Yearly Archives:

2015

Cherry Pop

If you blinked, you might have missed it, but the cherries have bloomed and shed their transient petals already. Such is the spell of a few 80-degree days coming at this time of the year, which I’ll never complain about, even if it messes up the trajectory of the season. Better than snow!

The only snow I want to see right now is the abstract idea of it conjured by the falling petals of the apples and plums and cherries.

These photos were taken just as this old-fashioned single-flowered cherry tree was turning a deeper pink. The moment is fleeting in a good year; in this one it was practically over before it began. Get on board if you can, the train for summer has already left the station.

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Things that Go Bump in the Night

It was 3 o’clock in the morning, well, the dead of night. The crash was loud, but it happened so quickly I didn’t realize it was that which had woken me. Instead, I heard Andy hurrying down the hallway asking if I was all right. Groggily, I said yes, why? He said there was a huge noise that sounded like I had fallen onto the floor, reminiscent of the time when an ice-coated tree fell and crashed through our roof. I opened my eyes and let them adjust to the light coming from the hallway. Alerted to a concerned tone in Andy’s voice, my mind slowly began to fill with terrifying scenarios.

What if someone had jumped onto the house from a nearby oak tree and was trying to break in? What if two burglars had gotten into a shoving match and ended up pushing each other into the siding? What if someone had been waiting inside the house and was now knocking things over in the attic?

Andy made a search of the front and back yards while I stayed in bed and worried. Eventually he came to bed, but my mind was already running with a multitude of frightening possibilities. What could possibly have made such a crash and left no evidence of itself? I could not get back to sleep. I began asking Andy questions, and then we were both awake. I went through the likely circumstances in my head, stopping in each room. There was a heavy row of shoe shelves in the guest room that once crashed down late at night. I had Andy check that but it was still intact. Maybe the furnace or air conditioner had blown up? Or maybe someone had broken into the basement through one of the tiny windows? Andy checked that too. Which left the attic. There was an extensive unfinished portion of the attic that was over the bedrooms. It sounded to Andy like that was where the crash had come from. He ascended the stairs and turned on the light, but he noticed nothing out of ordinary. Well, almost nothing.

“Do you have something hanging up there?” he asked.

My mind wondered if he meant something like dead bodies and I almost lost it. “Only chains and rope, why? Is there something else there???” [See Christmas Card 2012.]

“No. Everything looks normal.”

I calmed down and went into each room, clicking the lights on, hoping to scare off any would-be intruder watching the house. Andy went back outside to look at the roof from the street. He disappeared behind the front hedge and I thought for sure, this was it. This is when he doesn’t come back, and someone snatches me from behind and everything ends in a bloody mess of ‘Scream’ proportions. I was about to run to the kitchen for a knife when he came back up the walkway.

Locking the door, we headed back to bed, but I stopped in the bathroom on the way. There was an eeriness to an interrupted night of sleep, when suddenly the quietness amplified every tiny moan or creak of the house. I looked down at one of the drawers beneath the sink. It was oddly askew, angled up and no longer in line like the other drawers. I called Andy in to look at it. He fiddled a bit and as he was righting it, it fell back in and made a crash. The same crash that he’d heard earlier.

Then, and only then, could I get back to sleep.

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Soft & Sweet

It should come as no surprise that I like color – bold, vivid, vibrant, strong, super-saturated color – but there are moments when something softer can make just as powerful an impression. Such is the case with the color-palette on hand in this post. A creamy white and a buttery yellow combine as tulips and daisies meet the bloom of a narcissus. If Mother Nature puts the combination together in one flower, it’s got to be fool-proof.

Over the years, my penchant for bold shades in bouquets has softened and, I’d like to think, matured. There’s a certain elegance in a more muted scheme of hues, something more dignified in a subtle gradation of shades rather than a blaring juxtaposition of battling tints.

This sort of subtlety allows for closer examination of other attributes, such as the architectural grandeur of a parrot tulip, or the ruffled corona of a trumpet daffodil. Such delicacies might otherwise be lost in a sea of bold, competing colors.

There will be time enough for summer to bring out the battalion of bright hues. For now, the softer shades of spring are invited to hang on for a little while longer.

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Almost Five

Milo’s favorite number may be five, but he’ll have to wait one more year before that’s how old he is. In the meantime, he will have to celebrate number four with this cake from Andy. In the first picture, he reminds me so much of his grandfather in that mischievous grin that it’s almost spooky – in a good way.

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A Rare Ford Fail

All idols stumble at some point. Even Madonna makes mistakes. Most of the time when it happens, those blips are just as fascinating as the hits, and in the case of Tom Ford it’s more of a matter of taste than a god-awful move. Case in point is his Jardin series. It was the first Private Blend series in which I found not a single scent to love. The closest I came was ‘Ombre de Hyacinth’ which took one of spring’s seminal scents and turned it on its floral head.

This was the least feminine of the group, which also included ‘Café Rose’ – obviously a dose of rose, ‘Lys Fume’ – his twist on the lily, and ‘Jonquille de Nuit’ – his take on the jonquil. As much as I love his stuff, Ford’s florals are where we usually part company. His ‘Tobacco Vanille’ is too cloying, and his latest ‘Fleur de Portofino’ skews too old-lady for someone who traditionally embraces my old-lady-ness to an extreme. ‘Ombre de Hyacinth’ totters on that floral edge, and for the price point of a Private Blend there can be no teetering. Or tottering for that matter.

Instead, I’ll cling to my precious sample, dabbing it on when I’m feeling like a bit of heady hyacinth cloaked in the darkly gorgeous rendering of his olfactory madness. For my taste it’s a bit of a mess, but a mess by Tom Ford still manages to be a thing of beauty.

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This Photo Was Reported For Pornography?

Fortunately, the powers-that-be at the almighty censoring division of FaceBook agreed with me that this photo did NOT rise to the level of nudity and pornography that it needed to be removed. What’s more comical is that someone on FaceBook took the time to report it as pornography, and now has to deal with it not being taken down. I’ve had a photo or two removed in the past, but the majority of photos reported for violating their standards were deemed to be within the guidelines. (Newsflash: I will never engage in nor post pictures of porn, even if I champion the rights of others to do so – it’s just not my thing.)

As for the anonymous coward who reported this semi-innocent pool photo, I want to extend my thanks again for driving traffic to www.ALANILAGAN.com as that’s about all that is accomplished when one of my photos gets reported. It provides fodder for a blog post in which the offending photograph is featured yet again… with links that go to even more offensive matter. Like this. And this. And this. And this. So, thanks much!

Click-cock, click-cock

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I’m Going To Go Back There Someday

Don’t call it a comeback.

It’s a return.

A return to a place where I’ve been before, for one last round.

It’s not a place you can get to by car or boat or plane, though each will be employed.

It’s not a place you can find on a map or program into your GPS.

It’s not a place that’s been named or documented or seen.

It’s not a place that exists in any sense of existence you might know.

The Final Tour.

2015…2016

Come with me…

This looks familiar, vaguely familiar,
Almost unreal, yet, it’s too soon to feel yet.
Close to my soul, and yet so far away.
I’m going to go back there someday.

Sun rises, night falls, sometimes the sky calls.
Is that a song there, and do I belong there?
I’ve never been there, but I know the way.
I’m going to go back there someday.

Come and go with me, it’s more fun to share,
We’ll both be completely at home in midair.
We’re flyin’, not walkin’, on featherless wings.
We can hold onto love like invisible strings.

There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met.
Part heaven, part space, or have I found my place?
You can just visit, but I plan to stay.

I’m going to go back there someday.
I’m going to go back there someday.

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Balmy Recap

Temperatures have soared, everything has burst into bloom, and the spring we so badly wanted and needed has seemingly been supplanted by a summer that has arrived all too soon. Absolutely no complaints here, as the pool has been open and heated to a comfy 85 degrees, and the longer the season the better. Before we jump too far ahead and start putting the pumpkins out, let’s go back but a week…

There was nothing frosty about Hunk of the Day Patrick Frost.

Rihanna stole Madonna’s thunder… for one night only.

A new Mr. Gay World was crowned.

This little piggy went to market.

Sam Smith is a Hunk, nobody how you want to spin it.

Happy Anniversary to us.

David Beckham vs. James Franco in the battle of the shirtless selfie.

 Spring has sprung!

Chris Hemsworth and his big fat fake bulge.

Tally ho.

An evening of jockstraps.

Fearless, when I’m with you.

 Happy Mother’s Day.

Don’t forget that your family is gold.

Warrior princess.

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Project Warrior

Immersing myself in new project work means less time for blogging. To throw you a bone, here are some out-takes from the new work-in-progress. The art of creation can often feel like a battle. The artist has to slay, so it helps to carry a sword. The artist must sometimes conceal, so it helps to don a mask. The artist must always be fierce, so it helps to wear a cape. The artist must also find time to create, so it helps to have a back-up post like this.

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Family Faces

Some posts don’t need prose, just a few favorite faces.

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Happy Mother’s Day

Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world. I don’t have the selflessness, time or money that go into raising a child, and I always knew that. It helped that I never had the desire, but more people need to make that choice based on their circumstances. Fortunately, my Mom and Dad planned for my brother and myself. We never wanted for anything because they had the foresight and love to make sure we were set to attend college, see a bit of the world, and never go to bed hungry. That was my Mom’s big thing: she never wanted us to go to bed hungry, because when she was little she sometimes did. Those are the things that I remember.

On this Mother’s Day, I honor the woman who gave up so much because she had grown up with so little. We didn’t get a chance to do our annual Broadway trip yet, but hopefully we’ll schedule something for late summer or early fall to make up for it. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

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Marathon Kiss

Long before I met Andy, I was a bit of a slut. Well, not exactly a slut, but my lips slid against more men than I care to remember. The spring of 2000 was an emotionally perilous period, rife with anger and hurt and sorrow. I tried to put it all together with torrid affairs and messy hook-ups, seeking to further wreck a ruined trust in the world.  I’d had my heart broken a fair share of times, and I felt on the verge of losing all feeling. Yet physical intimacy was still a form of intimacy, and I craved it to a desperate extent. In many ways, all I wanted was a kiss – a marathon kiss – one that went on for days and left my lips swollen and happily sore. A kiss would always mean more than a fuck.

Marianne Faithfull wailed plaintively on the stereo on a misty late morning. A young man no older than myself pulled his socks and shoes on before somewhat hastily bounding down the stairs onto the gray street below. I listened to him go, feeling both regret and relief at once, then turned over and closed my eyes. I’d like to say I forgot his name in all the years that have past, but the truth is that I forgot it before he closed the door. Such was the state of affairs in those days.

I cherished the night of your marathon kiss,
Chemicals flying, oh I love this.
What’s it all for if you can’t feel the ecstasy?
What’s it all for if you can’t touch the power,
The will to live in the hour?

There was a sad and lonely beauty to that time in my life. In hindsight it appears a lot rosier than it ever really was, and sometimes I look back on it with a romantic fondness that isn’t quite deserved. Spring brings me back to the headiness of it all, when the beauty of the world sang softly as each day’s sun set.

Don’t steal what I have got, baby,
‘Cause it’s hardly enough for myself.
Don’t steal what I’ve got, baby,
‘Cause the balance is thin like a shell.
I cherished the night of your marathon kiss,
Chemicals flying, oh I love this.
What’s it all for if you can’t feel the moment?
What’s it all for if you can’t feel the moment,
The moment of kiss.

Late in the evening I walked beneath cherry trees that dropped their pink petals like ballerinas being stripped of their ruffled tulle. Warm night winds brought the promise of summer in through the darkness, while lights of homes filled with laughter and happiness and enviable otherness twinkled all around me. I peered surreptitiously into the windows of strangers, seeking out some semblance of a scene of stability. The rooms of others always felt warmer, happier and fuller than mine. I would sometimes gaze up at my own window, dark more often than not, and wonder what others saw. It was my belief that no one bothered to look.

Fearless when I’m with you,
Fearless when I’m with you.
Fearless when I’m with you,
Fearless through and through.
What am I gonna wear? I don’t care.
Nobody sees the inside.
Oh, the radio’s gonna take us out
Take us out on a ride.
I put on perfume and I walk in the room
The world stands still with you in the room.
I cross the floor and I’m high and I’m rich
When I’m under your lips and your fingertips.

On some nights a stranger would become less of a stranger, with a smile and flirtatious dance around pleasantries before tripping over frantically-discarded clothes. In the dim gray light of the bedroom I could hide my timidity and my tears, and even if the saltiness seeped into a kiss, no one ever cared enough to comment or question.

I cherished the night of your marathon kiss,
Chemicals flying into the mist.
What’s it all for if you can’t feel the moment?
What’s it all for if you can’t feel the power?
What’s it all for if you can’t, can’t live right here
In the hour, in the hour, in the hour?

When the unsaid and mutually-agreed-upon exchange of physical pleasure was symbolically signed by a second glance or a hand upon the knee you jostled against him, there was no promise of anything more. In fact, the additional preponderance always felt like a hindrance to most guys. I learned to sense that, to pull away. Having jumped into love, or what I thought was love, too quickly and too many times, I understood the game even as I fought against its silly rules. Still, there was good reason to keep an aloof distance.

It was far easier to shield the heart than to repair it.

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Super Jocks Activate!

Tomorrow is the epic ‘Super Jocks in Super Jocks’ show in Chicago, IL, so if you’re in the vicinity give it a look-see. I wish I’d had the foresight to plan a trip there, but hopefully this will be an annual event so I can make a proper pilgrimage next year. As previously reported here, this is a benefit for TPAN and Chicago House. Hosted by Bianca Del Rio, it features the stunning hand-crocheted jock-straps of The Crochet Empire, as helmed by Andy Boyer. Works of art in their own right, you should see them when they’re filled out by the collection of hunky studs who will be parading down the runway. The Art of the Jockstrap indeed.

Here are a few promo photos provided by The Crochet Empire for this red-hot event. Tickets can be purchased at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/1387444

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Boston Oddities

There’s a story to every picture, but it doesn’t always need to be told. The tales attached to these photos likely wouldn’t interest you much, and to be honest most of them are of little interest to me. (Trifles of anecdotes, and more a moment of memory than any substantial dramatic narrative, they are fragments of the in-between.) Rather than fill the viewer in on the mundane trappings of what the surrounding circumstances were for each of these photos, I’m inviting those who so wish to choose their own adventure and make up their own back-story for the images here.

Of course, I’m also lazy as hell this week, after a weekend of working my ass off. At last tally:

-        23 lawn bags filled and dragged to curb

-        14 blog posts written

-        9 patio containers planted

-        7 hanging planters filled

-        6 nursery runs made (to procure said plants and potting materials in tiny Mini Cooper)

-        3 cologne samples tested

-        3 sandwiches (and 1 salad) made for canopy assembly assistants

-        1 canopy assembled (with help from said assistants)

Now I’m distracting you with other thoughts and things which is the anti-thesis of what I was hoping to accomplish with this post. Apologies.

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That Enormous Chris Hemsworth Bulge

Even if you know it’s fake, it’s still pretty hot. Here is that Chris Hemsworth bulge that everyone is talking about from the new ‘Vacation’ reboot (I didn’t see the original, so I won’t be seeing this one, even if Mr. Hemsworth‘s impressively enormous dick is dangling on display.) I do prefer this look to his longer-haired Thor shirtlessness, so at least he’s headed in the right direction. Just watch where he points that big long thing – and check it out in full motion thanks to carey579.

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