Monthly Archives:

June 2016

Peonies: 2016

Some years are good years for peonies, some are bad.

This was a pretty good one.

I, on the other hand, was bad – at least as far as taking the time to appreciate and pamper them.

It all just came so quickly – blooms burst forth in a few days of high heat, then we missed a few days in Maine (our peonies like to bloom in private as they traditionally take that weekend to give it up) – and by the time the show was nearing its end, I’d almost forgotten to take a few rounds through the garden to make the most of it. That’s my regret – but it wasn’t entirely my fault, given the piss-poor weather we’ve had off and on.

Next year, I will try to do better.

Next year, I will pause, and sniff, and take in the moment.

No, not just take it in – I will inhabit the moment.

Live in the moment.

Nothing should be taken for granted.

This beautiful specimen was one of the last to bloom.

It’s never too late to show a little gratitude.

Summer is almost here…

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Happy Faces, Happy Family

We threw a low-key 41st birthday pizza party for Suzie and the family, and seeing these smiling faces are just what this blog, and this week, needs right now. Happy memories, happy times, happy friends and family. This is how we feel. This is how we heal. This is how we find happiness. Let’s do it again next year.

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Flowers on My Shoes

In the end, it’s all about the shoes.

Always was, always will be.

These beauties, by Cole Haan, were additionally festooned by a pair of silk peonies, because they needed a little oomph that went beyond lime green laces. They went perfectly with my Wonderland outfit, and it lifted my spirits just to walk in them. That makes all the difference.

(Of course, the socks don’t hurt.)

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Outfitted for a Gala

Though my planned attire for the Albany Pride Festival was changed to something entirely waterproof, the outfit that really mattered this season was for the GLSEN Gala, which had a wonderful ‘Alice in Wonderland’ theme, thus not necessitating much more than a quick perusal of the “colorful” section of my closet. This was a cross between the Mad Hatter and those Tweedledum and Tweedledee twins. A little madness, a little nerdiness, and a lot of color. Just my kind of party, and a perfect escapade before darker times.

Thanks to a fortuitously-timed trip to Century 21, I found this jacket and short set by Mr. Turk, and the top hat was an online discovery. The rest, well, came straight from my closets. They go deep.

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Ogunquit Tchotchkes

Blacksmith’s Antiques is a stalwart warehouse of antiques and bric-a-brac. Much of it is junk, but one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and in the right evocative lighting these objects take on different meaning. Some become more mysterious, some become more menacing, and some become more magnificent.

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OGT: 2016

Ogunquit is one of my happy places.

Whenever we go there, life seems to be a little bit better.

Something lifts off our shoulders as we cross the bridge and enter Maine. Like an old, dear friend, it greets us with warmth and reassurance, no matter what else is happening in our lives or in the world.

Here are a few shots of our recent Memorial Day weekend trip. After sixteen years, Ogunquit still thrills. A little rain, a perfect beach day, some shopping, some impeccable food, and lots of relaxation. The best of all possible worlds.

 

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What Should Be Remembered

These are the faces we need to remember.

These are the lives we need to celebrate.

These are the people who needlessly lost their lives, who leave behind grieving parents and families and lovers and friends.

One of the many moving stories to come out of the Orlando shooting is the harrowing and ultimately sorrowful text exchange between a mother and son. Eddie Justice began texting his mother, Mina Justice, shortly after the shooting began. He was hiding in a bathroom and his first message was heartbreaking:

“Mommy I love you.”

He indicated he was trapped and that someone was shooting in the club. He texted her that he was at Pulse, and to call the police.

“I’m gonna die.”

I tried to imagine what was going on in their heads, what they were thinking as they typed those texts to each other, connected in the middle of the night, one last time – a mother and a son, and a bond that was about to be tested in the worst possible way. His mother quickly responded, sending messages asking if he was ok. She called 911. She texted more. Half an hour later, he wrote back:

“Call them mommy

Now.

He’s coming. I’m gonna die.”

——————————————————————————–

The instant I read ‘Mommy,’ I wept.

I wept for Mina, and the helplessness a mother feels and fears the most.

I wept for Eddie, and the helplessness a child feels and fears the most.

I wept for all of us gay boys and girls who cried out ‘Mommy’ in a moment of need and terror, for all of us who ever felt scared to be ourselves, who looked to the one person who was supposed to unconditionally love us no matter what. That is a basic human need, it goes above and beyond our sexuality, yet no other group has historically been so disowned and unloved, and often by their own parents, thanks to a culture of shame and intolerance, fed and fueled by religious dogma and willful ignorance.

I wept for all the people trapped in that club, who likely felt terror for the last moments of their lives, who were away from their mothers and their families.

I even wept for the person who was so blinded by hate that he had to destroy innocence and love, and the lives of countless others.

Most of all, I wept for a world that allowed, and continues to allow, such events to happen, and for not understanding how anything like this could come to be.

Mina Justice

Eddie Justice

—————————————————————————————-

Tonight, however, I hope.

I hope you and I will remember not the blood or the fear or the tears, but the love.

I hope we remember the light that these 49 human beings brought to the loved ones in their lives.

I hope we honor their memory, that we cherish each other a little more because of it, and that this never happens again.

I hope…

Because it’s all I can do.

IN MEMORIAM

Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old

Amanda Alvear, 25 years old

Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 years old

Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 years old

Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old

Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old

Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 years old

Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old

Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old

Cory James Connell, 21 years old

Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old

Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old

Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 years old

Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old

Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old

Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 years old

Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old

Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old

Frank Hernandez, 27 years old

Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old

Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old

Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old

Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old

Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 years old

Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old

Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old

Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 years old

Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 years old

Kimberly Morris, 37 years old

Akyra Monet Murray, 18 years old

Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 years old

Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25 years old

Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old

Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old

Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old

Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old

Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 years old

Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 years old

Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old

Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24 years old

Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old

Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old

Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old

Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 years old

Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old

Luis S. Vielma, 22 years old

Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 years old

Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old

Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old

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The Most Hateful Video I’ve Ever Seen

This is the sort of thing I don’t normally post here. These are the hate filled words of Stephen L. Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona. He gave a hate-filled rant against “faggots” just hours after the killing of 49 innocent people. (The video was quickly taken down for violating the ‘hate speech’ rules on YouTube.) Anderson claims to be a Pastor – a guy who purports to teach the workings of the Lord – but he’s actually embodying an evil that masks itself as religion. That’s the most insidious atrocity of all, but it’s really not for me to decide. If your God is one that aligns with this despicable human being and the hatred he spews, I’d be more concerned for your own soul than mine.

Before most of the bodies had been identified, before the families had even been notified, Steven Anderson posted a video exalting in their deaths. That takes a certain level of cruelty that I have never witnessed until now. Certainly I’ve read about it – the mass murderers, the dictators, the genocides – but I’ve never quite seen it in this way, directed pointedly at me just because I’m gay. As annoying as I can sometimes be, I’ve never seen anyone actually feel so strongly that I deserved to be killed or, as he puts it, exterminated.

It’s a strange feeling to have such a bull’s eye on your chest.

It inspires fear in some people, but the opposite in me.

I feel galvanized and energized, enough to write this post and to make a promise that it won’t be the last.

Even though he has wished death for me and my LGBT family, I do not wish the same for him, and that’s hard to do. It would be easy to return his volley with acts of similar vile. But I won’t, as he has done, actively wish him harm or ill. Instead, I will merely share his words, from his mouth and his heart, and let you make up your own mind. This is one self-professed Christian’s response to the murderous rampage that killed 49 innocent people in a gay club in Orlando, Florida:

The Bible says that homosexuals should be put to death, in Leviticus 20:13. Obviously, it’s not right for somebody to just, you know, shoot up the place, because that’s not going through the proper channels. But these people all should have been killed, anyway, but they should have been killed through the proper channels, as in they should have been executed by a righteous government that would have tried them, convicted them, and saw them executed. Because, in Leviticus 20:13, God’s perfect law, he put the death penalty on murder, and he also put the death penalty on homosexuality. That’s what the Bible says, plain and simple.

So, you know, the good news is that at least 50 of these pedophiles are not gonna be harming children anymore. The bad news is that a lot of the homos in the bar are still alive, so they’re gonna continue to molest children and recruit people into their filthy homosexual lifestyle.

I’m not sad about it, I’m not gonna cry about it. Because these 50 people in a gay bar that got shot up, they were gonna die of AIDS, and syphilis, and whatever else. They were all gonna die early, anyway, because homosexuals have a 20-year shorter life-span than normal people, anyway. At least these dangerous predators, these dangerous filthy pedophiles at this gay bar, at least they’re off the streets.

- Stephen L. Anderson, Faithful Word Baptist Church

As for my usual penchant of avoiding such hideous people and ignoring their existence and hateful rhetoric, I’m taking exception in this instance, as I’ve done in cases that are especially egregious. Every now and then, you must acknowledge such evil, and if there’s one lining of silver in all of this it’s that there are now faces behind the hatred.

If you refuse to acknowledge that this plays a part in what happened in Orlando, if you cannot see or understand how the preaching of hatred disguised as religion is a direct cause of such needless violence against innocent people, then you yourself are part of the problem. And it’s everywhere – it’s in the question of whether this was a hate crime or an act of terrorism (they are not, nor have they ever been, exclusive of one another), it’s in the question of whether he intended to strike a gay club, and it’s in the question of why we’re so upset about this – if you wonder about those things, even on a philosophical level, you are part of a system that has trampled on LGBT individuals for centuries.

A true believer in Love and Light and whatever God in which you put your faith does not wish for death upon innocent people. They don’t follow the hypocritical ramblings of a book written centuries ago and proven antiquated and wrong time and time again. A true believer (and this goes across the board in all major religions) does not condone death upon another – those are man-made doctrines. Rather, at the core of every religion is a respect and love for ALL human life.

When the reasonable, thoughtful, caring and compassionate people of the world – the true bearers of peace and love, are faced with deciding what is right and wrong, Anderson will be confronted with a judgment not by God, but by humanity – by simple human decency – and it will be love, not hate, that banishes him to his own hell.

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A Bittersweet Recap

Monday mornings are usually the time for a recap and look back at the week that came before, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do right now. In the face of the worst shooting in American history, I am going to celebrate the same things I’ve always loved ~ family and friends, love and beauty.

Let’s start with a few flowers, at a time of the year when all they want to do is bloom.

Then there is my family – the people who usually make me feel safe and loved no matter what. My Mom joined me for a Broadway trip to New York, and I finally got around to recapping it.

Sometimes the snow comes down in June.

Portals & perspective.

Some friends are even closer than family, especially when you’ve known them from birth.

A President, a Queen, and going over the Borderline.

(And proof that I don’t love absolutely everything that Madonna does.)

Tea time.

A GLSEN Gala, in the name of Pride, and a bright promise and challenge for the future.

Finally, there is beauty in the male form, and a celebration of our sexuality, in all the Hunks of the Day we’ve featured here. That continues with Aydian Dowling,  Chris Spearman, Ross Worswick, Zachary Gordin, & Richard Hadfield.

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A Heartbreaking End to a Pride High

When our country was attacked on September 11, 2001, and my office was evacuated and sent home, I stepped outside into the brilliant blue-skied day of our backyard and felt haunted. Everything I did suddenly seemed small and insignificant when the scope and atrocity of what had just happened started to sink in. I went back inside and did the only thing I’ve done when nothing else seems to matter: I wrote. To my family, to my friends, to the people who mattered most to me, I wrote. Simple letters, letters telling them how much they meant to me, and how this was the only thing I could think of to do in such a tragic time. I guess that’s what I’m doing now.

This weekend was a celebration of LGBT Pride in many cities across the country. We attended a couple of events, and even in the face of torrential downpours we made an appearance at Albany’s Gay Pride celebration. When it was all done, I looked at Twitter and FaceBook and Instagram, and all I saw was love and happiness and joy. It was a rare and welcome break from political fighting and exposed hatred, the kind of day when all is rainbows and giddiness and smiles. On Sunday, I woke up, still on that Pride high, to the news that a shooter armed with an assault rifle had killed 50 people in a gay nightclub in Orlando. The shooter’s father apparently said that his son was disgusted by the sight of two men kissing. It is now the worst shooting in American history. Think about that. More than Newtown, CT. More than Aurora, CO. More than Columbine, CO.

As I struggle to find meaning in all of this, when clearly there may be none other than simple hatred, I wonder what, if anything, we can do about it. Gun control laws? Insuring that homophobic leaders don’t get elected? Supporting laws that continue to push for equality? Yes to all of that, but for me it begins on a smaller scale.

Whenever something like this happens, the first thing I want to do is hide and retract from the world. To give up on everything that makes me, and others, so happy. That shooter wanted to stop two guys from kissing because he didn’t like it. He would likely find offense at every other post on this site. And though my voice is small and limited, and the shooter is already dead, the best thing I know how to do is write posts like this. He tried to silence us, and so I shout louder.

The world is violent and mercurial – it will have its way with you. We are saved only by love – love for each other and the love that we pour into the art we feel compelled to share: being a parent; being a writer; being a painter; being a friend. We live in a perpetually burning building, and what we must save from it, all the time, is love. ~ Tennessee Williams

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The Madonna Timeline: Song #126 – ‘Act of Contrition’ ~ 1989

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

OH MY GOD, I AM HEARTILY SORRY FOR HAVING OFFENDED THEE…

More an act of controversy than contrition, the closing track to Madonna’s otherwise-flawless ‘Like A Prayer’ album had even die-hard fans like myself scurrying for our rosary beads and saying a little prayer to escape the wrath of God Almighty. I’ve already gone into that in excruciating detail, so won’t bother with it again. Instead, let’s get into a very brief analysis, or commentary really, on one of the strangest songs Madonna has ever recorded. (Ok, ‘Cry Baby’? I mean, ‘Autotune Baby‘… Actually, I mean ‘Bye Bye Baby‘…)

With the backing track from ‘Like A Prayer’ playing in reverse, and Prince’s avant-garde guitar licks striding hellaciously forward, it’s Madonna’s rendition of the ‘Act of Contrition’. (She would later employ it to better effect as the opening to ‘Girl Gone Wild’.) Back then, it comprised the bulk of the song, a rather tuneless affair that sounded more like Madonna freestyling her way through a remembered childhood prayer than any carefully-crafted work of song-writing.

At the end, with guitars screeching wildly out of control, Madonna dissolves into histrionic screaming, “I resolve, I reserve, I have a reservation… I have a reservation… What do you mean it’s not in the computer?!?!”

An utterly bizarre ending to one of her most powerful albums, it is somehow courageous in its raw, unpolished, amateur-like lack of grace. Still, the ‘Like A Prayer‘ opus deserved better than that, and ‘Act of Contrition’ was one of the louder thuds in Madonna’s history of atrocious album-enders.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S NOT IN THE COMPUTER?!?!?

SONG #126 ~ ‘Act of Contrition’ – 1989

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She’s Got the Best of Me

While it has yet to make the Madonna Timeline, ‘Borderline’ has been resurrected from the deepest vaults of the Madonna oeuvre, thanks to her recent stellar performance of it on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. It would have been difficult to top the first Tonight Show appearance by President Barack Obama, so Madonna managed to perfectly complement the rather dignified proceedings. Three-decades and some change ago, she scored her first Top Ten hit with ‘Borderline’ – and though I was just slightly too young to remember it, it has since become one of my favorite tracks from her debut album. That’s all for the future timeline, however, so let’s not get ahead of ourselves. For now, enjoy this lovely performance of the song, proof that all Madonna needs to do is sing one of her many hits, do a few cute turns around the stage, and bring us all back to the spark that made her so special in the first place. It’s still there. The rebel heart still beats in fine form, and the plucky little girl who only wanted to dance and sing can still elicit rapture. Something tells me she always will.

As for the performance, it was perfection. I know I always say that, but listen to her voice and tell me she doesn’t sound amazing. The girl’s still got it.

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The Dawn of a New Pride

What if we are reaching a point where LGBT Pride is about more than equality?

What if our movement, fought for so long and in such bloody battles, is at a curve that aligns with something much deeper, something that challenges the very bedrock upon which our culture so problematically rests?

Such immense ponderings were brought to thrilling life when my friend Angela D. Ledford gave her opening remarks as Honorary Chair of the GLSEN ‘Alice in Wonderland’ Gala last night. Every now and then something cuts through and changes the way we think about our most fundamental beliefs and systems. Personally, I love that sort of challenge. It makes us better people. Kinder and more compassionate people. It also illuminates where we might go at a time when we have made such great strides, yet still struggle to move forward.

After listening to her remarks, I asked if she would consent to my posting them here, and she graciously agreed. What follows is a thrilling take on what shape Pride might hopefully take in the future. Thank you, Angela, for the possibilities and challenges posited in your words and spirit:

____________________________________________

“This year we celebrate 18 years of ongoing contributions by the NY Capital Region chapter of GLSEN and 25 years as a national organization. GLSEN works to ensure safe schools for all students regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity, and GLSEN – NY Capital region does crucial work with youth situated in 8 counties within the capital region. So I am incredibly honored to be here this evening as honorary chair for this event, which raises money for an lgbt scholarship and the continued work GLSEN does to foster a safe and healthy educational environment.

It is a great privilege to have the opportunity to speak to a room full of people who are united in the cause of justice. Yet it seems we are at a bit of a crossroads. So much of the mainstream lgbt movement has been devoted to marriage equality. So what now? I want to suggest this evening that it is high time we move beyond the “equality agenda.”

The “equality agenda” is alluring. It promises fairness, inclusion, and respectability. However, we live in a markedly inegalitarian society by virtually all empirical measures of human well-being. We are stratified by race, class, gender, sexuality, gender identity, religion, and age, to name the most prominent. And while we have made great strides, this country was not founded upon inclusion. African-Americans, women, and the poor weren’t simply excluded for a period from an otherwise egalitarian system. Rather our exclusion creates the fundamental boundary against which citizenship, liberty, and equality is constructed and upon which our social and political institutions rest. Indeed, race and gender are wholly invented categories that serve to legitimize a maldistribution of power. And capitalism, a crucial player here, cannot flourish without the existence of categories that MARGINALIZE AND OPPRESS MOST TO justify mass incarceration, rape culture, imperialism AND AN extreme concentration of wealth. Inequality and exploitation are woven in to the very fabric of our society, both public and private.

So when we pursue what is called “equality,” the best we can hope for is inclusion in a exploitive system that requires acceptance of dominant social values and mores. We have been told “You can come to the party, but you must aspire to be just like us.” Sadly, this is an assimilationist fiction — the “other” can never really be just like the “us” in that narrative. The system itself is not transformed– some of us are merely permitted to participate more fully in its unequal operations, sparing ourselves from the measure of the harms it inflicts if we agree to be complicit in what it does to other we love. Within the confines of the “equality agenda,” we have been DENIED TRANSFORMATIONAL CHANGE while draped in the vestments of parity and progress.

And it isn’t just marriage equality that leads us to this crossroads, but also the tension within the movement regarding our trans community. Our trans and gender non-conforming community — particularly trans and gender non-conforming youth– are leading the way toward illuminating and throwing into question the very centrality of the sex binary. Through their lives and experiences, they reveal the ways in which gendered expectations serve to legitimize the maldistribution of power and structure so much of our life prospects — what kinds of interests we will pursue, how we comport our bodies, what occupations we will be deemed fit for, what restrooms we can use, the relationships we can imagine AND embark upon, and how safe we can expect to be. Finding themselves on the margin in the equality discussion, they have chosen to explore the liberatory possibilities of the margin, creatively and bravely doing the revolutionary work of liberation that will lead us to a more just and equal society for all.

However, choosing the lifesaving work of liberation often isn’t safe, as we were recently reminded when the mayor marked the massive contributions of LGBT people of color to the ongoing fight for fairness. One woman spoke with great passion about her frustration during GENDA lobbying efforts with the state Senate. She complained that none of the Senate staffers really took her seriously. All they could talk about, she said, was the November elections. As she reminded us, “I don’t know if I or my trans brothers and sisters will even be here in November!” We have much work to do, and it is all the more reason to support the kind of work GLSEN does.

I cannot help but think about Sylvia Rivera, a revolutionary trans activist of the 70’s and 80’s. During a demonstration, someone spat at Sylvia, “You’re disgusting!” To which she replied, “Oh honey, we’re not disgusting, WE’RE REVOLTING!” I have thought of that pronouncement—that rallying cry–so many times over the years. I am drawn to its powerful dual meaning—real change requires revolutionary ideas and revolutionary tactics—none of which is more powerful than being willing to be revolting—to choose the margins as a place of resistance, as a place of rejecting the “normal” and “respectable” as a means to redefine what it is to be fully human. It is time to stop asking for equality and demand liberation.”

~ Angela D. Ledford

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