bargaining chips, and too bad if they have to rip a baby out of its mother’s arms to make a point and appeal to his deplorable base.

This needs to be everybody’s breaking point.

One day some of those children will tell their story. They will explain in eloquence and pain what they went through, and what each complicit individual did to get them there. We will, all of us, have to answer for what we did when it started happening. I don’t have the power to do much, but I can write. I can post this. I can call anyone in power who will listen. I can speak out and resist every single thing this administration tries to do from this day forward and do my best to kill every item on their hateful agenda. I will not give the benefit of the doubt, I will not normalize these atrocities, and I will not allow a lie to be placed on the same level as the truth simply because someone else believes in it. I will support everyone who fights against this administration, in whatever way they choose to do so, no matter how crude or rude or debasing it may seem. Fuck Trump. Fuck Pence. Fuck Ivanka. Fuck the GOP.

Every single thing they do must be stopped because the alternative is too frightening to imagine. 

{You can call the Department of Homeland Security at 202-282-8000 and let your stance on the family separation policy be known. You can also find your own representative in Congress to speak out against Trump’s policy by calling this toll-free number: 844-872-0234. In my case, it was Kirsten Gillibrand, who has been faithfully fighting Trump every step of the way. I simply left the following message: “As one of your constituents, I just want to register my discontent with Donald Trump’s family separation policy, and hope you will continue to do everything in your power to stop every item on Trump’s agenda.” If I had a different representative, I might have worded it a little differently, but every call counts. We can no longer rely on our government to stop the inhumanity, we have to collectively speak out against it. America was never about one person, it was about all of us, and that’s what it’s going to take to stop this.}

PS – The latest news has it that Trump is signing something that says we will no longer separate families. That is not enough. Thousands of families have already been separated. Some will never find their way back to each other. The damage has been done. Damage that was directly inflicted and kept going by Trump himself. He didn’t need a grand signing ceremony to stop his own policy. You can’t start a fire and then get credit for putting it out. This changes nothing. He must be stopped at every turn and on every front. 

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Summer Bonus Post: Don’t Dream It’s Over

This bonus post is to honor the official arrival of the first day of summer tomorrow. Last year summer happened in fits and starts that never quite took off. There were a few days of hot, stifling weather, but they felt too spread out to get into a summer groove, and most weekends as I recall were wash-outs. Andy wasn’t happy with the summer we never had, not only because of the weather but of other sadness and loss, so we’re hoping this summer is better. We always have that hope – the hope for the perfect summer. It’s an idea of summer we doggedly pursue, no matter what the meteorological records indicate, no matter what might step in to ruin the flow.

I usually make a few summer music mixes, old-school style, and try to find songs that evoke the season, not only in mellow mood and sound, but in the time of the year in which they were originally released. Music jogs the memory second only to scent. Last year our summer anthem was an ancient 80’s chestnut: ‘Don’t Dream It’s Over’ by Crowded House. I’m not even sure that one came out in the summer, but its languid, wistful atmosphere, and the sentiment decrying the passing of a certain time is perfect for the season that never seems to last long enough. It goes deeper than one might assume it would.

THERE IS FREEDOM WITHIN, THERE IS FREEDOM WITHOUT
TRY TO CATCH THE DELUGE IN A PAPER CUP
THERE’S A BATTLE AHEAD, MANY BATTLES ARE LOST
BUT YOU’LL NEVER SEE THE END OF THE ROAD WHILE YOU’RE TRAVELING WITH ME
HEY NOW, HEY NOW, DON’T DREAM IT’S OVER
HEY NOW, HEY NOW, WHEN THE WORLD COMES IN
THEY COME, THEY COME TO BUILD A WALL BETWEEN US
WE KNOW THEY WON’T WIN

Outside on the backyard patio, an old-fashioned boombox plays the CD – a relic from the 90’s with technology from the 80’s – and I pause with wonder at all the summers that have been burned into memory like music burned onto rainbow-deflecting CDs. Sheer panels in pink and green flutter in the breeze, hanging baskets of sweet potato vine are just beginning their descent, and a lounge chair is littered with wayward pillows as I make my way to the pool. Andy has heated it to a lovely temperature, and as high as the sun has risen in the sky, it still dances on the rippling surface of the water.

NOW I’M TOWING MY CAR, THERE’S A HOLE IN THE ROOF
MY POSSESSIONS ARE CAUSING ME SUSPICION BUT THERE’S NO PROOF
IN THE PAPER TODAY TAKES OF WAR AND OF WASTE
BUT YOU TURN TIGHT OVER TO THE TV PAGE
HEY NOW, HEY NOW, DON’T DREAM IT’S OVER
HEY NOW, HEY NOW, WHEN THE WORLD COMES IN
THEY COME, THEY COME TO BUILD A WALL BETWEEN US
WE KNOW THEY WON’T WIN

On the lime green float, I paddle to the side of the pool and dry my hands on a towel, then carefully pick up the book I’m reading. Pushing off with my foot, I float into the middle of the pool, gently bobbing to the hypnotic undulation of the water. It is a heavenly place to be. The song carries out over the yard.

Memories of neighborhood girls sunning themselves on towels, stands of Queen Ann’s lace running along brutally hot pavement, a bike ride down a forest-lined dirt path, hunting crayfish in the cold water of a running stream

Baseball cards and powdery sticks of gum, heliopsis and hollyhocks and hummingbird moths, eyes glazed and burning in a chlorine pool haze

The mesh netting of a swimsuit hung on a rusty iron fence, the first few pole beans hanging among all those pea-like blooms, the sound of a lawn mower roaring in the distance followed by the smell of freshly-cut grass…

Summer incarnate.

NOW I’M WALKING AGAIN TO THE BEAT OF A DRUM
AND I’M COUNTING THE STEPS TO THE DOOR OF YOUR HEART
ONLY SHADOWS AHEAD BARELY CLEARING THE ROOF
GET TO KNOW THE FEELING OF LIBERATION AND RELEASE
HEY NOW, HEY NOW, DON’T DREAM IT’S OVER
HEY NOW, HEY NOW, WHEN THE WORLD COMES IN
THEY COME, THEY COME TO BUILD A WALL BETWEEN US
WE KNOW THEY WON’T WIN
 DON’T LET THEM WIN…
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One of the Last Recaps in a While

We are almost at the point where we bid adieu for the summer months, not to be seen nor heard from until September. Well, perhaps I’ll pop back for a post or two depending on what this summer brings. And I’ll still be on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, albeit on a much more limited basis. This is vacation time, and I love the idea of not being bound by blog posts when I’d rather be outside working in the garden or swimming in the pool or simply lounging with a book. Still, there is some time left before we go, time for a lot of good posts, so don’t depart just yet.

Fancy summer cellar

The week of the dogwoods

A bittersweet anniversary

The quest for peach ice cream

Vibrant juxtaposition

The time someone pulled my pants down, and I wasn’t wearing any underwear. (Or, it twirled up.)

Shirtless male celebrities (and a naked male celebrity to boot). 

Classic clematis

Father’s Day memories

Luring a summer visitor

An epic Special Guest Blog by someone who’s been here before.

Hunks of the Day included Roger Frampton, Vance Joy and James Yates.

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The Great Garlic Scape

When my Mom brought over a small bag of early garlic scapes from a nearby farmer’s market, I immediately sent out feelers over FaceBook and Twitter to find the best way to make use of them. My social media hive brain has occasionally been the source of inspired culinary experiments. Most of the recommendations were for a pesto, but I only had about six or seven scapes, hardly enough to even reach the food processor’s blade. Instead, I added them to a sauteed asparagus dish, where their delicate garlic flavor provided a scintillating accompanying flavor, and saved a particularly curvy one for a martini garnish. (A friend said I should stuff an olive with the scape, so I made double use of it as the olive holder.)

It was a stroke of genius. There was just enough flavor in the single cut end of a scape to subtly shade a single martini. The olive, threaded onto the surprisingly firm stem (no flimsy, hollow chive nonsense here) took on just the merest hint of garlic goodness. It was reminiscent of the three tiny drops of garlic olive oil that were once added to a martini I savored in Washington, DC. (At first I balked at the preciousness of the thing, the way the eye-dropper was so carefully placed, dotting the surface of the gin in three distinct spots. But the taste, while questionable at first, made such a difference. When it comes to altering the classic martini, a little goes a long way.) Here, a variation on the traditional olive martini with just a nod to a Gibson (the garlic makes a potent substitution for a cocktail onion) is a refreshing way of employing any extra-curly scapes that find their way into your kitchen.

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Underneath the Linden Tree

This is the week when it happens: the unseen blooming of the linden trees. They are everywhere in downtown Albany, but their blossoms are subtle and go largely unnoticed. It took me several years to figure out that the sweet perfume that carried over the streets at this time of the year actually belonged to these trees, so insignificant were their blooms (which are lime green and similar to a maple tree’s flowers, if you’ve ever noticed those). What does make an impact is their fragrance. It is so sweet as to be almost cloying, but I cannot get enough of it. I even have a bottle of linden shower gel that roughly mimics the scent.

It is one of the fragrances that signals summer to me – more than most colognes even – and it’s the last wave of spring scents to leave such an olfactory impression (after the lilacs and peonies). From this point the next major fragrance producer is the similarly unassuming privet, which brings to mind Provincetown and summer vacations.

For now, the linden trees sprinkle their intoxicating magic over my lunch-time walks and evening strolls, carrying pleasantly on the breeze, reminding all to slow down and breathe in the arrival of summer.

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Special Guest Blog: On Cocktails & Conversations

Written by Skip Montross

“So I was out last night with my friend Alan…”

It’s a sentence I use often when conversing with co-workers and acquaintances. 

“We had some drinks and then saw a movie,”I will follow. Then comes a story about the drinks portion of the evening. A funny story. Perhaps a charming anecdote. At one of our recent film excursions Alan made a joke a few moments into the feature. As a goofy but harmless teacher stood on the screen greeting the students in his school, Alan looked at me and said, “It’s Mr. M!” I couldn’t help but share a pretty significant laugh. You see, I work in an inner-city school and ‘Mr. M’ is what my students know me as. The man on the screen was not a bad representation of my presence in my school. Goofy, middle aged, undeniably terrible jokes… yet somehow ingratiated with and appreciated by his students. I couldn’t help but chuckle as he hit the nail on the head. I turned to him and said, “You’re one of my favorite people to watch movies with.” He replied with “Well, duh!?!” as only he could. That’s Alan Ilagan in a nutshell. That is my friend.

For several months he’s been after me to complete my second guest post for his infamous blog. I was happy to do so. But saying I will do a task is very easy for me. Actually fulfilling said task is much harder. Forget about on time. Writing is an endeavor that I enjoy. And it is an endeavor that I am told I have a gift for. Sitting down to put pen to paper nonetheless is a task. For me at least.

When it comes to writing the prospect of a looming piece I find it daunting. My mind swarms with ideas. Far too many to count. An ocean of swarming fish. Each an idea desperate to take the bait. But with the looming endless horizon laid out before me I am unable to let cast my line and reel it in. I am lost in the abyss of potential. Sitting on the deck that is the rocking boat of my mind thirsting for inspiration. As is life, sometimes inspiration comes from the queerest of places. In this instance, that is my friend Alan.

When Alan and I talked of this article it was often over drinks before a film. Typically we sit together at a bar speaking far too loudly than is comfortable for those around us. He’ll have a Negroni and fume over the bartender’s inability to make it properly despite having grilled Alan beforehand about the ingredients and preparation. He will then laugh under his breath at me as I attempt to impart my ‘bartender wisdom’ on our drink server in an obvious display of contempt. I will typically sip the bar’s most expensive Scotch and their cheapest beer betraying my peculiar dichotomy. This has become a richly appreciated and comforting tradition. Drinks and then a movie.

I can’t really overstate how much I appreciate these get-togethers. I find them to be a respite. A welcome retreat from the simple but very real pressures of life. There are, of course, the drinks and the movies. A welcome frosty cold bottle of beer in front of a long-awaited Summer Blockbuster; a belly-warming 12-year-old MacCallan before the winter’s surefire Oscar Contender. But much more than that is this: our conversations.

Conversations that are sometimes perfectly shallow and pedantic. Where we might argue over the nature of some meaningless pop culture topic. How we viewed a particular song or show or film. Where I might laugh at how he has no earthly idea who LeBron James is, or how he finds it sad that I only know Patti LuPone as the mom from ‘Life Goes On’.

Conversations that are sometimes downright hysterical. Some of the times in which I’ve laughed hardest in my life were at moments shared around a bar or high-top table. Moments where we discussed some of the most terrible people life forced us to work or interact with. As someone who has dabbled in stand-up comedy, who has always prided myself on my ability to make people laugh, I’ve never had a better audience than Alan with a couple of drinks in him.

Conversations that are sometimes as deep as the trenches of the seas. Moments when we might discuss the more somber and terrifying prospects of life; relationships, families, love, life, death. Conversations as deep and true as earnest friendship.

It’s not always just the two of us. Often we’re joined by a guest conversationalist. Our favorite being Andy. Not the vaunted VanWagenen, Alan’s Better Half. But rather Mr. Pinchbeck. A man who adds his own unique vantage point. An always welcome third-party who balances our takes with his own, representing a view we hadn’t yet seen.

When we talk we find something that is missing from our own myopic view: perspective. A perspective that is not our own. Even though we might share a great number of similar views be it politically, philosophically or otherwise there are still a great deal of experiences that we have that are unique to us. Alan has lived a life as a minority and a gay man that I would never have known nor understand were it not for our friendship. I like to think that I present to him an inside account that is the day-to-day workings of a traditional straight married white man that he might not experience otherwise. By sharing our experiences through the rich tapestry that is woven over many nights of conversations, we better one another and help to expand our worldview. 

I am reminded of a night last June. We were in Boston. Inside of Alan’s beautiful condo in the Back Bay. It was the last night nearing the end of our annual Red Sox weekend. A tradition now entering its 4thyear. We had shared a weekend laden with food, drink, memories, and most importantly world-class conversations. Bags packed, calling it a night, readied for the morning commute back to New York, Alan turned and said to me, “I hope we can do this when we’re 80.”  I do too, my friend – I do too.

I can’t help but to wonder – wouldn’t these conversations make a phenomenal podcast?

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Enticing the Hummingbirds

With its handsome dark foliage and complementary cherry blooms, this fuchsia is a totally tubular magnet for hummingbirds, who love poking their elongated beaks into the funnel of a flower and extracting its sweet nectar. I should have planted more of these, as it’s a brush with the magical and the sublime when one of the hummingbirds deigns to visit. They love these blooms. I’m told they seek out red flowers more than any other, and the form of the blossoms means that large bumblebees can’t get to the nectar, only moths and hummingbirds. (The hummingbird moth is an equally-enchanting creature, if slightly scarier considering that it is, in fact, an insect and not a bird. I prefer bugs to be small, slow and on the ground, and this one checks off none of those boxes.)

Hummingbirds, however, are not only welcomed but courted. I didn’t get around to ordering a certain cultivar of Salvia that they are said to adore, but hopefully White Flower Farm will offer it again next year. So much happens at this time of the year – I can’t be expected to remember everything. But the invitation to hummingbirds stands, and I do hope they drop by.

UPDATE: The fuchsia has already worked its magic. Before this entry was posted, I was sitting on the patio reading when I heard of rush of air: a hummingbird had practically dive-bombed me, as I was right in front of the pot of fuchsia. It was a gray and black beauty, and I watched it float there, suspended perfectly in mid-air, just before flitting away over the fence again. Welcome to summer, little friends.

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Happy Father’s Day

The wooden paneling of our family room surrounded us with warmth. The couch, in an old ratty plaid fabric, sat against the wall facing the television set. It was the room where some of my earliest childhood memories were made. The time my brother threw himself off the couch in a tantrum and cut open his head on the corner of the coffee table. The time we were playing in the toy cabinet and I moved a lock of his hair so it fell to the other side, saying I liked him better that way, and the way he smiled and chuckled at such meticulous behavior. And the time that my Dad, when I was too little to know how precious the act was, peeled grapes for me so I didn’t have to eat the sour skins. My legs, chubby and far too short to reach the floor, fit on the couch cushion beside a bowl filled with grapes.

Like so many things about my Dad when seen through the prism of childhood, this was another moment of pure magic. He’d pluck the grapes from their shriveled vine and, with the delicate and sure maneuvering of a doctor, in a few quick motions he’d have them peeled and ready for devouring. They were so much sweeter that way, softer and smoother too, and for a kid that was divine. We sat there together, probably only going through about six or seven of them – how many grapes could a little boy eat? – and I would call out for more. I couldn’t even form the word yet – all I managed was “geeps” and my parents would echo that attempt whenever I wanted a grape.

A man of few words, my Dad said more to me in peeling those grapes than I could ever muster in years of blabbering and writing. With each peeled grape, a little ‘I love you’ was given from a father to his son. The very same love that was in our after-dinner walks for ice cream in the summer, or when he’d let me ‘help’ with mowing the lawn. Mostly I just stood there, at a safe distance, but feeling like I was doing something. A good father knows how to do that – to make his child feel safe and important.

It remains one of my happiest memories, and on this Father’s Day I wanted to say thank you to my Dad for filling my childhood with such treasures.

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A Climbing Show-off

Not content to stay at ground-level, the clematis is one of those vines that likes to climb toward the sky before putting on its flamboyant show – all the better for us to see it up close. I’ve already made my apologies to this plant for not appreciating its hardiness and ability to withstand neglect while still putting on a decent performance, and this year is no different. In a forgotten and slightly-shaded corner of the yard it blooms reliably, each year sending out one or two more blooms and adding to its beauty. We’ve got another one in the front yard, up against a lamp post in the most cliched of places, where it winds its tendrils upward, seeking the sun and the warmth while its feet stay cool beneath a succulent groundcover of sedum.

These are classic plants for the home with good reason. Stalwart and pretty, defying winter and rising every spring, they don’t enough credit for that they do. May this post, and all the others I’ve done similarly in years past, make up slightly for such dishonor.

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