Monthly Archives:

June 2010

Chains of Paper Love

My favorite part of elementary school was the arts and crafts moment of every day, where we would dissemble throughout the classroom and work on whatever project the teacher had taught us to do. I liked the mostly-solitary aspect of these projects, though I always managed to socialize and visit with others during this time. My work was mine alone, executed solely from and for my vision, and untainted by the ideas or inspiration of another.

I remember doing a diorama in class, then rummaging my Mom’s closet for more shoe boxes so I could make them at home. Whereas others dreaded such artsy-fartsy stuff, I reveled in it, even if my enthusiasm for it often far exceeded any artistic capability. There were yarn pom-pom sculptures, watery pastel-chalk Easter eggs, and impressionistic tissue paper paintings.

During the Christmas holidays, our creative output reached its zenith – angels of corregated poster board topped with tinsel halos, Santas with disproportionately-long cotton ball beards, and Christmas trees doused in so much glue and glitter that a drag queen would cut a kid over it. And then one of my favorite, albeit simple, craft projects of all – paper link chains of garland, in every conceivable color and combination. Back then they seemed to take forever to make, as we had to use paste instead of staples, creating one link at a time, and holding it together long enough to have the paste stick. (We used the paste that wouldn’t kill you if ingested, or give you a sniffing high if inhaled – in other words, it didn’t work. How could it when you put a mound of it on a paper towel and it’s still pliable the next morning?)

The idea of that paper garland has stuck with me all these years, and when faced with the prospect of making wedding decorations it came back in an inspired rush. Having had to square a thousand sheets of eight-and-a-half-by-eleven colored paper for that number of paper cranes, I was left with a thousand excess bands of said paper, which I piled up and saved in the event that they might be of some use. I trimmed them down a bit, stapled them together (much easier than paste), and quickly created a simple, cost-efficient, and surprisingly elegant decoration. Homemade, a little humble, and completely from the heart – just like our wedding celebration next month.

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Summer Memories: Capture at the Creek

I think I first heard word of the creek from my brother. He had traveled there by bike, ducking into a roadside forest and happening upon it by accident. He said it was just around the corner from where Van Dyke met Golf Course Road. That was a long trek on foot, but I couldn’t get my bike through the forest, (and I was afraid it would be stolen if I left it by the road) so I had to get there by walking.

Setting out in the morning after everyone in the house had gone, I could be back before anyone questioned my whereabouts, and still have much of the day left. At the top of my parents’ street, I turned left onto Van Dyke, and from there it was a straight, albeit hilly, walk to the end.

I looked at the gardens of the houses I passed, examining and making mental note of how they used their annuals in various color schemes, while cicadas buzzed ominously out of sight. A golf course rolled out its green carpet to my left. We had gone hunting for golf balls there once, climbing over a dilapidated portion of fence and hiding from the golfers along the forest’s edge.

Nearing Golf Course Road was the most treacherous part of the journey. Cars whizzed along the straight stretch of road, and no one walked here. The sun was high in the sky, beating down with no shade around me. A dusty stretch of pebbles and dry dirt afforded little sustenance at the edge of the road, not even for the most hardy of weeds.

I thought about turning back, but I had come so far it would be a shame to waste the effort. I looked both ways, and when no cars could be seen for a mile in either direction, I hurried across the road to the side where the creek was supposed to be. Here there was moisture, and the grasses and weeds were up to my knees. The land dipped away from the edge of the road, and I bounded down over the ditch to where the border of brush and trees began.

It was like a verdant curtain that opened into another world. From the blindingly bright sun-drenched stretch of parched roadside to the dim cool shade beneath a leafy canopy, the distinction was immediate and immense. I was suddenly enveloped by a mossy forest, soft beneath my feet and quiet after the crunch of gravel and pavement – even the cicadas were muffled here, drowned out by overlapping veins of chlorophyll and beams of moist wood.

The forest opened up before me as I adjusted to the difference in light. Shielded from passing cars and prying eyes, I was alone in the stillness, and there ahead of me was the creek. It was not rushing or tumbling along some rocky incline, so it barely made any noise. Instead, it twisted and turned silently, the water gently drifting from shallow pool to shallow pool. I had brought along a small container that once housed Cool Whip in case I might be able to catch a crayfish, and set it down alongside the creek bed.

The water was cool and clear, and I dipped my hands into it. A group of tadpoles darted away, their tiny legs just beginning to protrude. I moved a few rocks around and there was a large gray crayfish. It too shot quickly away, burying itself deeper among the rocks. There was no way of getting at it without using my bare hands, and though I was a scrappy boy, I was not about to get torn up that way.

I moved a little further along the small stream, enjoying the hidden tranquility. In another small pool I managed to corral a couple of tadpoles into my container, having given up on the crayfish. In my childish wisdom, however, I had not brought along a cover to the bowl, so it was a feat keeping the water contained and balanced, and the tadpoles within the confines. I vowed to walk steadily and carefully home.

The way back usually seems to go by a lot quicker than the way there. That was not the case on this day. Trying to balance a relatively flat pool of water, watch the road, and walk home is not an easy task, simple as it made seem. The container splashed its precious cargo around, and soon one of the tadpoles had disappeared.

About halfway home I lost a couple more, and eventually all I had was a bit of creek water and some sand, which I promptly dumped. The rest of the journey went by a little faster with no more need for such care in my step, and I made it home in time for lunch. My summer day ended as it began, with an empty container and an unquenched yearning for adventure.

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Summer Memories: Has to Be Madonna

The official start of summer is upon us, and though it’s been many years since I had summers off, I still get a thrill when the season arrives. There are many summer memories I could share, but most fall flat in the retelling because they don’t so much encapsulate an extraordinary event or interesting happening as much as they evoke the feelings I had at the time.

I remember the summer of 1998 quite distinctly, though I wasn’t working full-time. Staying with my parents was the easy way out of a hot city summer in Boston. I think it was during the last few weeks of my retail stint at Structure, and I was in and out of the Malls constantly. The sterile white-washed brightness of Crossgates, so cool despite its roof of windows, offered respite from the heat, and though I spent many moments walking in its endless hallway with countless other shoppers, I often felt alone and isolated.

Madonna’s ‘Ray of Light’ single had just dropped and I picked up the CD-maxi with the B-side ‘Has to Be’. It was from her ‘Ray of Light’ sessions, ambient and moody, and perfect for the purgatorial summer doldrums that were about to set in.

Outside, the car was an oven. I opened the windows and cranked the AC before stepping back out into the sunshine. A wave of heat escaped, rising above the steaming roof. Tearing off the plastic wrapper, I pulled the CD out and examined the artwork. A bright multi-pointed star spun around its axis, the same minimalist fare on an aqua background that signaled the ‘Ray of Light’ release.

In the CD player, Madonna’s voice intoned, “Breathe in, breathe out… I say a little prayer.” A dirge-like plaintive delivery with the cool, watery, electronic vibe provided by William Orbit, the song was rightfully a B-side, but like most of her throwaway work, there were a few glimmers of brilliance.

I know there’s someone out there
Waiting for me,
There must be someone out there
There just has to be… 

I should be glad that I’m alive,
It could have been much worse.
I might have never loved at all,
And never known what I am worth

In the heat of the afternoon, summer left me feeling haunted, and restless. I went back to Boston, walking the steamy streets at night and waiting for love to reveal itself.

 

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Summer Memories: Reading Rainbow

I’ll admit a bit of my dorky smart-kid history: I loved PBS when I was a child. The Letter People, 3-2-1 Contact, The Electric Company – they all enthralled me. I wasn’t a big Sesame Street fan for some reason, nor did I want to live anywhere near Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. But I loved learning about science and words, and my favorite show of all was Reading Rainbow.

I can still hear the theme song in my head (and you can too down below):

Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It’s in a book
A Reading Rainbow
I can go anywhere
Friends to know
And ways to grow
A Reading Rainbow
I can be anything
Take a look
It’s in a book
A Reading Rainbow.

Aside from the obvious rainbow correlation to the unbeknownst-gay boy I was, I loved the whole idea of being transported to other worlds through the simple reading of a book. While it didn’t instill a love of reading in me (that was done long before LeVar Burton stepped onto the scene, thanks to a library book on the tulip craze of Holland), it certainly fortified the passion.

It was also a summer memory ~ as I can clearly remember a few episodes that took place while summer storms raged outside and there was nothing to be done inside. Bringing the Rain to Kapiti Plain was especially evocative of a summer afternoon. James Earl Jones was the narrator, and his voice worked its wondrous magic with those glorious rhyming words.

(As for that tulip book from the library, I must have made my Mom check it out over and and over, so I could pore over the drawings of tulips, and read about the economic insanity of a time when a single tulip bulb sold for $1000.)

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A Tomato Grows in Boston

In the unlikeliest of places, this tomato plant sprouted in the pavement of Boston. On a side street off of Newbury, it was a surprising bit of green in a concrete jungle, valiantly defying its surroundings. It must have come from a seed that found its way into the small bit of earth no wider than a cigarette filter.

My heart went out to the little guy, trying so hard to make it in a world where he doesn’t belong, and a world that likely won’t allow him to grow to his full potential. He probably won’t bear any flowers, much less fruit, but he hasn’t given up just yet. Maybe he doesn’t know the limits imposed upon him, maybe he’s blissfully unaware of the treacherously small pocket of soil in which his roots have to spread, or the scorching drought of a city sidewalk in the summer.

Still he stretches to be taller, his slightly furry leaves arching over the pavement. He lives for the moment, and having brought some thoughtfulness into my life, his existence has merit, and I wonder how many others he has touched.

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Boston Blue Hot Summer

The summer of ’96 found me living alone in Boston, and just beginning to feel my way around as a gay man. I was working at the Structure store at Faneuil Hall, and I would ride the T to Back Bay Station at the end of my shift, joining the other workers heading home after a long hot week. The subway was unbearably hellish – once that heat gets in, it’s there for the whole summer, no matter how cool the nights or rainy and dismal the days. It’s the kind of heat that hits you hard, like a wall. You can physically feel it knock into you, and no matter how accustomed you may think you are to warm weather, it’s still a bit of a shock.

On this Friday afternoon, I trudged wearily up the steps into the air-conditioned subway car. It was small relief. Looking around at the other passengers, I had one of those brief thoughts of ‘This really, really sucks but we’re all in this together.’ (I don’t get those thoughts very often – I’m usually quite happy to remain miserably isolated from the sweaty masses.)

The woman in front of me must have been feeling it too, for she fanned herself and gave a weak smile. Her bundle of dreadlocks was tied simply behind her head and she held a leather briefcase. She looked put together, despite the requisite city sneakers, and the oppressive heat.

“I think a vodka gimlet at Sonsie’s would hit the spot right now,” she said to no one in particular. I smiled and nodded, even though at the time I had no idea what a vodka gimlet was. “You know, the kind with fresh lime juice. Sonsie’s makes them the best.”

I sat there sweltering, picturing the sophisticated scene at Sonsie’s and feeling like I’d never belong there, or anywhere, and wishing I had just a small bit of this woman’s ease and confidence.

It was the summer I had long hair, so I must have been a sorry sight with my sad little ponytail and baggy Structure wardrobe, melting into the seat behind her, but I was watching and learning, and becoming.

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