Monthly Archives:

May 2010

The Residual Glow of Marriage

Never again would they be parted. All the rest of their lives they would be together.” ~ E.B. White, The Trumpet of the Swan

The first thing most people asked when I returned from our wedding was whether or not I felt any different. I assumed, and professed many times, that I would not feel any such shift… why should anything change after nine years with Andy? The biggest difference would be a bit more sparkle on my ring finger, and a few new memories of Boston.

I was wrong. The day I got married was one of the happiest of my life. The ceremony, the words, the blessings of family and friends, and the legal document ~ they all created a moment and a covenant between Andy and me that made a profound difference in my life. It was as if, finally, our relationship was official. Not that it hadn’t been for the previous ten years ~ this just affirmed it publicly, and though outwardly nothing may have changed, I think it resonated within both of us.

I don’t usually gush about love and stuff ~ and I’ve always taken the hard line and adhered to Madonna’s warning of, “What’s the point of sitting down and notating your happiness?” There’s something powerful and compelling about the darker side of life, something more interesting and artistic in the sadder aspects of our world~ but every now and then there’s a moment of happiness and joy that transcends the cliches and mundane platitudes of Hallmark love, and for the first time I felt that.

 

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Our Wedding, Part 8: The Wedding Dinner

For our last evening in Boston, we prepared for a very special dinner at Mistral, courtesy of my Mom and Dad. We had never been there, so we made the reservations based on good word of mouth, and the hope that all the rave reviews were true.

For this night, I brought out a checkered bow tie.

Andy chose a tie by Christian Lacroix. (Yes, sweetie darling, Lacroix.)

Dinner was amazing – I debated between the cornish game hen and their signature sole dish, opting for the sole in the end. Andy’s sister Karen got the game hen and said it was excellent.

Andy finished with a piece of carrot cake that he says is the best he has ever had in his life. It was a glorious end to the happiest weekend of my life.

We walked Karen back to the Park Plaza on a beautiful, breezy spring night.

Our hotel welcomed us home with bursts of peonies, and warm light.

For our final fashion moment – t-shirts and boxers – the true sign of a contented couple.

And so begins our happily ever after…

{To be continued on July 24, 2010.}

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Our Wedding, Part 7: The Wedding Lunch

After our stroll in the park, we headed across the street to the hotel to change and fill out the official marriage documentation. Here is Chris as he signs the license and makes it all legally official.

Andy and I changed into dressier pants for a lunch at the Four Seasons, and placed the bridal bouqet in a vase above the fireplace.

This was my white raincoat, in the event of rain – now I could wear it just for its fun ruffled back.

Andy opted for khakis over fancy frills, but we both kept our matching shirts on as we headed over to the Four Seasons for a midday lunch courtesy of “Aunt” Elaine and Suzie.

Andy and I had reserved the Bristol Lounge of the Four Seasons on our last trip to Boston, and their service was splendid. They even brought out a congratulatory chocolate tower cake – eight layers of chocolate and cream that was enough to feed all nine of us following a delicious meal.

After lunch, we had some time to ourselves to rest and relax.

Later in the day, I returned to the Public Garden alone. A pair of swans was just beginning to build a nesting area on the side of the pond. One of them swam around with the swan boats, periodically returning to his partner, who seemed to be doing most of the work. Not unlike a certain other couple…

{To be continued…}

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Our Wedding, Part 6: The Perfect Day in the Park

When we chose the Boston Public Garden as the site of our wedding, we knew there was the potential of bad weather. May is hardly the safest month to bank on sunny skies, but we also decided that rain or shine, there was nowhere else we’d rather do it. We’d spent a number of our Boston trips strolling through the leafy expanse, watching the playful squirrels and waterfowl, and it always felt like an oasis in the midst of the city.

The site of the ceremony was near two of my favorite trees – a mighty Metasequoia and a looming larch – and between two flowering cherries.

On this, our wedding day, we truly lucked out. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and a pair of swans was just beginning to nest by the pond. After the ceremony, we walked around the park, savoring the moment and the beauty.

It is one of our favorite places in the whole world.

{To be continued…}

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Our Wedding, Part 5: The Ceremony

The hotel has changed their flower display in the lobby. On the morning of our wedding, big, beautiful double pink peonies burst forth in bloom, filling the air with their gorgeous fragrance. Grounded by green hydrangeas and backed by soaring pink cherry blossoms, it is the perfect backdrop to a sunny spring day.

Back up in the room, I have changed into my wedding outfit and take one last look at the Garden to see if I can glimpse our families assembling.

As decreed many moons ago, I am wearing an old pair of ripped jeans. They are the same pair of jeans I was wearing when I met Andy in the summer of 2000. Now, almost exactly ten years later, I somehow still fit into them.

I have on something old (a pair of lime-green moccasins circa 1995), something new (a striped Burberry shirt), something borrowed (a stone necklace from Denmark, courtesy of Suzie, that I have tied around a belt loop), and something blue (the jeans). Andy wears a lime-green shirt that matches mine, and a pair of new jeans.

Suzie has brought an unexpectedly-perfect bouquet of white peonies for me to carry, and they smell sweetly of summer. (Of all things, and of all people, I did not think of having flowers, but Suzie saves the day.)

It is time.

We make our way to the Boston Public Garden, where we meet up with our families.

Our friend and officiant Chris crafted the ceremony we had always envisioned – simple, sweet, meaningful, and with just a few touches of humor to keep our families smiling.

There were a few tears of happiness as well, and I finally understood what all the fuss was about. I always wondered if people really meant it when they said that their wedding day was the happiest of their lives. For me, it certainly was.

After the final vows and the first official kiss, I just had this overwhelming wish to hug Andy because I was so happy. It wasn’t planned, but that’s what love does.

{To be continued…}

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Our Wedding, Part 4: The Dawn of the Wedding Day

I wake first, as usual, and pad into the living room. It is a beautiful sunny day , and the light fills the window that looks out over the Public Garden.

It is still and silent. A sense of calm anticipation fills me, and a quiet elation, as I contemplate that I will soon be marrying the man that I love.

I peer through the window and can just barely make out the spot where we will be married. Though Andy sleeps in the room right next to me, I feel sublimely alone, and safe in the knowledge that he is here.

These are our last moments as single men. Despite the fact that nothing will change, it is a shift. We will now be bound together. It is a rite of passage, another step in growing up, and we are ready.

Both Andy and I had led extensive lives before we met one another, and in the almost ten-years we have been together we have continued to do so. But our wedding will mark a milestone – a delicate demarcation in our journey. We are letting go of what came before, and this is a new beginning for both of us.

In the hours before we are joined, I have this one last moment to myself.

{To be continued…}

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Our Wedding, Part 3: The Last Call of a Bachelor

After the Rehearsal dinner, Suzie and Chris took me out to the Oak Bar of the Copley Fairmont. We wanted classic and traditional old-Boston, and we got it. Being that it was well past midnight, we were welcomed for last call. We dangled the possibility of ordering the $12,700 martini (which came with a diamond ring and a night at the hotel) before the waiter, who laughingly agreed to let us stay later if we ordered that. One more was all any of us needed anyway, as it was to be an early morning.

It was a perfect ending to the perfect beginning, talking with two of the people that I love most in this world. As the golden lions saw us out, we took a few photos.

Suzie and Chris returned to the condo, while I walked back to the hotel alone. Newbury Street was deserted and the wind had picked up. It was a cool evening, and I looked up at the sky and hoped for good weather. In the hallway of our floor, a pair of peacocks welcomed me back into the warmth.

Settling into the sumptuous surroundings, I slipped into some silk pajamas and read a little of ‘Moby Dick’ before going to bed. This was a very special pair of pajamas – I got them while Andy and I were in Boston celebrating my birthday a few years ago. It was a ridiculously extravagant purchase (they’re the most expensive pajamas I’ll ever own – and actually cost more than a few of my (cheap) suits.) They were the only choice for the night before our wedding.

{To be continued…}

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Our Wedding, Part 2: The Rehearsal Dinner

My search for the perfect pink jacket from Brooks Brothers paid off, as did the matching tie and Ted Baker shoes, but perhaps even more fortuitous was Andy’s selection. He surprised me with this bright cross between fuchsia and aubergine. I would never have thought of pairing it with pink, but it worked wondrously well.

Once dressed, we awaited the arrival of our guests.

Our wedding party was a small, intimate one, made up of the people who meant the most to us: my parents, Andy’s Dad and sister Karen, our “Aunt” Elaine, my “matron-of-honor” Suzie, and our officiant, Chris.

We gathered in the suite before heading downstairs to The Bar for a pre-dinner cocktail.

The Bar is a traditional old-Boston affair, with dark wood, tufted chairs and chintz banquettes. We occupied a corner beneath a few ancient oil paintings, where a smartly-dressed waiter brought us sidecars, and Suzie fortified herself for her rehearsal dinner speech.

Then it was time for dinner. Andy and I chose the Top of the Hub as a fun way to begin, and a good introduction to the whole city of Boston beneath us.

The food was excellent, and we have to thank Andy’s father Tom and sister Karen for an amazing dinner, matched only by the breathtaking view. (In a fun semi-celebrity side-note, Michelle Kwan was having dinner at the table behind us, though no one other than me knew, or cared, that it was her. Figure skating is a real sport, people, and she is a two-time Olympian…)

Suzie gave a lovely speech as only she could, and then it was time for her and Chris to whisk me away for one final evening of bachelorhood.

{To be continued…}

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Our Wedding, Part 1: The Arrival & Accommodations

Andy and I in front of our home, just prior to departing for Boston.

This was our suite at the Taj Hotel. Originally, the Taj was the Ritz Carlton, and it looks over the Boston Public Garden, the site of our ceremony. We selected it because our wedding was somewhat inspired by E. B. White’s The Trumpet of the Swan.

It was the perfect place – understated elegance, classical style, and impeccable service. There was a handwritten-note wishing us well during our special stay, and a tray of fruit and cheeses arrived along with a bottle of red wine.

This is the bedroom, with its king-size bed and windows looking out onto Newbury Street (actually, right across our floor was the Men’s floor of Burberry, but for once I had other things on my mind.) Each night there was a turn-down service, including a couple of chocolates. (I think Andy’s going to have to provide this when we return home.)

One of the things I notice most about a hotel is its use of flowers. A minor thing, I know, but one that has a major impact on me. Out of all the hotels we searched, the Taj always had an outstanding floral display in the lobby.

Peonies, hydrangeas and roses – two of my favorites and one of Andy’s.

Single peonies don’t always get all the glory their double cousins do, but they have more interesting colors, like this coral beauty, which glows perfectly beside an amber lamp.

More peonies were in store for us, but before that it was time to dress for The Rehearsal Dinner.

{To be continued…}

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The Rehearsal Dinner Outfit

Pink Jacket by Brooks Brothers. Pink striped tie by Robert Graham.

Pink shoes by Ted Baker.

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The Wedding Shoes

These are but two of the pairs I’ll be wearing this weekend. (Because pink goes good with green.)

There’s also a pair of black wingtips that I’ll wear to dinner at Mistral.

The lime green moccasins were purchased over fifteen years ago, and are serving as the ‘something old’ every bride needs.

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The Wedding Luggage

Louis Vuitton Keepall 50 courtesy of Andy, Christmas 2009.

Rowallan pieces courtesy of Dr. & Mrs. Ilagan, Wedding 2010.

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Long Ago, Not So Far Away

How do you measure almost ten years together? And how do you find perspective on that time? I’m not one to look back very often (though this website is where that usually happens), so it’s difficult to encapsulate the time that Andy and I have been together in one post, or even a year of posts. But I was just thinking about all that has happened since we met, and that gives a brief hint of our time together. Here’s a list of some of those markers:

I met Andy before I got my first digital camera (he’s actually the one who gave it to me).

I met Andy before the World Trade Center was attacked.

I met Andy before he lost his Mom.

I met Andy before I lost my Uncle and Grandmother.

I met Andy before I got my first cel phone.

I met Andy before George W. Bush became President.

I met Andy before I met any friends (or anyone for that matter) in Albany (he introduced me to many of them).

I met Andy before the Red Sox ended their World Series drought.

I met Andy before I had a car.

I met Andy before ‘N Sync and the Backstreet Boys had disbanded, back when they were selling millions of albums.

I met Andy before you could send photos on your cell phone.

I met Andy before the iPod was released.

I met Andy before YouTube was created.

I met Andy before American Idol began airing.

I met Andy before Wicked debuted on Broadway.

I met Andy before any of my friends got married.

I met Andy before any of my friends had children.

I met Andy before Madonna released Music in 2000.

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A Beautiful Pair

When Andy and I first bought our home eight years ago, one of the first things I planted was a climbing hydrangea. White Flower Farm once featured the vine on the back of its Spring catalog and I was completely enchanted by its form. They had it growing along an old stone wall, and showed it in full, glorious bloom. I didn’t dare attempt to plant one against my parents’ white brick house, but once I had my own backyard I nestled one in against a towering pine tree with a thick trunk. It was a tiny thing, maybe a foot tall at the most, and it looked so small against the mighty pine. Part of me thought it wouldn’t make it through one winter, but I gave it some manure and hoped for the best.

Then the wait began. Like many vines, the climbing hydrangea more or less adheres to an old vine-rhyme: The first year it sleeps, the second year it creeps, the third year it leaps. Luckily, patience is one of my virtues, and though visitors looked at me oddly when I excitedly pointed out the little creeper beside a monstrous pine, I knew one day it would reward me for waiting.

Each year I added another layer of manure and mulch to the growing mound surrounding the vine, and slowly that vine inched upward. Religiously, I watered through the dry summer spells, and gently redirected wayward shoots back against the bark of the pine. By its fifth year, it was taller than me, and had wound its way around the entire circumference of the tree.

About that time it also started to flower – delicate cream-colored lace-caps that were sweetly scented with the essence of summer. The fragrance was a complete surprise. There had been nothing in the literature about it, and I assumed that, like most hydrangeas, there was no fragrance to speak of, but suddenly there it was, intoxicating the bees and everyone else who happened by.

Today, the vine towers above all, reaching upwards of thirty feet (about half-way up the sky-high pine tree that has happily provided an anchor for it all these years) and it’s still growing higher. It cloaks the ancient bark of the pine with an elegant skirt of bright green leaves that retain their luster and color throughout the season, before brightening the Fall with a final blaze of yellow. They have helped each other – the pine providing an expansive length of sturdy support and the hydrangea lending the worn, dull bark a bit of colorful glamour (and the jolt of manure-fueled nourishment that would otherwise be missing). I can’t imagine one without the other, and together they make a beautiful pair.

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Why I’m Not A Bridezilla

Let’s face it: you expected me to be. I think even Andy, as well as he knows me, harbored a few not-so-secret fears that I would turn into some crazed bride-to-be, power-hungry with a sense of bridal entitlement that pushed reason, manners, and simple human decency aside. He all but banned the ‘Bridezillas’ show from our home out of concern that I would be influenced by the bad behavior exhibited there.

I’ll admit that it’s a fair assumption for people to think I could slip easily into Bridezilla mode. I’ve certainly thrown my fair share of tantrums over the years, had many a diva moment, and perfected a drive for perfectionism and precision that has baffled friends. (Case in point: Suzie noticed my first-ever typo in an e-mail message this past month – the first one in seventeen years of sending e-mail messages to her.) But as that e-mail slip-up attests, I’ve grown much more relaxed in the last ten years, so the idea of turning into a Bridezilla at this stage of the game just seems too exhausting to entertain. (It takes an exorbitant amount of energy to stage a proper conniption.)

For those that really know me, this should come as no surprise. The really important and meaningful events of my life have never been heralded with fanfare and over-the-top production – they’re quiet, shared by a few, and silently emboldened by the very privacy that surrounds and protects them. I’ll save the hype and hoopla for silly parties and projects, but not my wedding.

So for those expecting a show, I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint… at least until the reception party. In the meantime, there’s always WEtv.

{Photographs of my wedding raincoat. Just in case…}

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