Behold, the New Year.
A chance to reboot the system,
renew the energy,
restore the tried and tired,
and revamp the reviled.
Every year I like to start out with a whisper rather than a bang,
to ease into the tender early days of a new year,
like a rock-hard erection searching for something soft and welcoming.
Yeah, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not doing that this year.
Get ready to bow down, bitches. We go hard or we go home.
This is the year: my final tour, my 40th birthday, and my big reveal.
This is the year it all happens.
Things get more personal, more naked, more daring, and more interactive.
Set your bookmarks, pull up a chair, grab a libation, and hang on to your hats.
w w w . A L A N I L A G A N . c o m
Your guiltiest pleasures are about to come true…
and for this New Year, may all your baskets be bountiful.
