Monthly Archives:

August 2015

Blooms of Summer Sun

Sometimes the sun comes up from the ground,

in the circular bloom of a Black-eyed Susan,

or the saucer-like blossom of the cup plant.

The super-saturated yellow lit from behind,

standing up to the heat of the day

without wilt or complaint.

It is the embodiment of summer,

of sun and heat and a season of growth.

It is a celebration.

Happiness is a flower in the sunlight.

Happiness is a summer day.

Happiness is the month of August.

The stunning simplicity of a flower that echoes the sun,

backed and buoyed by the green of sustenance and life,

will always be a wonder to behold.

The heart bursts with joy

at these explosions of a summer

that’s not quite ready to give up.

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Caprese Baby

Fresh heirloom tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, fresh basil, olive oil and balsamic vinegar. The simple makings of a mouthful of pleasure. This is the sort of thing I will miss most about summer. It just isn’t the same with supermarket stuff found in the dead of winter. That only makes me appreciate it more ~ the summer, and the flavor. I’ve added a sliced baguette to this in the past, which is even better at soaking up the oil and vinegar, but for the carb and gluten avoiders no bread is needed, and the effect is just as delicious.

This makes a lovely late-morning or early afternoon snack, or a great appetizer before a summer evening of grilling. When the vegetables are at their peak, there’s no need to mask or amp up the flavor – they speak vibrant volumes on their own. Equally pretty to look at, it’s a feast for the eyes, mouth and summer-seeking soul.

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Holding On To Each Other

The Sunday of departing after a weekend of friendship and revelry is always such a mixture of sadness, sorrow, happiness and joy, that the heart runs a riotous path no matter how you’re getting home. On this particular journey back to New York, the sun was shining brightly, the heat was on, and the nodding heads of goldenrod were just beginning to bloom. Fall was coming. The tour had just begun. And I had some beautiful memories to keep me company on the road. Still, the sadness that it was over was equal only to the beauty of the aftermath. In some respects, it sometimes felt like life was one big morning-after.

Rain falls hard
Burns dry
A dream
Or a song
That hits you so hard
Filling you up
And suddenly gone

We were all searching for something. For peace, for contentment, for purpose, for love ~ and on that night I think we found a bit of it, a bit of everything. Here, in this backyard, beneath the sky, beside the fire, and close to the sea, we found it.

Breath Feel Love
Give Free
Know in you soul
Like your blood knows the way
From you heart to your brain
Know that you’re whole

And you’re shining
Like the brightest star
A transmission
On the midnight radio
And you’re spinning
Like a 45
Ballerina
Dancing to your rock and roll

Someone once said that JoAnn and I were like rock stars ~ flaming brightly, burning hotly, and loving deeply ~ sometimes scorching everything in our wake ~ but I don’t think we’d do anything differently. I would never want to tame my love, I would never want to pull back from feeling anything, even – and especially – the hurt. That pain is proof of love. That pain is proof that we matter. It is the heartache of making a difference and tearing apart your soul to prove you still feel.

Here’s to Patti, and Tina, and Yoko
Aretha and Nona and Nico and me

And all the strange rock and rollers
You know you’re doing all right
So hold on to each other
You gotta hold on tonight

And you’re shining
Like the brightest stars
A transmission
On the midnight radio

And you’re spinning
Your new 45’s
All the misfits and the losers
Yeah, you know you’re rock and rollers
Spinning to your rock and roll…

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The Tree of Friendship

“There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met…”

The weather was sunny and warm. Unusually warm for Cape Cod, but there was a breeze coming in cool off the shore, and it was summer after all. Water glistened all around us. In canals, in eel ponds and on the ocean itself. The sparkle wouldn’t leave the entire brief weekend we were there. Everything would come together to make this one beautiful.

Along with the bloom of the ocean there was the bloom of the gardens. Hydrangeas and roses, Black-eyed Susans and petunias – they burst forth in what would likely be the final big show of the season. They were giving it their all. Even the seed-heads of grasses had risen high into the air, exploding like miniature fireworks in the moving air. The whole of the Cape surged with summer, and we held onto it like it was all we had. In some ways, it was.

Arriving early to beat the insane bridge traffic, we drove on the cusp of all the others migrating to the Cape for one of the last summer weekends. It can be a lonely trip to make, especially if one gets caught in a traffic snarl, so I brought Kira with me. She’s wanted to explore new experiences, and there would be no greater way to expand our worlds than in the purpose of this trip. We stopped for an iced coffee and threw off the previous Boston night’s fatigue. The Cape has a way of lulling your shoulders down a bit, of coaxing an easy, relaxed smile across your face.

JoAnn’s house was already bedecked with the makings of a grand gathering. Tables and tents and bouquets of hydrangeas dotted the expansive yard. Those gorgeous Cape hydrangeas – in blues and purples and magentas and colors so bright they feel like confirmation that there is reason to all beauty. They don’t deign to bloom like this anywhere else in the world.

After months of work, it was the gardens that most impressed. Toils of blood, sweat and tears were apparent in the pretty start to her new gardens, thanks to the help of her very own Mary Poppins, a.k.a. Sarah. Straps of Japanese iris rose before the lovely weathered background of a fence, sunny orbs of coreopsis glowed in one corner, and a hearty stand of lavender held onto a few more late-season blooms. This was where she had spent much of her spring and summer, and it was happy proof that a garden can be a place of healing and growth.

The seaside town, so cruel and brutal in winter, forged forgiveness in this perfect summer idyll. A warm afternoon sun slowly began to lower itself in the sky. Music grew in volume as friends began to arrive.

 

You know, the sun is in your eyes
And hurricanes and rains 
and black and cloudy skies.
You’re running up and down that hill.
You turn it on and off at will.
There’s nothing here to thrill
or bring you down.
And if you’ve got no other choice
You know you can follow my voice
through the dark turns and noise
of this wicked little town. 

 

The same way we make it through the winter is how we celebrate the summer: together. It’s more fun on this side of the sun, that is certain, but the love remains the same – unyielding, unchanging, and true.

The fates are vicious and they’re cruel.

You learn too late you’ve used two wishes

like a fool and then you’re someone you are not,

and Junction City ain’t the spot,

remember Mrs. Lot and when she turned around.

And if you’ve got no other choice, you know you can follow my voice

through the dark turns and noise of this wicked little town.

For quite some time now, maybe since the day I met her, it has seemed like JoAnn has been searching for something, for some place to call her own. As hostess for this party, a party for her long-time cherished friends from Manchester, she brought us all together. Perhaps this then was her purpose, perhaps it had always been in her backyard, wherever that backyard happened to be. There’s a certain glory and honor in being the conduit that bridges friends, and sometimes even countries, but she wears that mantle better than anyone else.

She has always had a way of bringing people together, uniting old ones and forging new friendships. It takes a special alchemist to succeed in that, and a special person to be the touchstone for such an enterprise. Yes, there are burdens and responsibilities involved, but there is something in the goodness of connecting people that, I hope, makes it all worth it.

On this weekend, the JoJo magic was in full effect. After years of listening to the stories and heartfelt affection she felt for her Brits, it truly felt like I had known them all my life, like they had been a part of my own journey – and in a way, they had. JoAnn is such an important person in my life that they couldn’t help but be important too. That sweet rush of relief at finding you’re a little closer to finding your tribe, upon discovering a few more key players you didn’t even realize your heart was missing until they arrive and fill the hole with warmth and affection – well, that has a way of galvanizing the fading sense of hope I sometimes feel departing the coldest days.

This world will slam us in ways too painful and numerable to seem bearable sometimes, but we get through it by leaning on our friends and loved ones. Thank you, JoAnn, for broadening that circle a bit.

To my new/old friends Lindsay, Mickey, Andy, Zoe, Sharon & Ian, I’m so glad to have finally met you in person. The world became a little smaller, a little warmer, and a little more filled with happiness now that I know you’re in it. (An across-the-pond shout-out to Emma, who I was lucky enough to meet when she was last over.) And to the friends I’ve been fortunate to have already met because of JoAnn, thank you for always welcoming me as if I belonged ~ you are a good crew (Wally, Carolyn, Ali, Kim, Courtney, Tony, Sarah, Dena, Jen, Sherry, Rich, Pete, and my beloved Peaches).

Forgive me,

For I did not know.

‘Cause I was just a boy

And you were so much more

Than any god could ever plan,

More than a woman or a man.

And now I understand how much I took from you: That, when everything starts breaking down,
You take the pieces off the ground ,and show this wicked town something beautiful and new.

You think that Luck has left you there, But maybe there’s nothing up in the sky but air.

And there’s no mystical design, No cosmic lover preassigned.
There’s nothing you can find that can not be found.
‘Cause with all the changes you’ve been through, it seems the stranger’s always you.
Alone again in some new wicked little town.

So when you’ve got no other choice, you know you can follow my voice
Through the dark turns and noise of this wicked little town.
Oh it’s a wicked, little town.
Goodbye, wicked little town.

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Mid-August Recap of All Augusts

Ahh, August. Favorite month of all the months, for so many reasons – and not just birthday ones. August is the last full month of summer. August is the last month with no school. August is the last month when there are more days in the pool than out of it. August is heat and sun and fading flowers. Most of all, August is happiness. Contentment. The calm before the storm. And I don’t want it to end, so let’s go back in time, just a week, and do it all over again.

We held a retirement gathering for my new publicist Gin-Gin, and she wore a head-dress that was simply stunning. Let me see your peacock. (Don’t forget to follow @CircleOfAlan on Twitter!)

Zac Efron and his man-purse, even if I employed that look years ago.

Summer poem for a summer night.

There was beauty in the form of male models, including Genaro Perez, Norbi Novak, Joshua Joles, Jake Jensen & Ellis McCreadie.

There was something more serious from the mouth of my own brother.

The latest, and last, for Hermes from the brilliant Jean-Claude Ellena.

Take a colorful toke.

The Delusional Grandeur Tour picks up steam, with some support from my naked ass and Louis Vuitton.

Somebody else has an August birthday, and she’s one of my favorite people in the world.

Finally, some sangria, for summer.

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Summer Sangria

I’m not the biggest sangria fan (I abhor a muddled mess, and that’s what always ends up happening at the bottom of a glass of sangria). Yet other people love it to death, so I’ll sacrifice my own taste for the enjoyment of others. In this case, a simple summer recipe of white wine, some peach schnapps, and fresh fruit – allowed to marinate for at least several hours – results in a lighter sangria (much safer for cream-colored carpets and white linen tablecloths). I also find it a better fit for these summer days, when a heavier red wine can only be lightened so much with the addition of fruit and other nonsense. Anyway, we’ll let the photos speak for the recipe – modify amounts per personal preference. Sangria isn’t anything close to a science, and I don’t have much patience for such unfussiness.

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The Birthday of My Main Muse

An August birthday shout-out to my main muse Madonna, who I’m guessing is currently too busy gearing up for her Rebel Heart Tour to pause much for celebrations. We are going to pause for a moment on this blog too (as I’m only returning from Cape Cod today), and set up a quick little collection to honor the woman of the hour – and the day – with a look back at some previous Madonna Timeline entries.

We’ll begin with some early ones, such as the very first: ‘Who’s That Girl.’ Whispers that this retired-too-soon jewel will be cropping up on the new tour has me all aglow like some senorita, mas fina. When that first Timeline was created, I had no idea what it would become, so it’s a very basic sketch of what went down in the summer of 1987. If I could do it all over again, I’d embellish a bit more, fleshing out the excitement of being a kid and connecting with your distant cousins at a family wedding while Madonna played in the background of every thrilling turn. But what’s done is done, and as the birthday girl doesn’t like to dwell on the past, neither should we.

Bouncing along with the more carefree singles of her past, this was ‘Cherish’ – another early timeline entry that could have done with some further explanation of the late summer/early fall of 1989. I remember Maine, and the way the sun slanted differently in the coming fall. A navy J. Crew sweater is part of my memory too, as is the cold sting of the ocean off Maine.

Perhaps her greatest attribute is her resilience, as proven by the mantra of ‘Over and Over‘ – a ‘Like A Virgin‘ deep-cut that personifies the 80’s, and the rise, and rise, and rise of Madonna herself. It doesn’t matter who you are, it’s what you do that takes you far.

Adolescent angst was at its height when I listened to ‘Supernatural‘ – a B-side to the far-superior (and peppier) ‘Cherish.’ It conjures memories known mostly only to myself and a few select friends. I’m afraid I didn’t do it justice, but some things are too dark to bring back to light.

Sassy-pants with attitude to spare, this was ‘She’s Not Me.‘ Let the haters hate, let the wanna-be’s be, and let them eat my dust.

It sounds silly and trite to say it, but Madonna has in many ways been the love of my life. When friends and family and lovers turned against me, there was always Madonna. She was the one person on whom I could always count – for support, for inspiration, for love. She taught me self-reliance. She taught me how to get back up again. She taught me that ‘Love Makes the World Go Round.’

Happy Birthday M!!

 

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What’s In A Bag?

Clothes and sundries, accessories and toiletries.

Socks and underwear on the bottom, along with whatever pajamas or loungewear that feel appropriate for a visit.

Rolled pants and shirts (rolling will actually keep things less wrinkled in most instances).

Maybe a book if I’m carrying the bag with me.

Sometimes a gift or two, depending on the host.

The most important thing to pack though, and you don’t even need a fancy bag for this, is an open-minded readiness for anything, and a willingness to try everything. It is the essence of a good traveler.

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A Cape That Doesn’t Go On Your Back

The Delusional Grandeur Tour: Last Stand of a Rock Star moves from Boston to Cape Cod this weekend, with the arrival of new friends from England and a reunion with all the old Cape buddies. Being in travel status always excites me, and not only because I get to break out the Louis Vuitton Keepall. Touring is a state of mind, and being on the road is sometimes safer and more secure than being at home.

Living out of luggage carries its own set of challenges and drawbacks, but it also affords more opportunities for shopping. (I consistently find myself without a pair of shoes or jacket, or pants as these promo photos will attest, necessitating impromptu buying excursions wherever I happen to be. This is not entirely unintentional.)

That sense of unplanned possibilities goes against my very Virgo grain, but in the best way. It jars and jostles, veering into unknown and unfamiliar territory, and setting my head just slightly off-kilter. Sometimes it’s good to be a little unfocused, a little less anal, good to go with the flow. Touring affords these valuable lessons, and I’ve designed it that way.

Complacency = Death.

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The Best Weed Money Can Buy

This blog has glorified the Butterfly weed a number of times already, but it merits repetition, as this is one of the finest garden plants I know. Foliage remains handsome throughout the entire season, and the fiery orange blooms last for several weeks, peaking in July, but occasionally lingering beyond. This was not the year for taking such sweet time, so the photos here are from a while ago. Still, the beauty is timeless.

A relative of the common milkweed, this more refined version is perfectly-suited to the perennial border. It keeps within bounds (though it will disperse its fluffy seeds if allowed to get that far) and has a tap root that makes moving it a challenge. I tend to allow it to go to seed and spread a bit. If caught early enough, such seedlings should survive a transplant before that root gets too long.

This is also a favorite of butterflies and bees, which find its unique flower form a perfect landing trip.

Any friend of the butterflies is a friend of mine.

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The Man Behind the Nose of Hermes

As the main fragrance front-man for Hermes over the last decade or so, Jean-Claude Ellena has made a name for himself and brought the venerable company an elegant edge in olfactory matters. His Jardin series is a masterful collection of woody, water-like florals – as distinctively evocative of their inspiration as they are of a standard summer day in anyone’s mind. Unlike some florals, these don’t dominate, they gently ease the scent of the season delicately out of one’s countenance. It’s a subtle and sly sleight of nose, and somehow Ellena manages to make these deceptively lasting (in brilliant counterpoint to the main obstacle of a light spring/summer fragrance, which is that they’re gone too soon).

His latest, and final, contribution to the Jardin line was released this season: Le Jardin de Monsieur Li is an ode to a fictional Chinese garden of one Mssr. Li, with notes of kumquat, jasmine and mint. (Just once I’d like to go along for the planning part of these visits – I’m so easy-upkeep they wouldn’t even know I was there!) Ellena indicated that this fragrance was conjured by an imaginary place for meditation:

“I remembered the smell of ponds, the smell of jasmine, the smell of wet stones, of plum trees, kumquats, and giant bamboos. It was all there, and in the ponds there were even carp steadily working towards their hundredth birthday.” – Jean-Claude Ellena

For me, it feels like a not-so-distant cousin, or somewhat-distant sister, of Un Jardin apre la Mousson, which was his ode to a garden after a summer storm. Both are based in watery, fruit-like richness, yet both are light enough for the humidity that signifies such moisture in the summer. Perhaps Mssr. Li bears a slightly more refined bearing, less messily aquatic, more contained, like a pond of manicured water plants, and for that reason I’m a bit more partial to it. Such a spectacular way to end his line for Hermes, this is an impressive addition – the final gem – in a crown of delicious creations. He will be sorely missed, but I’ll hold onto the hope that some other house might coax him out of semi-retirement someday.

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That’s So Gay

My husband and my brother follow each other on Instagram, which I find both amusing and confusing. (My brother started and quickly stopped following me a long time ago.) Anyway, a couple of nights ago Andy sent him a picture of some car that he thought my nephew would like (it had what can only be described as wings (or raised fins) on the back, and it looked cool to me). Rather than responding with a simple ‘Ha!’ (my stock go-to reply to anything that neither impresses nor bothers me much) or a dismissive ‘Not his style’ my brother sends one word as his response: “Gay.”

I know I shouldn’t expect less, and certainly not more, but at this stage of his adult life, and at this formative point in his own children’s lives, to toss the word ‘gay’ around in an apparently derogatory manner is just offensive. When he gets angry, or just casually describes someone be doesn’t like, I’ve heard him use the term ‘faggot’, which he once explained did not mean anything against gay people, it was just a term for something stupid. That excuse no longer flies with me. It never did.

My brother probably won’t ever change. I’ve implored him not to say such things, I’ve screamed and yelled, I’ve spoken calmly and explained that it hurt me personally to hear him use such language, and I’ve told him unequivocally not to talk that way around me, but while it has lessened, it’s still apparently there. Even in the harmless response to a picture of a car he didn’t like.

I’ve long since given up on him. But if his kids should ever say something like that one day, it would break my heart. Kids see and hear everything. Even my non-parenting ass knows that. Words matter. What may be meaningless or insignificant to him might make a world of difference to others. I would hope that message is being passed on to his kids, because if you’re not preparing your children to be open and embracing of difference, you’re setting them up to fail in this diverse future.

As I was sliding down a maudlin hill contemplating all of it, I was reminded by Suzie that I should help do my own bit of education. So let’s turn this into a teachable moment for all those people who say something is ‘gay’ without meaning disrespect to those of us who are in fact gay. Here you go:

 

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Summer House, Summer Night

THE HOUSE WAS QUIET AND THE WORLD WAS CALM

The house was quiet and the world was calm.
The reader became the book; and summer night

Was like the conscious being of the book.
The house was quiet and the world was calm.

The words were spoken as if there was no book,
Except that the reader leaned above the page,

Wanted to lean, wanted much to be
The scholar to whom his book is true, to whom

The summer night is like a perfection of thought.
The house was quiet because it had to be.

The quiet was part of the meaning, part of the mind:
The access of perfection to the page.

And the world was calm. The truth in a calm world,
In which there is no other meaning, itself

Is calm, itself is summer and night, itself
Is the reader leaning late and reading there.
~ Wallace Stevens

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Zac Efron & His Handbag

This was a rather unfortunate choice of jacket by Zac Efron, as, from a distance and with this particular stance, it looks like he’s holding a clutch. A very chic, shiny black clutch, but a questionable one at best. Let’s face it, Zac Efron looks best without a clutch. And without a jacket. And without any clothing at all. Like, AT ALL. (Especially when nude in GIF motion.)

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The Mistress of My Inner Circle

Introducing my publicist, Ginny! Also known affectionately as Gin-Gin (as so many lovely Virginias in my life have been) she is responsible for my Twitter fan-handle @CircleOfAlan. How can I not get on board with that kind of vainglorious tribute? If ever I rise above the small-town trappings of Loudonville, let @CircleOfAlan become my officially unofficial outlet for news and gossip.
As for Ginny, she will be playing Liz Rosenberg to my Madonna as I extend these flights of delusional fantasy into real-world nonsensery. (I’m even making words up now, so don’t bother to dictionary it.) On a more serious note, she’s become a lovely friend in her own right, and we recently held a retirement party for her at our home. It was the least I could do for someone who helped me out at work and made every day a little more fun and enjoyable. (And now that she’s retired she’ll have that much more time to devote to the online Twitter promotion of yours truly.)
It was a testament to her heart and engaging personality that so many friends from her work world showed up to celebrate. It’s also an indication of how fun she is that she was game enough to don an Alan Ilagan original head-dress to greet her guests (at least until she fell over in her chair). All in a day. All in a party. All in a publicist.
When I look back over the friends I’ve made over the years, many of them were motherly in certain ways. Some were mothers of my friends, others were simply older women who played a motherly role in my life. I’m not sure why I’ve searched for mother figures, or what role of healing they filled and continue to fill in my life. I’m just glad they’re there. We seek out what we need to survive.
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