Monthly Archives:
November 2013
09
November
2013
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November
2013
09
November
2013
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November
2013
When Thanksgiving Comes Early
When I was kid, my family went to the Ko family’s home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they came to our home for New Year’s Day. They were, and remain, our extended family, and Suzie has been my best friend/sister-figure literally since I was born (she is, and remains, two months older than me).
A lot has changed since my childhood, but somehow my family still manages to make it to the Ko home, wherever or whomever may assemble for it. This year we had to do it a little early, as Elaine and Tony are heading to Florida for the winter. Here are a few photos from the day, including the new and improved version of the kids’ table. (No, I no longer have to sit there.)
And finally, perhaps my two favorite photos of the whole batch: jello salad and Suzie trying on my outfit. A Thanksgiving complete before it even began.
08
November
2013
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November
2013
This Is Not How I Give A Blow-Job
Sometimes a banana is just a banana.
And sometimes you feel like a nut.
(Sometimes you don’t.)
08
November
2013
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November
2013
Caffeine & Forgiveness
A few months ago, you may recall this tiny fiasco at Starbucks, when I was unceremoniously booted from the premises on the one day I had not purchased a Starbucks product. (Not a stand-alone store, I reiterate, but a kiosk in the public lobby of a building not owned by Starbucks). My post must have been seen by someone at Starbucks, because I received a few free drink coupons and several profuse apologies for the way I was treated soon thereafter. I was also contacted by the Regional Manager who asked for details on the visit, which I gladly provided.
A genuine apology goes a long way with me, and I’d forgiven Starbucks for the foible, but I stayed away from their stores all summer because the friendly nature the company has always gone out of its way to cultivate had been dispelled – most likely by an isolated downtown Albany employee, but dispelled nonetheless. I held onto the drink certificates until this week, when I ventured into the same Starbucks.
On my first trip back, there were two new baristas working. I ordered an expensive salted caramel mocha (hey, I’m not going to waste a coupon on a plain coffee) and sat down right near where I had been asked to leave a few months earlier. I finished my drink and left, unbothered.
The next day I returned, and the employee who had been next to me when I was told to leave took my order. She called me by name (I hadn’t thought she’d known my name) and apologized for what had happened last time. I thanked her for that, and said it was fine. (Usually when I say something is fine, it is decidedly anything but fine, but this time I meant it.)
Forgiveness doesn’t come easy for me, but over the last few years I’ve gotten better at it. This trivial matter may be further proof of that. (And proof of the power of the written word. Don’t ever be silent if you’re treated unfairly. Yes, a sizable social media presence can help, but even without that you can write to company executives, regional managers, and everyone all the way up to the CEO. That’s the beauty of living in this country. Make the most of it.)
As for Starbucks, it’s always been an admirable company and has consistently done good things with its money and power. The fact that several people reached out to me to discuss what happened and worked to rectify it are indicative that the company does in fact care. Because of that, I feel good about patronizing their business again. (A gift card and the return of holiday drink offerings helps too.)
07
November
2013
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November
2013
07
November
2013
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November
2013
Who’s Babysitting Whom?
Today Andy and I are watching the twins for a bit, which we’re excited about since we rarely get asked. And since Andy will be with me, I don’t have to be the strict Uncle who makes sure they don’t write on the walls with permanent marker or hide the remote from Lolo. Instead, I get to be one of the kids again, romping around and wreaking havoc with the best (and worst) of them. I can’t wait!
07
November
2013
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November
2013
When the Meat Beats the Motion
This Saturday night I’m taking my friend Kira out for a very belated birthday dinner at Boston Chops. She loves a good steak, and that is the best place to find one. The bar is killer too – and any place that utilizes Luxardo cherries in their Manhattan is top drawer in my Auntie Mame scorebook. Here’s the review I wrote a while back after my first visit. I can’t believe it’s taken this long to return, but it’s the perfect time of the year for a hearty steak dinner – and a beefy Manhattan.
Better than that, as always, is the company of a dear friend like Kira. We have done so many fun things in Boston, most of them legal (a few not so much), and I know this will be another grand adventure deep in the South End. After-dinner options are wide open – we intend to take the night!
06
November
2013
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November
2013
The Power of The V
Until recently, I’ve mistakenly never given much thought or consideration to vermouth. As long as the gin or whiskey was decent and the garnish right, the rest seemed beside the point. Only when I switched out the standard sweet vermouth for this bottle of Antonio Carpano’s Antica Formula did my foolish perceptions change – and none too soon.
The layers of complexity, the sudden richness, the full-bodied substance of a Negroni or a Manhattan immediately flowered anew before me. It was like someone switched on the most glorious light to reveal gorgeous vistas of amber waves of joyous grain. How could I have been so stupid? It’s nice to have these moments of evolution and improvement. There is no shame in admitting mistakes or ignorance. The only shame is in not improving when it’s an option – and there is always a way to make things better. Don’t ever settle.
06
November
2013
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November
2013
The Madonna Timeline: Song #100 – ‘Nothing Fails’ ~ Spring 2003
{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}
I’m in love with you, you silly thing
Anyone can see
What is it with you, you silly thing?
Just take it from me
It was not a chance meeting
Feel my heart beating
You’re the one.
You could take all this, take it away
I’d still have it all
‘Cause I’ve climbed the tree of life
And that is why, no longer scared if I fall
When I get lost in space
I can return to this place
‘Cause, you’re the one
Nothing fails
No more fears
Nothing fails
You washed away my tears
Nothing fails
No more fears
Nothing fails
Nothing fails
In the grand tradition of ‘Like A Prayer’, both with its majestic chorus and its love-song-sentiment doubling as a spiritual declaration, ‘Nothing Fails’ is the 100th Madonna Timeline entry. From 2003’s ‘American Life’ album, this is one Madonna moment that should have gotten more recognition – as well as a proper release (even if I can’t imagine it on the radio).
In a single powerful chorus, Madonna strips a career of religious references away, not to mention centuries of beliefs, to reveal the core of the matter: religion is a man-made belief-system. Spirituality is founded upon love ~ love for the earth, for the universe, for other human beings ~ and love is its own religion.
I’m not religious
But I feel so moved
Makes me want to pray
Pray you’ll always be here
I was hoping that the 100th timeline might coincide with a more important milestone – instead, ‘Nothing Fails’ came at a relatively calm time: the start of spring 2003, when I was happily working in the Construction Management office at the Thruway Authority (an office of all gentlemen – God how I miss it), and the start of our second year in our current home, when things were finally settling down (and the remaining vestiges of 70’s carpet and wallpaper were at long last being excised). Those times of calm can often only be seen in retrospect, when one has the wisdom of distance. In my car, the ‘American Life’ album played on perpetual repeat, the latest incarnation of our Queen on hot and heavy rotation.
The song was a calming balm, a meditation on the infallibility and power of love. It was, like the best of Madonna’s work, an escape and a realization. Soaring on the growing chorus and rising strings, it carries the listener to a higher plane. The very best of music does that, taking you to a different space, a holier place, and somehow we are the better for it. Like most things having to do with Madonna, the journey was the reason. The way and the word.
I’m not religious
But I feel so moved
Makes me want to pray
Pray you’ll always be here
I’m not religious
But I feel such love
Makes me want to pray
For my part, I listened to it while driving to see friends, watching the budding trees rush by, or waiting for Andy to come to bed in the middle of the night. Shrouded in the mystery of love, the heart is also quelled by its power and force, the incontrovertible existence of emotion that has no discernible basis in scientific stats or concrete theories. Defying logic, forgetting reason, and flying in the face of fact, love fueled the human race. And when we didn’t know, when we couldn’t discern the workings of the heart, we created a system of beliefs to help us get our heads around it. Is that what religion originally was? Nothing more than a way of explaining science before we figured it all out on our own? I don’t know.
Sometimes I’m not even sure I know what love really is.
But sometimes… I am.
I’m not religious
But I feel so moved
I’m not religious
Makes me wanna pray
I’m not religious
But I feel so moved
I’m not religious
Makes me want to pray
Nothing fails
No more fears
Nothing fails
You washed away my tears
Nothing fails
No more fears
Nothing fails.
Song #100 – ‘Nothing Fails’ ~ Spring 2003
06
November
2013
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November
2013
She’s Back, With A Vengeance
With the comprehensive two-part recap of the Madonna Timeline already posted (HERE and HERE) there is little more that needs to be said in preparation for the 100th entry of that venerable feature, but I’m going to occupy one more post with this preamble. (The official post will finally appear here in a few short hours.)
A trio of hints as to what #100 will be:
- It’s from one of her least popular albums.
- She performed it on the Reinvention Tour.
- It features a choir (but it’s not ‘Like A Prayer’).
05
November
2013
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November
2013
Nothing Really Matters
Do you ever feel like anxious because time is going by too quickly? For me it happens mostly when something like a crocus blooms, or a tree changes color. I feel glad that there is such beauty to take in, and I’m aware of how fleeting, and therefore precious, such a moment is, but accompanying such happiness is the nagging anxiety that this will not last. It feels like if I don’t acknowledge it, if I don’t honor it in some way, none of it will mean anything.
I guess that’s partly why I do what I do. Why I take pictures. Why I write things down. Why I created this website. It’s a form of documentation, a virtual staking of a claim that I was here – that we were here together – and that it matters, it’s always mattered, and it will continue to matter. It’s quite a stretch to liken a website to art, but the purpose is largely the same.
05
November
2013
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November
2013
Waking the Beast
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,
And death shall be no more
Neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore
For these things will have passed away…”
Behold, I am Coming Soon…
05
November
2013
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November
2013
Lazy Bath Boy
Yes, it’s already November, but much too soon to be this tired. However, such is the state I’m in, so this post is going to take an indulgent look back a year, to last November. It started in the aftermath of a political election, when I was feeling particularly dirty. The best thing to do when one feels dirty is to take a bath. (Of course, these things must be done gratuitously.) And you must have the right kind of soap.
After behaving so badly, it was time to go to church.
Luckily, there were other bad boys to pick up the shirtless slack, including Adam Levine, Â Keith Urban, Scott Herman, Chris Zylka, Brahim Zaibat, Chris Evans, Channing Tatum, Taylor Lautner, Wes Welker, Dean Geyer, Taylor Kinney, Josh Wald, and Matthew Mitcham.
And we could always count on David Beckham and his bulge, especially in his first and long over-due crowning. And this video.
As we await the 100th installment of the Madonna Timeline, last year we did a quick recap of some of the stronger entries.
This was, and remains, the only person who can give me fashion advice safely.
The proximity to the holidays always brings up happy memories.
Last year was easy – no idea how to follow it up this year.
I spent my first visit at The Out, where I let it all hang out, but only in the good light on the bed.
God, I guess I did get naked a lot. Well, do…
And always – always – there was the sanctuary of Boston.
04
November
2013
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November
2013
Holy Crap, it’s November: A Recap
That’s right, November. Thanksgiving time, and the holiday shit has already begun in earnest. I am so not ready for this jelly. Not yet. Let me finish the Halloween candy first, then we’ll talk turkey. Somehow I’m still on schedule, having just put in the order for this year’s Holiday Card – and though I say this every year, I think this one might be the most shocking of them all. (And after last year’s card, that’s no easy feat.) Back to present time, here’s a quick recap of everything that went on here in the last week. (Admittedly, it wasn’t much.)
Are you ready to ride this train? I honestly don’t think I am. Too late now…
My jockstrap-covered cock got removed from FaceBook and Instagram, (but my dick is safe for Twitter apparently!) resulting in a spike of traffic for this very website. Here, this gasoline will put out my fire much faster.
One of my favorite small trees is making its final glorious show for the season: the coral bark Japanese maple. A late-season hydrangea gives it a run for its money. But in this light, everything looks good.
While the weather took a turn for the chilly, the parade of Hunks kept things warm and toasty. It’s hard not to get a little hot and bothered upon seeing the shirtless likes of Chris Hemsworth, Rodiney Santiago, Reichen Lehmkuhl,  Daniel Osborne and a double post of Ben Cohen: here and here.
Halloween was, as always, a total bore.
Musically, the week was uncharacteristically devoid of Madonna, but this gem by Mika and a timely classic by Guns N’ Roses kept things rolling. (Not to worry, Madonna will be back in a major way – in the meantime, feast on this and this to see how far we’ve come.)
Won’t you take a lick of my honey stick?
My very first hike was a smashing success. And by that I mean I didn’t fall and break my ass or require a search and rescue mission. It was the perfect day, affording so many great shots that I had to break it down into three parts: Part 1: The Hike, Part 2: The Cliffhanger, and Part 3: The Retreat.
03
November
2013
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November
2013
You’re Not the Only One
It wasn’t quite November, but there had already been a lot of rain. Even the mighty oak, always the last to let go her stubborn dead children, was releasing them, allowing them to get pulled down by the wind and wet. In the dark, though, bare trees were less desolate, and the leaves on the ground formed a blanket that softened footfalls and buffered a lonely kid’s wandering.
On the stereo, Guns ‘N Roses began their epic nine-minute mini-opus, ‘November Rain’. This song was the epitome of adolescent angst – is there a more cruel form of angst? – and whatever happens to you then is what sticks with you for life, no matter what you become, no matter how much you change, no matter where you go.
When I look into your eyes, I can see a love restrained,
But darlin’ when I hold you, Don’t you know I feel the same
‘Cause nothin’ lasts forever, And we both know hearts can change
And it’s hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain
We’ve been through this such a long long time, just trying to kill the pain…
But lovers always come, And lovers always go, And no one’s really sure who’s lettin’ go today
Walking away…
If we could take the time to lay it on the line, I could rest my head just knowin’ that you were mine
All mine.
So if you want to love me then darlin’ don’t refrain
Or I’ll just end up walking in the cold November rain.
Do you need some time on your own?
Do you need some time all alone?
Everybody needs some time on their own
Don’t you know you need some time all alone?
I tried to run. A black coat billowed behind me, the shadow of the monster I was becoming always at my heels, inseparable and inescapable, but that didn’t slow my steps. I ran up the street of my childhood home, the wind whipping leaves around me, teasing me to soar, to attempt to make and take flight, and the sky laughing cold tears down upon my soaked face. The faster I ran, the harder I went, the quicker I came closer to myself, closer to what I could not leave, and what I could not face.
The cold, burning sting of hand upon cheek, the prickling of an icy rain on exposed skin, and the welcome reassurance that there was still feeling here. A heart still pumped its blood, a brain still sent out its neurotransmitters, but that mysterious nether-region of feelings and emotions lay asleep, waiting for sabotage, waiting for the rest to turn. My feet started to burn, my calves and thighs ached, and my chest heaved with the remnants of years of asthma. I begged the wind and the rain and the night to bring deliverance, in whatever form I deserved.
I know it’s hard to keep an open heart when even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart, wouldn’t time be out to charm you?
Sometimes I need some time on my own
Sometimes I need some time all alone
Everybody needs some time on their own
Don’t you know you need some time all alone?
I slowed to a walk. Golden lights in windows and doorways of happier homes glowed teasing, taunting, vicious reassurance – the promise that there was warmth somewhere, but always somewhere else. In my house, the promise of a plastic bag and sleeping pills lay hidden beneath my pillow, in the dark. Nothing else waited for me. No one knew I was gone.
And when your fears subside, and shadows still remain,
I know that you can love me when there’s no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness, We still can find a way,
‘Cause nothin’ lasts forever, Even cold November rain.
How many nights had I tried to run like this? Not with any destination in mind, only with the knowledge that I simply needed to be in motion, needed to thrash myself against the world – because the world hurts, and the only way to get through it sometimes is to thrash back and destroy. I started to run again, picking up speed, flying through the night. It was mostly downhill now, and I gave in to gravity, and my legs sped over the wet pavement, and for a moment it seemed I might be able to leave my mind behind.
This part of the song flashed in my head and I ran even faster:
Don’t you think that you need somebody?
Don’t you think that you need someone?
Everybody needs somebody…
You’re not the only one, you’re not the only one.
Outrunning my tears and pain, outrunning the boy they wanted me to be and the boy I never was, outrunning the boy I would never be. Outrunning the boy who might need someone, the boy who might be the only one.
